Blueshift, The Grand High Inquisitor

Cellblock 1

This bleak and dark room contains only a bunk and an energon dispenser. It is reinforced and shielded to stand up to the strain of any attacks it may receive. The forcefield on the door blocks the only way out. Various wallscrawls can be seen, mementos of past visitors to this cell.

The next time Harrow looks at the bars, one of them is suspiciously BLUESHIFT-SHAPED. "Why, hello Harrow, if that is your real name, which it is NOT!" Blueshift says. In one hand he is holding a seeded bun. In the other hand he has a cocker spaniel.

Harrow jerks in surprise. "Wh'! YOU!" She blinks at the dog and bun. "...What? Harrow is my real name, you DOLT!"

Blueshift holds up the dog in one hand. It yips happily. "If you don't play ball, the manual says to encase your delicates in the seeded bun and shout "DINNER TIME, FIDO!" He throws the dog over his shoulder and shakes his head sadly. "You thought you could outwit me, didn't you, Harrow, or should I say, HARROW PRIME! Imagine you're Backfire. What's the best way to escape detection? Why, disguise yourself as Harrow and get 'rescued'. But sucks to be you..." Blueshift pops out of sight and then wheels into view a gurney holding the remains of Munch. "Because I found the real Harrow! Look what you did to her, you monster!"

 Blueshift says, "Does anyone have a spare car battery and jump leads?"

Harrow stands stone still, watching this unfold. This is really happening. And Munch... Poor Munch. "That's not ME you MORON!" she screams. "Don't you know what I look like!? I'm a SEEKER! Oh for... Who sent you down here? Are you just here to pester me? Bring me Swindle! UGH!"

Blueshift shakes his head. "I know about your evil experiments, Backfire! You turned Viator into a Spider, and poor Harrow into some sort of insecticon! And then you attempted to disguise yourself with a really poor, ugly Harrow disguise! Pathetic!" He takes out a pad, his hands shaking slightly. "You reckoned without me! I went to the Space United Nations, you know! I gave a speech! The slugs there tried to poison me with hallucinagenic goo, but it had no effect, so now I keep taking it to constantly innoculate myself against it!" He throws the pad down and looks at Harrow. "Okay, answer me this: What's Backfire's name?"

Harrow's optics widen. Her lip twitches. "UGLY!? Are you CRAZY!?" She pauses to look down at her frame. Well it's... well it's a seeker frame. :( "At least I don't look like CONTRAIL." She kicks at the electrified bars and gets a hard jolt for her troubles. "FFFF- Backfire's NAME? His /NAME/?! HIS NAME IS BACKFIRE, YOU STUPID SPACESHIP."

Blueshift shrugs. "Well, obviously you wouldn't disguise yourself as Contrail, you're not sick in the head." He takes in Harrow's answer, looks about for his pad, can't find it and so tears a chunk of his armour off, scribbling on it with a pen fervourantly. "Hmmm, how CONVENIENT. Okay, now what is Harrow's favourite colour?"

 Blueshift says, "Does anyone have the LIE DETECTOR?"

Bonecrusher tromps in and glances back and forth a few times between the screaming Harrow and Blueshift. "I uh...you wanted me to break something? And possibly also bust it up?" He makes two big fists to demonstrate what he would use to do that.

Blueshift points at Bonecrusher. "Don't worry, you'll soon get to break BACKFIRE. You'll be a HERO, Bonecrusher. Do you have the LIE DETECTOR?"

"BONECRUSHER!" Harrow perks up and calls to him as if he were a dog. "Bonecrusher, break Blueshift! Break him right down the middle!"

Burden wheels in the car battery with leads and the lie detector, "Uhh, Detective Blueshift. Where did you want me to put these?" the torture gumbie asks, shyly after Blueshift and Harrow both start yelling for Bonecrusher's attention.

There are two Decepticons making capital letter demands of Bonecrusher right now. He frowns, not sure how to proceed. Normally he's punching and dozing at this point, not still being told things. "Lie detectors? That's...probably Scrapper's department. Or Hook's, yeah. They do allll the detecting and some of the finding too, you dig?" He watches Burden wheel a torture cart past him. "Oh good, it's here. So, I'm supposed to put a hurt on you, Blueshift?" He trembles a little bit, having not broken anything in about 246 seconds.

