Human Sensitivity Training pt 2

Summary: Soundwave tries desperately to train several of the most idiotic Decepticons on how best to treat their human "allies," and the results are catastrophic.

 Soundwave says, "Any Decepticon interested in obtaining sensitivity training for humans should report to the Holo Arena. We will have drinks and..." Someone else shouts, "AND CAKE!" "...THERE WILL NOT BE CAKE! Session will begin soon."

NCC Arena

This circular arena evokes either a whirlpool, in the sloping spiral of the seating, or a toothy maw, in the pointed backs of the seats. Layered blues and subtle violets give a water-colored feel to the arena, a pointed contrast to the bright life-fluids spilled on the floor here. It's almost mocking, the lulling false sense of security. Rising on shining spires, box seats perch high above the 'whirlpool', sculpted like crystalline compound eyes, mirrored and unknowable on the outside and comfortable within, with an excellent view of the arena. Floodlight globes like pearls are strung from the high ceiling, and on full power, they can fill the arena with more light than high noon.

Room Contents: Inexplicably VTOLized F-15 Eagle  Holo Arena Hall of Heroes

Obvious exits: North  leads to NCC Dungeon. Southeast  leads to NCC Spinal Pathway. East  leads to NCC Medical Ward.

Blueshift arrives from the NCC Medical Ward to the east with a swish of polished doors behind them.

Blueshift has arrived.

You are not at full strength, and so cannot presently engage in combat.

Blitzwing arrives from the NCC Medical Ward to the east with a swish of polished doors behind him.

Blitzwing has arrived.

Inside, Blueshift is in the holo arena, eating some cake off a paper plate

Ravage arrives from the NCC Spinal Pathway via a winding steel-cable webbed bridge to the southeast. Ravage has arrived.

Thrust emerges from the Holo Arena.

Thrust has arrived.

Blueshift emerges from the Holo Arena.

Blueshift has arrived.

Soundwave stomps in just now, shocked to find Americon passing around little paper plates that hold little slices of cake with... energon filling?! "Americon, what are you doing?" Soundwave demands.

The red, white, and blue cassette replies as he hands a gumby a slice, "I said there would be cake, and I would never tell a lie.... In America."

Blueshift is busy following Americon around, snatching the paper plates and guzzling down all the cake himself. "MmmMmmmm gnMmmf" he states

"But you're not in... well, sure," agrees Blitzwing, not inclined to argue about cake.

Thrust zooms in on his stone-and-bamboo segway, granite wheels spinning furiously. It is a complete mystery how such a device is powered, but it works perfectly nonetheless. He has added a fashionable container to the the front, labeled 'THRUST,' helpfully. Taking his slice of cake, he dumps it, plate and all, into the container. "Saving it for later," he notes to Americon.

Blitzwing gestures at Thrust with his slice of cake. "How does that thing even work when it's made of bamboo? It's a complete mystery to me."

Americon hands Blitzwing a slice even as Blueshift and Thrust nab his other slices. Noticing that Blueshift is stealing a huge number of them, Americon turns on him and shouts, "Hey! That's un-American! You gotta leave some for everyone else... in America."

Soundwave stares down at his idiotic creation and emits, "Silence, fool." He looks up at the assorted Decepticons who have arrived. "Thank you for coming here. The purpose of this session is to educate you on how to interact with the human race. I have prepared a short video for all of you to watch. Turtler should be bringing drinks--" He peers over his shoulder. Sure enough, the turtle-tape is there, with a huge stack of drinks stacked on plates. But he's barely even inside the Arena yet due to his low land speed.

Blueshift nods sagely, moving towards Thrust to try to steal his cake. "It is indeed a mystery..." He turns as the drinks start to arrive. "Sir, can I go now?" he asks, having already taken an armful of drinks from the turtle. "I think I have got everything I need out of this event"

"No clue," Thrust says to Blitzwing as if it were a total non-issue to him. "Uh, question!" he calls toward Soundwave. "I know that videos can teach us, uh, a lot, I guess, but will we be practicing our various human-torturing and human-murdering techniques on actual /humans/? Because really the only way to learn is to do."

