The Americon Way

Urals

''Compared to other mountain ranges on Earth, this range is rather small in stature...however, the freezing, biting gusts of wind make traversing this mountain range a hellish ordeal. To the north, and just visible over some of the shorter mountain peaks, you can see the great snowy wasteland that is Siberia. While some humans make their home in these mountains...overall it is not a safe place to be. So you had best be moving on!''

The Urals. Cold. Harsh. Rocky. Almost uninhabitable. Especially while under attack by...

THE DECEPTICONS!

"No! Please! Leave me alone!" cries a poor Russian man as he leans up against the barricade blocking his cabin door. On the other side of the door, Americon is banging on it with his fist. "LET ME IN! I claim his worthless mountain cabin in the name of the President!"

Flying Corvette  cruises along on his way back from Rostov, where he was attempting to help civilians repair some of the damage to the priceless historic architecture recently caused by the Autobots (inadvertently, of course - and in the quest to save lives).

Tracks attempted to help for all of about two days before everyone involved realized that he had no aptitude for construction work. Not his fault though...when the call for volunteers had gone out, Tracks had thought, repair Russian landmark, repair bodywork after a battle with Decepticons, how different could it be? Apparently very different, after a few Russian onion-domes ended up a shiny waxed blue.

In any case, Tracks is now flying along on the way back to Omsk by way of the Urals.

naturally, since Russia's in trouble, Jetfire is in the area. A Sonic boom announces his arrival and he makes one single pass over the area. <> he radios to the smaller 'bot and........opens the bom-bay doors.

Shockwave hovers above and behind Americon, observing the weird creature and still trying to grasp the irregularities of it's personality. "Do not waste time with this bag of flesh and carbon Americon. Just deal with it in the most efficient way and move on." Jetfire's sonic boom resonates throughout the mountain range. The cyclops begins scanning the sky in the vague direction from where the boom came from. "Autobots sighted. Conflict unavoidable." //Engage combat sub-routine. Factor in multiple opponents. Take into account the terrain.// "Prepare yourself Americon."

From Jetfire's bomb bay, Cliffjumper grins. "Awright, although I don't know why I gotta take the shrimp," he says, joshingly. He secures something to his waist and steps to the edge of the bay. "Swear to Primus, I always wanted to do this," he says, before leaping out -- and /bungeeing/ from Jetfire's bomb bay, the cord unlatching just as its tension peaks and sending Cliffjumper falling the rest of the way to the ground. He lands in a crouch, pointing at Americon. "Hey, Decepticlown! Try pickin' on someone roughly your own size!"

Americon salutes Shockwave as he replies, "Yes, Mr. Secretary of Defense Shockwave!" He whips out his hand guns and is all primed and read to go once Cliffjumper lands. It really looks like Americon's going to go postal on the guy until he listens to him. "Pick on someone roughly my own size? Well, the Russian guy in there was about six feet tall, which is only one foot or so smaller than me. So I will pick on him, as you asked!"

He turns his back to Cliffjumper and starts pounding away at the door again, his fist splintering the wood. Someone on the other side screams in terror.

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) only laughs to himself as CLiffjumper...the fearless 'bot.....jumps and lands in the dramatic fashion he does. He banks and makes a slow turn towards Shockwave. 'all right Shockwave.....you and me.' he says before firing a laser at him.

Jetfire strikes Shockwave with laser.

Cliffjumper frowns as Americon is the only Decepticon who worships John Rambo enough to be immune to his 'clever' battle patter. So decides to mix it up a bit: "Aw, shaddup." He takes out his laser pistol and just shoots at Americon.

Cliffjumper strikes Americon with Baader-Meinhof.

Flying Corvette  banks gracefully, smoothly turning the motion into a diving approach towards the house. His airspeed on a good is a meager 500 mph, less with a strong headwind like today. But the range of his weapons more than makes up for that. "Leave that poor Russian citizen alone, Americon!"

Tiny headlight-covers roll open, but instead of the headlights of a normal Corvette they reveal small weapons ports that emit a stream of radiation that inexplicably coats a target with light-dampening radiation. The target isn't Americon at all...it's the Russian house! Tracks is trying to blanket it in darkness should prevent the Decepticons from shooting through the doorway or windows at the delicate Russian within! Unless they just unleash a massive barrage powerful enough to wipe out the entire building, of course.

