Idiot at the Gate

Iacon Plain

The bright, golden light of Prima Facie and Altera lend this huge section of unbroken surface a soft glow, the splendor accentuated now that the debris and broken metal that once littered the area has been cleared. The flat, metallic plain continues as far as the optic to see, only to be broken in the distance by the sight of a massive golden city-state of technological marvel.

Iacon stands in the distance, it is a city-state that is out-of-sync with the present state of the planet itself and a symbol of the hope for the Cybertron's return to its former glory. Autobot architects led by Fortress Maximus rebuilt the city-state using its original archived blue prints with near perfect accuracy, and only deviating in certain areas in order to eliminate strategic weakpoints that led to the original's demise.

From the distance, one can see that the majority of Iacon's buildings is unlit underneath the bright endless expanse of the sky. Floating highway networks can be seen assembling and disassembling itself as the inhabitants inside uses it to travel to other areas within the city-state.

Outside the glorious sprawl of Iacon and it's surrounding areas, lies a road. But not just any road, mind you, but one that leads right into the underbelly of the Autobot's shining city-state. And on this road, rests a heavily fortified and guarded outpost checking people in and taking the neccesary security measures to guarantee Iacon's continued existence.

It just so happens that a convoy of supply trucks come over the distance, four to five in total. Painted bright red with white cross logos on them, they -seem- to be loaded with the needed medical supplies to deal with the number of wounded from the numerous Crystal City encounters.

In the lead truck, an orange and white bot steers the vehicle with a twisted smile on his face. "When we slip by their early warning systems in these RED trucks and destroy Iacon, the Autobots will be vanquished forever!!" Backfire laughs to the gumbie next to him, the cheap paint already flaking off his chassis.

The line of trucks roll to a stop behind the other vehicles, apparently a heavy traffic flow for the Autobot city today.

Panhard ERC-90 Sagaie sits on guard beside the gatehouse, using his long-range sniper cannon's advanced targeting scanner to look over each of the vehicles as they roll into range.

His commander hologram is resolved at the hatch too, using a pair of binoculars to show what he's doing. <>

There is not one convoy of supply trucks headed to Iacon, but *two*. First Aid, in ambulance mode, is currently leading a small team of Autobot gumbies back towards Iacon. Unlike Backfire's cunning plan, they aren't here to *deliver* medical supplies. No, they came straight from the Crystal City front lines, and accordingly they are here to *receive* medical supplies. Most of the Autobot vehicles in the convoy are dinged and banged up from the constant fighting. First Aid has a heavy dent in his hood and his rear window is smashed in. First Aid and the second convoy are just behind Backfire and company, unaware that treachery is afoot.

Responding to Backblast, he comments, <>

The impatient driver that he is, Backfire grows easily enraged at the stop and go traffic outside the gate. Vehicles are cleared, sent through, and processed. Some are asked to pull to the side, ran through the appropriate security checks and scans.

"GAH, of course I pick the -worst- day to sneak into Iacon!" the Seeker laments while beating a fist against the truck, the gumbie sitting beside him unintentionally jumping a bit after every smack off the dashboard. Checking his rear view mirror, Backfire casually nods when the war-torn ambulance pulls up to a stop behind him.

Double blinking, the idiot makes a sour face. "Straxus!! Keep your wits about you crew, we've got company in the rear." he mumbles into the private channel.

Panhard ERC-90 Sagaie zooms in to take a closer look at Backfire's little convoy, sending a couple of Gumbies to pick up First Aid's group wave them through. <> He mutters, pulling First Aid aside when he gets close to the checkpoint.

Ambulance 's convoy waits patiently outside the gates of Iacon. He knew going into this that there was going to be a traffic jam getting into the city. It always happens at this time of day. But the medical supplies they're here to pick up is too vital to ignore. The Protectobot doesn't pay the impatient people ahead of him any trouble until one of them starts smacking the dashboard of his truck. The doctor is seeing signs of the toll the recent flare-up is taking on people everywhere. As Backblast approaches the ambulance and his convoy, First Aid pulls out of line. "Why, what's wrong? Do you need our credentials?"