Blueshift pulls out a large board with a bucket of water attached to the top. "Yeah sir, I'd hope I didn't bring my waterboard along for nothing"

Soundwave's fists ball up as he feels a strong urge to practice some Decepticon torturing and murdering techniques. "Blueshift, the drinks and the... cake are for those who attend this session... AND stay until its conclusion! If you attempt to leave now after taking so many of the refreshments you will be PUNISHED!" He addresses the Decepticons in general. "We will not be torturing any humans. We will practice speaking to them in a cordial manner and not treating them like "human germs."" He opens a hatch on his arm, pressing some buttons within. Instantly, a screen and a projector materialize into existence, and a film begins to play. "Now watch the movie." 4...3...2...1...START

From afar, Blueshift (blue) grins

Maintaining his rigid posture atop his tribal segway, Thrust lets his shoulders do the frowning, looking like Soundwave just called off Robot Christmas.

Blueshift looks rather upset too, but starts to sneakily position his waterboard behind Thrust as the seeker is distracted by the video

Fulcrum arrives from the NCC Spinal Pathway via a winding steel-cable webbed bridge to the southeast.

Fulcrum has arrived.

Soundwave turns to watch the video, seemingly ignorant of the Decepticons' shenanigans. Turtler continues to plod along, not quite near the group yet. If anybody wants any drinks they'll have to walk right up to him.

The video begins, looking much like an educational film reel. It's in color, actually, but there's a lot of film grain. A grey and black Seeker addresses the audience from somewhere inside NCC. "Hello, fellow Decepticons. You're here to learn about humans and how to treat them respectfully. This video will give you a few pointers, and show you the terrible consequences of failing to listen to your instructions." Some cheery music begins to play as a cartoonized globe of the world replaces his image. "This, is the Earth." The globe spins, and various countries light up in various colors. "The red sections belong to the EDC, our sworn enemies. The blue sections belong to the Protectorate, with whom we have an alliance of sorts."

"What the hell?" Thrust says, indignant and oblivious to Blueshift's antics. "When the hell did Skywarp turn into a giant loser?!"

Blueshift sets the waterboard to start dripping onto Thrust's cone, as he too stares at the video. "And why do I care about the Protectorate? They're Militants-lite. We could take them like a two-piece robo-hooker any day"

Blitzwing pouts with his whole jaw. No murdering. Well, he can always murder on his own time. Maybe he'll learn something from this brief respite in the murder.

"That's not Skywarp, Skywarp's purple," Blitzwing points out.

Blueshift mutters "Personally I see murder as a learning aid"

"Once, the entire world fell under the jurisdiction of the EDC," the video continues. "But with the world divided in civil war, the resources of the humans are set against each other, rather than us. However... one foolish comment can change all that..." The next scene shows a gumby Decepticon, with some sort of tank altmode, talking to a Protectorate officer. The tank guy points at the human and says, "Shut up, HUMAN GERM!" The Protectorate officer, in turn, looks absolutely outraged, and vows, "We will have revenge for this insult!"

"A foolish comment like that," the narrator explains, "could set the entire world against us!" The video then shows a diagram showing the names of all the major powers on Earth: The Autobots, The EDC, the Decepticons, and The Protectorate. The Protectorate jumps over from the side the Decepticons were on, and joins the Autobots and EDC on their side.

Soundwave hisses at the Decepticons, "Pay attention to the movie, fools!"

"Yeah, BRAWL!" Thrust yells at the screen, as if he were watching live events. "SHOW THAT HUMAN GERM WHAT IT IS!"

Blueshift raises his hand. "But sir, isn't there like, only one or two Protectorate guys anyway? I mean, who cares what they think, we need to mash Autobots not kowchow to human germs. Its not like the EDC do anything anyway apart from whine. Actually, that's all the Autobots do too"

"D.A.B., much respec'!" agrees Blitzwing, throwing up the Decepticon Armor Brigade hand sign.

Soundwave growls at Blueshift, "The movie will explain everything." He sighs to himself as the others seem more impressed by the appearance of a Decepticon tank than anything.

"While we could easily defeat the Protectorate by itself," the narrator states, "defeating the combined forces of the Protectorate, the EDC, and our ancient enemies, the Autobots, would prove to be an incredible task." The movie shows a depressing scene: NCC is burning and in ruins, and all across the mettalic shore are strewn the bodies of countless exo-suits, Autobots, and Decepticons. A few surviving Decepticons, looking sad, pick through the remains, looking for survivors. "While we would win, it would be at a horrendous cost."

Blueshift frowns at the video. "Uh, when did that happen? I don't think this video is accurate, sir"

"Shut /up/, Blueshift," Thrust groans. "/Clearly/ it's an /artist's rendition/ of what would happen in a world where we were /ineffectual idiots/ and not /hardcore death machines/."

