Shiftlock is having doubts

Transformers 2K5 - Prowl - dimanche, septembre 07, 2014, 9:19 --

 Shiftlock says, "Anyone on this thing?"

 Prowl says, "Yes, I am here."

 Shiftlock says, "I suppose this isn't the appropriate place to talk about this, but right now appropriate can suck my tailpipe."

 Shiftlock says, "I'm asking myself some questions these days, and one of them is 'Why am I still a part of this organization?'. And no, I'm not thinking about going purple, Primus -no-."

 Shiftlock says, "The entire reason I signed on the dotted line with you guys was because Crystal City was enslaved. The resistance was in trouble, and we went to the Autobots because they were supposed to be the big damn heroes. And what did it get us?"

 Shiftlock says, "Widet and I are the last ones alive. And Crystal City isn't free."

 Shiftlock says, "I'm looking at Tarn, and I have to wonder - are the Autobots gonna fail this one, too? Or am I just biding my time with hypocrits?"

 Prowl says, "Liberating a whole city is not something you solve with an overnight assault. It is a long game."

 Shiftlock says, "The long game isn't saving lives."

 Shiftlock says, "Sure, it's a great plan when you're behind a desk miles away from the trenches. But while you're making plans, people are dying."

 Shiftlock says, "I've not been a Bot long, but let me tell you, it's an optic-focusing experience. Because what I'm seeing aren't heroes. I'm seeing a bunch of violent, arrogant, neutral-hating junkers who can't get their scrap together."

 Prowl says, "How many lives would be lost with a full assault? Collateral damage?  We are trying to free people without leaving them with a pile of rubble afterwards."

 Prowl says, "Neutral-hating junkers? Really?"

 Shiftlock says, "Have you actually listened to some of the otehrs?"

 Prowl says, "I do not socialize much. I stay focused on my work to keep the ball moving.  Keep my optic on the big picture."

 Shiftlock says, "I had to sit there and listen to higher ups tell me that Neutrals were a lost cause, that Bots should pull out support unless neutrals became Bots. Because if they haven't picked a side yet, they don't deserve to be fought for."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "And then listen to them telll me I'm 'one of the good ones' because I'm wearing a red badge."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "The big picture includes morale."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "And it includes the mindset of your troops."

<Autobot> Prowl says, "I understand both sides of the argument."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "And frankly, if people like Repugnus are 'our people', becoming an Autobot is gonna be the biggest regret of my life."

<Autobot> Sanguine says, "It's been a very long war. A lapse in empathy is...we are all just mechs."

<Autobot> Prowl says, "I understand that some Autobots might think that being asked to lay down their lives to help those who won't help themselves cheapens their sacrifice. On the other hand...other Autobots see helping the neutrals as altruism and helping out those who cannot help themselves which is noble and follows in the footsteps of Optimus."

<Autobot> Shiftlock is quiet for a little while. Prowl's answer is taking a bit of the wind out of her sails. "This war just keeps going. There's no end in sight, there's no rest, there's no peace. I'm ... I'm so tired of seeing mechs die without being able to do anything about it. My efforts feel wasted. Futile."

<Autobot> Prowl says, "You are doing something about it. But you have to accept that we cannot save EVERYONE.  But every life we save.  Every person that gets a second chance at a new and better life.  That is not wasted."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "I know the war drags down the best of us, Shiftlock. It's a struggle, the greatest struggle we've ever faced.  The problem is, the Decepticons aren't backing down.  We know this, it's all too apparent how obsessed they are with domination, not just of Cybertron, but of all known worlds.  We have to be the wall that holds them back, Shiftlock, because the alternative is too horrible to imagine.  To those that see the war as an endless malaise, I've learned that you need to learn to appreciate the smallest things.  Every single day that a Cybertronian isn't press ganged into hard labor, or gets their fill of energon as opposed to a ration.  That's the ideal we're fighting for."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "And what do I tell myself, Rodimus Prime, when I see mechs wearing Autobot badges carrying on like Decepticons?"

<Autobot> Sanguine says, "Everyone feels that way, at some point. I'm a doctor: being powerless while watching mechs die is part of the job. You perform a brilliant surgery one solar cycle, the same bot is killed for a stupid reason the next. To keep going we all have to believe that the effort itself is worth it, regardless of the outcome. We will make decisions, some will be wrong, some will get people killed...but I still must choose. Because if I don't, someone else might make the choice, and they may not have the patient's well being in mind. You can only account for yourself."

<Autobot> Spindrift says, "Slap 'em upside the head gasket?"

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "Because my strut instinct is either to walk away and never come back, or beat those hypocrits into scrap metal."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "I won't deny that everyone on the Autobot side is a valiant, peace loving soldier. As much as I wish it were the case, it's not so.  The war embitters people, and yet even they know that the Decepticons represent the greatest threat to personal freedom.  If you feel someone is committing atrocities in the Autobot name, you report them, you give it to Internal Affairs.  When someone crosses the line, we DO something about it."

<Autobot> Roadbuster grunts vagely, the first sound he's made the entire time he's been listening. "Sometimes to chase demons you need to walk through the shadows yourself to find the light."

