Worse Than Geese

Arvassian Range

It is said that life on Nebulos once started in the clouds, as simple, multi-celled organisms climbed down from the mountainous peaks into the lush and fertile valleys below. Modern science has been quick to dismiss such claims, but the huge, treacherous and ragged peaks of the Arvassian range still instill a feeling of awe in the average Nebulon. Stretching hundreds of miles across the planet's surface, the tips of the grey mountains reach into the misty clouds, as if a stairway leading down from heaven itself.

Contents:

Ministry of Science

Obvious exits: South &lt;S&gt; leads to Koraja -- Nebulos.

Shockwave has arrived.

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "Decepticons, report."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Artifice says, "Artifice reporting, Shockwave. I'm checking in for duty now."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "What is the status of the Powermaster duo? Galvatron has scheduled a mission that specifies their services, but neither has checked in in several macrobreems."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Windshear says, "Sir, I generally hang with Dread and Dark but I have not seen either of them in some time now. I do not know their whereabouts and can not even take a guess at this point."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Fusillade says, "Maybe they murdered each other."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Windshear says, "Dreadwind could not be that fortunate, Fusillade."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Scrapper says, "I remember seeing them both alive in Ayotzinco, but that was a while ago. If they did murder each other, I call dibs on the bodies!"

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "If the Powermasters are not available due to sloth, ennui or suicide pact, I will be obliged to request 'volunteers' for a difficult but hopefully brief mission. I will accept 'volunteers' now."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Artifice says, "I volunteer."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "Your voluntary 'volunteering' is recognized. Are there any other 'volunteers?' Ideally for this mission one would be equipped with a forcefield projector or power source other than energon."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Windshear says, "I am still listed as 'off duty', sir or I would volunteer..."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Catechism says, "Oh, sure. I am all about stupidly dangerous missions."

&lt;Autobot&gt; Decibel says, "Sounds like trouble may be brewin'. Ole one eye is gathering up fodder for a mission. Seems keen on folks with forcefields or non-energon fuel systems. Was after them binary bonded jets earlier too."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "Very good, Catechism. Windshear, your failure to volunteer is noted. However, your success at replying in a timely fashion is also noted. No punishment for failure to volunteer will be assigned at this time. Volunteers, assemble on the launch pad."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Galvatron says, "How many volunteers so far, Shockwave?"

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "Two, great Galvatron."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Galvatron says, "Two!? Bah! Weaklings!"

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "Yes, and that after I pronounced 'volunteers' in a sarcastic tone of voice so as to indicate that failure to volunteer would be frowned upon by your Lordship."

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Catechism says, "Americon! I hereby volunteer you as part of your punishment. Get over here or I'll make you into a Canadian!"

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Artifice is glad he volunteered.

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Senator Americon says, as the other guy suddenly goes silent for some reason, "YOU'RE HORRIBLE! But I don't want that, so I'm en route!"

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Windshear is sad he cant go and replies to Shockwave. "I appreciate it, sir."

Americon has arrived.

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Catechism says, "Yes. Yes, I am."

Artifice has arrived.

Nebulos. While this is a fairly peaceful planet now that Zarak is gone along with the robots, and its populous has, for the most part, begin the tedious process of rebuilding their society. Nevertheless, they are always on the lookout for...

THE DECEPTICONS!

Slowly, a cassette robot, somewhat taller than a normal Nebulan drifts down from the sky, frowning as he approaches the Ministry of Science. "Man, I don't know what you people were afraid of! The air's fine!" He cycles in a great big gust of air, then cycles it back out. "See--GFURRRHAARRGHHHURRRGHHH!" Wretching violently, Americon loses control and spirals down into the roof of the Ministry of Science.

Meanwhile, several Nebulan jet fighters are also approaching the ministry!

XF-35B Astral Lightning &lt;Catechism&gt; generally doesn't like to run her rocket engine in an atmosphere, unless she really needs hypersonic speeds for some reason, as the turbofan operation is much more efficient. Turbofan operation, however, requires air intake, and as Americon just demonstrated, air intake appears to be a bad idea. So frag it. The Empire can spare some lithium tripropellant for the cause. She drops out of the shuttle like a parasite fighter, and flanks it as an escort. She reports, &lt;&lt;And we have incoming.&gt;&gt;

Shockwave descends from the shuttle to land with massive impact in a long reflecting pool on the grounds of the Ministry. His translucent chest window glows brightly in the billowing clouds of radioactive steam, reactor spinning away as Shockwave is drawing one hundred percent of his power from it in this hostile atmosphere. "Decepticons, time is of the essence. Attack quickly and efficiently. Conserve energon and reduce aspiration. If you have multiple air filters, run them in serial." He strides down the length of the pool, emerging from the steam cloud to nuke a guard shack and the unfortunate guard inside into modern art made out of carbon with an intense burst of cosmic radiation.

