Planet LJ



Planet Larraman Jrames

Larraman Jrames appears to be your average M-Class planet from orbit. There appear to be cities here and there, visible from the night side. And yet, the surface reveals something decidedly unfriendly. There's an air of constant suspicion and hostility from the world's ten foot tall humanoid inhabitants, and they appear to be constantly watching one another for signs of misconduct of some kind. Still, the spaceport has signs that appear friendly enough, featuring messages like, "Outsiders Welcome" and "Even Robots" and "Even if Those Robots are at War With Each Other."

Hmmmm.

SEVERAL HOURS AGO, ON THE STEELHAVEN'S BRIDGE

Repugnus is sitting on the command chair, tapping the armrest, and addressing the Autobots who came with him on this trip. "Right, so uh, guys, we got a little problem. I was trying to get this shipment of Phazomite from the Monacan black market to the Crystal City resistance." Phazomite, of course, is a highly unstable and explosive compound, perfect for terrorists. "Ran into a teensy problem, though! The ship's engines broke down en route, and the nearest planet was... eh... that planet." He points at Larraman Jrames on the viewscreen.

"That planet's full of... interesting people. They're really touchy, and, eh, hopefully the pilot didn't get murdered or something. I did have a tracking beacon on the shipment, but I can't pick up a signal from it, so..." He makes a face. "You're going to have to find out what happened. Also? I can't go down there with you. Like I said, these guys are REALLY touchy and honestly I don't think I'd be able to resist!"

PREVIOUSLY

"Yeah, sure, I can cover for you, Streetwise," Blades says, waving a hand dismissively. "I wasn't doing anything important, anyway!"

"...that dumpster's... groaning," Streetwise points out, frowning.

"Yeah, nothing important!" Blades insists, putting his hands in the air. "You get off to your Conference on Dialects!"

LATER

In the middle of standing Streetwise's watch, Blades gets a duty update and frowns.

NOW

Blades frowns a whole lot. "...uh, I think you have me confused with Streetwise. He's the one that's culturally sensitive and all that junk? I was just... standing his watch... because he's off at this stupid Conference on Dialects? ...and maybe I forgot to put in that he's not actually here. Those forms are obnoxious to fill out, okay? Uh."

CYCLES AGO, BUT NOT MANY

Elita One glances out towards the planet, then back at the display as she tries to brush up on her diplomacy tactics for these strangers. The last thing needed was having Repugnus on site. She paused considering, it was more likely that even though he wanted to go, he wanted to see her foul something up so he can laugh. She returns to buttonpushing. "Well let me see...Phazomite. Might be able to get some scanners to help track a trail of it, but might not be needed if we have any info on the transport." She taps her cheek, "Any ID at least for it? if we go in blind we'll look clueless and attract every salesmech and fringer possible." Elita One regards Repugnus for a moment, then answers her own question with a sigh, "We're going in blind."

SEVERAL HOURS AGO BUT PLUS ABOUT TWENTY SECONDS, ON THE STEELHAVEN'S BRIDGE

"Phazomite?" First Aid asks, "Isn't that stuff used in demolitions? You know how dangerous it is if it isn't properly handled, right? I'm not sure the Resistance is properly equipped for it anyway." First Aid looks at the viewscreen. "Course, not sure I want a shipment like that /lost/..." He eyes Repugnus with obvious suspicion. This is just too rich of a scenario to not be some kind of trick, but First Aid is determined to get to the bottom of it and figure out whatever Repugnus is planning. "Alright, fine, we'll go get your shipment back. Come on, Streetwise. I mean Blades."

Broadside tends to stay at the back of formations, likely to avoid obscuring the view, so it's there that he fiddles with his plasma rifle with little regard for safety. "Y'mean touchy like Red Alert? This'll be all kinds a' fun then. Won't be goin' in blind, all we gotta' do is follow the 'splosions."

Blades facepalms, and then he sidles over to Broadside. Broadside's a Wrecker. He'll DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE, NO MATTER THE COST. Blades looks left and right, and the asks, "Okay, so, can you just duct tape my mouth shut? I'm asking you, bot to bot."

Repugnus answers each Autobot in the past in turn. "Ha! All you gotta do, Blades is not say anything and you should be golden. And besides, those two will need someone violent if they go berserk on you. Seriously, they're really touchy. Elita, best I can do for you is have you show them these pictures--" He hands her a datapad with four pictures. One of the pilot, Autobot Gumby Two-Lane (known for his friendly manner), another of the Autobot shuttle he was piloting, another pic of the cargo, and another pic of the greenish Phazomite crystals. "--but don't show them that last one unless you have to."

He grins at First Aid. "Well, yeah, it's dangerous, that's the point! If nothing else, maybe the Resistance will at least take some cons with them when they blow up. That's the risk you gotta take! And Broadside, eh, think less paranoid and more... ex-wife?"

IN THE PRESENT

The Autobots are presumably piloting a shuttle to the surface.