 Cyclonus says, "Blueshift, what have you discovered thus far during the interrogation?

Blueshift shakes his head. "No, no, Bonecrusher, I'm in charge here, Harrow is the criminal." He blows his special high-pitched dog whistle at Bonecrusher, to keep him in line. He then points at the dead body of Munch which lies slumped on a gurney. "We found the REAL Harrow in Backfire's base. He turned her into a horrible INSECTRON and disguised himself as Harrow, but I was too clever for him! You don't want to be turned into an insecrtron! Fit the lie-detector to her!" He turns back to Harrow. "SO, you don't know the answer, do you?"

 Blueshift says, "I have nearly cracked the case, sire"

 Bonecrusher says, "We're gonna break the case too. I think."

 Cyclonus says, "I have no need for witty banter, only results."

 Blueshift says, "Don't worry sir, I don't know the meaning of wit"

 Bonecrusher says, "Is Witty Banter another prisoner? I can bust him up too, yeah."

Harrow eyes the car battery and plasters herself against the wall, "See that I ever repair any of you ever again! I'll let you bleed on the field! So help me, if you come any closer with that - ! I will let Galvatron know his medics are being tortured! HAIL GALVATRON!" Nervous fumbling. "A-answer? BONECRUSHER, HIT HIM!"

 Scorn snorts, "You're certainly half of one."

Blueshift shakes his head. "So, you know Backfire's name, but you don't know Harrow's favourite colour? VERY SUSPICIOUS!" He turns to Bonecrusher. "Bonecrusher, administer the lie detector machine! And if you need to hit someone, hit Burden, he's expendable"

Nervously twiddling his thumbs, Burden looks from one lunatic to the other shouting lunatic. "Which one is the prisoner here?" he asides to Bonecrusher.

Bonecrusher frowns. Harrow is the ranking officer here, and she wants him to hit... Well, he's not clear on what she wants yet. Plus, Blueshift is actively torturing her, so that's not something he should interupt. And then Burden, the expendable one, asks him a question. Bonecrusher answers. "I have to punch your face now." And so he does, knocking Burden's head off of his nervous shoulders. Bonecrusher sighs a deep, satisfied sigh.

Harrow glowers at Bonecrusher. "I put your damn shovel back on! Did I not? Don't you come near me!" she threatens, shaking her fist. "I don't have a favorite color! I hate ALL the colors! I don't know anything about Backfire! He's just as INSANE as you! Perhaps a little less." She pauses, flexing her fingers. "He is my fragging brother. Are you happy? You've gotten the secret out of me! Now go tell the Empire this useless information as he continues to build his own with... with THAT," she gestures to Munch.

 Blueshift says, "WE HAVE A CONFESSION"

Blueshift is totally taken aback by this, staggering and falling over Burden's head. "Burden, you are so lazy, pick your head up!" he shouts at the headless 'Con. He then stands and looks at Bonecrusher. "That was a confession. Was that a confession?"

 Cyclonus says, "I'm listening, Blueshift."

 Blueshift says, "Harrow knew Backfire's name but she didn't know Harrow's favourite colour"

 Blueshift says, "And THEN she said, GET THIS"

 Blueshift says, "That she is BACKFIRE'S BROTHER"

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Bonecrusher looks up at Blueshift. "What? I wasn't listening."

Harrow's optics narrow. "I SUPPOSE THAT IS SOME KIND OF CONFESSION!" She tosses her hands in the air.

 Cyclonus says, "Neither of those two facts are a confession to aiding Backfire in his traitorous ways, though the second is worth further investigating."

 Blueshift says, "No, no, sir, I believe that Harrow is in fact, Backfire in disguise"

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "We found the dead body of Harrow in Backfire's lab, he turned her into an insecticon"

<Decepticon> Cyclonus says, "Then have Burden scan her, he was sent to assist you in this interrogation."

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "Uuuuuh"

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "Burden had a little accident"

<Decepticon> Cyclonus says, "You are sorely trying my patience, Blueshift."

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "Yes my lord"

<Decepticon> Scorn says, "So when are we able to eat him?"

<Decepticon> Bonecrusher says, "I thought you said Burden was expandable."

<Decepticon> Cyclonus says, "You're not. Blueshift, scan Harrow using the equipment. Scorn, I would like to see you in a cycle to go over this intelligence."

