Busting Bjork

Summary: A terrifying battle takes place as Blaster and his tapes fight Soundwave and his mini minions, to protect the one and only Bjork!

'''Greenland

''The world's largest island, two thirds of desolate Greenland is within the Arctic Circle. Long, complex fjords cut deeply into the east and west coasts, offering barren, but magnificent scenery as huge chunks of the vast glacial ice sheet constantly break off and slide into the frigid ocean water. The land is criss-crossed with glacier spits, meltwater rivers, and icy mountains. As barren as it may seem, Greenland is still rich in mineral resources, including lead, zinc, copper, gold, and uranium. The economy is mostly based on tourists come to see the breathtaking arctic scenery and, depending on the time of year, either the soft, diffused light and long shadows of the low-hanging midnight sun, or vivid white, yellow, green and red northern lights of the winter darkness. Despite its apparent lack of technology, Greenland also houses a sophisticated NATO telecommunications and radar network.

Why the hell is Soundwave here, you're wondering? Well, let's allow Americon to explain as he flies down beside a large home in the middle of Iceland. "It is HERE! The ultimate energy source, inside that building... in AMERICA!"

Soundwave lands beside him, and stares at the home. "I recognize a voice inside that house," he says. "That is the singer Bjork. Why would the ultimate energy source be here, Americon?" He bonks the little tape on the head. "You have failed me again!"

"OW! In America," Americon says. "Wait, Soundwave, hear me out! I know it's in there!"

Blaster stands off in the distance, ears perked. He has come on a pilgrimage to a sacred place. A place of honor. A place of...Bjork. Up until now, he has used his keen sense of hearing to follow the sounds of inarticulate screaming..but that screaming has been silenced... only now, replaced... by a /new/ sound. The sound of... Americon. He begins to run.

As Blaster runs, something pops out of his chest and transforms into a small blue triangle. He pauses in the air and little speed lines appear around him. A flash of Japanese kanji floats in the air in front of him that reads RAINDANCE. He then unpauses and follows Blaster

Americon walks up to the house, and knocks politely on the door. A middle-aged woman opens it, looking puzzled at first, then utterly shocked as she sees who was at the door. "GREETINGS! We are here for your secrets, Bjork! Where is the ultimate energy source!?"

Soundwave cradles his head in his hands as he shakes it. He can't believe he actually listened to the little Decepticon. How embarassing!

Red Cassette  flies heroically after his brother, a swiftly flying red cassette that soars majestically through the Greenland air.. and falls with a clatter to the ground. And stays there. Guess Grand Slam is asleep.

With a sense of gravitas, a booming voice comes from behind Soundwave and Americon. "Decepticons! Leave Bjork alone, man. And step back, 'cause you're standin' on holy ground!"

Raindance circles round, wondering briefly if he should missile Grand Slam awake. But Bjork is in trouble. Raindance likes Bjork. "Yes Decepticons, STAND DOWN!" he emits bravely, floating alongside Blaster. And then "Oh oh oh I really liked Dancer in the Dark!"

"Zzz... whzz.. huh?" broadcasts the small red tape as he suddenly realises he's no longer in the nice comfy warm subspace pocket inside Blaster's chest, but rather lying on the cold hard ground. Quickly unfolding himself into a fridge-sized tank, the cassetbot swivels his chrome gunbarrels as he hurries after Blaster and Raindance, monologing to himself as he goes. "I think now, looking back, we don't fight the enemy; we fight ourselves. The enemy wis in us. The war will one day be over for me, but it will always be there, the rest of my days. But be that as it may, those of us who do make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life. And also to rescue Bjork."

Soundwave whirls around, glaring at his arch-nemesis. "I have no interest in Bjork! I..." He tries to come up with an explanation for why he's here that doesn't make him look stupid. "SILENCE!" He fails. "Americon! We are leaving!"