First Aid is at the controls, because he's the only one who can be trusted to drive safely in this crew. Blades is a maniac behind the wheel, Broadside is scared of heights, and Elita One is a woman. "This is Steelhaven shuttle three on approach to central spaceport," First Aid says into the radio. "Please advise on landing instructions."

Elita One considers the photos handed off by Repugnus, "Alright so at least we have something to go off of." She checks to ensure the radio's not currently transmitting before adding, "Whatever they have for starport operations might be the best start, but salvagers might be aggressive and try to claim the ship early too. It all comes down to how busy the place is, really. As for the material, well there's always a market anywhere you go." The Femme Commander does another once-over on the locals and their customs.

Broadside is seated /away/ from the windows, looking broody. Blades is eventually answered, "Yer that worried a' sayin' somethin' stupid? Well I got some bonding strips in subspace I guess... Think we need ya' to be able to communicate though."

There's an immediate reply from Ground Control: "Please advise!? It's a freaking LANDING PAD, are you stupid?! Just land on one that's NOT OCCUPIED, GEEZE. Try not to CRASH." That aside, all the landing pads are open, and there doesn't seem to be any real activity aside from the Autobots. Maybe there's a reason for that?...

Unfortunately, the only people who seemed to know anything about this planet would be the Galactic Assembly, and their GalactoPedia entry on Larraman Jrames has been completely deleted on grounds that it was "offensive."

Blades pleads with Broadside, "My radio will work just fine, just tape up my mouth, and let's hope these chumps can't hear radio waves..."

Elita One ponders, "Well that was a clue of how things work, at least. I can't even find anything to refer to them as, this will indeed be tricky." She stretches for a moment, "Everyone put your bravest faces on, and try to get a real sense of the place. Listen. Observe. And try not to let anyone's words affect you too much."

"Uh, my creation factory always told me that stupid is, stupid does, sir," First Aid replies calmly. "We'll, ah, we'll just go ahead and pick landing pad..." the Protectobot tilts his head as he squints at the monitor that's showing each of the landing pads. He doesn't recognize any of the markings labeling them, though. Most places have their pads carefully numbered out, but not this place apparently. "...well, the one that kind of looks like someone drew a penis on it, I suppose. Uh, Steelhaven shuttle three out."

With a sigh, First Aid brings the shuttle down in a swooping arc, and within minutes the ship's landing gear is settling under the weight of the ship. First Aid performs the final shutdown sequence on the shuttle, flicking several overhead switches. "Lets lock the doors when we leave."

Broadside grumbles and pulls forth a tiny roll of metallic tape of sorts. At least, tiny in his hands. As he is not deft in the least, Blades will end up with a big strip stuck diagonally across his face. "They sound like afts," he notes as he gets to his feet. "A'ight, get me offa' this damn thing else I'ma' void mah tanks."

Elita One looks at the landing pad, "A what now?" She adds after a moment, "Well so much for organization at work."

As he stands up from the controls, First Aid peers at Blades. "Blades, take the tape off. You can control yourself." He moves over to join Elita One. "Shall we head to the port authority and see what happened to our wayward cargo ship?"

"THAT'S NOT A PENIS IT'S A LARRAMIAN SLUG BEETLE AND IT'S A BEAUTIFUL CREATURE! Don't you know ANYTHING about our planet!?" Ground Control ceases all communications with an angry growl.

Once the Autobots step outside, they'll find themselves greeted by a crowd of people sending them a mix of angry and suspicious looks. Their leader appears to be at the head of the group, wearing a rather Presidential looking suit. Adding to the theory he might be President is the fact he's wearing a label under his lapel that says, "Presedent."

"Mrphle," Blades says, sounding thankful. Then he scowls at First Aid, who is NOT HELPING. Blades does not remove the tape, but he does disembark.

Elita One looks at First Aid with a grimace then nods, "It is the first and best place to check." She calms herself for a cycle then puts on her more diplomatic face, her posture straight, her walk confident. She exits the shuttle with a practiced wave of greeting, then gives a curt bow, then moves to one knee to help get to eye level. Gods she hopes this part works, "Hello citizens of Larraman Jrames, We apologize for the sudden arrival here and hope that it doesn't inconvenience you more than the bare necessity." She gestures with her hand, "I am Elita One, and these are Broadside, Blades and First Aid. The shuttle is from the Steelhaven. We thank you for your gracious welcome."

Broadside offers a little salute when his name is mentioned, and takes a knee as well, rubbing irritably at barnacles on his helm guard.

First Aid steps out after the others. "Oops, so much for the port authority," When Elita One introduces him, he waves and says, "We mean you no harm." Though he keeps his hands where everyone can see them, he's ready to grab his photon pistol if he needs to.

The "Presedent" yells back at Elita, "We KNOW who you are, we've seen DECEPTICONZ on our TV's, you don't have to talk down to us like that!" Nevermind that the only Autobot here who was featured on Decepticonz was First Aid (as First AIDS). "I've already heard from Ground Control that you people are CLUELESS so, even though you should ALREADY KNOW THIS, I'm President Angry Justice, and I decide what happens on this planet! Now what do you want and WHY did you bring your stupid war to our world?" He glares at Broadside. "HEY! Don't flip me off! I saw that! And we'll see about that, FIRST AIDS. You try to pass your diseases on you'll be DEALT WITH."

