Race for the Matrix

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=================[ The Orion Pax ]===============================

''The Command Deck of the Ark II is modern, sleek and ergonomically designed. The bulkheads and deck are a sleek, polished orange alloy, yet provide suitable traction for Autobot officers running madcap from station to station during an emergency. The entire area is permeated with the crisp, chemical and metallic scent of "New Battleship Smell" which seems to drive a constant atmosphere of readiness and confidence. The command deck is cavernous; designed like an auditorium, several levels of work stations face a massive high-resolution monitor that provides a nominal view of the star carrier's kilometer-long deck. However, the monitor is not a view window -- frequently, especially during a battle, it can change to represent a view of any number of the ship's multiple exterior sensors, including AWACS and battlefeed transmissions from units on the frontline. The topmost "shelf" facing the viewscreen contains the Captain's Chair, a raised dias which in itself seems to be a hub of design, with a sunken pit with several sub-terminals fanning out from it. Each terminal station seems to be designated for one of the ship's critical functions -- weapons, communications, and systems management. Directly in front of the Captain's Chair is another station, with a raised, nautical-style steering wheel on a column.''

-- External ship broadcasts for this room are ON         Type +shiphelp for help --

Contents: Monstereo Kup Rodimus Prime Grapple

Obvious exits:  leads to Orion Pax - Corridor - Fore.

Kup hmms, watching the spectacular lightshow on the mainscreen as the ship hurtles through space and time. "Velocitron, huh? I been there," he says. "Think I mighta won a race or two, there. 'Course, back in those days, I was a lot faster on the road."

A panel in the ceiling pops open, dangling down by its hinges. Upside down, a Junkion head descends, heralded by a pair of vikink helm like horns. The head swivels all the way around twice and then settles on the Red Shirt. "Oi. Did we just hit Ludicrous Speed?"

"No kidding, Kup," Rodimus replies dryly, swiveling the command chair to regard the senior Autobot. "Did you ever participate in the Race Wars of Velocitron, Kup? I've heard that it's the nastiest war ever fought without anyone firing a single shot..." Rodimus scowls, contemplateivly that level of race-based brutality.

From Outside: Autobot Flagship  rips out of transwarp space dangerously close to Velocitron's orbit -- the massive Autobot ships' bow shaking back and forth the vibrations of the gravitational fields suddenly coming into alignment. However, no one seems to scold them, as any other civilized planet would. No, indeed, a transmission suddenly pops up on the main viewscreen. A humanoid alien wearing a white helmet with a red scarf tied around his neck suddenly appears. "Woah! Excellent time, friends! I've never seen a ship that /big/ make the Marshall Jump in just point six astroseconds!"

Rodimus looks unimpressed. "Yeah, buddy, I do that kind of thing in my sleep. Say, have you seen /The Matrix/ anywhere? Kind of about this big..." Rodimus holds his hands up, trying to approximate the Matrix's size.

Kup monitors security reports on his console, then looks up thoughtfully. "Yeah. Nobody had to fire a shot, though. They'd just ram you off the road. And in some places, the pileups would go up so high that the roads would collapse under the weight of all the wrecked cars. Fortunately I got outta there just as the Race Wars were startin' up. The whole thing was pointless, anyway." He peers up at the Junkion, then. "What the... how'd you get up in there!?"

Monstereo drops down and rolls in mid air to land on his feet. He reaches up and pops the panel back into secure place. "Well it's a long story. Let's just chalk it up to poor script writing, shall we? Much better an excuse than animation error, hey old boy. Wink wink, nudge nudge." He walks forward and gazes upon the monitor, listening now.

"The... Matrix?" Captain Speed frowns slightly. "Well... I'm not sure... Do you mean...." He hesitates before the camera wildly pulls back. "/THE MATRIX CUP/?!" A gigantic trophy overlooks a massive stadium full of screaming spectators. "You Autobots arrived just in time to register... For the race of a /lifetime/."

Rodimus Prime stands up from his chair, fists clenched at his sides. "Let's do this."

Rodimus Prime has left.

Monstereo has left.

Kup has left.

Grapple has left.

Velocitron

''At first glance, Veloctrion might remind the optic of Cybertron. Completely cyberformed, the planet is different from the homeworld of the Transformers in that it is much smaller -- but also completely undamaged by conflict. Indeed, the world's criss-crossing maze of highways, loop-d'loops and bridges appear to be pristine and well-maintained. Various vehicles seem to be zipping at top speed at all times, creating quite the flurry of activity.''

Contents: Grapple Monstereo Kup Rodimus Prime Decepticon Starship  Race Track 2.0

Cyclonus arrives from Decepticon Starship .

Cyclonus has arrived.

Avalanche arrives from Decepticon Starship .

Avalanche has arrived.

Wildrider has arrived.

Wildrider slams down into his Ferrari 308 GTB form.

Grapple trips and falls ove-- no wait he transforms into a crane

Clutch is holding a plastic squirt-bottle of Nitrous in one hand. He tilts his head back, squeezes the last of it directly into his mouth, crushes the bottle and finally tosses it aside (to land neatly in the nearest recycling bin).

Clutch transformers into sportscar mode!

Blueshift has arrived.

Rodimus Prime is now the referee of the race track.

Avalanche joins the race.

Blueshift has left.

Cyclonus joins the race.

Velocitron. Planet Speed. Land Where The Fast Rule. All settlements, disagreements, and wars have been settled in the past with a single contest: the race. The planet is now one over-wrought mass of highways, loops, insane ramps, and pitstops. Their culture is focused on one thing: speed. Here, the fast thrive.

And the slow perish.

Grapple, having somehow appeared, rolls up alongside his fellow Autobots. "A race, eh?" he says jovially. "Well, I admit I'm not the fastest Autobot, but I daresay I won the Heavyweight Racing Tournament back in 2002, so I'm no slouch!" Grapple's competition in that race: Trailbreaker and Omega Supreme's tank mode, and Omega only lost because he kept going around in a circle on his track.