Shockwave spots Jetfire heading towards him. //Subject: Jetfire Threat class: IV Suggested course of action: Progressive combat. // While Shox's processor runs a bunch of scenarios he gets nailed by a quick laser from the Autobot air guardian. The purple cyclops positions himself for combat, lines up a shot at the jet...follows it's movements to take in account potential evasive patterns and fires off a shot.

Shockwave strikes VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) with Infrared Blast.

Americon ARGHS as he is shot from behind, the impact from the oddly named attack smacking his head into the door. He lands on his back with a grunt, and growls, "You may have knocked me onto my aft, Cliffjumper..." He pulls himself back to his feet. "But you have FAILED to save your Communist friend! Feel the wrath of America, Commie!" He aims his guns at the house, but once it is cloaked in darkness he backs off, jaw open in shock. "What!? Where did it go!? The house, it is gone! How am I supposed to conquer it now!? Tracks, you bastarrrrd! I'll kill you!" Americon seethes as he shakes a fist at the flying Corvette.

"Right after I kill Cliffjumper," Americon says, and tries to kick the Minibot in the shin.

Americon misses Cliffjumper with his Foot of Democracy attack.

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) is easily hit in the wing as Shockwave returns fire. 'one good thing I can say about SHockwave.....he's a REALLY good shot.' He says as he banks again....and lines up another shot.

Jetfire strikes Shockwave with missile.

Cliffjumper jumps backward, which is surprising, because one would think his gigantic feat would make that impossible. "You ain't killin' no one," Cliffjumper chides, as if Americon were a child threatening to hold his breath until he explodes. "C'mon," he says, reaching for the patriotic villain's head to shove him down to the ground. "I'm sure you guys can have a fun little party on the Argosy without makin' me beat your robot brains out."

Cliffjumper misses Americon with his Shove attack.

Flying Corvette  does a quick (but stylish) mid-air roll, then comes around for a landing on the other side of the house. He slowly, carefully drives into the darkness. A few quick words are exchanged in Russian. One voice is small and frightened, the other urbane and refined...and tourist-guide akward in it's pronunciation of Russian words. After a few exchanges, the sound of a car door opening is heard from within the dark. Then Tracks complaining, "I thought I told you to wipe your feet first! Damned Fodor's..."

Finally, the flying Corvette streaks out of the darkness, heading down the road for a large mountainous hill nearby. "That's it Cliffjumper!" He exclaims in support of his fellow Autobot. "Just cover our retreat for a bit! I'll be back with you in a flash to help!"

Shockwave watches the Autobot fire off a missile. Damn it I hate those, can never dod heat-seeking ones when you have a nuclear reactor strapped to your back. The Decepticon does the only thing he can do when such an inevitable impact occurs. He lifts off the ground with his ant-gravs making him essentially weightless, crosses his arm to protect his chest and rolls with the blast. BOOM! Some burning shrapnel is sent flying into the snow leaving a couple of smoky trails while the Decepticon himself is blast a good 40 feet backwards but eventually stabilizes thanks to his anti-gravs. "An impressive display but not unexpected." Shockwave locks on to the Autobot and with his usual calm tracks the target and fires off something as bit further down the em spectrum. Maybe something in the x-ray range will do the trick.

Shockwave strikes VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) with X-Ray Blast.

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) is moving just slow enough to take another shot. this one.....one of the cannons slide out of his rocket nacelle.

Jetfire strikes Shockwave with gauss.

Americon frowns at Cliffjumper. "Oh, I'm killing someone! And that someone is you! IN AMERI--woah!" Cliffjumper wraps his hands around the patriotic Decepticon's head, but Americon has a trick up his sleeve... a second head! Right before Cliffjumper can shove him into the ground, Americon suddenly changes shape, turning into a bald eagle! Now, with his head on the other side of his body, Americon thrusts himself at Cliffjumper's face, poking his beak at the poor Minibot. And all the while Americon is furiously flapping his wings and screaming, "CAW! CAW! CAW!"

Americon's robot legs pop out metallic feather-like objects as they and his lower torso split apart, also revealing an eagle head. The arms and robot head join the main body, and his guns convert into tail feathers and rocket launchers. Americon is now a bald eagle!

Americon misses Cliffjumper with his Peck attack.