Meanwhile, off in the distance, two Larraman Jrames inhabitants are watching, arms folded, and wearing sunglasses. "Ha, so polite," the one with red glasses says. "What a bunch of pompous idiots," snorts the one with blue glasses.

"Deceptico-- oh jeez," First Aid says, slapping his forehead with his hand. "Please tell me they're not serious," he asks Blades. Upon eying the tape on his mouth, he adds, "If you agree, just say nothing." The Protectobot looks back out at the gathered crowd. "Look, nobody's brought a war here. We Autobots are on the side of peace. We're just looking for something, and the sooner we find it, the sooner we can get out of here and leave you guys alone."

Elita One 's mask doesn't fade. Power through it, power through it. She's already got a last ditch idea to salvage the mission if it came to that, until then, she nods in response to the Presedent. "One of our transports had engine trouble, this is the nearest planet to it, we figure that it probably made it here, or at least you might have data on it we can use to help find it. Overall, we are here to retrieve the crew and transport." She looks aside to First Aid, showing no change of emotion. "He's right on all counts. The sooner we find what we need, the less we'll be bothering you."

Broadside's visor widens. "Wha'... I wasn't flippin' no one off," he snaps, rising to his feet. Just as he's about to go off on some knuckle-cracking threat, he reins himself in for the sake of the mission and resigns to glower.

Blades supposes that they are /entirely/ serious, sadly. Aliens are weird and annoying buggers, end of story. ...and this si why his mouth is taped up.

Angry Justice squints at First Aid. "Oh, you'll leave, alright. YOU'LL LEAVE THE INSTANT YOU CLEAN UP YOUR MESS," he spits. "We found your DUMB transport, we're keeping it in an auditorium for now because it's PROBABLY DANGEROUS, like everything about you ROBOTS. And YOU!" he points at Broadside. "Don't call me a liar, that's AGAINST THE LAW here, do it again and you'll be arrested! ANYWAY. If you want your stupid ship then follow us and for the love of God TRY not to get lost!" He stomps off angrily, not answering any other questions for some reason. The crowd angrily follows him, and eventually they all get into cars, angrily driving off in one big, angry convoy.

Red Glasses and Blue Glasses (let's call them that) snicker as they look on. "This oughta be hilarious," Red Glasses says. "Yeah, we better follow them to see how they screw this up," Blue Glasses says. They hustle after the other inhabitants of the planet, but they keep their arms folded so they can continue to look smug.

First Aid exchanges looks with the other Autobots as Angry Justice yells at them. Alright, sounds like they're getting what they want after all: being taken to the ship. Thinking of Two-Lane as he transforms into ambulance mode, he calls out, "So the ship is intact? Was anyone on board?"

First Aid folds down into Ambulance mode.

Elita One moves to kneel, her breastplate swings up on both sides, her arms retract, slipping behind her as she sinks down. A windshield rises up at the end, covering her face as she turns into a futuristic car.

President Angry Justice doesn't deign to answer that question before he steps into his car. It's not a very impressive car. He has to drive himself, too.

Pink Techcar  's lights flicker, "Easy, First Aid. We'll learn all that we can when we get there. I'll take care of the cargo as best I can." She is quite used to all sorts of delicate demolitions after all. She follows the presedent's car. <>

Broadside can't emote too much with a visor and mask, but he somehow manages to look angry as he transforms to follow behind as a jet. A very low flying jet. <>

Broadside's massive armor shifts and folds into the form of a barnacle-encrusted F-111 Aardvark!

Blades transforms into a helicopter, which poses a problem: Blades forgot to have Broadside tape up his speakers, too. Will First Aid be right? Will Blades be able to control himself? Or will this all end in tears and rootbeer in uncomfortable places?

Blades transforms into his Bell UH-1V Iroquois  mode.

The convoy angrily leads everyone down through a kinda crummy looking city. It's not exactly at slum levels of disrepair, but trash can be seen on the roads now and then and the buildings are kind of brown and depressing to look at. Even the Auditorium, which the convoy eventually arrives at, is just part of a really bland looking building. There was a sign by the building stating what it was for (a school, maybe?) but it's worn away to the point of being illegible.

Angry Justice steps out of his car, snapping his hand out to point at the Auditorium. "GO ON! Go in there already, get your STUFF, and get the hell off this planet!"

The futuristic car breaks open in the middle, as the legs form upward. Her hood shifts into her armor plating with her arms coming together at the last, turning into Elita One's robot mode.

Elita One turns back into her root form, the pinkish Femme Commander, "We'll get it taken care of as quickly as possible." She looks towards the Auditorium, "My main wonder is how it ended in there. Doesn't look like it crashed." She raises a hand in thought, "Now all that matters is getting to the site, it'll be tricky!"

AUTOBOT SPINNY!