"Ahahahaha, look how we've snuck past their silly.. gate." Backfire muses, when First Aid's group is called out of line. "They can't even tell the difference, what dopes!" the Seeker laughs, gunning the gas when the car ahead of him pulls forward.

Only one thing.. the idiot knocked the truck's gear into reverse when he was getting all slap happy.


 * SREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIICH.. SLAM!!*

The red truck slams into the Protectobot's bumper, causing some 'supplies' to be jostled from the rear cargo hold and casually tossed to the ground. Backfire groans, his optics coming back online as his head rests on the steering wheel.. producing a nigh deafening horn.


 * HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK*

Panhard ERC-90 Sagaie narrows his eyes as he looks over at the truck that crashed. He transforms and runs over, to check everyone's OK. It makes no difference right now, because someone could be hurt - but it also gives him a chance to check over the occupants of the truck - that, ironically, is still waiting in the line to be checked!

Cogs shift and grind, as Backblast transforms back into his robot mode. An enercig is lit and the Bren gun shouldered as it enlarges to match its owner.

Ambulance  gets half way out of line before the idiot in front of him slams it into reverse. The truck crashes into First Aid, smashing his front bumper and hood and pushing him backwards. At least that dent in his hood isn't a problem anymore now that it's crumpled inwards. First Aid flips into robot mode, kneeling and holding onto his pained trunk/knees. Empty shipping crates get scattered about as the rest of the Autobots in First Aid's convoy shift to robot mode as well.

"First Aid, are you alright?" a short red mech asks, rushing over to help the Protectobot up. "Y-eah... I'm fine. But, what happened?" He looks in the direction of Backfire's convoy. He isn't angry at being crashed into by accident, but he is worried that they may have been badly hurt.

Ambulance  flips up into robot mode.

Picking his head up off the horn, Backfire shakes it once or twice.. an empty rattle can be audibly heard. "Wowza, what gives??" he exclaims, stepping down from the vehicle and standing wobbily.

"Hey, watch where you're driving!" the Seeker shrieks at First Aid, the other drivers remaining in their trucks. "I'm not an internalist or anything.." he trails, grabbing his head. "But I'd say -you- caused sufficient head trauma!!"

Backblast scowls quietly at the 'Autobot' before him, narrowing his optics. "You reversed into 'im, mate. Nobody's fault but'cher own!" he comments, moving his Bren gun to a more ready position - but not a threatening one. His finger doesn't touch the trigger, but the gun is held across his body, aimed at the ground to prevent any accidental discharge harming anyone.

First Aid forgets about his own injuries for now as Backfire starts whining about his head trauma. The doctor's own suspicions have been raised, and the disguised Seeker gives him an easy opening. "Yes, my apologies. I'll drive more carefully next time. Here, let me take a look at that head for you." He steps towards the truck. "Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Oh uhm, I'm fine!" Backfire scowls, bending low to pick up the dropped parcels and deposit them back into the truck. "We've got more important matters at hand here.. like getting these supplies to those who need it most!!"

The Seeker delivers the last line looking as patriotic as he can muster, given the situation. It basically devolves into him making a crude 'A' symbol with his thumbs, index, and middle fingers.

That's how you convince them you're an Autobot, throw up some gang signs.

Backblast saunters over to help pick the 'supplies' up and help load them on board. As he does so, he peels open the corner of one package, being as stealthy as he an. "That as it may be, mate, but you could have a concussion, and that's pretty nasty. You could've knocked something loose, for example - I mean, imagine what'll happen next time you're in combat and your main cerebral processor comes loose? That'd be nasty. Or if your flux capacitor is misaligned, you might explode."

He's plainly testing; anyone with even the slightest sense would know that the flux capacitor's the part that made the DeLorean travel through time in back to the future.