Blueshift grumbles, leaning back and increasing the drips onto Thrust's cone. "Mnnn. If only we were thirty foot tall armoured war machines, eh? We have no chance against tiny fragile meatbag organisms"

Blitzwing nods gravely.

Soundwave shakes his head. Doesn't ANYONE get it?

A giant Decepticon sigil slowly approaches the camera. "It's important that we all understand what is at stake here! If we fail to work together to ensure the success of the plans of the Decepticon High Command, you and your comrades will be in grave danger! Thank you for watching." The video comes to a halt there... but another starts playing right behind it. Video quality is even worse.

This one shows a blonde woman opening her door for a mailman with a package. "Need you to sign for this, ma'am," the mailman says. "Mmm," the blonde woman purrs, "Why don't you come in here, so I can sign for it... properly." She pulls the man in and raunchy music plays--then Soundwave frantically shuts off the projector.

"How did that get onto the film reel?" Soundwave asks of no one in particular. "Irrelevant. Does anyone have any questions?"

Thrust looks a bit confused. "So wait, was that last bit how we're supposed to treat the humans, or how we're /not/ supposed to treat the humans?"

"I got a question, Lieutenant," says Hudsontron the gumbyseeker, raising his hand. "How do I get out of this turbochickenshit outfit?"

One of the other gumbies orders him to stow it.

Blitzwing says, "Do we need them to sign for things now?" asks Blitzwing. "Should they remove their clothes when they do?""

Blueshift increases the dripping onto Thrust's cone a bit more. "Uh, what was in the package then sir?" he asks

Thrust tries to look behind him, but those huge shoulder extensions all the Decepticon jets have render him unable to look over his shoulder.

Soundwave sighs, clutching the crest of his forehead for a moment. "That last portion of the video with the mailman and the blonde woman was not intended to be part of the presentation. DISREGARD IT." He clasps his hands together. "Next, we will try interacting with a simulated human." He types some buttons on his arm, and a holographic Protectorate officer appears in full uniform. He looks sorta teed off, like he had just been yelled at by his superiors and wants to take it out on someone. A few moments later, and the officer suddenly comes to life, and he scowls at the Decepticons.

"I got this one, guys," Thrust says, zooming toward the faux hu-man in his segway. "Need you to sign for this, ma'am," he says to the officer in as close an approximation to the mailman's voice as he can.

Blitzwing reproduces a recording of the bow-chicka-bow music.

Blueshift watches Thrust, silently cursing that he got there first. Also now his waterboard is dripping onto the floor

The human, stares up at Thrust, face twitching, "What the f--- are you saying to me, you f---ing pile of scrap? I am a god--- MAN. F--- YOU!" He stares at Blitzwing. "And what the HELL are YOU doing? Someone s--- in your brains or something? J fing C-, I just did a 48 hour shift just to be told by some f---ing a--hole that I don't know what *I* am doing. Now I gotta put up with THIS s---?!"

Soundwave cringes. This is going REALLY badly.

Thrust is smug at his 'prowess' at first, but as the human starts to yell, his expression turns to confusion, then mortification, then rage. "Eat oblivion, HUMAN GERM!" he says as he raises his missile cannons and fires at the holo-human.

Blueshift stalks towards the human with his waterboard, and swings it down at the holoprojection. "DIE YOU HUMAN SWINE" he yells, along with Thrust. "GLORY TO THE EMPIRE!"

Blitzwing doesn't attack the human. Thrust and Blueshift have it under control. This is the benefit of rank.

Soundwave raises up a hand. "Stop you--"

The human explodes in a spray of gore, which is immediately flattened by Blueshift's waterboard.

"--idiots!" Soundwave sighs. "That entire altercation was unnecessary. You should've simply apologized for your foolish remarks. Additionally, the human was a male. Try harder to distinguish between human genders. Let us try that again, without botching the attempt!" The gore disappears, and the same Protectorate officer reappears as if nothing happened.

Thrust

A maroon F-15 Eagle and OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIS WINGS

Thrust rises into his robot form.

Thrust

Adhering to the typical Decepticon jet build, Thrust still manages to stand out in crowds. For one, he's a member of the elite section of Aerospace known as the 'coneheads' -- that is, above his sneering, preening mug is a big cone-shaped helmet that would look ridiculous if he weren't already a thirty-foot robot from outer space. Secondly, his wings, instead of adhering to the usual sharp, vaguely triangular shape, are this weird curvy things with huge boxes in the middle containing VTOL fans. He is maroon and dark grey, which is pretty cool I guess, and his eyes are as yellow as the night.