Autobots are inside now, perhaps the scale is off, Elita One does seem a lot taller in the opening frame. AND she's in her character model. "There we go, that wasn't so hard." The scene pans, and she's back to normal. <> Her receptors flicker as she transmits on the radio.

"Nice place," First Aid lies as they drive through the city. He's hoping that maybe, just maybe, these people will be able to take a compliment without throwing it back in their faces. He has to slow down temporarily to let some trash blowing in the wind clear the streets. Finally they arrive at the Auditorium, and First Aid transforms into robot mode. "Thanks Mr. President. We'll be as fast as we can." He takes a few steps towards the entrance, passing very close to Elita One along the way.

Once inside, First Aid keeps his hand on his pistol's holster as Lita makes the call.

Ambulance  flips up into robot mode.

First Aid mutters to Elita One, "This whole... written all..."

F-111 Aardvark  continuously checks behind him as they travel to the drab city. With some spinny magic they're inside the building, and Broadside draws his rifle to rest on his shoulder. <>

In a grinding series of shuddering snaps and rumbling clanks, Broadside transforms into a behemoth of a mech, towering over the average bot!

Elita One mutters to First Aid, "... don't... so,... don't... could threaten... think...."

"What a slaggy city," the helicopter declares, just as he lands and transforms to enter the building. Blades doesn't seem to realize what he said.

Bell UH-1V Iroquois  transforms into his Blades mode.

"SCREW YOU!" one of the planet's inhabitants yells back at First Aid. "I HATE LIVING HERE! But I live here anyway because it's the RIGHT THING TO DO." Red and Blue Glasses drive up alongside First Aid, and hold up a tablet to their window showing a blooper from Avengers 3 where Chris Hemsworth tries to catch Mjolnir but instead gets smacked in the face with it. They snicker and pull back--they showed him!

Angry Justice and the others seem about to follow the Autobots in, but at Blades' remark, there's a shocked silence for a moment. Well, it probably won't come up again.

But once in the building housing the Auditorium, they see a banner over a doorway which reads "HATE MEMORIAL." Two-Lane isn't responding to radio transmissions, but... that kind of sounds like him inside the Auditorium? Also, you hear... Repugnus?... Are they in there?

 Broadside says, "Blades..."

 Blades says, "...oh, frak me sideways."

Elita One raises an eyebrow, which she has for this scene. "That sounded like...Repugnus." She investigates slowly, still no weapons drawn. Elita One puts her hand gently to the wall then looks inside the 'Hate Memorial'. She absently looks at what is actually being memorialized, but more importantly the transport and the crew...and the munitions. "Repugnus, don't tell me you showed up anyway?"

Blades immediately clamps his hands over his mouth (which is covered in tape). Ugh, why didn't he remember about his helicopter mode speakers!? He looks left. He looks right. Blades points at Elita One and then just runs deeper into the compound.

First Aid had been /this/ close to telling the guy that maybe he should just move to another planet, but then he explains why he lives on this planet. Sort of. Not really. "Wha--?" First Aid swerves when Red and Blue Glasses drives up to show him that blooper. In another time or place it'd be funny, but not right now.

Once inside, First Aid glances at Elita. "What?" he didn't hear it at first, but now that Elita One mentions it he picks it up. His worries about a trap is looking much more likely.

Broadside regards Blades with a look before shuffling after Elita, somewhat crouched.

It's a lot to take in all at once. Two-Lane's there. The shuttle's there. You can see the Phazomite inside the shuttle, since the back hatch is lowered. Thing is: Two-Lane is dead. He's been mutilated and nailed to a wall, mouth open in agony. And projected on the movie screen is a short film accompanied by audio. "...will always remember the war crimes committed upon us by the VILE AUTOBOTS! First they INSULT OUR INTELLIGENCE!"

The screen shows a picture of Repugnus smirking at the camera, accompanied by what appears to be a phone call from him to President Angry Justice:

Repugnus: Hey. Mr. President. I just found something out.

Angry Justice: WHAT?!

Repugnus: Your planet has a rotational velocity of 1423.2 kilometers an hour!

Angry Justice: ARRRRGH HOW DARE YOU!

Repugnus: *snicker*

"And that's not ALL!" the movie's narration continues. "Not only did the Autobots INSULT OUR INTELLIGENCE--OF COURSE we knew that, and it's ANGULAR VELOCITY, YOU ASSHOLE--but then they send one of their own here with EXPLOSIVES and INSULTS!"

The next scene features footage of Two-Lane stepping out of the shuttle, hands held up. "Ahh, hi! I'm an Autobot, everyone, and--"

"SHUT UP WE KNOW!" someone off-camera screams at him.

"Yes, right," Two-Lane says. "Listen, I just need to land at your planet temporarily until I get the shuttle fixed, is that okay?"

"NO, GET THE HELL OUT!" someone else yells.

"Woah, calm down!" Two-Lane says, looking worried.

"CALM DOWN!? I AM CALM YOU JERK! HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST I'M NOT CALM! GET HIM! KILL HIM!" Two-Lane screams, "Wait, no! Aggh--" before the crowd overruns him.