"But wait, Soundwave!" Americon complains. "The ultimate energy source is nearby!" He shoves his way into the house. Bjork screams and stumbles onto her back. However, she is not defenseless, for her voice has defeated would-be burglars and stalkers before, and Raindance gives her an idea. Yes, she starts singing, "Dancer in the Dark," and within seconds, Americon is stumbling back out of the house, clutching his audials. "Awwwwaaaauuuughhh! What is this noise!? I do not understand!!! Is this supposed to be music!??! AAIIIEEE!"

Soundwave emits a harmonious sigh of exasperation.

Unfortunately for Blaster, Bjork is also defeating the good guys. Blaster is now doubled over in pain, hands on audials. "No, you idiots! Bjork /IS/ the hour of power hersel--" He stops short. Probably shouldn't let them in on /that/ little secret. Too late?

Raindance circles around Blaster's head like some awful hat. "Blaster, Grand Slam is off his meds again I think, he's going to start cutting up slugs with razor blades and shooting korean prostitutes I know it!" He hovers forward and stops, shooting off a few warning missiles through the window of Bjork's house. "Curse you Decepticons! Blaster you deal with Soundwave I will shoot whatever nasty goolies come out of his chest!" And with that, the brave little tape-triangle-jet-/thing/ zooms straight for Soundwave's chest!

Grand Slam still doesn't really know what's going on, though he's recording it all so he can pretend he knew later. But Raindance is shooting at the house where the horrible wailing is coming from, and he's usually good at discerning targets. "Don't worry Blaster, I'll save you!" he says, beams of light arcing out from his numerous barrels, striking the side of the cottage with a hail of laser fire.

Soundwave grunts as Bjork's singing begins to have an effect on him, too. He holds his hands over his audials, too, booming, "AMERICON! RETURN!" He opens his tape slot and... Raindance flies right into it! "WHAT!?" Soundwave says as Raindance disappears into...

THE TAPE LOUNGE!

It's a pretty sweet place. There's Happy Kill, playing Dance Dance Revolution in one corner. Up above, Snake-I's reclines from a framework of metal bars. Jars and Turtler wrestle in a water tank. And Glitter is doing her nails. She looks up at Raindance as he barges in, and her face turns demonic. "INTRUDERS! SLAY THEM!" And Soundwave's tapes yell and scream as they drop what they're doing and charge at Raindance!

Outside, Bjork screams as missiles and lasers punch holes in her house. Americon, freed from her screaming, charges at Grand Slam, guns blazing. "NO! You can't kill her! Not until we have the ultimate energy source... in AMERICA!"

Raindance blasts into the tape lounge full-tilt, as if some awesome kick-ass super jet, as opposed to a tiny crappy blue triangle. "TIME TO PARTY!" he yells as he skims the surface of the vending machine, his speakers blasting out some tinny rock music. Tiny lasers fire at Turtlar as he heads towards his target - Soundwave's tape's change jar. His internal magnetic drives power up, beginning to make the jar shake, attracting the money inside

"I don't think you understand" Grand Slam says, halting his barrage of Bjork's house for a moment, treads spinning independantly to turn him directly towards whatever stupid Decepticon tape Soundwave has sent his way. Probably Grumble or whatever. "you're dealing with an expert in guerrilla warfare, with a man who's the best, with guns, with knives, with his bare.. uh... treads. Bang." And with that he opens fire.

Blaster shakes his head. Looks like he might need to call in some backup of his own... "Matador, eject!"

From inside of the Autobot communications expert flies a black-and-red cassette, which transforms mid-air into a rather impressive-looking bull. Matador snarls at the Decepticons, and begins pawing at the ground. "Deceepticons..eet is time, for joor SIESTA."

Just as Matador is about to take off, Blaster calls out. "Matador, no! Your mission is to protect the human Bjork at all costs!"

Matador instantly turns from raging bull to... raging bull. "Well, /hola/, Senorita... I am Matador..." His voice has gone from angry to ironically over-sultry, and he is now walking..no, strutting casually towards Bjork. "Do not to fear...I am to protect you!"