Shockwave levels his finger imperiously at the Ministry. "Artifice, find a way to disable power to the enemy facility. Catechism, intercept and destroy the enemy."

Artifice has no such air filters, sadly. "This is a place for Contagion," he says to himself as he drops from the shuttle behind Shockwave and Catechism. He's always enjoyed stomping around in the cities of smaller creatures, in which he is titanic. Well, he is right now, thanks to AKOM. "What exactly are we cycling into our systems?" Art steps forward to blast a cluster of buildings with hig lightning cannon.

"You are currently cycling into your system a gaseous catalytic toxin which will bind to your energon supply and make it corrosive to your internal systems," Shockwave replies, stepping over a few fleeing Nebulan tourists as he climbs out of the reflecting pool, his arm and torso smoothly panning back and forth to incinerate Nebulan security cars and anything that looks like it has a gun and isn't running away.

Americon picks himself up from the roof, giving his head a good shake. "Urgh. Wow, good thing I have more than one air processor, because I totally just burned through the last one!" Hopping over the edge, he lands in front of the entrance, whereupon he is immediately at fired at by several security guards. The Union Jack-bearing winces as the suprisingly potent armor piercing rounds dig deep into his chest. "OW! What the hell, these guys are really packing some heat! They must be Americans!" he says as he draws his own weapons and charges into the building, guns blazing.

Meanwhile, the jet fighters, once they're in range, launch several long-range missiles at Catechism, hoping to destroy her from a nice, safe distance.

"Fantastic news," Artifice says to Shockwave. 'If only he'd sent out the call 5 minutes earlier, I would been in recharge'. Artifice grumbles to himself as his vents start to burn and chug. Waves of heat begin to ripple off his chassis. He turns to see the incoming jet fighters and, in the interest of appearing dashing in the presence of Inquisitor, he takes aim and opens fire on them.

Now, see missiles? Those are a perfectly good reason to use hypersonic speeds in an atmosphere. It is often said that the SR-71's reaction to an enemy was simply to speed up. The XF-35B tries that to see how well it'll work here, kicking up to around Mach 5, barreling head-on toward the Nebulan fighter jets. If she is having a particularly awesome day, the missiles will turn around to follow her and then collide with the Nebulan fighter jets that launched them. If she is having a less than awesome day, these will be hypersonic missiles, capable of catching her. She radios, &lt;&lt;Acknowledged, Shockwave. Not sure if Artifice heard you, though.&gt;&gt;

As it turns out, it is a less than awesome day for Catechism, as the missiles detach their first stage boosters, then suddenly accelerate to twice their original speed as they approach Catechism. Artifice manages to score a lucky shot on one of the fighters' wings, though, forcing it to pull away.

Hmm. Volunteering for one of Shockwave's missions. Strike one. Poison air. Strike two. Firking hypersonic missiles. Strike three, you're out! This is officially not Catechism's day now. The XF-35B engages hoverfan, pulls up, and cuts her rocket engine, just hanging in the air, a few hundred feet above the plane of the missiles. They've got speed, but can they brake on a dime? Or are they just going to overshoot? The poison air feels dirty as she pulls it in through her hoverfan, and Catechism briefly wonders if getting hit by missiles would be less damaging, in the long run. She pivots and opens on the nearest fighter with her GAU-12.

Shockwave elevates his 'head,' antennae buzzing as he emits a pulse of electromagnetic interference towards the missiles streaking in towards Catechism overhead.

There's a huge ruckus inside the Ministry of Science. From the sounds of it Americon is having some sort of epic gunbattle with the security guards inside the Ministry, what with all the "BANG!"'s and "PEW!"'s. Americon's voice calls out, "Don't worry, guys, I got this one!"

As for the missiles, while they aren't quite maneuverable enough to catch Catechism, are getting close enough to detonate--at least until their guidance is scrambled. With this done, the missiles spiral out of control and cease to be a factor in this battle.

With that effort foiled, the Nebulan fighters press on, even as one of their wingmen is torn apart by bullets. They respond to Catechism with a flurry of small, short-range missiles.