The movie's narration continues: "But now we FINALLY have the chance to AVENGE the Autobots' warcrimes! We know where Repugnus is RIGHT NOW, and we will destroy THEIR planet, with OUR planet! This shuttle has the last FTL engine we need to turn our entire planet into a missile of our PURE HATE!"

Elita One regards the hateatorium. "Oh...my." The sheer....malice and overreaction was stunning! Elita murmurs, "Two-lane...no..." Elita takes a moments to gather her wits, then studies the scene. They seem legit, even if completely crackpot. She turns around towards the others, "Alright, fine. You were right. Let's put a stop to this madness." She storms out with anger in her eyes. "Angry Justice! I've got words for you."

First Aid's gun is in his hands the moment he spots Two-Lane. "Blades, cover any entrances! I /knew/ this was a trap!" The Protectobot rushes over to Two-Lane, but a brief scan tells him everything he needs to know: his fellow Autobot is gone. Holding his pistol aloft in both hands, the Protectobot enters the back of the transport, ready to blast anything that looks funny. "The Phazomite's here, Lita!" he calls out, raising his voice to be heard over Repugnus's stupid tiff with the President. He's only partly listening due to his need to secure the area, but so far it looks like these people are crazy and Repugnus just happened to pick the wrong people to play a dumb joke on.

Blades looks over the mutilated Autobot, and his optics flash with clear and present anger. He draws one his blades off his back, and he tears the tape off his mouth - ow, which smarts - and shouts, "You motherboard fraggers! You manganese truckers! I'll shove your hipster glasses up your hipster - oh, cover the doors? Right, First Aid."

Blades stalks off to do exactly that.

Broadside gawks. "They killed what's-his-face!" Broadside exclaims, then rises up to draw his massive axe from subspace. "At least we got a good excuse to smush these slaggers now," he growls, lingering before the transport.

 Elita One says, "Repugnus, the entire planet's gunning for you."

 Torque says, "..I don't even know what's happening and yet that sentence doesn't surprise me."

Angry Justice is right there waiting for Elita One. "NO! I've got words for YOU!" he cries. "Don't you Autobots have any idea how much EMOTIONAL TORTURE you've inflicted on us? Even just a moment ago, the helicopter said our city was 'slaggy.' Dammit, don't you people know that's a SEXIST SLUR!? Don't you people RESPECT WOMEN!?" He's got a mob with him, too, and from the looks of it, they've all got metal cutting tools with that look like they could do quite a number on a machine. "Don't you care about our PAIN!? It won't matter--soon, both our planets will be destroyed, but at least we'll be avenged!" Angry Justice yells, bloody tears rolling down his cheeks.

There's a side exit to let humanoids directly outside instead of the rest of the building, and it turns out there's a mob of people about to come in through that entrance!

Say, this auditorium has a bit of a skylight. "Wouldn't a skylight make a projector screen harder to see?" you ask? Well, it does. But the important thing is, two HUMANS with Minnesota Twins caps are peering in through the skylight. The humans are also twins. They're wearing sunglasses (the regular, non-colored kind). Broadside might be tall enough to see them, though!

 Repugnus says, "..eh, heheh, you don't say? I thought every planet was gunning for me!"

 Elita One says, "THIS one has FTL engines and is heading for Cybertron shortly."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Well. Uh. That sucks. Try to disable it?..."

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Yeah...on that.  Can you spot these engines?  We'll throw the Phazomite into it if we can.  That might at least buy some time."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Okay, scanning... oh, slag. Elita, there's *thousands* of FTL drives scattered all over the planet. I don't think I could even blow them all up from orbit in a reasonable time frame!"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "well find out whats powering all of them!"

First Aid holsters his pistol once the shuttle is secure. "You've got to be..." he mutters as Angry Justice explains his plan. Because he's in the shuttle, he doesn't see the projector or what's going on in the skylight. Instead he's trying to regain control of the shuttlecraft. "Blades, I hate to say it but it doesn't look like these silly billies are going to see reason. You and Broadside are probably going to have to do some stronger negotiations... course, if these people are willing to die over something this stupid then maybe it won't help." The Protectobot enters the shuttle's cockpit, trying to do a full diagnostic on its systems to see if she'll fly. It doesn't take him long to see that the navigation console has been mucked with, and so he concentrates on that area first.

<Autobot> First Aid says, "I'm going to see about unwiring the shuttle down here."

Broadside whirls around, axe poised at the side entrance. "Frag... Uhh..." The glint of sunglasses catches his attention, and he tilts his head up to spot the twins. "Th' frag are humans doing here? Hey, get down here!"

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Looks like they're drawing nearly all the power generated from every nuclear, coal, solar, hydro, wind, and fusion plant on the planet into these things. But.. MAYBE if you knocked out one of the big ones they wouldn't have enough power to complete the process."

"Humans?" First Aid calls out from the cockpit. That gets his interest, but he isn't willing to leave the shuttle yet to see what Broadside is talking about.