Blaster looks from Matador to Soundwave with an apologetic look. "We all have our issues, bro."

Turtler is protected by the laser blasts by the water tank he's in--the beams quickly dissipate in the liquids, but the tank shatters as a result. Turtler and Jars are swept by the rushing waters to the floor, squirming as they try to get their bearings. The tape jar, meanwhile, gradually shudders, then flies off the shelf, smashing open against Raindance. The coins stick to him like they were glued on. "HE HAS OUR SPARE CHANGE! DESTROY HIM!" Glitter cries. The gumby tapes begin to open fire on Raindance with everything they have.

Soundwave shakes his head at Blaster as a mechanical bull hits on Bjork. "Indeed. However, I must end this confrontation now..." He taps his eject button, and his tape slot flies open again. "ALL TAPES, EJECT!" And from inside the tape lounge, there is an extremely powerful vacuum, sucking everything out! Mule screams as he flies out of the room first, and, like a lobbed grenade, hurtles straight for Blaster's face.

"Bwaaaagh!" Americon grunts as Grand Slam punches a hole in his chest. "Nobody attacks an American.... and LIVES!" He fires twin lasers at the mini-tank.

Soundwave strikes Blaster with Mule.

With all the tapes coming and going in this here confrontation taking place, it's a wonder who's here and who's not here. And of course, as cassettes are flying freely from Blaster's chest too, another one pops out by his own volition. A blue and white one that transforms and takes on the form of the robototic predatory bird, Twitch! "Gyaaaah!" He exclaims in no small amount of shock at all the insanity out here in the not-so-safe exterior, and on impulse the little Laserbeak clone flips back and attaches to Blaster's shoulder, magnetic talons taking hold with a faint *TIK* sound.

Covered in the money that is victory, Raindance dives about as the gumby tapes shoot at him. Luckily gumbies being gumbies, and Raindance being a Feature Character, he manages to avoid their stormtroopereque shots, using his missiles to blow a hole in the vending machine and snatching a packet of delicious corn-based Space Raider snacks (pickled onion flavour) before shooting out of Soundwave's chest, followed by the rest of the Decepticon's terrible armada

"Okay" is Grand Slam's only response to the Decepticon tape that's threatening him. And now there's more? He doesn't recognise any of them, but he's still recording, so when they get shot and explode he'll have a record of their cries and screams. Like music to his ears, except he doesn't have ears. Lousy ears. Oh right, the Decepticon. Treads spinning he trundles forward to meet his charge, intent on running him right over.

Blaster ARGHS as Mule makes a better door than a window, right up in his grill. Taking a step back to recover, he grabs mule by the all and sundries and whips him back at Soundwave. "Here, mack. Take this back!" Using the temporary lull, he sighs, and opens his own chest cavity. "C'mon, fellas, let's party!" As Twitch alights on his shoulder, from his internals comes a barrage of cassettes in G1 and G2 colors.

First out of the hatch is an all-white cassette, which transforms mid-air and lands in its sheep mode. Lambast sizes up the competition. "Ewe've aaaall been very baaaaaaaad..."

Blaster just shakes his head in shame. Any family in which Eject is known as "the normal one" is doomed from the start.

Blaster strikes Soundwave with Mule, The Return Trip.

Soundwave grunts as Mule smacks into his face, sticking to it somewhat. Grunting angrily, he pulls the Cassetticon off and flings him away. "I have changed my mind about leaving, Blaster. First, I will DESTROY YOU!" His concussion rifle swings up, and cracks out as it fires.

Talonrazor, colored in a sickly chartreuse in this shot, screams after Raindance. He fires optic lasers at him, cawing loudly. Eventually he somehow catches up with him and tries to yank away one of the tasty treats that Raindance stole. Elsewhere, Americon shouts and yells as Grand Slam rolls right over him. "You can crush me, but you'll never crush THE AMERICAN SPIRIT!"