"Nebulan military capabilities are noteworthy," notes Shockwave dispassionately, crossing the parking lot to the ministry and taking ahold of the roof to try to peel up a section of it with his hugely powerful single hand. "I hypothesize that they have learned more than fear from their experiences under Thunderwing."

XF-35B Astral Lightning &lt;Catechism&gt; wonders what is with these people and missiles. It reeks of the government and politicians meddling in the affairs of the military! When it comes to downing another fast, lightly armoured fighter, sometimes, smart missiles aren't so smart. Sometimes, you need something that cannot be outsmarted. And nothing can outsmart bullet. When the Nebulans launch a flurry of small, short-rang missiles, she converts back to rocket flight, flying straight up like a candle, then topples over and blast forward, trying to both fly jerkily enough to shake the missiles and to get behind the Nebulan fighters. She sends another clipped half-second burst from the GAU-12 over at the lagging Nebulan fighter now.

When Shockwave peels the roof back, the first thing he should see is Americon, wiping his hands off dramatically as he stands by all the security guards, whom he somehow managed to tie to a pole without killing any of them. "Hi, Shockwave! I'd have security show you in, but they're all TIED UP! Wahahahaha!"

And back at the jet fight, the short range missiles apparently aren't very smart at all, using only very basic heat-sensors for tracking. The missiles, as a result, go flying about all over the place, and the Nebulan fighter in the rear gets his rear blasted right off by GAU-12 fire. Due to their losses, the Nebulans break formation and pull away, dropping behind themselves shiny objects that quickly expand and float in the airspace they left behind.

Artifice looks up to watch the battle occasionally as he searches for a power station. He finds what he thinks must be it about 150 yeards from the main building, hunched a well-manicured square of on bluish grass under a grove of odd-looking trees. "I think I've got it," he says to Shockwave as the cycloptic purple Decepticon tears the roof off the Ministry of Science. "Though I don't see what you need me to cut the power for if you're just going to do that." He fires his lightning cannon at the generator, hopefully overloading it and causing it to explode.

"Your performance is unexpectedly satisfactory, Americon," replies Shockwave, peering down into the rooms through the hole in the roof. "Locate the Spiral Zone Jamming Field Emitter and report to me when you have found it so that I can extract it without damage. It looks like this." He projects a rotating wireframe of a Spiral Zone Jamming Field Emitter from his eye onto the wall beside Americon. It looks pretty much like you would expect.

Americon was expecting to see a statue of Ronald Reagan holding a satellite dish or something, so it doesn't really look like how *he* would expect the jammer to look. "Hm! That is a strange design for a jammer! It's kinda... spirally! But ok! I will try and find it!" He approaches the elevator, and hits the "down" button. As he waits for it to come up, he hums pleasantly to himself. Then the power goes out just as the elevator is about to open. "Aww," Americon says, frowning as he goes to take the stairs instead.

XF-35B Astral Lightning &lt;Catechism&gt; gains altitude and looks down at the expanding shiny objects warily. If those are blimps, she may be in for trouble! For blimps can be flaming Blueshifts in disguise. She can only hope that the other Decepticons are finding what they need, as her engines are whining at her in protest over the air she's ingesting. Catechism pulls behind another Nebulan fighter jet to strafe at it.

Artifice is pleased hears to hear the declining hum he expected to hear as he fries the generator. Acrid smoke curls up from it - it's not the explosion he would have liked, but at least it seems to have gotten the job done. He approaches Shockwave. cycles ragged now. "I hope this doesn't take long," he says, "My chest is really starting to burn. Ugh... I'm gonna have to -" and with that he voides his tanks, making sure to turn away from Tall Dark and Gruesome there, lest he be irradiated. "Gakh! Primus. That's nice."

The little blimps, it turns out, aren't flaming Blueshifts, but since they're filled with hydrogen. Now, hydrogen doesn't go off by itself, of course, which is why these mini-blimps are also packing explosives, which go off as Catechism chases after the Nebulan fighters. It should be clear what these things really are, now!

It's not all bad news--another fighter gets its wing shot off, and it goes into a spin towards the ground.

"Aspirate a minimum of atmosphere and expend as little energon as possible until called upon or obliged to defend yourself," Shockwave advises Artifice unsympathetically, examining one part of the Ministry building with his x-ray scanners while Americon searches another part.

The little blimps are not flaming Blueshifts, but they do manage to set Catechism on fire. Catechism, who is full of random dangerous, flammable chemicals and who is currently ingesting air.