Elita One doesn't flinch, "And YOU need to grow a sense of tolerance and self-worth." She POINTS at the presedent, "Nothing justifies murder, nothing justifies your overreaction and lynch mob mentality. You fly into a rage without provocation. It's a merit your world has ever managed to unify, but to throw away everything because of a gravitational equation?" She draws her sidearm, keeping it low to the ground. "So obsessed with how you're being treated, yet you treat every race I've ever heard about as scum of the cosmos. Well today the news is...you're the scum. You're the hatemongers here. Not us. You just WANT a reason to kill, to be killed, although the Matrix can't even begin to tell me why that is." She scowls, "Declaring war on Cybertron will get you MUCH worse than Autobots here, and then you'll see what true malice and hate leads to."

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Wait, what is headed towards Cybertron? A planet? Do I need to be concerned?"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Only if it gets there"

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "...start evacuating everyone we can."

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Evacuation? Here or there?"

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Off of Cybertron."

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "You cannot possibly be serious. That is logistically impossible. What sort of timeframe?"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Alright let's look at what we have.  It takes a LOT of energy to move a planet, we've seen it.  It takes a lot of momentum as well.   Autobots on Cybertron, start prepping as much energy disruption tech as we can, in case it gets in motion....Repugnus, what about navigational controls, that's got to be more centralized..>I hope."

<Autobot> Torque says, "What did you even say to piss them off so badly, Repugnus??"

Elita One looks back to the others, <<I'll stall the locals, do what you can. Keep in mind that shuttle's FTL drive is gone too. Don't forget Two-Way.>>

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "That sounds far more viable an option. I will see what I can do. Perhaps some of the parts at Cuprahex can be repurposed for projecting something."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Er... nothing, really!"

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Elita One, do you have anyone here with the technical expertise to build this? I can worry about fetching whatever is required, but I am not the most adept with turning a wrench."

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Perceptor, Chromia, and Jazz should all know how.  Use the Forge, it'll help."

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Broadside did you mention humans?"

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Of course, the three most difficult to find bots here... I will seek them out and begin gathering whatever I can find."

<Autobot> Broadside says, "Yeah, there's two of 'em!"

<Autobot> Broadside says, "Up there, with sunglasses!"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Up where? I'm in the shuttle."

<Autobot> Broadside says, "Skylight!"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "EDC?"

It seems that the people of this world reprogrammed the shuttle to serve as the control mechanism for the network of FTL drives they've set up, and looking into it further, it makes sense, since the Larramanians/Larramites/Larradudes/whatever seemed to realize that this navigational computer contains up-to-date information on Cybertron's location! And yet, the drives nearly have enough power throw the planet into FTL. Can the Autobots do anything to stall the power generation (hint hint?)?

Meanwhile, the humans exchange a blank glance, and instead of complying, they stand up and run across the skylight somewhat faster than a human should be able to!

Angry Justice takes Elita's lecture silently, though not without growing increasingly enraged. Blood continues to pour out of his eyes, and he clenches his teeth so hard he shatters some of his molars (which he mentally blames on her). Yet he says nothing, as if so full of rage that speech is impossible. Red and Blue Glasses, though, are behind him, snickering. "Ha, she must want an Academy Award or something," Red says.

And then a stream of humans comes roaring down at Blades from the side exit! And they've all got metal cutting tools and look ready to use them! Well, no doubt Blades will take the PG route of just disabling their weapons, right?

First Aid can be heard shouting from within the shuttle. "Blades! Elita! Broadside! Go take out the biggest nearby power plant like Repugnus suggested. I'm going to stay here and see if I can reprogram the ship." Already First Aid gets on his back and slides under the shuttle's control panel. He removes the covering and begins rewiring the console to break the control connections.

Blades has a moral dilemma, in that there are humany looking aliens (or something) trying to kill him with tools. Killing aliens is kind of awkward for a few reasons. One, it's not /really/ their fault that they are raging jerkwads. Two, the others Autobots will be really sad at Blades. Three, killing aliens just isn't as much fun as killing transformers. Blood is never the same as energon. The splash marks are just so lackluster.

"Aw, frak it." Blades pulls out his datapad and pulls up an animated gif of Loki lounging around with the text 'u mad'.

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "How are we looking with this...inbound planet?" He mutters, "The things we say in this line of work..."

<Autobot> First Aid says, "We're trying everything we can to stop it on our end."

The crowd piling in to swarm Blades draws Broadside's attention away from the "humans", and he turns back to tromp over and wave his axe menacingly. That is until First Aid instructs them to find a power plant. "Er, a'ight then!" With a tremendous lunge, he busts through the skylight, haphazardly climbs out and begins to transform.

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Simply looking for an estimate so I know what I have to work with."

The Larramanianites or whatever did quite a number on the shuttle's console in reprogramming it--they may have gotten it to to work but they didn't exactly do the best job of it. Lots of similarly colored wires going into different places, bare wires, lots of terrible mistakes.