Grapple joins the race.

Rodimus Prime joins the race.

Cyclonus joins the race.

Monstereo joins the race.

Whats this!? It's no car, that's for sure! Avalanche slowly walks up, the gigantic tiger making his way towards the race track. Though if anyone has had experience with the Horrorcon, they would know that he is far out of his element here.

Wildrider joins the race. Race Track 2.0

Your average everyday oval-shaped race track, with the accompanying grandstand. Bookies wander around offering shady deals to the multitudes of myriad aliens flocking to watch the competition.

(OOC: Type 'racehelp' for a list of commands.)

Race Track Commands: (This is just to show how close each person is to everyone                  else; NOT RANKING.) you attack someone, you will only advance half as far as                  usual in the next round. If you hit your victim, s/he won't                  advance AT ALL. If you miss, you still only travel half as                  far, but your opponent is unaffected.
 * addme         - adds you to the current race.
 * delme         - removes you from the current race.
 * list          - lists the current participants of this race.
 * positions     - lists the current SPATIAL positions of each participant.
 * crash  - attempt to ram into a person within 1 position of you. If

Clutch is now registered for the race. Type 'delme' to remove yourself. Current Race Participants: 1) Clutch 2) Wildrider 3) Rodimus Prime 4) Cyclonus 5) Monstereo

Kup joins the race.

Monstereo strolls out to the starting position. He looks left. "Pssst." He looks right. "Pssst." He looks forward, puffs his chest out and gives two thumbs up. "Ehhhhhhhhhh." He then transforms.

The Junkion robot makes a clickety-ratcheting series of sounds as he transforms into the disguise of a monster truck... labelled Monstereo. Are you fooled? ;)

Rodimus Prime points one metal gauntlet into the other. He stands at the Race's Registrar, which is more or a less a parking lot with a few technicians with PDA's running around. "Autobots," he says, turning around to face his away team. "We /must/ win the Matrix Cup at /any/ cost! It could be the Matrix itself! I'm giving you all permission," he says, opening up his chest panel, "To to disable your speed inhibitors. We're not on Earth anymore..." He flips a switch, causing a turbo-whine to emit from his chest. "And we don't need to follow their inhibitions about speed anymore."

Diving forward, Rodimus Prime transforms and rolls up to the finish line, his energon snarling maniacally.

Rodimus Prime transforms into a high-tech winnebago. Let's burn rubber!

Cyclonus stalks out of his ship, a look of determination on his face as a cargo lift slowly descends from the Absolution, to reveal a large, shiny race car, with two /large/ rocket engines installed on the back. He ceremoniously places a pair of goggles onto his face. "Autobots!" he booms, pointing a finger at Grapple. "Be thankful that the military might of Velocitron is strong enough to... discourage a fight. However we shall CRUSH you with our superiority!"

Monster Truck  thought bubbles, oO(Speed inhibitors? What speed inhibitors?)

Ferrari 308 GTB  likes to drive fast, to drive hard, and above all, to drive wild. This place would be like a paradise to him, if only there were some pedestrians wandering around on the track that he could run over... but no place is perfect. He hoots, "Speed inhibitors? Sounds like a pansy thing!"

"Speed inhibitors?" Grapple asks. "But --" if he were in robot mode, he'd be looking down at himself. As it is, it just makes his crane arm droop a bit, as he expects to be restrained to 5 mph.

"Yeah, Wildrider," Rodimus responds, his headlights flashing. "It's why Autobots don't have safety forcefields to keep them from crashing into things all the time. Seriously, you guys drive like you have defective processors."

Blue GT-R  revs his engine loudly whenever Decepticons speak, the noise coming close to drowning out conversation and probably making it hard to be heard clearly without raising your voice a bit. Any time an Autobot says something his engine noise drops back to a gentle idling purr.

Mecha Tiger  roars as Rodimus gets a bit mouthy to a fellow Decepticon. "Watch your tone, Autobot." He warns, the beast staring down the smaller Autobot leader.

Flamin' Winnebago revs his engine at Avalanche's roar. "Yeah, pussycat, I'm real scared. Remember what happened last time we tangoed?"

Kup shakes his head at Grapple. "This ain't like no race you ever been in, Grapple. The tracks here are insane, specifically designed for the galaxy's greatest racers. One wrong turn could mean your death." He looks around broadly. "And that goes for all of ya. Be careful on these roads. Watch for ramps and obstacles, they're frickin' everywhere."

As Rodimus gives the order to deactivate speed inhibitors, Kup puts on a bit of an embarrassed look. He never turned his on in the first place, but since he's barely faster than an Earth truck, no one ever noticed. "Uh, sure thing, boss."

Rodimus Prime is now the referee of the race track.

"I see," Grapple says to Kup, gulping inasmuch as a crane possibly can. "Well, ah, may the... best... man win, then..."

Cyclonus' racecar is utterly marvelous, and looks a lot like a classic racecar but with huge rocket engines. The drivers compartment is a little bubble on the top, and he pushes the horn as he drives to the start line. "I will look forward to dancing on your grave, Rodimus!" he intones

Kup falls forward, folding up into really old looking futuristic truck!

Mecha Tiger  dims his optics at Rodimus, before turning and making his way towards the starting line. "Watch you back, Rodimus..."

Ferrari 308 GTB  protests, "Hey, I crash into things *on purpose*!" He doesn't need anything preventing his crashes, not when they were intentional in the first place.

Blue GT-R  revs! "Maybe you should watch his back, Decepticon. Because I have a feeling that's all your going to be seeing of him. Of any of us."

Monster Truck  gives a honk. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3GtbY2vTBs

'Phew,' Grapple thinks to himself, 'they'll all try to kill /Rodimus/, thus failing to exploit how slow I am!' Then he just feels /awful/ for thinking that, and the rest of his day is ruined in a cloud of guilt and self-recrimination.