Oh slag.

There's the orange blossom of a fireball from the XF-35B, and Catechism spirals out of the air, crashing heavily. Mph.

Should Shockwave scan one of the lower levels of the building, he'll probably see Americon waving up at him through the floors. There seems to be something rather hazy around him, and he appears to be standing next to something, but it's not clear what that something is.

"Sure," Artifice coughs. He tries to drop his the frequency of his aspiration cycles as low as it can go. this is quite difficult, and doesn't help the burning in his chest any. He looks over in shock as he sees Inquisitor crash. "Whoa, femme down," he says, "I'll check it out." He heads for the crash site, weapons armed.

There seems to be two fighters left, and they're not content with shooting down Catechism, it seems. Indeed, as Artifice approaches the crash site, the two remaining fighters spray bullets at him, tearing up the surrounding countryside, and maybe Artifice if he's not careful.

"Report on your findings," replies Shockwave, plunging a hand into the building and pulling out large chunks of it which he throws over his shoulder with a steady revolving motion, clearing a path down towards Americon.

XF-35B Astral Lightning &lt;Catechism&gt; is a flaming wreck sitting in a small craeter on the grassy green. Her proximity alarms go off when Artifice approaches, and zombie-like, she transforms and immediately tries to grab him by the ankle and wrench it to disable him. Only a minute later does her CPU catch up with the rest of her. "Oh. Sorry. My bad-" and as bullets whiz by, "-are those stupid things still in the air?"

XF-35B Astral Lightning transforms into robot form. Catechism's feet unfold, her arms unfold out of her body, her nosecone rotates through her body and ends up on her shoulders to expose her face, and her wings rotate into position.

Combat: Catechism strikes Artifice with her Grab attack!

Americon says, "Hi, Mr. Secretary of Defense!" as Shockwave eventually burrows down to his location. He gestures towards the object that's next to him. It appears to be some sort of device with a large lead cloak hastily thrown over it. "I think this is the Spiral Zone generator thingy! I know this because when I came in here, this guy was like, "No, you can't have the Spiral Zone Generator!" Then I punched him, and I said, "YES I AM!!! WHATCHA GONNA DO NOW, IN AMERICA!?""

Blue-ish smoke appears to be pouring out of Americon's mouth as he speaks. Probably not a good sign.

"Improbably good work, Americon," drones Shockwave, although he doesn't /sound/ impressed. He sweeps a narrow laser beam in a circle around the device to sever it from its connections to the building, and reaches in to pull it free, looking just like Blackout.

Artifice is taken by surprise, as he is looking up at the attackers when Catechism has her brief little zombie moment. He is on his back before he is even aware of falling down, and his ankle is nicely gimped. "AHHH! What in the Pit?!" He rolls around a bit even as Catechism reaches to help him up. "Oww! Jeez... yes I think they're still up there... gah." He finally accepts Catechism's offer of aid and staggers to his feet, afraid to put much weight on his injured leg. "Are you all right? You wanna get back up there and take 'em out together? Two pronged attack would be a lot more effective."

Now the fighters are shooting rockets at the two Decepticons! They're really thirsty for blood, albeit of the mechanized variety!

Americon smiles, beaming proudly as the device is blasted and seized. "Excellent! Now do you suppose they have anything to help soothe a burning air circulation system? Because, man, mine is ON FIRE!"

Catechism is a Decepticon of moderate intelligence and is therefore a paranoid bugger who expects backstabbings as a matter of course. Only stupid but durable Decepticons have the luxury of being carefree. She does help Artifice up, if only because he seems to expect some help from her for some reason. Her grip is a bit rough, and she fairly tries to yank Artifice into the air to escape from the rockets before transforming. She grouses, "Fine. Had worse. Often. What would be /effective/ would be a thatch weave, but let's try stinger, given numbers."

Catechism transforms to her jet mode, which is quite astoundingly simple for the coneheaded model that she is.

"Return to the shuttle and turn on the air purifiers and circulators," Shockwave replies, swivelling to walk back steadily towards the ship with the prize in his hand.

Artifice is quite nearly thrown into the air by Inquisitor, which should diminish his affection toward her a bit but actually has the opposite effect. "Stinger. Got it. I'll follow your lead," he says as he transforms to join her in the air.

Artifice's fuselage flips up. His wings rotate, his arms retract; with a declining, 5-tone sound, Artifice folds himself into F16 mode!