One might think that an animated gif wouldn't be much of a weapon, but once the angry mob sees it they shriek in rage and appear to have, for lack of a better term, a "hate attack." They begin to thrash violently, falling over, clawing at their own faces in a psychotic fit of mindless anger, screaming shrilly all the while.

It turns out also that the nearest power planet isn't far--there's a big ol' fusion plant in the middle of the city, and though it's ugly as sin, it must surely be pumping out a lot of energy, if the steam from the cooling towers is any indication!

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Alright, wait, one second, I'm trying to find out."

<Autobot> Broadside says, "Found a plant! I can light it up!"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Alright, we're about sixty... wait, no, fifty-eight seconds from FTL jump."

<Autobot> First Aid says, "From there it's a 10 hour trip, but once we enter FTL I don't know if we're going to be able to stop it."

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Should, ah, should we warn the Decepticons?"

First Aid keeps getting distracted in his work by Sky Lynx talking on the radio. Aid doesn't mind, though, because it's needed information. He just hopes that the Lieutenant Commander can evacuate as many Autobots off the planet as possible. He's still reaching up and fiddling with all the coloured wires underneath the console. He looks like someone who's working under a car. "Primus," he mutters, "What did they /do/ to this thing?" The work is not well done to say the least, but in a way that almost makes it harder to undo! He hears Broadside on the radio and hopes that he and Blades can shut this thing down.

Blades stares blankly when his completely inept trolling seems to work. He pulls up another gif of the Tardis swanning around clumsily with the caption 'Tardis, stop that, you are drunk'.

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Eh, looking at these energy readings, once you start, if you try to stop too early? Entire planet gets sucked into oblivion. See, all these FTL drives don't all work quite the same way. They don't all have the same safeguards, and throwing them all together is a pretty terrible idea."

<Autobot> Broadside says, "Er, I dunno' how big this explosion'll be..."

<Autobot> Blades says, "...uhm. I think they're allergic to stupid animated gifs. Just as a... fyi?"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Quick, someone get us an Internet connection!"

<Autobot> Blades says, "Good thing I have a folder full of stupid gifs, huh?"

<Autobot> Blades says, "Who is laughing, NOW, Hot Spot!? I was wasting my time on tumblr, you said!?"

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Really? Ooh! Patching you through to Autobot City's server..."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "'Okay, other things. Broadside, blow the plant. Collateral damage not important right now, just make it STOP. First Aid, no, let's not warn the 'cons what's happening. We'll maximize their casualties that way."

Broadside's massive armor shifts and folds into the form of a barnacle-encrusted F-111 Aardvark!

F-111 Aardvark <Broadside> spots the fusion plant and darts towards it, his frame crackling with electricity as he charges up. With a great deal of willpower, he angles himself higher and circles above it, lingering just long enough to get the confirmation from Repugnus. Several of his strongest missiles are dropped, and the instant they are, he turns to retreat.

The Protectobot medic's almost got it, but just when he's sure he's got the thing disconnected, it turns out they made another, redundant connection, all in the same color wiring, to hold him back. First Aid's almost out of time, though..!

Fortunately, though, Blades is keeping the mob at bay with another gif. One would think it's not directly insulting them, but even so, upon seeing it, they fly into another "hate attack," thrashing and screaming mindlessly.

Meanwhile, Broadside's missiles slam into the fusion plant, exploding inside! Alarms go off amidst the flames and smoke, reporting a reactor breach! Will there be a catastrophic chain reaction!? No, because it turns out that the only thing that happens if a fusion chamber is breached is that the reaction just stops. But the important thing is, that sucks away power from the FTL drives, giving First Aid just enough time to do his magic!

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "I will be quite honest with you, I do not believe we have anything capable of halting a mass that large. Estimated point of impact? Maybe I can just leave Unicron's head in the way..."

<Autobot> First Aid says, "It might be a good idea to ev- wait, hold on."

<Autobot> First Aid can be heard fiddling around with mechanical stuff while a soft beeping is heard in the background.

First Aid scowls inwardly at the wiring job. Just looking at it hurts him almost as much as smashing into Cybertron at faster than light velocities would. As he disconnects a wire with a shot from his laser fingers, a soft beeping starts to go off. "Uh oh... Broadside, Blades, tell me you've dropped the missiles because we're due to jump in five... four... thre- wait... ah ha! You did it, didn't you?" The countdown suddenly jumps up by five minutes, and First Aid works feverishly with the additional time he's been granted. "Any other power plants in range, you guys?"

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Standing by."

F-111 Aardvark <Broadside> continues to circle, casting optical sensors decidedly skyward as he tries to rain more missiles and the occasional jolt of electricity, citizens be damned. It's like a blazing laser light show with smoke. <<I'll look fer more...!>>

Repair crews rush to the fusion plant to try and repair it, but Broadside's continued salvos cause more damage, causing sections to collapse in on themselves, throwing up a storm of debris. Realizing the futility of repairing it now, the repair crews instead hiss, spit, and throw objects at Broadside, even though he's far too high up to hit. Still, there may be, way way way off in the distance, a wind farm that could use a blowing up, too.