Blueshift stares at Soundwave, still holding his board. "But sir, the human attacked us first, attacked us with /words/. Surely in such a situation we should defend ourselves otherwise it is a show of weakness. I will not apologise if I am insulted by a lesser organism!"

Thrust stares down at the hologram for a long moment. "No," he says over to Soundwave, "I can't do it. It's too weird once I've already killed this guy. I mean, what do you say to someone after you've done that?"

"They were totally provoked," Blitzwing agrees.

Soundwave holds out his hands almost pleadingly. "It did not attack any of you! Hnnh. Do you not see? We are not GENUINELY being courteous. It is all a ruse, a lie intended to play upon their overblown egos, all the better to manipulate them into doing our bidding. If any of you were capable of a level of subtlety beyond that of a thrown brick, you would understand that. But, very well, I will replace the current human with a different one." He taps away at the buttons on his arms again, and the male Protectorate officer is replaced by a blonde female officer.

Blueshift nods and looks down at the female. "Aaah, I see. Now THIS is the female variety Thrust, notice the udders". He walks up to the human. "Hi Ma'am, I have a package, can you sign for it?"

"Ah-ha," Thrust says, cracking his robot knuckles to get the nitrogen out of the joints or something. "Okay. Now, uh, wait, do I talk to the yellow-furred human even if I don't have a package-- wait! Blueshift! We don't have a package! You /idiot/, you've just /STARTED A WAR/!"

Blueshift winks at Thrust, and holds out a piece of cake with which he has wrapped two paper plates around. "Nonsense Thrust, /I/ think of everything. Here is the package"

Sixshot arrives from the NCC Spinal Pathway via a winding steel-cable webbed bridge to the southeast.

Sixshot has arrived.

The blonde woman looks up at Blueshift, mystified. "Udders? Huh?... you... have a package for me?" She then stares at Thrust. "Wha--I don't understand, what are you talking about? A war?" Her eyes lock onto the "package" and she gapes, dumbfounded, at it. "I--what is going on?"

Soundwave meanwhile tries to retreat to his happy place, where the morons can't get to him.

 Soundwave says, "In his own head, that is."

"What my comrade is trying to say," Thrust notes helpfully, "is that he is a human mailman."

Blueshift nods at this. "Yes, and my package is very large, would you like to go inside and sign for it, bow-chicka-wow." He tries to remember everything from the video

"Did you know," Thrust says, "that this robot was once almost a governor?"

"Also I once owned a Segway" adds Blueshift. "And I had an orphanage"

Blondie (let's just call her that) says, "Human mailman?! What--" She shuffles away from Blueshift, eyes wide. "Are--are you coming on to me?" She looks at Thrust. "I--oh, um, I heard about the campaign. Uh..." She stares up at Blueshift. "...how did... uh... it go?"

Thrust pivots his Segway in place and gives Soundwave a huge thumbs up.

Soundwave GLARES back at him.

Thrust can't tell, because Soundwave's face is totally obscured.

Blueshift stares down at the human, waving his waterboard. "We do not talk of that. Does your washing machine need fixing, I can also service your plumbing" he ad-libs

Scourge has arrived.

Suddenly, Thrust's tribal segway pivots back toward Blueshift. "What the--" he says, giving Blueshift a disgusted look. "You're supposed to be a /mailman/, not a /slave/!"

Blueshift grins back at Thrust. "Ah no, I have been researching this. I trick her into letting me in, and then I stab her repeatedly with some sort of knife-like device whilst she screams"

Thrust thinks about this for a moment, and then nods. "Okay, then." He points menacingly at the human. "But don't try to trick him or anything. He's /very easily fooled/."

Blondie looks even more puzzled. "I... my plumbing? I--what the hell are you saying?" Looking back and forth between Blueshift, she suddenly looks very terrified. "What??? You're crazy!" she screams, and pulls out a gun, aiming it at Blueshift's head as she backs away. "Get away from me!"

Soundwave raises up a hand, trying to stop the inevitable catastrophe. "Wait..."

 Soundwave notes, for Scourge's sake, that the human is just a hologram

Blueshift looks at Soundwave. "Don't worry sir, I've got this!" He swings the waterboard down repeatedly onto the human's head. "Die flesh-creature, die!"