Soundwave's other tapes also exit his chest, including the horrifically evil Happy Kill, who begins to tapdance in front of Lambast. "Yes.... we're VERY bad..." Happy Kill says soothingly. "..but GOOD dancers!" His optics become swirly as he tries to mesmerize the lamb-tape!

Soundwave strikes Blaster with Concussion Bolt .

Raindance turns in the air, a little gun that is shaped like a miniature Raindance poking from his underside as he shoots at the evil tape. "Go away Laserbeak!" he emits, as his coin-covered body provides protection, lasers bouncing off the reflective coins. "Grand Slam, we have to blow up the house or something I guess!"

Twitch's small thrusters ignite to keep him somewhat stable, combined with his magnetic grip on Blaster's shoulders. "Gyaaaah!" The little birdtape spazzes out again as more and more are poured into the fray and soon there's tapes everywhere. As Blaster is shot again, it becomes apparent to him that this perch isn't going to be very safe, and he finally launches himself into the air. "I'll try to help!" He launches himself forward, optics settling first on the Decepticon. Twitch's creator, ironically enough. "Soundwave you...you big MEANIE! You leave Blaster alone!" He shoots past the Decepticon tape commander a moment later, orbiting back as his optic lasers ignite and lance out at scattered Decepticon tapes gathered around Soundwave's feet, trying to scatter them further. Before he proceeds to try and flap/hover/peck in Soundwave's face, as if he was trying to blind/disorient him like an overexcited bat in your face. Truth be told, getting agressive on his creator like this is something that terrifies Twitch to a level beyond comprehension. But at the same time, seeing Soundwave attack the one who treated him -nicely- and took him in has just gotten him ALL worked up! He'll have time to suffer a nervous breakdown later.

Blaster gets blasted --oh, there's a phrase I won't get tired of ever or have already -- and so is unable to see the horror that has befallen Lambast, who is now staring at Happy Kill as though in a trance...tranquil as a lamb being led to the slaughter.

Luckily, Lambast has help coming, in the form of... Reject! The eight-track makes its somewhat awkward escape from Blaster's tapedeck, transforming into a blueish-purple robot mode with one arm and its head twisted around backwards. Slowly, awkwardly, Reject begins walking backwards towards Lambast, one good arm holding his photon pistol, which he uses to fire haphazardly in the penguin's general direction.

About this time, Blaster recovers, in time to shoot Soundwave with a rather normal gun-type attack.

Blaster strikes Soundwave with laser.

"Destroy the house, huh?" Grand Slam says as his treads crush USAbot or whoever into the ground. "Okay, but if it is an evil house it will have hidden powers" he posits in an entirely reasonable fashion. "We had better assume our ULTIMATE FORM."

"No" emits Raindance "We'd better not assume our ultimate form. Lets just merge into Slamdance instead!"

 Raindance :v

With a shudder of metal, the Raindance and Grand Slam undergo a stunning transformation and combine into the mighty form of Slamdance!

There is a flash and lots of speed lines as Raindance and Grand Slam merge into Slamdance! Slamdance poses in mid-air, fists bunched as some kanji appears in front of him that reads 'SLAMDANCE'. Then he falls to the ground and gives Blaster a thumbs up. With his THUMBS. "Its okay Blaster, we'll save the day! Super Slamdance SMASH!" The mightiest gestalt aims a kick at the side of Bjork's house. "Those Decepticons will wish they were BJORN AGAIN!"

Soundwave 's tapes scatter as Twitch starts to shoot at them. Soundwave himself is forced to wave his hand in front of his face to shoo away Twitch. "Get away from me, you miserable reject!" Soundwave emits. As if to underscore his point, Soundwave unleashes a huge sonic blast at Blaster, hopefully underscoring to Twitch that he doesn't want to be caught in the crossfire. Speaking of which, Soundwave gets shot by Blaster's laser and it seems to hurt him a fair amount. "Urgh."

Talonrazor, now a magenta color, caws triumphantly as he tears away a little bag from Raindance, but the wedge's wedge gun blasts him away.