"Aw, get away from me, ya birdbrain!" Cliffjumper says in annoyance, throwing up his hands and trying to swat the menacing and gaudy bird away. "I heard about a glass jaw, but what about a glass beak, eh? Haw!" Cliffjumper's hand converts into a vent and he blasts a puff of his patented Glass Gas at Americon!

Cliffjumper strikes Robotic Bald Eagle  with his Glass Gas attack.

Shockwave knows very well that trying to outmaneuver the jet is a near futile attempt given the Autobot's speed. No matter where I position myself he will always manage to find an angle of attack unless I start moving towards him. He cannot turn on a dime given the atmospheric nature of his alternate mode. The Decepticon commander leaps up ans transforms into his space-gun mode, charging towards the jet and firing at the same time.

Shockwave misses VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) with his Ultraviolet Blast attack.

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) is able to speed up JUST in time to evade Shockwave's electrical attack. Speeding up, he banks to turn around and attack shockwave with lasers.

Jetfire strikes Space-Gun  with laser.

Robotic Bald Eagle  coughs and hacks for a moment before his body freezes up, microfractures appearing on the surface of his armor. He falls to the ground with a tink, frozen in mid-attack like a really weird statue. "Umrrrrr!!!" he says, beak frozen in place. "Nuh-wuuUUUURRRRR!!!" Alas, that is all Americon can do at this time.

Space-Gun  matches the autobot's movements by quickly spinning around 180 after passing him. A pair of lasers scorch the main body during the pass. "You have become rather annoying, maybe you should do like a good Autobot and have the grace to die efficiently." The barrel pulses a bright purple and fires off a beam at Jetfire.

Shockwave strikes VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) with .

"Hey, you know what this is called IN AMERICA?" Cliffjumper says, with a bit of a running start. He then runs forward, rearing a huge, clubbing foot back. "SOCCER!" Punt.

Cliffjumper strikes Robotic Bald Eagle  with SOCCER!.

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) is SLAMMED by that cannon shot. ugh....this won't end well. if he's going to hurt SHockwave......he's gotta make it count. missile attack, definitely.

Jetfire misses Space-Gun  with its missile attack.

Space-Gun  watches the incoming missile but this time he is ready. A quick re-orientation of the barrel allows the Decepticon to shoot down the missile before it reaches a threatning distance. "Still trying to save the day? Face the facts, I will cut you down one piece at a time." he says flatly. The space-gun reconfigures into Shockwave's towering robot mode. He takes aim and fires off a quick shot at Jetfire.

With the traditional sound, the space-gun unfolds into Shockwave's robot mode.

Shockwave strikes VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) with Infrared Blast.

Robotic Bald Eagle  makes a painfully loud SNAP sound as Cliffjumper's foot connects with his chest, and knocks him into the air. Cracks appear where the kick struck him, but at least it jarred Americon's joints enough for him to move again. "You are correct *cough*," Americon rasps, as if he had been breathing in tear gas all day. "That IS what they call it in America! But do you know what they call THIS in America!?" Still flying through the air, he rapidly transforms again, this time into a tiny cassette. "Your horrible, agonizing DEATH!" Then, an extremely small cannon pops up on the top of the cassette and fires a shot at Cliffjumper.

Americon collapses and shrinks down into a very tiny cassette labeled, "America's Most Patriotic Hits!"

Americon misses Cliffjumper with his Lee Greenwood's Brightest Lasers attack.

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) is hit by another laser round. Whee Jetfire isn't looking too good. but...he still has a few tricks up his sleeves. so.....as Jim Ross says......STUNNER!

Jetfire strikes Shockwave with its special attack.

Shockwave gets nailed by Jetfire's disabling attack. The Decepticon's anti-gravs beging malfunctioning causing the poor one-handed cyclops to fall down onto the rocks and snow. Leaving a smoking Shockwave shaped butterfly in the snow. (No attack)

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) is.....reall really hurting. <>

Cliffjumper dives out of the way, as the blast destroys a sad snowman. "You jerk," he grunts, standing. "Some kids probably made that, an' I bet they were proud of it, too. This time, Deceptischlub, you've gone /too far/." Taking out his crazy rifle with the fins, he levels it at Americon. "Let's finish this."

Cliffjumper misses Patriotic Cassette  with his Finned Rifle attack.