Americon salutes Shockwave as he levitates himself out of the hole and onto the ground before the Ministry. "I thought you'd never ask, sir!" But before he leaves, one of the Nebulan pilots lands nearby, drifting down from a parachute. Americon notices the guy's shivering, and so, with a quizzical look on his face, approaches him. "Hey! You're one of the guys trying to shoot the person I tried to sacrifice to the bees, aren't you?! And why are you shivering?"

The pilot doesn't understand the first question. "What?" But he does understand the second. "Look, yeah, I know. Llyra's running the government now, and she has this thing about clothes. She has this new policy stating that "Oh my God, those military guys are sooo hot. From now on I want them going around shirtless all the time!" And so, here I am, a freaking jet fighter pilot with no shirt." He rubs his shoulders to warm himself up. "What the hell are you people doing here? I thought we poisoned the planet against you guys!"

"And you did!" Americon laughs, great big puffs of electrical smoke escaping his mouth with each laugh. "And I wish I could answer your questions, but then I'd have to kill you! Anyway, was fun chatting! Bai!" He scurries off after Shockwave.

XF-35B Astral Lightning &lt;Catechism&gt; idly wonders if Artifice actually knows that stinger formation is - one jet down and obviously visible - the other up high, in the sun, ready to pounce once the 'bait' is taken. Well, she'll find out! She would also boggle over the shirtless fighter pilots if she knew they were shirtless, but thankfully, she has no idea.

Shockwave has noticed it but attributes it to organic brains malfunctioning as per usual. He boards the shuttle and carefully stores the Decepticons' prize.

&lt;Decepticon&gt; Shockwave says, "Decepticons, retreat. We have secured the objective."

F-16 Falcon &lt;Artifice&gt; does know, believe it or not - being a combat analyst and all. He ascends, lagging behind her, trying to maintain a neutral position in the eyes of the (inexplicably) shirtless pilots as he watches to see which position Catechism takes. He charges his meager weapons, prepared to function as either the bait or the attacker.

&lt;Space&gt; Curiously, signals from Nebulos can now be detected, as if its vaunted jamming field had vanished.

Americon happily bounds into the shuttle--only to collapse onto the ground halfway through as he catches on fire.

XF-35B Astral Lightning &lt;Catechism&gt; sighs and will have to test Artifice's tactical knowledge another day, as Shockwave has called the retreat. She groans, "Oh, forget it. Let's just bail. I need a shower. For my insides." This air is worse than ingesting geese! She jinks and reverses, flying herself to a hover landing inside the shuttle.

The fighters pull up after unleashing their salvoes against the Decepticons, but they fully intend to come back around for another pass!

"Americon, operate the laser turrets while I prepare the shuttle for takeoff," Shockwave orders, taking the helm and plugging his cannon arm into the console.

F-16 Falcon &lt;Artifice&gt; banks, turning to follow Inquisitor back to the shuttle, a little bit disappointed that he didn't get to blow things up with her. That would have been quite the first date in his mind. She would likely decapitate him if he were to voice that... "I know what you mean," he says, "I feel like I cycled in a goose."

XF-35B Astral Lightning &lt;Catechism&gt; transforms and sits up on the floor of the shuttle. She feels much, much too beat to even consider spacing back on her own. She scoots over to a chair and straps in - if Americon's handling the guns, they will have recoil. It's just how it works. Catechism considers, "I guess it wasn't as bad as being dissolved by acid."

XF-35B Astral Lightning transforms into robot form. Catechism's feet unfold, her arms unfold out of her body, her nosecone rotates through her body and ends up on her shoulders to expose her face, and her wings rotate into position.

Americon coughs out, "Ok!" and pushes himself up, floating over to the fire control system along a wobbly path as his body continues to burn. He does a little tap-dance with his feet on the console's buttons, and the guns come online.

The F16 Fighting Falcon unfolds into Artifice!

Shockwave engages the throttle and lifts off, the shuttle turning as it rises and gliding away with a thunderous roar and a tower of smoke as it escapes the planet.

================================= Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/156                    Posted        Author Jamming Field                     Wed Dec 02    Shockwave -- A brief text message from Shockwave.

Lord Galvatron: the mission to acquire Nebulon's Spiral Zone Jamming Field Emitter is successful. Catechism, Artifice, and Americon 'volunteered' for the mission despite serious personal discomfort and damage due to not being Powermasters or in any other way suited for the poisonous atmosphere of Nebulon. This behavior is commendable. End of Line.

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