"All right, racers!" Captain Speed walks out, wearing a slightly too-tight white jumpsuit. "Are you ready to /raaaace/?" He throws his hands up in the air, causing thousands of aliens to cheer and shout. "The Matrix Cup is the /insanest/ race /ever/ in the history of Speed!" Captain Speed does a hi-kick, landing in a split. "Make your bets now, watchers in the audience and at home -- this is is going to be a race to remember! We expect only a FIFTY PERCENT survival rate -- or your money back!" The crowd cheers feriously.

"RACERS," Captain Speed howls, taking out a revolver from behind his belt. "ON YOUR MARKS..."

"GET SET..."

"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Captain Speed fires his revolver in the air several times, emptying its payload.

The racers speed around the track....

Current track positions: 9) Rodimus Prime (lap 1) 8) Clutch (lap 1) Kup (lap 1) Wildrider (lap 1) 7) Grapple (lap 1) Cyclonus (lap 1) 6) Monstereo (lap 1) 4) Avalanche (lap 1)

Current Race Participants: 1) Clutch 2) Grapple 3) Kup 4) Wildrider 5) Rodimus Prime 6) Cyclonus 7) Avalanche 8) Monstereo

Blue GT-R  peels out, engine first emitting a high-pitched whine as it cranks at high RPMs, then quickly cuting for an instant and resuming at a slightly lower sound as it shifts gears. This repeats again and again, six times in all.

His vehicle programmed to set off at the first sound of gunfire, Cyclonus pulls down his goggles, straightens his hat and goes full throttle, roaring past some of the slower Autobots as he nears on Grapple. Slowly he turns his head as he draws next to the architect, and pressing a button, a compartment full of ball-bearings are shot at Grapple's tyres

Flamin' Winnebago lurches away from the starting line -- despite Rodimus' six wheels and trailer-bearing size, he's out of the starting line like a red-yellow-orange bullet. His chrome smokestacks quiver as he rips down the race track, jumping over a spike-filled canyon and hitting the other side, barely screeching his tires in the process. "Feh... Peace of cake. Try driving between Iahex and Polytron during the last War!"

Grapple rolls out, heavy tires gaining traction as he crosses his fingers -- metaphorically speaking, that is -- and applies as much speed as he possibly can, which is not much. He is just starting to feel that life is perhaps going to be kind to him -- or at least not turn him into a laughable failure for once -- when Cyclonus spews ball bearings at his tires, causing him to skid a bit. Unfortunately, because the ball bearings were made by Decepticon slave labor on the planet Tae-1, many are crunched under Grapple's huge, deeply-treaded tires, although Grapple still skids and swerves a bit. "Oh m-m-m-my!"

Mecha Tiger  digs his claws into the pavement, and leans forward. As the starting pistol is fired, Avalanche leaps forward and begins to run as fast as he can, trying to stay ahead of the others. However, he's a slow one, but there is a reason he is attending. "Hope you Autobots brought your snow chains..." He whispers. The maw of the beast opens, and he fires liquid nitrogen at the ground. The pavement becoming slick with a thick layer of ice.

Ferrari 308 GTB  ignores the gymnastics of Captain Speed. Instead, his engine revs, almost sounding manic. Then, at the gunshot, he surges forward, tyres (not snow tyres) squealing. He scopes out the pack of Autobots, idly pondering which one would be the most fun to run right off the track. Choices, choices, but of one thing Wildrider is sure: no going after the Prime. That's Motormaster's job.

Cybertruck <Kup> doesn't launch himself off the start line like some of the other racers, but it becomes clear that, as he builds momentum, he'll be able to hold his own if nothing else. "Feh, fraggin' nutcase," he growls at Captain Speed's antics. "Every damn thing on this planet has to be "Extreme." Some guys can't even sleep unless they do it in an "extreme" way. Like, I dunno, in a flying bedroom or sumthin'." Louder, he yells to the other Autobots, "Startin' out shouldn't be too bad! Most of the tracks here start off with a straightaway. After that, though, things get CRAZY!"

A pink helicopter hovers over the racetrack. "WOW!" Pepper Pink says, her eyes wide open. "I've never seen a race start off so..." Wait for it... "/FAST/!" She blinks her giant alien eyes a few times. "Gee, I wonder if that Rodimus Prime is single...!"

Monster Truck <Monstereo> lumbers on behind all the rest. Huge tires rolling sure but relatively slow. Oh dear, has the tortoise already been labelled? He calls out in a sort of mantra, "Gods of waaaaaarrrr.... may your hammer be mighty."

The racers speed around the track....

Current Race Participants: 1) Clutch 2) Grapple 3) Kup 4) Wildrider 5) Rodimus Prime 6) Cyclonus 7) Avalanche 8) Monstereo

Current track positions: 18) Rodimus Prime (lap 1) 17) Kup (lap 1) 16) Wildrider (lap 1) 15) Clutch (lap 1) Grapple (lap 1) Cyclonus (lap 1) 13) Monstereo (lap 1) 10) Avalanche (lap 1)

Cyclonus growls and smashes his hand against the controls. "This will not do!" he demands of the racetrack. He presses a lever and as he comes to a loop-the-loop, the back of his car opens up, to shoot out slippery baby oil in the direction of Grapple!

Cyclonus tries to ram into Grapple, without much success.

The baby oil does not actually get on Grapple's tires, but in fact splatters all over his orange frame, oiling him up and making him look /sexy as hell/. "Ah! I'm afraid I already have a special best friend, chap, and we're a bit too opposed in this whole civil war business anyway -- that's not to say I'm not flattered, though!"

Blue GT-R <Clutch> swerves back and forth in front of Cyclonus' giant racecar. He's a little offended at the thought of Decepticons driving a roadster. Do -Autobots- go around flying and using military aircraft forms? Huh? They do? How many. What?! Er...oh ok, never mind then. Anyway! Clutch is so intent on keeping an optic on Cyclonus that Wildrider is able to edge right by him. Seeing the Decepticons attempts on poor Grapple, Clutch drops back next to Cyclonus' and then drive him forcefully into the conveinent wall on the next curve.