Thrust pivots toward Soundwave in the inexplicably-powered segway again. "Are the personality defects in your holograms reflective of the Protectorate as a whole?"

"It always seems to end up at this impasse," muses Blitzwing.

Blondie gets off a shot before she is flattened. "EEEEE--" *splat*

"YOU FOOLS!" Soundwave booms. "That is the SECOND simulated Protectorate officer you have killed! They are not defective, YOU ARE!" His fists ball up again. "Do you not see that each time, you have thoughtlessly provoked their ire? I am willing to wager that Americon would communicate with them more efficiently than all three of you combined!" He types commands into his arm again, and blondie's two-dimensional body disappears. This time, a Chinese Protectorate male appears. Americon, given his cue, steps up to him, holding a large ener-cake on his shoulders.

"Hello," Americon greets, "and welcome to New Crystal City... IN AMERICA!" The Protectorate officer's eyes bug out upon seeing Americon, and he draws a gun and starts firing upon him. "It is... mini-Ultra Magnus!" the officer shouts.

Blueshift looks grumpily at Soundwave. "Not defective? Look, this ones eyes are all funny and wrong, see?" And then as the officer starts shooting, Blueshift gets out his own gun and fires away. "Aaaaaah human slime!"

Thrust zooms over toward Americon -- and /punches him in the face/. "War averted, Soundwave!" he says with a look of incredibly vain pride -- before Blueshift shoots the holographic human. "Wait. Now I'm just confused."

 Scourge says, "You sir *speaking to soundwave* are surrounded by morons"  Soundwave says, "I know!"  Thrust says, "i am having incredible amounts of fun"  Thrust says, "plus i punched americon"  Thrust says, "it's win-win"

The Chinese male shrieks as he explodes in a shower of gore. As for Americon, he goes down like a chump and his cake goes flying. "In... America..." he gasps before passing out. And poor Soundwave just clutches his head as he struggles to contain his frustration. He knew this would be difficult, but... geeze!

Blueshift moves to shake Thrust's hand. "War averted!" he nods, smiling

"I think you guys are just having fun with it now," says Blitzwing, catching the cake with his Lightning Reflexes skill.

"Wait," Thrust murmurs, "WAIT! I GET IT NOW!" Thrust laughs, which isn't an incredibly pleasing noise, and claps his hands. "Bravo, Soundwave! You're not really teaching us sensitivity at all -- you're reminding us of the true nature of a Decepticon! To conquer one's enemies mercilessly," he says as he gestures toward the exploded human, and then to Americon, "and to demolish any ally who stands in your way!" Thrust beams. "I /get it/ now. And I understand." Razorclaw has arrived.

Thrust adds at the end, "Do I win?"

Soundwave shouts, "IDIOTS! The officer was wielding a nine millimeter pistol. It lacks the kinetic force to even scratch your paint. He was not a threat. You should've calmly reasoned with him, to convince him to cease his attack. And--" He's cut off as Thrust launches into a diatribe. "NO! That is not the purpose of this meeting at all! I am trying to teach you how better to manipulate our so-called allies, and you are all failing miserably! And no, you do not win!"

Accessing his arm panel again, Soundwave says, "Now we will simulate interaction with Protectorate soldiers in exo-suits. If you do anything foolish to them, they will likely kill you. And I would not blame them." Now a squadron of twenty exo-suits appears in the room, and the setting switches to that of a jungle.

Soundwave snatches a drink from the plates on Turtler's back, now that the little tape finally made it over to him. Yeah, Soundwave might need a few drinks to get through this night...

Blueshift has reconnected. Fusillade arrives from the NCC Spinal Pathway via a winding steel-cable webbed bridge to the southeast. Fusillade has arrived.

Blueshift looks to Soundwave. "Sir, perhaps we should roleplay without defective holograms. One of us could take the part of the weakling human scum"

Soundwave growls at Blueshift, "None of you idiots has any idea how humans interact. Request denied."

Blitzwing has cake. It's some kind of energy-matter cake that Transformers can eat. Who knows how that works, Americon baked it.

Well, the cake portion is actual cake, like what humans would eat. The filling is energon is suspended in a jelly-like substance. Probably not very good for you, all things considered.