Happy Kill shrieks as Reject starts shooting at him blindly, and dives behind Turtler for cover. Turtler's durable body easily absorbs any stray shots, and he slowly trudges forward, firing his miniguns at Reject.

Soundwave strikes Blaster with Sonic BOOM!.

Bjork runs out of her house, waving her hands at Slamdance. "No, you FOOLS! Dat is my HOUSE!" she cries in whatever crazy accent that's supposed to be.

Blaster is not done yet, oh no sir! He has one more ace up his sleeve...chest...thing, but first, he must recoil in pain from Soundwave's increasingly-potent attacks! Owie! Wrenching his tape deck back open, manually, after Soundwave's bolt jolts it shut, he fires off a cover round at Soundwave, while releasing his most fearsome cassettebot...

With a thud, Arbitrarion hits the ground, ready for battle! He scans the field, and chooses a target arbitrarily! His shoulder-mounted mini-missiles begin firing...in the direction of Twitch!

Meanwhile, Lambast has drawn up beside Reject, and joined his Cotton Ball Launcher to Reject's pistol as they take on the oncoming behemoth that is Turtler.

Twitch gives an audible, "YERK!" As Soundwave raises his blaster. Indeed he doesn't want to get caught in the crossfire of that thing, and he goes straight up a split second later, litte thrusters igniting like twin rockets as they carry him into the sky. Kicking into a hover a moment later, he pauses to look down at the chaos, wincing as he sees Blaster struck again. And then he spots Turtler and Happy Kill along with Reject....isn't that what Soundwave just called him? >_> Oh wait. Missiles. "AHHHHH! FRIENDLY FIRE! FRIENDLY FIRE!" A moment later, the little mechanical bird is pulling maneuvers that would make Top Gun jockeys jealous as he jinks, rolls dips and climbs in a furious pace to avoid the explosive warheads. "AHHHGH! What're ya tryin to do!? STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT! Shoot them, not me! Them!" He finally comes to a hover nearby Arbitrarion so he can properly spaz out on and berate him, even tipping his head to show the symbol on his forehead. "Autobot! AUUUOTOBOT!"

Slamdance ignores the chaotic melee, instead hammering the poor defenseless house with a mighty series of KICKS and PUNCHES from his FEET and HANDS, which he TOTALLY HAS. "Take THAT, evil cabin! And THAT! Aaaaand THAT!" Inside, bits of plaster and masonry are falling on Bjork, who has stopped screaming to write a song about being trapped in a cottage while giant robots fight over her.

Which, oddly, will seem strangely in place on her next album.

Turtler keeps trudging forward, miniguns blazing, uncaring if he is blasted by lasers or cotton. Soon, he is covered in a huge pile of cotton, completely unrecognizable under it. Reject's lasers catch the cotton on fire, but Turtler still doesn't care.

Flinga, the monkey tape, sighs wearily as he adjusts his monacle. "Alas, what I would not do for a simple laser pistol. But very well, I shall resort to this crude attack if I must." Reaching behind his back, he produces a brown-colored explosive, which he tosses at both Reject and Lambast.

Now colored in turquoise, Talonrazor caws as he swoops down near Twitch, slashing at him with his talons.

Soundwave ducks under Blaster's shot, and then runs behind Bjork's house. Reaching around the side of the wall with his rifle, be blindfires a few rounds at his nemesis. He doesn't seem to realize that Slamdance is trying to collapse the house nearby.

Blaster has long since come to terms with just letting Slamdance do what they will. It was easier that way. He, for his part, shoots some lasers in Soundwave's general direction, a la the cartoon. He takes out a few bushes for his effort.

Reject screams as the flung explosive takes off his one remaining arm. Using Lambast's cotton cannon for cover, he runs straight at Turtler, determined to kick the darn thing for all he was worth!

Arbitrarion cocks his head at Twitch. "Shoot them? Sure. Why not?" With that, he turns, and begins sending little missles of love at the cowering Happy Dance.