You crash forcefully into Cyclonus.

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> doesn't look back when he drives. In fact, his rearview mirrors are covered in stickers. He doesn't need them to know that he leaves a mess in his wake. He swerves around the track wildly, careening and laughing. He does, however, pay vague attention to what is is in front of him, if only so that he can hit it, yeah. So what's that in front of him? Geezertron? He calls out, "I've never looked in a dictionary, but I bet if I did, you'd be in there, right next to 'obsolete'!" He then tries to rear-end Kup.

Wildrider tries to ram into Kup, without much success.

Mecha Tiger <Avalanche> didn't expect to win this at all, however, if he can take out a few of the other racers, it will be worth it! Unfortunately, it seems that the others are far too quick for him, save one, Monstereo. "Feel my wrath!" He roars, and tries to run sideways into the Junkions form.

Cybertruck <Kup> growls as he powerslides around a steep turn. Up ahead, he spies a huge ramp. While he doesn't like taking huge risks when so much is at stake, he realizes that he can't divert his course in time to avoid the ramp. That might cause him to spin out of control at these high speeds. Then something hits him from behind, and he's jolted forward. Another Autobot might've panicked and swerved out of control, but Kup manages to continue his powerslide right off of the ramp and over a chasm. "I might be obsolete, but you'll still have to do better than that, Stuntijerk!" he yells in mid-air. "'Cuz this old truck ain't quittin'!"

Monster Truck <Monstereo> brings the noise, cranking up his sound system. Now, if the music skips a bit, it's because the race is rough. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6D5CAf0pxU The Junkion redneck-mobile seems to have left the rabid russian kitty just far enough behind though, he slowly builds momentum.

Flamin' Winnebago drifts around a sharp corner, neatly containing the fishtailing action of his trailer before thundering ahead at maximum throttle. "The Moebius Loop," Rodimus mutters to himself in a vague sense of awe at the approaching, shifting loop-de-loop that is fashioned after Moebius' famous symbol of infinity. Nonetheless, Rodimus accelerates, hitting the vertical rise and firing his turbo-chargers to make the climb.

"Oh dear," Grapple says, as he sees the loop-de-loop looming in the horizon. In his mind, he pictures a million ways such a structure could collapse if constructed by /subpar architects/. This horrifies him even more than the possibility of falling off.

The racers speed around the track....

Current track positions: 20) Wildrider (lap 1) 19) Monstereo (lap 1) 18) Clutch (lap 1) 15) Cyclonus (lap 1) 14) Avalanche (lap 1) 6) Kup (lap 2) Rodimus Prime (lap 2) 1) Grapple (lap 2)

Avalanche removes himself from the race roster.

Cyclonus shakes a fist as his devious plan fails. As he nears the loop-the-loop, a drill extends from the front of his car and he drills through the track itself, skipping the deadly loop entirely. He then presses the button on his rocket boosters. "See you in silicon hell, Autobots!" he cackles

Mecha Tiger <Avalanche> watches as the others finally get out of sight, and grins. "Perfect." He comments before transforming into his robot mode, flying above the track now. "Lets see if they have an easier second lap..." Unleashing his energon warhammer, the Horrorcon begins slamming it into the pavement of the road, leaving gigantic holes in the track.

Leaping up, Avalanche transforms into his titanic robot mode.

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> flickers his headlights in dismay as Kup escapes the brunt of his attack, and the Stunticon falls off the side of the ramp and rolls a few times before landing heavily on his wheels. It sets him back a bit, but he's used to these kinds of jolts. Wildrider wheeees as he zooms around the Moebius strip, screaming, "I'm on top of the world - and now I'm not! And now I am again!"

Grapple looks amazing, the oil causing the gaudy light of the track to glitter on his orange form. He blacks out twice during the Moebius Loop, but when he comes out on the other side, he gasps in relief. "By Solar Jove!" he cries, "I did it!"

Cybertruck <Kup> sighs at the upcoming Moebius Loop. "Ah, frag. We're on THAT track, huh? Well, if we keep up our speed the centrifugal force should keep us glued to the track! Hang on everyone!" As his engine roars and Kup starts to drive *upside down,* he snarks at Rodimus, with whom is he is currently racing side-by-side with, "Lad, if I beat you in this race I will NEVER let you live it down, you hear me?! Ha!"

Monster Truck <Monstereo> keeps on trucking, ultra clinging Junkion tires that they are, spikes pop out to grab into the loop. Velocity? P-shaw. Mountaineering. He finds himself coming up behind a Stunticon. "It's go time." He cues up the next music track as he tries to nudge Wildrider from behind. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tcoHWttEVk

Monstereo crashes forcefully into Wildrider!

The racers speed around the track....

Flamin' Winnebago bobs ahead of Kup until he hits the loop, his wheels spinning furiously just to maintain friction with the twisting pathway. "Kup, you old piece of trash!" Rodimus says jovially as the pick-up truck pulls up next to him. "Maybe we don't have to recycle you just yet! Ha!"

Blue GT-R <Clutch> knows he has no choice but to go through the Moebius loop, but isn't sure if his little digression cost him the necessary momentum he'll need to make it safely through. He shifts quickly to build up speed again before reaching the loop. The high-pitched winding noise of his own turbo is undercut by the occasional hsss of an intercooler. He flies through the first part of the loop...but as he inverts through the second ring, two of his wheels begin to lose traction as they come off the road! Somehow applying -more- torque to his remaining wheels he manages to flip over and land on all four wheels just at the outskirts of the loop, but the time it takes him to perform such maneuvers leaves him that much farther behind the leaders.

Cyclonus presses another lever on his car, and large leathery wings slide out, flapping to lift him over a pit of spikes that has opened up on the track. "Darnit!" he curses, as he takes out a small tube of cyberbees, opening it and throwing it at Monstereo!