Flying Corvette  swoops into view from behind the smallish mountain where he dropped off the Russian non-combatant. <<Ah...yes, Jetfire, I read you.>> He optics show Jetfire is looking completely brutalized, so Tracks quickly puts two and two together and veers towards Shockwave in a quick, elegant turn. << I'll try to take some of the pressure off of you.>> Although he's still pretty far away, he tries to fire a few quick blasts from his headlight-lasers, thinking he won't get a better chance at hitting the fearsome Decepticon.

You strike Shockwave with Aftermarket Headlights.

Jetfire retreats from the area swiftly, outdistancing all pursuit and parting shots.

VF-1 Advanced Strike Valkyrie (Jetfire) pulls up and starts to fly away. <<He's all yours Tracks. I need repairs.>> he says starting to head for Autobot City.

Alas, Americon is such an incredibly tiny target that Cliffjumper's laser simply blazes right by him. "Oh, it IS finished, you Commie-lover!" He transforms into robot mode, where he hands near the destroyed snowman. Its head is still in one piece, mostly, but Americon puts his foot on top of it. "This snowman was made with shoddy Communist workmanship! I am doing the world a favor by destroying it! Ha! Haha!" He presses his foot down, and the snowman's head is flattened. "Now that I did the world a favor, I will do myself one, and kill you! For real, this time!" His handguns whip out again and start firing a salvo of electrolasers. "Don't look so SHOCKED! Get it? Get it?"

Americon undergoes a patriotic transformation into his All-American robot mode!

Americon strikes Cliffjumper with Shock and Ow.

Shockwave slowly gets up from the snow imprint he left and watches Jetfire flee the scene //Primary target: Jetfire - defeated.// A laser shot nails Shockwave in the back. //Secondary target: Tracks Threat class: III Weakness: Vain Suggested course of action: Messy melee combat.// Shockwave takes off and charges Tracks hoping to land a solid punch right across the hood and possibly leave a few imprints on it.

Shockwave strikes you with Right Cross for 15 points of damage.

"OW! I GET IT," Cliffjumper says, falling to his knees, blue electricity arcing over his metal form. "IT JUST AIN'T VERY /FUNNY/!" Defying adversity to push to his feet, Cliffjumper charges, attempting to essentially trample the smaller robot while the electric surges wash over him.

Cliffjumper misses Americon with his Charge attack.

Flying Corvette <Tracks> sees the gigantic Decepticon flying straight at him. Suddenly his lack of velocity in the air is not an issue at all. Shockwave's fist does indeed leave an imprint of Shockwave's knuckles on his hood. "How bar-bar-ic!" Tracks complains...before transforming into his robot mode to go for a mid-air grapple. He knows he doesn't have much of a chance to beat Shockwave in melee combat but maybe he can immobilize him for a bit...

Tracks shifts into his dashing robot mode.

You successfully strike Shockwave, who is now temporarily incapacitated.

Shockwave is momentarily blinded by Tracks black beam gun. "Arghh...not unexpected but always as annoying. I will see you suffer for this Autobot." (No attack)

<Autobot> Yellowjacket says, "Nice setup, Tracks."

<Autobot> Yellowjacket says, "Mind if I follow through."

<Autobot> Tracks says, "PLEASE!!...ahem...by all means."

Americon smirks, darting to the side as Cliffjumper charges past. "It is extremely funny! I steal all of my jokes from the best American TV shows, and the results speak for themselves! But if you did not like my joke, perhaps I should deliver a better PUNCHLINE!" He swings a right hook at Cliffjumper, but he might not quite be tall enough to hit him in the jaw, so, it will most likely catch him in the shoulder.

"That was also a joke."

Americon strikes Cliffjumper with Fist of Freedom(?).

"Yellowjacket to the rescue," exclaims the brightly-coloured-yet-incredibly-sneaky minibot, dropping into the scene from above. Where he dropped from and how this happened are irrelevant. All that is important is that he's hanging from a parachute which looks like a giant version of his face, and that is awesome.

"Shockwave. Tracks is delicate like a flower. It would be rude to scratch up his paintjob with your... 'messy' melee combat." If he had a mouth, he would frown. "You know, I don't even want to think about what you mean by that." An arm is levelled, and a panel slides back on his forearm. At the same time, a flechette launcher rises from the inside of his arm, tiny yellow-and-black rockets slotting into place with a satisfying ker-click. "But you know, I'm sure we can have a /blast/ anyway, one-eye."