First Aid keeps advancing on Backfire. "Don't worry, it will only take a moment. All Autobots believe in proper flux capacitor maintenance, after all," he adds to Backblast's comments. As he walks towards the Seeker, the other members of First Aid's convoy are tensing for a fight. First Aid remains calm on the outside, even if he's nervous on the inside.

"What do you think I am, an idiot?" Backfire replies to both First Aid and Backblast. "EVERYONE knows that the flux capacitor is from the human history box.. geez. Oldest trick in the book." the Seeker sneers, smiling.

"I'm actually OFFENDED you tried that on me.." the simpleton continues, starting to rant and rave now. "Me.. Backfire, glory of the EMPIRE. You tried that -pathetic- ruse on me, of all people." Fists fly around wildly as he gets on a roll, "Scourge of the seven quandrants, Lord Galvatron's personal scythe of destruction, the iatolla of rock and rolla, the sultan of sin, the.." he trails.

"The.. oh crap."

Backblast laughs quietly and places his bren gun against Backfire's chest. "I was counting on it confusing or offending you. No Decepticon can resist an insult to their intelligence. Especially not a numbnuts like you." He laughs, working the bolt on the massive 'light' machine gun. "Now what are you gonna do?"

First Aid stops before reaching Backfire. For a brief moment he thinks the ruse didn't work. But then another brief moment passes, and First Aid is dumbfounded by this sudden revelation. So many questions pop into his mind. The most prominent one, however, is: how is it that Autobot security was nearly outsmarted by this twit? There's going to be no way that he and Backblast come out of this looking intelligent. The Protectobot now backs off, reaching for his sidearm. He lets Backblast take charge of arrangements from here, instead focusing on keeping watch on Backfire's friends inside the truck. The other Autobots from his convoy back him up.

Laughing like.. well, an idiot, Backfire smiles and actually pushes -into- the end of the rifle pointed at his chest. "You fool, so deluded in your ways.. do you think me a COMPLETE bafoon??" he scowls, pulling a detonator from sub-space.

"Wait, don't answer that."

The four truck's back canvas coverings fall away to reveal that the medical supplies.. aren't supplies at all!! Small mini-bot sized devices, all blinking with a red light.. a chorus of blinks in unison. "You see, my dear Autobutt.. I've come fully prepared!!" he jests, his thumb playing over the toggle switch.

Backblast smirks and nods. "Yeah but do you /really/ thing we're gonna let you out of range of this blast, Backfire? 'sides, if you trigger the explosives here... I hate to say this, but what's the worst you're gonna do? Crater the highway and take out a small amount of traffic. Might dent the gate a little, too, but you're not inside Iacon. The city's walls will take the blast no trouble - they'll take a fusion bomb, easy no worries. Either way - you fail, and you die. So put the detonator down, and maybe you can get away."

Backfire says, "Wrong.. WE die."

Backblast says, "I'm a Suicide Jockey. Do I look like I give a frag?"

"Those aren't supplies at all!" First Aid says as the trucks shed their coverings. He says this for the children watching at home who might not have figured out what the art was trying to explain. The doctor takes another step back even though that's not actually going to help him if the city blows up. At this point, Backfire has a dozen guns trained on him and his crew in case he twitches wrong. He peers briefly at Backblast, hoping that he doesn't plan on dragging the rest of them into this death wish of his.

Gaze slipping to the aforementioned doctor, Backfire smiles wide again. "I could care less about you, wait.. what's your name? Yeah, doesn't matter. The -real- target of this opperation was First Aid.. all along!!" the Seeker proudly declares, his thumb still hovering over the switch.

"It's simple, really. How do you propose the Autobots will perform in this.. war, without their ace in the hole? No more laser-core creation, no more 'new' troops. Without the proper reinforcement, the Decepticons will OBLITERATE your insepid kind and take their -rightful- place ATOP the race." Backfire finishes his little speech, an even wider grin on his face.

"So you have two options. We take First Aid and leave.. peacefully. Or I blow us to PRIMUS and back."