Cyclonus crashes forcefully into Monstereo!

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> gets reamed by a Junkion and falls off the Moebius strip. That's about as low as it gets. He moans, "Oh, Sigma - Motormaster's going to have my audios for this! He'll walk up behind me, grab, and yaaaank. And boom, no more audios." The Stunticon bounces serval times as he hits the ground, but as soon as his wheels touch the track, they're spinning again, and he's off racing.

Current track positions: 20) Wildrider (lap 1) 14) Kup (lap 2) Rodimus Prime (lap 2) 9) Grapple (lap 2) 5) Clutch (lap 2) 3) Monstereo (lap 2) 2) Cyclonus (lap 2)

Monster Truck <Monstereo> skids to a half as he sees the Cyberbees being unleashed his way. Rather than collide with them and kill the poor dear things he forcefully brakes and loses his momentum. "Damn you, Addams!" He sends sonic waves out to sooth the Cyberbees and guide them to fly up and away from the track peacefully. His music track then moves on to the next piece as he starts moving forward once again from a 0 km/h point. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nu7P-7buTU

Cybertruck <Kup> laughs as he approaches the end of the moebius loop, "Recycle me? Ha, if I edge out a win I might just have to replace you, lad! See, I might not have the turbo-boostin' of you speedsters, but I got one other big advantage on ya... and that's eleven million years of experience on the road!" To demonstrate his point, he begins werving seemingly effortlessly between a variety of horrible spiky traps on a curvy section of the track. And he even manages to yell at Cyclonus as he emerges from the hole he drilled in the track. "Nice try, Decepticon, but I'm still way ahead 'a ya! Cheaters never win!" Then he mutters, "Well, they gotta cheat *right,* but that's besides my point..."

The racers speed around the track....

Current track positions: 16) Grapple (lap 2) 13) Clutch (lap 2) 9) Wildrider (lap 2) 5) Cyclonus (lap 2) 3) Kup (lap 3) Monstereo (lap 2) 2) Rodimus Prime (lap 3)

Flamin' Winnebago is shocked when Kup -- KUP -- of all people pulls ahead of him! "I'll be damned," Rodimus grunts, having to put some effort into dodging a complicated series of laser blasts. "I should've known -- Kup's already done this course a thousand times!!" Breaking out of the laser disco hell, Rodimus accelerates into a straight-away, coming up fast on Kup's bumper.

"Sorry, Kup, but I wouldn't want you to think I -let- you win!" He shoots forward, trying to smash Kup from behind.

Cyclonus leans back in his seat, grunting. "Wildrider, Avalanche, this is unacceptable. Bring the Autobots to me so I may crush them! This I command!" He then hits his horn"

Rodimus Prime crashes forcefully into Kup!

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> zooms past that Junkion who reamed him and past Cyclonus in his tricksy car, too, and in his zooming, he quite fails to run into anything, which is an extremely frustrating experience for the Stunticon. He ramps over pits of spikes, he squeezes through car-crushing sidewalls, and he even manages to navigate the dreaded roundabout, but all the while, nothing gets flattened under his tyres. Awww. He hollers back to Cyclonus, "I would, Boss Bunny, if they'd just get over here!"

Grapple phews to himself as he again escapes punishment, and then realizes he's driven off on a fork separate from the other racers. "Oh, my!" he says. "Perhaps this is a delightful shortcut!" He then notices the sign that indicates 'ACID LAKE' -- which the track goes /into/. Grapple then drives through a lake of acid, screaming in horrible pain the entire way.

Avalanche flies upwards, making his way towards the loop. At the top of the arc, the Horrorcon begins to weave a line of ice. It seems that his pot holes did very little to slow the speeding Autobots. <<Doing what I can, lord Cyclonus..."

Monster Truck <Monstereo> creakily makes it through the loop eventually, and lets gravity rebuild his momentum. The cyberbee swarm writes in the air ~GO MONSTEREO GO~ before departing for greener pastures to terrorize. By the time he gets level again, Monstereos music has moved on again. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwfI677mRXo

<Autobot> Grapple says, "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH"

<Autobot> Grapple says, "AAAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH"

<Autobot> Keeper asks in a calm soothing casual tone, "Is something wrong?"

<Autobot> Grapple says, "I DON'T MEAN TO QUESTION THE INTENTIONS OF THIS PLANET'S DESIGNERS BUT I DO FIND IT HIGHLY DUBIOUS THAT A LAKE FULL OF ACID IS USEFUL FOR /ANYTHING/"

<Autobot> Grapple says, "AAAAAUUUGGGGGGHGHGHGHGHHG"

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Grapple, think of how... clean you'll be when you get out!"

<Autobot> Grapple says, "AND I WAS JUST OILED BY THAT FLIRTATIOUS DECEPTICON -- THE OIL MAKES IT BURN /MORE/"

<Autobot> Lightspeed says, "Clean and spotless."

Blue GT-R <Clutch> careens around a turn after Wildrider while he's distracted, managing to pull up alongisde of the Stunticon. He's seen the speeds the Decepticon car is capable of but a good racer can always make it up on the curves. He tries to keep an eye on the Decepticon car, timing the curves and looking for a chance to put Wildrider into a pit of spikes, some kind of laser blast or another obstacle. This causes him to miss one of Avalanches' icy patches and instead of any subtle tricks he spins out, ending up turned completely around and -facing- the Decepticon!

Cybertruck <Kup> yells as he pulls ahead, "See ya later, lad! Might let ya look at the trophy now and then if I'm feelin'... OH SLAG!" Rodimus slams into him just right, and the impact sends him spinning around the track. Adding insult to injury, he passes over a springboard, which launches him twenty feet into the air, and causes him to land upside down.

Transforming, Kup stands up and hops around, shaking a fist at Rodimus. "YOU SLAGGING GIT! I'M GONNA WHIP YOU FOR THAT, RODIMUS, JUST YOU WAIT!" Rapidly transforming, his engine emits a loud GROOAAARRRR as he launches himself after the youthful upstart.