Chk-chk-chk-BOOMBOOMBOOM! A dozen little rockets erupt from the launcher, whizzing through the sky towards Shockwave.

Yellowjacket strikes Shockwave with EXPLOSIVE Flechette Launcher.

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "What's going on?"

<Autobot> Cliffjumper says, "I'm tryin'a wail on this stupid little /tape/ here!"

<Autobot> Cliffjumper says, "Foxfire, you're a cassette, what's the secret to breakin' you guys?"

<Autobot> Yellowjacket, deadpan, "Electromagnetism."

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire snorts. "Like I'd tell you *that*."

Tracks shouts, "Yellowjacket! Thank Primus! ah...I mean, thanks for the assist. Things were starting to look a little rough." He tries to kick off of Shockwave with both feet, to send the mighty Decepticon headed down for a painful meeting with the ground and himself flipping gracefully in the other direction.

Shockwave evades your kick attack.

Shockwave gets peppered by Yellowjacket's flechette launcher. The cold calculating commander turns around and scans his target. One would think in such a situation going berzerk would be the best option but no...not this time. Berzerk cannot be applied to Shockwave. Victory is still within reach, it is a manner of how. //Tertiary target: Yellowjacket Threat class: To be determined// "I will be with you in a minute Autobot. Right after I finish up with this pretty boy." Shockwave sidesteps Tracks kick attack and replies with a kick of his own, aiming for the side of the head with his big boot.

Shockwave strikes you with Big boot the the face! for 7 points of damage.

Yellowjacket tosses a little salute to Tracks, then unclips his parachute from his all-purpose commando backpack. It furls up into the air and immediately disintegrates for no apparent reason. Possibly biodegradabl?!

"Not a problem, Tracks. I'm always happy to lend a hand." The commando falls a few meters to the ground, hits and rolls, then launches into a handspring. As he's sailing past, upside-down, a rippling blast is fired from the port in his left palm. "But I think it's time to break up this party."

Yellowjacket misses Shockwave with his Palm Disruptor attack.

Cliffjumper is punched squarely in the rubsign, causing him to stagger backward, having some kind of seizure as the rubsign reveals itself as a little Autobot logo with X's for eyes and a frowny face, like when you boot up a Mac with a hard disk problem. Shaking his head clear, Cliffjumper fires his laser pistol from the ground. "Nice try, Americon, but /this/ is no laughin' matter!"

Cliffjumper misses Americon with his Laser Pistol attack.

Americon jumps over the laser blast and towards Cliffjumper's prone body. "On the contrary, I cannot my control my laughter anymore than you can control--" He transforms into eagle mode and hops onto Cliffjumper's chest, attempting to retell the tale of Prometheus, the Titan who stole fire from the Gods and gave it to the humans, by trying to rip Cliffjumper's guts open. "--CAW CAW CAW!!!" His wings thrash madly as he attacks.

Americon's robot legs pop out metallic feather-like objects as they and his lower torso split apart, also revealing an eagle head. The arms and robot head join the main body, and his guns convert into tail feathers and rocket launchers. Americon is now a bald eagle!

Americon misses Cliffjumper with his Beak Of Rights attack.

Tracks lurches back to his feet painfully, still woozy from Shockwave's earlier kick. "My back..." he complains softly, envisioning countless hours in the nearest semi-respectable body shop once this is over. He'll certainly need more than a working knowledge of Russian for that. But that's only provided he's able to make it back in one piece. He grimaces slightly at Shockwave. The kick that sent him sailing away at least created enough distance to use his missiles. And they certainly shouldn't have any problem locking onto the massive heat signature that is Shockwave, the walking nuclear reactor.

Shockwave evades your missile attack.

Shockwave continues tracking both targets. At the last second the massive Decepticon drops into a crouch allowing him to avoid Yellowjacket's attack. Upon seeing Tracks aiming his missile, Shox charge within arming distance causing the projectile to ricochet away before being armed. Shockwave uses his hand to try and grab Tracks and proceeds to swing his other elbow right across the nose, possibly scratching up the face a bit.

Shockwave strikes you with Elbow strike! for 13 points of damage.

Yellowjacket lands from his handspring in a neat crouch, wincing as Tracks gets an elbow to the face. The vain Autobot won't be happy about that one.

"You're being unusually taciturn, Shockwave! Where's all your vim and vigour about FE-male AUTO-bots today? There's one right here, even!" he calls, pointing at Tracks. Yellowjacket then winks. And when he winks, lasers shoot out of his eyes.