The connections made to the shuttle have almost been completely disabled, but it was such a botched job that First Aid may need just a little more time to make sense of it then fix it!

At least Blades is still keeping the denizens occupied with a Halo gif of somebody getting teabagged!

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Tell me you are still alive." + <Autobot> First Aid says, "Sky Lynx are you a religious mech?"

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Dare I ask why this is relevant?"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Because if you wanted to say any prayers now would be the time. We'll know one way or another in about twenty seconds."

F-111 Aardvark <Broadside> eventually finds the innocent wind farm. <<Aw mech, this don't feel right. Rrrgh... A'ight Aid, bombin' this one too. WRECK N'... rule... meh.>> More missiles are lobbed at the hub of turbines, along with a beam of plasma for good measure. <<I'ma' run out of missiles if I keep this up.>>

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "I shall have Unicron's head standing by."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "...anyone a pool player?"

First Aid checks his internal estimate to see how much more time he has. Even with the destroyed nuked wind farm, First Aid sees we have twenty seconds left before the planet jumps into FTL. With one hand he wipes his brow, and with his other he solders two wires he had previously severed back together. Ten seconds. Running a brief scan he can see that the connection is still present. Five seconds. Four seconds. "Oh Primus..." Three seconds. With a mutter, he says, "Rotational force is actually called /torque/, you jerks," and with that, he shoves his hand into the mess of wires, clenches his fingers into a fist, and /tears out/ all the wires from the console.

The beeping stops.

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "How are we looking? The skies here seem empty."

<Autobot> Blurr says, "Pool player?"

<Autobot> Broadside says, "I feel like a fraggin' 'con!"

"NOOO!" Angry Justice screams as he peers past Elita One to see that the countdown on the shuttle's nav computer has stopped. "WE WILL NEVER HAVE OUR REVENGE NOW! DAMN YOUUUU!" Meanwhile, all over the planet, the FTL drives, filled to the brim with energy but nowhere to put it, begin to explode. Broadside can see some of the explosions himself from the sky, like someone unleashed an artillery barrage on the world. It doesn't devastate their cities completely, but it could be years before the inhabitants recover.

Then Angry Justice collapses to his knees, hand outstretched towards the shuttle. "HAAAAATRED!" he cries, clasping at his chest before he collapses onto his face, his heart having stopped.

"Eh, doesn't mean anything," Red Glasses says, smirking.

"Yeah, we'll just get a new President that's just like him, suckers," Blue Glasses says.

<Autobot> First Aid says, "I think we can stand down."

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Good. I don't like touching this relic anyway..."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Thank you, thank you, it was all me!"

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "I'm sure it was, Repugnus."

<Autobot> Broadside says, "What about those humans?"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "I don't know, I never saw them.  Where did they get to?"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Broadside, see if you can get to Steelhaven shuttle three. I'm going to put this one on manual and try to get it out of here."

<Autobot> Broadside says, "Aye aye."

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Are there any provisions or preparations you require waiting for you here on Cybertron? Wounded? Refueling?"

First Aid slides out from underneath the shuttle's console, looking at the mess of wires in his hand. Releasing his grip, he lets them fall to the deck as he sits up. The ground is shaking, and First Aid can guess what's causing that. He knows what happens when an FTL drive overloads. Standing up, he pushes the navigation chair back into place as he gets ready to fly this bad boy out of here. That might mean making an even bigger hole in the skylight than Broadside and Blades did. He's actually unaware of what fate had in store for Angry Justice.

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Aside from a badly damaged shuttle I think we're ok. Intelligence is going to have to assign an operative to monitor this planet, though. I don't like the idea of them retrying a stunt like this."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Or we could have the Pax swing by and glass them."

F-111 Aardvark <Broadside> surveys the explosions with just a little glee, he is a Wrecker afterall. Seems First Aid got things fixed, so he turns to find the Steelhaven shuttle.

<Autobot> Blurr says, "On it."

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "I will sound the all-clear, though rest assured, there is not to clear from. We should work on a rapid mass evacuation plan."

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Whew, I wouldn't even know where to begin with a mass evacuation of Cybertron. Our available shuttles could take... maybe a percent of the Autobot forces in one trip? Half a percent?"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Maybe a full percent if Rodimus drives us into space like he did that one time."

The Minnesota Twins, hiding behind a tree, watch the detonations in the distance, glancing back at the auditorium with a frown. "Commander Silas, Minnesota Twins reporting," one of the twins says into his wristwatch. "Mission failure," says the other twin into his own wristwatch.

"Dammit! Can't you people do anything right?" comes Silas's angry reply. "No matter--we can still use this incident against the Autobots. Return to base!"

DUN DUN DUNNNN

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "Yeah, but you know what his record is with anything that flies."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "He'd probably crash into Unicron's head on the way out."

<Autobot> Sky Lynx says, "Why do you think there is a standing order for him to stay at least a mile from me while in operation?"

<Autobot> First Aid says, "Well luckily we'll probably never need to evacuate Cybertron."

<Autobot> Repugnus says, "I think we should anyway, the place is a dump!"