The racers speed around the track....          Current track positions: 20) Clutch (lap 2) 17) Wildrider (lap 2) 13) Cyclonus (lap 2) 9) Monstereo (lap 2) 7) Rodimus Prime (lap 3) 3) Kup (lap 3) 2) Grapple (lap 3)

"Ha-ha!" Rodimus laughs mercilessly as he runs Kup off the road. "Just because you've seen everything doesn't mean you've /thought/ of everything, Kup!" Rodimus rubs in insult to injury over the ratio as he enters the final straightaway for the finish line -- which is still a gigantic canyon lined with millions of spectators on either side. A flashing river of holoflashes ignite across the raceway.

"INCONCEIVABLE!" Cyclonus roars as he smashes the controls of his racecar. "The finest in Decepticon engineering bested by a /Winnebago!/" Furiously he mashes his controls, sending sparks all over the track towards all the remaining competitors!

Avalanche just watches as Rodimus easily takes the gold. "Oh Primus, we wont hear the end of this one..." Avalanche comments, before flying off.

Monster Truck <Monstereo> revs his mighty loud redneck pleaser of an engine and keeps rolling on. Finish! Eventually! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUff_RoCWy0

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> gets sparks shot at him by Cyclonus. However, Wildrider is too far away for the sparks to do much of anything. He's also too far away to do anything but scream robot cruse words in the general direction of Clutch. Paradise has turned into Stunticon Hell. He idly tries to ramp up and into the crowd and possibly demolish some part of the stands before returning to the track.

Cybertruck <Kup> yells, "Damn it, Rodimus! I HAD this race down, pat! Then you had to ram into me! You tryin' to kill me!? Is that what you were tryin' to do to the old man? I swear, once I get my hands on you, they're gonna start calling you "Dentimus Prime," from all the damn dents! He grumbles angrily, and the annoying holoflashes don't improve his mood too much. "Arrgh, dammit, that stuff is givin' me a headache!"

Grapple emerges from the lake of acid. "Well!" he says, exasperated and a little melted, "that was just /awful/, and I care to never do it again!" He proceeds along -- but between him and rejoining the race for the final straightaway, there is a segment of track where two lines of giant robots -- a 'robot guardian,' if you will -- punch everyone who passes. "OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Grapple screams, as he is robot-punched 20 times, 10 from each side.

Blue GT-R <Clutch> rolls in reverse for a few seconds before a quick J-turn spins him around again to drive forward again the way cars are supposed to. He sees the flashes going off and assumes someone must be getting close to the finish line. Cyclonus sparks jolt through him, nearly sending him off of the course again, but more importantly, the Decepticon's shouting tells Clutch all he needs to know about who the winner is. "Haha!" he crows. "Should've known better than to take on the Autobots in a road race!"

The racers speed around the track....           Current track positions: 20) Cyclonus (lap 2) 15) Rodimus Prime (lap 3) 14) Monstereo (lap 2) 10) Kup (lap 3) 8) Clutch (lap 3) Grapple (lap 3) 5) Wildrider (lap 3)

Flamin' Winnebago nears the finish line, leaving Kup in the dust as he barrels down in a straight, inevitable line for the finish line -- even approaching Cyclonus' sparky spark ball from behind, which reflect and bounce brilliantly off of his highly polished metal frame.

"You'll have to catch me first, Kup! Ha!"

Cyclonus sits back as his car continues to chug along. One of the rocket engines explodes, as he leans back taking out a well-thumbed manual. "Hmm the rules..." he mutters, searching for some shortcuts. Almost idly, he presses a purple button, sending a remote controlled suicide-bat towards Grapple's head

<Autobot> Kup says, "Monstereo, uh... I'm just sayin'... ya look like yer kinda close to Rodimus, there... so, uh, if there's anything ya need, I'm sure we can come to an arrangement..."

<Autobot> Kup says, "What? He's not on this channel! Damn."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Nice try, old man."

Grapple's head is actually tucked behind his cab somewhere, because he is in crane mode -- so the bat smashes through his windshield, resting in his cab before it detonates, exploding most of Grapple's cab and sending the crane truck hurtling into the sky. He bounces end over end toward the finish line, flames spewing in absolutely horrific amounts as Grapple /screams/.

<Autobot> Grimlock says, "Him Kup no turn evil, has he?"

<Autobot> Grapple says, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Good work, Grapple! Your wreckage is blocking the Decepticons!"

<Autobot> Kup says, "Nah, just some, uh, friendly competition. RIGHT, Rodimus?"

Lo and behold, the Junkion is just getting lapped by the Winnebago. "Oh hello. Where did you come from? Your butt is big like mine. We must be long lost twins! And that means we gotta fight for mothers attentions. Goodbye, Abel." The Monster Truck starts inching over rather rapidly towards Rodimus.

Monstereo crashes forcefully into Rodimus Prime!

Monster Truck <Monstereo>'s next song comes up simultaneously: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCIrSX3RsHk ;)

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> continues to be in Stunticon Hell. He's being outpaced by Grapple, forgalvsake. Wildrider changes his assessment from 'Motormaster will tear out my audios to' 'Motormaster will tear out my audios and impale them into my optics.' He still heckles, though, "Graaaaaapple! You're like someone took Hook and crossed him with an orange barrel, 'cos you're so orange and wiiiiide!"

Cybertruck <Kup> cackles like a crazed old man as he spies Monstereo slamming into Rodimus. The road up ahead takes on an odd characteristic--numerous mini-ramps are everywhere, which means that Kup has to endure lots and lots of little jumps. One wouldn't be so bad, but after a while it starts to get a bit annoying. It just might be worth it to take Rodimus down a peg, though! "Hahaha, thanks Monstereo! I'll, uh, getcha sumthin' nice from my personal trophy collection!"