Blueshift pumps his fist in the air. "Yesss! I am the best! You thought you could defeat me, but I bested you!" He carefully hands Bonecrusher an object. "Bonecrusher, hold onto this incredibly delicate crystal sculpture for a moment." He then swings open the cage door. "Right, I guess that's it then!"

<Decepticon> Scorn says, "As you wish, my Lord."

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "I was going to ask Harrow to report to the smelting pit, sir. I am sure she knows the way"

Harrow wastes no time in lunging at Blueshift the second he opens the door, aiming to deck him in the mouth.

Combat: Harrow misses Blueshift with her Punch attack!

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "Also, a thought: If Backfire is Harrow's brother and he is evil, then perhaps Redshift is evil too, as he is my brother. Should we have him smelted down too, just in case?"

Bonecrusher takes the sculpure from Blueshift with his left hand, but it immediately shatters when he places it in his right palm. He glances around, hoping no one saw that, and leans downto pull off Burden's arm at the elbow. Standing back up, he super hopes that no one notices that the sculpture has been replaced with an arm.

Blueshift bends down to pick up a shiny penny, narrowly avoiding Harrow's fist. "Hey, hey!" he yelps. "That is no way to treat the greatest Decepticon who ever lived! Now I have both revealed you as a traitor, and got this DELIGHTFUL scupture as a gift for Galvatron's birthday." He takes the severed arm off Bonecrusher, holding it up proudly. "You should probably report to the smelting pit. I would escort you under armed guard, but I don't want to miss Doctor Who"

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "I couldn't find the scanner so I just squinted a bit"

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "I mean, the scanner doesn't work anyway, does it"

"Smelting pit!?" Harrow growls, and steadies Bonecrusher with an icy glare. "You go watch your Doctor Hue, Blueshift. I'll report straight to the pits..."

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "It's like that lie-detector machine we have that is just a photocopier with "LIE!" written on a bit of paper inside it"

Blueshift nods firmly. "I've got to say, that you are being a very reasonable evil traitor. It is just a shame you killed poor Harrow." He pats the dead body of Munch sadly. "She was my best friend. Well. Person I talked to most."

Bonecrusher points at Munch. "Can I run over that?"

<Decepticon> Cyclonus says, "Bonecrusher, rendezvous with Scorn with Harrow in your custody to my office."

Blueshift shrugs. "Yeah, whatever"

<Decepticon> Blueshift says, "Sir, where should I report to for my medal?"

<Decepticon> Bonecrusher says, "Rende... what?"

<Decepticon> Cyclonus says, "Belay that order. Scorn, escort both Bonecrusher and Harrow to my office."

<Decepticon> Scorn says, "Yes, sir."

Blueshift takes out a pot of hallucinagenic slug goo and puts a spoonful in his mouth, sucking on it thoughtfully.

Bonecrusher stands around awkwardly next to Blueshift. He waves a little at Harrow.

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/111                    Posted        Author Investigations                    Mon Jul 08    Blueshift -- Blueshift appears on the screen. He is sitting in his room wearing a gigantic pair of pyjamas and holding a remote control, the light of a tv screen washing over him. "Hey, guess what? I have only single-handedly saved the day!"

He reached down and picks up a bowl of hallucinagenic slug goo, gulping down a big spoonful. "The other day, I bravely led a team of Blitzwing, Kickback, Scorn and Contrail into Backfire's secret base! Once there, we discovered something horrible - the body of Harrow!" A photograph of the corpse of Munch flicks up on the screen.

"Backfire had obviously used his evil technology to turn Harrow into a horrible insectron, and then disguised himself as Harrow using a crude, ugly Harrow disguse. That was why we couldn't find him - he was here all along!"

Blueshift dabs at the goo on the corners of his mouth. "Well, we soon put a stop to that! Bonecrusher and I interrogated this false Harrow, and she admitted to being Backfire's brother, which is close enough! Lord Cyclonus told me to let Harrow go and to take her to his office, where he obviously has a personal smelting pool where he's going to smelt her down for being a traitor. So all's well that ends well!"

He moves to turn the recording off, but then pauses. "Oh, also one of the guards, Burden, had an accident and his head fell off. But in other news, I have this delightful sculpture of a crystal unicorn!" He proudly holds up a severed arm that bleeds over him. "Hail Galvatron!"

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