<Autobot> Sandstorm makes a little coughing noise, "Hey SHift, don't mind me calling ya Shift right? Let me give you my two enercents. First, Decepticons are slagpiles who need beating down till they don't get up. Think we can universally agree on that. Second, an Autobot warrior (note I said warrior, cause there's some who just ain't made for busting heads) who won't go fight to defend anyone can go bite my exhausts and suck on the fumes, cause it sure ain't going to do their mental processors any more harm already seems to have been done. Third, I'll happily stand in the way of any danger, Decepticon or otherwise, that tries to harm any Bot or Neutral out there. Now granted I'll happily stand in the way of anything dangerous full stop, but still. Fourth, you want to react to those dumb shmucks who aren't down with doing the right thing, either ignore them, or give me a call and I'll come and slap them around a bit till they learn some sense. *Sandstorm pauses, remembers who is also on the channel and add* In the training room of course. *Though he may mutter to himself about switching safeties off as otherwise where's the fun*

<Autobot> Roadbuster says, ".... What he said"

<Autobot> Shiftlock vents, quietly listening, waiting for others to finish speaking. She's not rushing in her words - so it's likely she's carefully weighing what others have to say, and pondering the matter. "It's not good enough."

<Autobot> Shiftlock quickly adds, "-I'm- not good enough."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "I barely managed to keep Scorn from dragging off Rend. And in the end, the villagers still lost their homes and loved ones."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "to use a human term, 'Horse Waste'"

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "That wasn't a victory. That was barely breaking even. And it was -my- fault."

<Autobot> Roadbuster coughs, not really wanting to correct Rodimus, but. "Bullshit."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Ah, yes thank you Roadbuster."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Shiftlock, would you like to hear a story about something that was MY fault?"

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "The point is, when you give up, that's when they win. When you lose hope, that's when oppression comes.  The Decepticons only win when good Cybertronians stand aside and do nothing."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "No offense, Prime, but you're carrying the matrix. You're not a badly trained, creation-factory defective that can't save anyone she cares about."

<Autobot> Roadbuster says, "Missy, -none- of us were 'good enough' at one point. Very few Autobots started as warriors. But they've stuck it out. WE'VE stuck it out. We get better. We all make mistakes... the idiots are the ones that don't LEARN from them...."

<Autobot> Powerglide says, "Next time just call me!"

<Autobot> Roadbuster then shuts up when he realizes Rodimus is about to tell one of -those- stories.

<Autobot> Jazz says, "Shiftlock. Here's the deal and I'm gonna' keep this as real as I can with you. You /are/ good enough. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. It's not about what you think you failed at. It's not about what shoulda', woulda' or coulda' been. It's about what you do. Right now. It's about what you're gonna' do, in the future. It's about stepping up and doing what you think is right, no matter what. It's about not giving up. It's about never quitting. It's about making sure you keep pushin' and you keep doin' everything you can to make everyone we fight for feel safe. Protected. We are the first, last, middle and coolest line of defense that anyone ever has. And the moment you stop blamin' yourself and start believin' in yourself, the way I do, the way we all believe in you, then you'll see just how badaft the Shiftlock I see with my optics is. And that's who I want fightin' beside me."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "So now you've gone from accusing others to moping. I see.  Damn it, Femme.  Pull yourself together.  Optimus was a dock worker when he started out.  I was (and still am, if you talk to Kup) a stupid punk.  You *grow*, Shiftlock, you be the Femme you need to be.  Let me ask you one last thing.  What in blazes do you think Elita One'd say right now?  Oh, right, she can't, because she's put everything on the line to free Cybertron.  She can't, because she never gave up hope for freedom for the Neutrals and Autobots of Cybertron."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "I appreciate what you guys are trying to do for me, and I can't deny you all have great points. All of you. It does make sense..."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "We understand Shiftlock, and we're here to talk personally as well. We fought against power strong enough to break the bravest hearts.  So we have to pull together. To stand divided, we will surely fall."

<Autobot> Jazz says, "Translation: Girl, we got your back."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "... But there are parts of me that aren't going to change. The cognitive dissonance between idealism and realism is enough to make my lasercore crack." She vents a little, and says with more determination, "I can't make myself stop grieving for every lost life like it's my fault. I -feel it-, and that doesn't go away. Until the casualties drop to zero, I won't be happy, I won't be satisfied. Until I can protect everyone, I'm not good enough - I have to get better. I'm always going to look at the hard, cold, ugly reality going around me so that I never lose sight of what's going on, so that the lines never blur, so that I never get comfortable or complacent. I have to see the suffering so that it is always real to me, never some distant thing I've put out of my mind for the joy of driving fast or flexing my actuators."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "I suggest you talk with Fortress Maximus, Shiftlock. You two seem to be kindred lasercores."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "I want results, not words."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "I don't know if I'll ever feel like an Autobot. But I keep my word, and I'll carry out my duties faithfully. I guess that's all that matters."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "You'll never feel like an Autobot with that attitude, Shiftlock, because that is NOT all that matters."

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "What's more important - successful missions or feelings?"

<Autobot> Afterburner says, "Successful missions make me feel better. Win-Win"

<Autobot> Shiftlock says, "I guess... it wasn't a mistake then. Thank you all. Thank you for telling me what you think, feel and believe, because now I know where I stand. I'm just going to keep pushing myself until we're strong enough to resist everything, save everyone. Feelings, words, none of that matters - only results matter."

<Autobot> Sandstorm says, "Hey Prime, I got an idea about those bugs, which high up should I reun it past?"

<Autobot> Roadbuster says, "... If you start making 'bug bomb' puns....."

<Autobot> Sandstorm says, "Would I ever? Really though, I have an idea on how we can get more info on the bugs."

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