Blue GT-R <Clutch> drives and drives towards the finish. Wow...those flashes are -still- going off. They've been going off for an awful long time now. What's going on, it seemed like Rodimus Prime had this race in the bag. Clutch accelerates again, spurts of blue flame licking out of his tailpipes as he triggers the Nitrous he's been saving up for an emergency.

The racers speed around the track....

Current track positions: 18) Kup (lap 3) 17) Monstereo (lap 2) 16) Grapple (lap 3) 15) Rodimus Prime (lap 3) 14) Clutch (lap 3) Wildrider (lap 3) 6) Cyclonus (lap 3)

Flamin' Winnebago hits Monstereo -- and totally FLIPS out of control! Rodimus spirals out of control, tumbling end over end before skidding to a stop. "Son of a--! Monstereo!" Rodimus shakes his fist at the ungrateful Junkion before transforming back to vehicle mode and accelerating into the sea of racers.

"Primus, Grapple," he says casually, "You look terrible."

Cyclonus roars down the motorway, but a loose leaf gets in his face as he smashes into the heap of burning wreckage that is Grapple, causing an enormous bloody fireball that continuously explodes

Grapple continues to bounce, having come to an isolated strip of flubber on the racetrack. "I" boing "/FEEL/" boing "TERR" boing "IH" boing "BULL" boing "PRIME!"

Blue GT-R <Clutch> streaks along the racecourse for a bit...then slows down noticeably, the flames vanishing. Looks like Clutch hit the NOS a little too soon, an ameteurish mistake that will no doubt haunt him for the rest of his racing career. He notices Wildrider trying to pass him again and does what he can to keep the Stunticon from getting ahead. But on this course, there's really only one thing he can do...

You attempt to crash into Wildrider, but miss.

Cybertruck <Kup> pushes his engine as hard as he can. "Damn, I can almost smell that finish line! Or is that.. the Junkion!? Ah, slag..." He recalls the strange reply he received from Monstereo just now. "Not too sure if he rammed Rodimus for MY sake. Better be careful!" Attempting to accelerate rapidly, he approaches the famed Victory Ramp, which victors like to take for when they're trying to make a really spectacular finish. Few of them survive the landing, but the way Kup sees it it might be his only way of eluding the Junkion!

Monster Truck <Monstereo> adjusts his side mirror to glance back at Rodimus. "What have I done? I may have just handed over the Matrix to the evil forces of the Decepticons! ~gasp~ The blue devil made me do it!" He revs and tries to catch up to Kup for a rear bumper busting ON the ramp. INSANE!!! "You will not control my mind any longer, Devil-Chariot!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCzwAmBcO3Y

Monstereo crashes forcefully into Kup!

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> swerves away from Clutch, which sends him skidding right at Rodimus Prime. If he impacts, Motormaster will KILL him, but perhaps it would be worth it. Either way, the Stunticon cackles loudly as he drifts. "Oh, looks like the geezer's gonna win!" The Monstereo hits Kup. "Or maybe not. Ooooh, tragic."

Wildrider crashes forcefully into Rodimus Prime!

The racers speed around the track....

<OOC> Rodimus Prime says, "Wait, did Grapple win?"

<OOC> Wildrider says, "...GRAPPLE WINS."

<OOC> Monstereo lol!

<OOC> Monstereo says, "Justice!"

Cybertruck <Kup> is smashed right off the side of the ramp. While he didn't get all the way to the top, he WAS somewhere in the middle, so it's still quite a steep drop. "Damn you, Monstereo! Forget everything I said!" he yells as he plummets. Mournfully, he mutters on his way down, "Well, maybe, if nuthin' else, I'll land on that Stunticon down there."

Indeed, Wildrider might notice a shadow slowly growing larger over him.

Kup crashes forcefully into Wildrider!

Flamin' Winnebago is battered out of the way by Wildrider's insane Stunticon forcefield! "Dammit--!" Rodimus grazes the far wall of Victory Canyon before pumping the throttle, trying to hopefully (somehow) place in this race-turned-sour...

Current track positions: 19) Wildrider (lap 3) 18) Kup (lap 3) 17) Clutch (lap 3) 15) Rodimus Prime (lap 3) 13) Cyclonus (lap 3) 4) Grapple (lap 4) 1) Monstereo (lap 3)

Grapple is smashed into by Cyclonus -- it does indeed create a horrific fireball, sending orange bits scattering in all directions.

But one bit soars through the air, capturing the attention of everyone in attendance -- a forearm, with Grapple's distinctive gun-hand, sails ahead of the competition, and everyone holds their breath as it continues its arc.

Grapple's gun arm lands and skids, and everyone is on their feet, watching as it starts to lose momentum, just inches from the finish line...

The tension is palpable...

And then...

The gun-hand /stops/. Just short of the edge of the line. Just short of victory.

Everyone begins to groan, displeased -- and then Grapple's gun-hand barrel falls off with a 'clink,' rolling onto the checkered finish line.

The crowd /erupts/.

Monster Truck <Monstereo> makes the ramp. Luckily, there's no hot cup of coffee sitting inside his cab. It's a rough landing but he's built for the bounce. And for the time being, nobody is quite near him. His music changes after the tracks skip a lot... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNw7CL23h08

What the heck, is that a cloud passing overhead? No, it's Grapple. "Yew khan dueet!" The Junkion honks cheering Grapple the amazing flying Autobot on!

Finally, Cyclonus crawls away from the wreckage that was his car. "This..." he mutters. "This will NOT go in the official records..."

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> is so close to the finish, he can taste it. How would Drag Strip like those cyberapples, huh? Then Kup pretty much falls on top of Wildrider. The Stunticon is built tough, but the overbearing weight of Kup causes even a Stunticon to squish down a bit. He swerves, hard, trying to chuck Kup off him and into a sidewall.

Then, Grapple wins. "Oh, slaggy slag slagging slag slaggity McSlaggerson!"

Wildrider tries to ram into Kup, without much success.