As the Exo-Squad appears and the jungle surrounds them, Thrust thanks above that his stone-and-bamboo segway, stolen from a murdered tribal god, affords him the slightest bit of camouflague (aside from all his maroon and dark grey working completely against it). "Shut up, Blueshift, or they'll shoot us. Weren't you listening at all?" Thrust wheels up toward the "humans" on his personal transportation device. "Bah weep gra-nah weep ni nibon," Thrust says, raising one hand to show an open palm. "Your idol worship of us is pleasant, humans, but thoroughly unnecessary. Though your exo-suits clearly are designed to mimic us superior lifeforms, we assure you that there is nothing wrong with /just being you/." Thrust looks over at Soundwave, shooting a holographic tree out of the way, and gives another thumbs up.

Blueshift gives an 'nnnn' and starts to crash noisily through the trees. "Greetings human creatures!" he says, raising a hand. "We are here to definately NOT enslave you" He gives a huge wink at this.

The exo-suits glance at each other as Thrust carelessly suggests that their suits are merely a kind of worship of Decepticons, instead of tools of war. One of the suits steps forward--the squad leader, apparently. "Heh, real joker, aren't you?" he says to Thrust. "Look we need your help to--" One of the other suits, apparently piloted by a female, suddenly shouts at Blueshift, "You better not! My father was murdered by Decepticons! I've been waiting for years to pay you back!"

"Easy, Corporal!" the squad leader shouts. "Heh, never mind her. Now, we have reports of Autobots in this jungle. We want you to help us find them."

Blueshift gives a thumbs up sign to Thrust, and then points at the nearby form of Americon. "There look, there is Mini Ultra Magnus, get him!"

"Okay," Thrust says, nodding toward the humans. "Well, the problem here is that there's too much cover for them. You humans start burning, oh, /that/ end of the area," he says, pointing, "and I'll start on /that/ end, and the fires will hopefully drive the Autobots into the middle where we can pick them off from the sky. All set? On break. BREAK!"

 Thrust says, "next week, rainforest sensitivity training :("

Blitzwing points out, "Humans don't like fire- they're not as fireproof as us."

"They're in suits!" Thrust scoffs. Then he turns toward the humans. "You're in suits!"

Blueshift scowls at Blitzwing. "But they are in Decepticon suits! They'll be fine. We just napalm this forest and salt the earth, that'll drive those Autobot scum out"

"What?!" the squad leader shouts. Americon sits up at this point, groaning wearily. Unfortunately, his Decepticon sigil is obscured by a vine that got wrapped around his body. "Am I in... America?" he asks?

"It's an Autobot!" the squad leader shouts. "All units, open fire!" And then, all twenty exo-suits unleash a torrent of plasma upon the poor cassetticon. He is quickly vaporized, the only thing marking his passage being a high-pitched shriek.

The Squad leader, having just finished up murdering the poor guy, stares at Blitzwing with his exo's red camera. "Huh? We're trying to CAPTURE this jungle, not destroy it."

"Why would you want to capture a jungle?" Thrust says with a look of blank disgust. "It's so... teeming and reeking."

Blueshift shakes his head at the foolish humam. "You can't capture a /jungle/" he mutters. "You do not have a prison cell big enough"

The squad leader glances at his fellow exo's for a moment, then at the Decepticons. "People live in this jungle. Citizens of the Protectorate. It is our duty to protect them."

Blueshift shakes his head. "No no, Soundwave sir, it is defective again. Humans don't live in trees anymore"

Soundwave downs a few more drinks. Well, at least Americon's death wasn't "real." "Fool," Soundwave says. "They sometimes live AROUND the trees in small tribal communities. That must be what he is referring to."

"Wouldn't they rather live in sanitary, inflammable steel structures?" Thrust asks the squad, failing to comprehend. "This jungle must be some giant death-trap to your human citizens. Especially once we set all this on fire to smoke out the Autobots!"

The squad leader replies, his voice lowering, "We are NOT burning down this forest. Do I make myself clear?"

"Well, if you don't have the guts to do what it takes to wage war then you're not much use to us, are you," grumbles Blitzwing.

"Fine," Thrust says, flatly. "When the Autobots give your people /aid/ and /health supplies/ and other disgusting symbols of mercy, don't come /running to us/."

Blueshift strokes his chin, waving his waterboard around. "Autobots love humans, right? So if we torture a human with this waterboard, we will lure then right to us!"

The squad leader points an accusing finger at Blitzwing. "I've been doing this for twenty years, punk. I know what the hell I'm doing. Squad, move out." He stalks off with his comrades, and adds, "If you want to come along with us and make yourselves semi-useful, feel free."