Yellowjacket strikes Shockwave with Eye Lasers.

Cliffjumper evades both the pecking and the moral of Americon's story, swatting the bird away and rolling onto his feet. "You know what I learned, livin' in America as long as I have, and also outer space?" He flips back into a tiny Porsche, tires squealing as he hits a slight ice ramp that is fortuitously just, like, /there/, and flies through the air at the bird!

Cliffjumper vertically compacts as he tucks himself into his car mode.

Cliffjumper strikes Robotic Bald Eagle <Americon> with ram.

"CAR BEATS BIRD!"

Tracks gets pummeled in the face, falling like a drunken minibot in a bar fight. (er a minibot other than Cliffjumper, I mean). He puts a hand over his nose, wincing slightly at the endless damage to his exterior. He has a sneaky suspicion about what Shockwave is doing...trying to inflict enough disfiguring damage to Tracks that he'll lose heart for the fight and withdraw. And he's not far from getting there. But it'll take this Autobot warrior at least a few minutes to think up a good enough line to justify retreating and leaving his fellow Autobots in the lurch. Appearances must be maintained, after all. In the meantime, Tracks pops out a thin, sleekly elegant blade from his armored boot and slashes at Shockwave's leg!

Shockwave evades your blade attack.

No, that's pretty much how Cliffjumper would fall.

Shockwave raises his forearm to protect his face from Yellowjacket's laser attack. "Wrong tactic Autobot. You are trying to cause an emotional response on my part by mentionning an old foe. Logic prevents your attempt of succeeding. Shockwave stays focused on his main target Tracks. A quick step back gets the Decepticon out of the blade then closes in with one hand wrapped around the Autobot's throat. "You Autobots cannot make the difference between courage and stupidity. Think about it from this... new perspective." The Decepticon tries to hoist Tracks up in the air and slam him down head first in a WWE worthy one-handed chokeslam.

Shockwave strikes you with Chokeslam! for 13 points of damage.

Robotic Bald Eagle <Americon> is struck dead-center by the reckless Mini-car, and finds himself splattered across Cliffjumper's windshield. "OW!" he complains as he pulls his face off of the glass. "That was extremely PAINFUL! It seems that are right that cars beat birds... however..." He transforms into robot mode, and sits up on Cliffjumper's hood, aiming his lasers at the Autobot point blank. "Robot beats car! And nothing beats robot!" He thinks for a moment before pulling the trigger. "Well, except a bigger robot." ZAP ZAP ZAP

Americon undergoes a patriotic transformation into his All-American robot mode!

Americon misses Sherman 924 Mini <Cliffjumper> with his Red, White, and Blue Lasers attack.

"Of course we can't make the difference between courage and stupidity, it already exists," Yellowjacket protests, looking vaguely confused at Shockwave's bizarre words. "Ah! I see, you're trying to confuse me with nonsense. But you'll find it's not so easy--"

Yellowjacket dashes heroically across the field, splaying the fingers of his right hand out towards Shockwave. "-- to pull the robo-wool over my eyes!" The fingers are actually machine guns, and they shoot a rapid-fire tattoo of bullets towards the one-eyed monster.

Yellowjacket strikes Shockwave with Machine Gun Fingers.

Cliffjumper swerves clear of the laser's path. It sears the distance to a nearby farmer's proud new commemorative plate, reflecting off of it and beaming directly toward a CIA satellite. This sets off a complicated chain of events that ultimately leads to an embarassing public beating of the UN Ambassador from Ghana. Meanwhile, in Russia, Cliffjumper transforms to Robot mode, charging forward, fists a-flyin'. "Nice try! But I been tanglin' with Soundwave since before you were rebuilt into a bird for some strange reason!"

Cliffjumper's hood bursts outward as his robot mode rises to its full height.

Cliffjumper misses Americon with his Punch attack.

Tracks kicks his legs up to roll over backwards, bringing him smoothly to his feet - although certainly not as smooth as he was moving earlier - while also taking him a step away from Shockwave. He's not sure where Autobots get the reputation for all being brave but stupid. He'd much prefer a reputation for skill and finesse...and an excellent, truly excellent fashion sense, of course. He raises his pistol to unleash a spray of laser bolts, not really expecting much other than to cover himself as he backpedals further.