Backblast scowls quietly and raises his bren gun to his shoulder. But then he has a sudden change of idea. He makes eye contact with First Aid, then makes his move. Drawing a wicked-looking Kukri-styled knife, he lunges and attempts to slice off Backfire's hand at the wrist - preventing, he hopes, the Decepticon from pushing the detonator button!

Combat: Backblast sets his defense level to Fearless.

Combat: Backblast strikes Backfire with his Emergency Disarm (Grab) attack!

"What?!" First Aid exclaims upon hearing that he was the real objective. "That doesn't make any sense for so many reasons! First, there's no way you could have known I was going to be here. Heck, I was right behind you for most of the trip over here. Second, you should know we don't negotiate with hostage-takers." That scene with Foxfire and the Autobot shuttle? We don't talk about that. "Third, no way am I that vital to the Autobot cause. Fourth, if I *was* that vital it would be not because of any medical knowledge, but because of Defensor. Fourth, I can't believe you'd be capable of planning anything this elaborate. Fifth-" Luckily for all involved, First Aid is interrupted by Backblast heroically saving the day!... maybe. Either that or they're all goners.

Backfire's hand is cut off, all Star Wars style! Snatching at the fallen hand, the Seeker just puts his thumb over the other thumb.. small squirts of energon jut out of the wrist stump and the severed hand. "Aha, I still have the UPPER hand.. literally!"

Facing First Aid, Backfire scoffs. "I am -so- capable of planning something this.. elabortorateded!"

Turning to face Backblast again, the Seeker grins from audio receptor to audio receptor. "Say farewell to you and yours, you'll be meeting your maker in a nano-sec!!" he jests, pushing the button down. Immediately the boxes shift from red blinking lights to green, indicating that they are armed and counting down.

"Three.." Backfire says aloud, still smiling like an idiot. "Two.. One.."

A second or two passes, nothing happens. WHEN SUDDENLY..


 * Slllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooopppppppppppp*

A burst of confetti is rocketed from all the devices, filling the air in a multitude of colors.

"Oh.. crap."

Backblast dives to catch the falling hand to try and stop Backfire grabbing it, and he fails. He visibly cringes... until they burst out with confetti. His optics flicker a few times as he blinks, then he picks up his bren gun again - and aims it at Backfire. "Anything else you wanna try, numbnuts?"

As the countdown hits one, there's a look of horror on the red mech that helped First Aid up earlier. There's a look of horror on the driver of the truck behind First Aid. There's a look of horror on the mech that transformed into the truck behind First Aid. There's a look of complete neutrality and indifference on First Aid. S'why we have mouthplates. The bomb detonates, spewing coloured paper in all directions. All the Autobots duck and cover instinctively, emerging from their hiding spots only a few moments afterwards. "See?" First Aid says, "Reason that this doesn't make sense number four."

"Are you serious??" Backfire exclaims, pushing the button down again and again. Nothing. "Those idiots JIPPED me!!"

ELSEWHERE.. On the planet of Ti-Mooore, the local parade is tromping out downtown. Small boxes are lined on both sides of the street, the mayor patiently awaiting the right moment. "Just wait until the citizens see what we have in store!!" he smiles, pushing the button.

No one from Ti-Mooore is heard from again.

HERE AND NOW.. "I uhh.. uhm.." Backfire stammers, taking to the air. "DECEPTICONS, RETREAT!!"

A shake, shudder, and shiver; and before your eyes BACKFIRE transforms into a F-16 Falcon!

Combat: F-16 Falcon  begins retreating, outrunning all pursuit.

The Autobot convoy, coming out from behind their cover points, blast away at the retreating Decepticons, giving them good reason to keep on running. First Aid watches until Backfire and his cronies are nothing but a twinkle in the Cybertronian sky. "Backblast, does this count as a victory for our security forces?" he wonders rhetorically.

Backblast laughs quietly and shrugs "I have no idea..."