The exo with the female pilot--let's call her Angry Human--"Did you hear that? They don't respect us at all! And now they're going to torture us!?" "Let it go, corporal," the squad leader tells her. "They're just idiots."

Blueshift glares back at the human. "Well we've been doing this for four million years, that's like..." he pauses. "TEN times your experience!"

Thrust knocks some more trees over to look at Soundwave. "They haven't forced Blueshift to kill them yet," he notes, concerned. "Are you sure these are programmed to behave like humans?"

Ravage watches in silence from it's little spot. .oO(How did we ever fall so low? Back in Megatron's days stuff like that would never happen.)Oo. The cyber jaguar's ears twitches from time to time whenever he hears something stupid or that hurts his logic center.

Soundwave replies, "That is because, miraculously, you have thus far successfully avoided provoking them. I advise that you continue to respect them." He is interested to see that the Decepticons at least respect the humans more when they can shoot back with something of higher caliber than a 9mm, at least.

The exo's, meanwhile, stomp further into the jungle, Blueshift's witty retort going unchallenged.

Blitzwing goes along with the armored humans since these ones may not be completely useless even if they disagree with his opinion of napalm.

Thrust shrugs, and motors along behind Blitzwing in his islander segway.

Blueshift follows the group, idly setting fire to the trees as he goes

Eventually, the squad and the Decepticons come upon a clearing, where there are some Autobots and EDC exo-suits setting up some sort of communications array.

"Okay, squad," the squad leader says as he and his team take up positions behind the various bits of foliage. "Let's pick our targets and--" "SIR!" Angry Human interjects. "The blue one is setting fire to all the trees!" "Godd-!" the squad leader says. "That's not important now. Ah, s---, they see the smoke." Sure enough, an Autobot squints, puzzled, up at the sky.

"Everyone down!" The exo's crouch down and remain still.

Blueshift stays standing as he stares at the humans. "Now hang on, this could be a test. How do we know that you are the Protectorate, and not the Eddy-Cee? Do you have identification on you?" He is shouting this out as he does so, to make sure Soundwave hears how clever he is

Blitzwing dives aside into the trees, ejects his thermal blade and hustles around to flank the Autobot position.

Thrust flies about ten feet directly up, into the treetop canopy. Still on his segway, which he maintains his deathgrip on.

The squad leader growls, "What, did you miss the f---ing Protectorate logo on my suit? And be quiet, you're giving away our position!"

And that's exactly what happens: The Autobots and the EDC exo's babble to each other, drawing weapons. Some of them break off to investigate the noise and fire, while others keep their weapons trained on the jungle. An Autobot spots Thrust almost immediately after he lifts off of the ground, calling him out. The response is fast, and several of the Autobots and EDC exo-suits start to fire upon him.

Elsewhere, Soundwave just shakes his head and guzzles another drink.

Blueshift scoffs. "Oh yeah, like that's hard to fake!" And then the Autobots are about in front of him. Blueshift frowns. "Now really sir, I thought we were just doing talking, I don't have any weapons on hand..." Scratching his head, he looks around for a makeshift weapon. He grabs the leg of one of the Protectorate Exos, and throws it at the Autobots. "FIRE IN THE HOLE!" he shouts

His cover blown, Thrust drops the Segway into subspace, not wanting his precious baby to get damaged at all, and surges forward, blasting any foliage or branches or trees or whatever out of the way as he goes, simultaneously giving the Protectorates both an intensely hazardous working environment and some cover. At that point, though, the thrown exo hits him and knocks him out of the sky, directly into the communications array. It explodes, and Thrust dies.

Angry Human screams, "Oh my God, he killed Frost!" just before she fires on Blueshift with her plasma rifle. The other Protectorate exo's, confused, alternate between shooting at the Autobots and EDC, and at the Decepticons. "Wait, squad--" the squad leader shouts, trying to regain control. But the whole jungle is erupting in a chaotic firefight, and it may be too late for that...

Blitzwing appears out of the jungle on the far side of the clearing, having circled around it, in the form of a thermal blade in front of an Autobot's throat. The Autobot looks down before its head comes off. "Get some!" concurs Blitzwing, pitching the head at one of the EDC while kicking the headless body into another one.

Blueshift shouts out as the humans start shooting at him. "Traitorous scum!" he yells, throwing a burning treebranch at him, as his head explodes in a volley of gunfire. But Blueshift does not need his head as he doesn't really use it, and continues to shoot

 Fusillade returns from cooking, stares.