Shockwave evades your laser attack.

<Autobot> Yellowjacket says, "You need to work on your marksmanship, Tracks."

<Autobot> Cliffjumper says, "I need to work on gettin' this dumb tape outta my hair!"

<Autobot> Cliffjumper says, "My... theoretical hair!"

<Autobot> Tracks says, "I assure you, I spend an hour every other day at the practice range!"

Shockwave gets hit by a small flurry of bullets from Yellowjacket. "I will be with you shortly." Shockwave tries to match Tracks movement knwing very well the Autobot despises physical contact. "What is the matter Autobot? Afraid of a few scratches?" he asks while raising his massive fist and sending in squarely at the face.

Shockwave strikes you with Right Cross for 6 points of damage.

<Autobot> Yellowjacket says, "Well you have to spend the time actually shooting AT the targets, Tracks."

<Autobot> Tracks says, "But that seem like such an -OOF!- shame...those targets are so tastefully designed. And the placement...one missile and the entire range would be ruined!"

Americon woahs as Cliffjumper's crazy driving throws him off and causes him to miss with disastrous results. He will never know how much trouble he caused for that poor bastard in Ghana, but if he did, he would probably laugh. Anyway, he involuntarily flies into that previously mentioned farmer's barn, and imagines seconds later, riding a white horse! "I do not know why I was rebuilt as a bird, either! I tried asking Soundwave but he got mad and told me to shut up! Then I asked again and he pointed his rifle at me! I asked another time and the next thing I knew, I woke up in the repair bay!" He aims one of his handguns at Cliffjumper and squeezes off a shot. "For Soundwave!"

Americon misses Cliffjumper with his Paint Burner attack.

Cliffjumper holds up his hand and /catches a laser beam/. Well not really. It actually shoots an incredibly painful wound into his hand. But it /looks/ like he caught it, and that's what's important. "Yeah, Soundwave can get some'a that," he says, using his immense courage to speak coherently through the pain, which is considerable. Out comes the rifle again. "And he can get some'a this, too!" PEW PEW PEW

Cliffjumper misses Americon with his Finned Rifle attack.

"You keep saying that," Yellowjacket mutters, popping wheels out of his feet and zooming along at an increased pace. "But if we're lucky, you'll be scrap by then."

As the Commando zooms past behind Shockwave, his hand slips into his wrist and is replaced with a standard-issue combat knife, which glints wickedly and slashes at the Decepticon.

Yellowjacket strikes Shockwave with Combat Knife.

Tracks is knocked off of his feet again by the attack, sliding across the icy, frozen landscape until he stops a few steps away from Shockwave. Thankfully, the ground is soft enough not to scratch gouges into his back and legs. Sadly, it still strips his exterior finish - more time in the repair bay, Tracks notes internally.

"Yes, retreat was the wisest course," Yellowjacket says, shielding his optics as Shockwave beats a retreat so hasty that it could not even be conveyed. The knife is swapped for a hand, and he skates on over to Tracks.

"You okay, Tracks? That looked rough." Better you than me, he thinks. In his spark of sparks. "Do you suppose Cliffjumper needs a hand? I've never seen him lose a fight, but that tape looks pretty..." Yellowjacket gropes for words. "... patriotic?"

Americon manages to dodge the lasers by hanging off the side of the horse, the sort of stunt an American cowboy might've pulled in a Western. The next stunt, where he leaps off the horse and turns into a Bald Eagle, only occurred in some silly anime made in 2025 about metrosexual, effeminate cowboys in a steampunk Western environment (with magic). But that's irrelevant because nobody here saw that movie.

"And YOU can have some of THESE!" Americon yells, as he launches a salvo of rockets. They shriek like fireworks on the Fourth of July as they speed to their target.

Americon's robot legs pop out metallic feather-like objects as they and his lower torso split apart, also revealing an eagle head. The arms and robot head join the main body, and his guns convert into tail feathers and rocket launchers. Americon is now a bald eagle!

Americon strikes Cliffjumper with Rockets' Red Glare.

"Hey! Stop ripping off the classics!" Yellowjacket calls, shaking a fist at the Decepticon plagiarist. "That children's show, designed to sell toys, was super serious and should not be joked about!"

Cliffjumper is assailed by the rockets, which cause all of his windows to explode and his eyes to go dark momentarily. His body goes limp and he topples into a nearby house, ruining it.