Meanwhile, from a nearby second-story windowsill, Flinger is perched upside-down, staring angrily at Flinga. "Hey! Oooh! Oooh! Stopit! Stopit! Not nice! Oooh! Oooh!" Flinga's...less-refined counterpart begins angrily flinging his own brown toxicity at Flinga, although this one seems to really, /really/ enjoy his work.

Slamdance steps back, and leaps into the air. "Its okay Blaster, I've got it under control. Super DEATH BLAST!" From his hands emit deadly sonic waves, directed at the foundations of the house. Sonic waves that contain the pure focussed power of the Spandau Ballet song Gold. Using the amazing power of the Kemp brother's hit, the power literally EXPLODES!

Twitch gives an audible, "Whew." As Arbitrarion starts to at least shoot at the right targets. All is well now! Until talons from another bird rake across his right wingtip, sending him spinning off to one side. "AYIEEAGH!" He spazzes a moment later. Reacting more on instinct than by real conscious thought, he shoots over the top of Turtler's shell, swooping back from the other side as his optics suddenly unleash a crackling torrent of laserfire back in Talonrazor's direction. "Why. Won't. You. Stooooop!?"

Soundwave lets Blaster's salvo whiz by, then he leans around again and... spots Flinger. "What!? A monkey that throws bombs? YOU ARE STEALING MY IDEAS!" Soundwave booms, angrily shaking his fist at Blaster. "I always knew you were just an imitation of me, and now I can confirm that your tapes are imitations of mine!" Flinga says, "I CONCUR!" as he dodges Finger's bombs, and flings one right back.

Turtler is flipped over onto his back from Reject's kick, and continues to burn inside the cloud of cotton that he's trapped inside of. Maybe eventually he'll get back up. Happy Kill also fares poorly as he is hit by Arbitrarion's missiles, his eyes turning into X's as he is sent sailing from the blast. Talonrazor caws as he gets blasted through his tailfan by Twitch's lasers, but he retaliates with eye-beams of his own!

Then, suddenly, a long tonque flicks out at Lambast, trying to skewer him on the sharp tip! The culprit? The evil Froggor!

Bjork's house collapses due to Slamdance's careless super anime attack. Oh no! Is this the end of Bjork?!

As the house collapses, Slamdance walks off into the sunset, dramatic trumpet music playing. Go brave soldier, walk on FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

OH SWEET JESUS. Lambast is taken unawares, and is defenseless against Froggor, who turns the poor Cassettebot into a lambkabob. Then Reject adds tragedy onto madness when he kicks Turtler while he's down, sending the poor turtle skidding directly underneath the now-skewered Lambast. Oh, this is not going well for our hero!

Meanwhile, Flinger is gleefully sending packets of warm, squishy fun at his erstwhile counterpart, accompanied by such witty battlecries as "WOO!", "HAHA!", and the ever-popular "POOP ON A STICK AND YOU KNOW IT!"

Blaster has taken up residence behind the building that Flinger is flinging from, and shakes his fist at Soundwave in turn. "I didn't steal anything, man! You saw Flinger and copied him...far insuperiorly, I might add." Blaster is not above making up his own words in the heat of battle.

From the wreckage of the house, Matador appears, shaking wood and sawdust off of him. In his mouth, he holds an incapacitated Bjork.

Elsewhere, Arbitrarion has decided to start his list of targets over again, beginning with the letter A. He is about to start beating on himself when he notices whatever is left of Americon, wherever he's gone in this scene. Arbitrarion begins running towards the patriotic nuisance.

Twitch is forced into evasive action again as Talonrazor fires back at him, prompting the little Autobot bird tape to start jetting around over the landscape like Speedy Gonzales on Meth again. He attempts to lead Talonrazor on a pursuitof loops, rolls, jinks and upside-down flight that would make an acrobat's head spin. In fact, it's making Twitch's head spin. "Ooogh I'm gettin dizzy...." And Twitch goes right into the remains of the house's wreckage, an audible *CRUNCH* issuing out as he comes to an abrupt halt, his aft end poking out of the rubble.