Blue GT-R <Clutch> races up the ramp after the others. Well, well after the others. Clutch notices Grapple's arm winning the race, and after brief flare of jealousy he resolves to suck it up and be gracious in defeat. He intends to give his sincere congratulations to Grapple...once the Autobot medics get him back together, that is.

The racers speed around the track....           Current track positions: 19) Wildrider (lap 3) Cyclonus (lap 3) 10) Grapple (lap 4) 8) Monstereo (lap 3) 4) Clutch (lap 4) 3) Kup (lap 4) 2) Rodimus Prime (lap 4)

Monster Truck <Monstereo> hoop-hoop-hollars as he keeps motoring in about last place still. The tortoise was ninja kicking the damn rabbits the whole way, but made some friends and excorcised some demons.

Cybertruck <Kup> is indeed thrown off by the Stunticon, but once he hits the road he recovers in time to avoid hitting the sidewall. "I don't think so! Because I'm gonna win this... why's everyone cheering?" As he passes the finish line, he notices that all of the holodisplays, projected for the benefit of the crowd, are all focused on an odd, cylindrical object. "...what?" Then he looks at another display. "I'm in third place... behind Grapple and Clutch!? What the frag happened?"

Blue GT-R <Clutch> comes towards the finish line from the other direction, having driven over it earlier without realizing it. He slows to a stop next to Grapple's arm. "That's the best finish I've ever seen." He mentions solemnly. He's talking about the arm of course, wondering if there's some way they can give it the traditional victory lap.

Most of Grapple finally descends from the sky, landing in front of Kup with a loud crash. "Oh, dear," Grapple moans tonelessly.

Ferrari 308 GTB <Wildrider> decides to go off-roading. He ain't a mental giant, but he knows that it'll pay if he makes himself rather scarce for a while. All it'll take is to wait long enough for Galvatron and Motormaster to get royally pissed of att someone else and forget about what he's done. Still worth it, though.

Flamin' Winnebago pulls in fourth with a flash of lights and wave of flags. "Fourth place!!" He sounds shocked at how much he sucks. "Behind Kup and Grapple of all people... I hope Cliffjumper never hears about this..."

Cybertruck <Kup> transforms once he's safely across the finish line. He smirks at Rodimus Prime. "Ha! Oh, believe me, he will. Everyone will, lad. Woulda been a lot sweater if I had gotten first place, but I gotta hand it to Grapple. I had no idea he was such a great racer. Always seemed a little uptight to me. But--" He looks around, not seeing the person in question. Frowning he asks Clutch, "Say, where is 'e? If he beat me here, then I oughta see him--"

Kup freezes as he hears a whistling sound, like that of a bomb falling. Just when he looks up, SLAM! Grapple lands right in front of him. "GEEZE!"

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "So, uh...how's the race goin'?"

The faded green cybertruck springs up and splits apart, revealing the ancient Autobot, Kup!

Clutch transformers into robot mode!

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Grapple... won."

<Autobot> Clutch says, "I've never seen anything like it."

<Autobot> Kup says, "Eh, the important thing is, I beat Rodimus! And that's AFTER he tried to kill me, his old mentor! Little backstabber..."

<Autobot> Grimlock says, "Grapple win race? How?"

<Autobot> Grimlock says, "Him Grapple fatter and slower than him Sludge!"

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire erupts into a fit of giggles.

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Oh, get over it, Kup."

<Autobot> Kup grumbles something.

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "Y'know, I would've gotten in on it...but there's the little issue of me not having a vehicle mode. Maybe I should get one..."

<Autobot> Kup says, "Anyway, you'll have to ask Grapple... I have no idea how he did in the condition he's in right now."

<Autobot> Clutch says, "You should've been here, Foxfire. Cyclonus showed up in some kind of...giant tricked out...racing vehicle. Thing."

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "..."

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "Really?"

<Autobot> Clutch sounds kind of jealous.

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "Well...at least an Autobot won? Even if it *was* Grapple."

<Autobot> Grapple says, "...medic..."

<Autobot> Grapple says, "...get..."

<Autobot> Grapple says, "...ratchet..."

<Autobot> Grapple says, "*"

Monster Truck <Monstereo> eventually crosses the finish line and proceeds to patch up Grapple with Junkion wizardry.

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "What? Ratchet?  Where?"

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "Grapple's not feeling very good."

<Autobot> Clutch says, "I think he's hallucinating. He took a pretty hard fall. And an acid bath. And an exploding bat through the winshield. And..."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "But he did win us... The Matrix of speed."

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "Oh...oh! Right.  He okay?"

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "Matrix of Speed? How many Matrixes *are* there?!"

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "It's... Nothing First Aid couldn't fix."

<Autobot> Lightspeed says, "I'd rather not say how many there are."

<Autobot> Rodimus Prime says, "I didn't realize there was more than one! But something about it seems... Familiar.  It might have traces of the original Matrix's energy imbued inside."

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "...Is there a Fox Matrix?"

<Autobot> Clutch says, "Don't get your hopes up."

<Autobot> Lightspeed says, "There could be Foxfire..."

<Autobot> Grimlock says, "No!"

<Autobot> Monstereo says, "Make one."

<Autobot> Grimlock says, "Fox matrix DUMB. Thems should make DINO MATRIX. For Me Grimlock! 'cuz me am best Dino."

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "Aw..."

<Autobot> Saboteur Foxfire says, "Rodimuuuuus...!"

<Autobot> Grimlock says, "But thing is, me Grimlock no NEED matrix! 'cuz me Grimlock am greatest even without it!"

Clutch stands around Grapple with the other Autobots while Monstereo works his magic. Hmm...Clutch is not sure if that piece is supposed to connect to there. But oh well. He looks around. "Looks like the Decepticons took off. Maybe I'd better stick around here for a little while, to make sure they don't cause any trouble." He says this with a straight face, but his optics are glued to a set of cars zipping through the next course, which starts just a short drive away from the end of this one.

<Autobot> Monstereo sends Grimlock a See And Say in the mail.