Americon... victorious.

OR IS HE?

Robotic Bald Eagle <Americon> transforms just in front of the house, peering at Cliffjumper. "Awesome! I have prevailed! Since I have eliminated all remaining Autobot resistance--" He produces a small American flag and plants into the icy ground. "--I hereby claim this land in the name of AMERICA!" He smiles and wipes his hands together. "Another job... well done." Turning his back on the mini-bot, he begins to stroll away.

Americon undergoes a patriotic transformation into his All-American robot mode!

"Oh Cliffjumper, I'm so disappointed," Yellowjacket says, shaking his head. "Nonetheless, I can hardly let an American flag fly free here in Mother Russia!"

Yellowjacket whips out a Communist flag and dashes towards Americon. "I was going to let Cliffjumper wail on you, but clearly he has lost his ball bearings!" With that ubiquitous pewpewpew sound, he shoots eye lasers at the casette.

Yellowjacket strikes Americon with Eye Lasers.

Tracks watches Americon departing. Tracks waits until Americon gets a good distance away before stepping forward, limping painfully...

He stops at the American flag, pulls it out from the ground, and then carefully folds it up and puts it away. He jerks just a bit, startled, as Yellowjacket begins pewpewing.

Then he belatedly pulls out his own weapon and fires a few bolts of his own.

You strike Americon with laser.

Cliffjumper slowly starts to come to. "Aw, my head," he groans. "I feel like that time Rodimus bet me he could drink more processed energon offa the small of Arcee's back... wait, did that actually happen? I can't even remember..."

Americon blinks as he finally notices Yellowjacket. "Oh. Sorry, I missed what you said about--MWAAAAGH!" He's smashed through a window by the combined fire from the lasers. WIthin seconds, however, he's peeking back out. "How is it that you have a Communist flag on you!?" Americon shouts at Yellowjacket. "I always have an American flag on me because I am very patriotic! Therefore, by having a Communist flag ready at all times, you must be a Communist! And therefore, all Autobots must be Communists, even Ultra Magnus!" It's a good thing Shockwave isn't here anymore, or that line of reasoning would probably send him into a coma.

Then, as Tracks snatches his American flag, Americon gasps in horror. "Let the flag go, or you DIE! Because these colors don't run, even in the face of overwhelming odds, no chance of backup, or a worthwhile objective!" He flings himself out the window, transforming in mid-air, and begins to claw at Tracks's face.

Americon's robot legs pop out metallic feather-like objects as they and his lower torso split apart, also revealing an eagle head. The arms and robot head join the main body, and his guns convert into tail feathers and rocket launchers. Americon is now a bald eagle!

Robotic Bald Eagle <Americon> strikes you with Talons of Patriotism for 3 points of damage.

You are very conscious that your life is in serious danger in this battle.

You say, "Ahh! My face! My beautiful face!! It's ruined!!" Yes folks, what Shockwave failed to do after repeated doses of massive damage, Americon has achieved with one blow. Because when it comes to a delicate robotic facial mechanisms, dents and laser burns might cause some minor disfigurement, but scratches? They scar you down to the superstructure. In no time at all, Tracks has transformed, extended his wings and engines, and began a hasty retreat. "I'll get you for this, Americon...one day, I'll get yooooou...!"

Tracks shifts into his gorgeous sportscar mode.

Tracks retreats from the area swiftly, outdistancing all pursuit and parting shots.

"I'm a spy," Yellowjacket replies, simply. He slings the flag around his neck and ties it up, causing it to flare out behind his wheeled form like a horrible sacreligious cape.

"And you... are far too obvious. No REAL American is that over-the-top, so clearly YOU are a Communist, attempting to disguise your true /Communist/ intentions with /ridiculous/ levels of Jingoism." Yellowjacket leaps into the air and tucks in his limbs, doing a sweet somersault, and as he travels over Americon he fires a pair of blasts from his palms.

Yellowjacket strikes Robotic Bald Eagle <Americon> with Palm Disruptor.

Robotic Bald Eagle <Americon> gasps. What if it's true!? Maybe he IS a Communist and has been trying to hide it!? "That's not true! That's impossi-" ZAT! Yellowjacket's blast strikes him right in his gun, igniting the fuel cell and detonating it. The surprisingly large explosion knocks the patriotic Deception up, up, and away into the horizon. "Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..."