A Protectorate exo goes down from the tree branch, and another falls from Blueshift's gunfire. "My god, he's still up!" one of the squaddies shouts. The squad backs up, into the clearing as they continue firing at, well, everything.

The Autobots and EDC exo's are shocked by Blitzwing's sudden flanking maneuver and taken completely by surprise. They flail about, shooting desperately as the triple-changer descends upon them like a harbinger of death.

And meanwhile, a large, dark blue form stalks upon Blueshift, its hands reaching for his shoulders--

Soundwave succeeds in grasping Blueshift, throwing them off-balance.

Blitzwing whips up a machine pistol in each fist and begins firing in rapid bursts this way and that as he rolls and leaps through the enemy formation. This is not something that has been seen before. Evidently he is working on new techniques.

The headless form of Blueshift keeps firing at everyone and everything, until he is down by an obviously traitorous Soundwave. "Aaaaargh!" cries the headless body

Warmonger arrives from the NCC Spinal Pathway via a winding steel-cable webbed bridge to the southeast.

Warmonger has arrived.

Soundwave hoists Blueshift's body up into the air, and in a feat of strength, slowly but surely PULLS HIS ARMS off with a shriek of grinding metal and the snap of wires coming apart. He lets the body drop and kicks it to the ground, pressing his foot upon its back. "These Decepticons are traitors, sent by the Autobots to sabotage your mission," he explains to the Protectorate squad. He points at Blitzwing. "Kill them all."

The triple-changer was doing pretty well against the allied Autobots and EDC troopers--a lot of them went down from the dual machine-pistols. The survivors are obviously panicking and just fighting to survive. But then a torrent of plasma fire and mini-missiles--from Soundwave's missile launcher!--streams into the jungle, indiscriminately flying into everyone and everything. Including Blitzwing.

Blitzwing is hurled onto his back by the missile strike. "That's cheating!" protests Blitzwing. "What is this supposed to teach us about working with the Protectorate?"

Blitzwing succeeds in grasping Soundwave, throwing him off-balance.

Blitzwing also shoots Soundwave as long as he's at it.

Blueshift's body leaps to its feet, which are still attached, and starts running about Soundwave in a circle, like a headless chicken. It is also on fire.

Thrust: Dead

 Fusillade unidles again.

 Fusillade says, "What the hell?"

<OOC> Thrust says, "i'm dead"

<OOC> Thrust says, "it's sad"

<OOC> Fusillade says, "No, the craziness unfolding before us. I guess I am just unable to catch up tonight."

<OOC> Warmonger says, "It is ok. I just got here but I assume that we are learning about the tensile strengths of various alloys!"

The squad leader shouts, not really paying attention to whatever Blitzwing is saying, "He's right! That guy shot his own commander! Let him have it!" So, with the Autobots and EDC being cut down in fairly short order, the Protectorate exo's focus their fire on Blitzwing.

Soundwave takes the hit, staggering back. He muses that, without his tapes, he would have a very difficult time defeating Blitzwing. He's a real piece of work in combat, he'll give him that much. But with 15--or so--Protectorate exo's supporting him, his odds are pretty good. "Die, traitor," is Soundwave's only response as he fires back at Blitzwing.

Meanwhile, one of the exo's stares horrified at Blueshift's flailing. "My... my GOD...."

Soundwave succeeds in grasping Blitzwing, throwing him off-balance.

<OOC> Soundwave says, "I told you it's a debacle. :>"

Blueshift's body starts to run up a tree horizontally, using its leg boosters. It makes a strange screeching noise as it goes. And it is still aflame.

Blitzwing is spun around by the hit, but keeps spinning, transforming and corkscrewing into the air. Bombs detach from his hardpoints and bathe the whole clearing in shockwaves and fire. "Oh-ho, I see how it is! This is all an excuse to work out your frustration at Blueshift and Thrust for being robotards!"

Blitzwing unfolds and reconfigures himself rapidly, wings snapping out and locking into position as he assumes his aerial form.

<OOC> Blueshift says, "We are learning about how to be sensitive to humans"

Blitzwing succeeds in grasping Soundwave, throwing him off-balance.

As the explosions blossom around, Blueshift's body loses its grip on the tree, and tumbles to the earth in the direction of Soundwave

Blueshift succeeds in grasping Soundwave, throwing him off-balance.

Soundwave nods as he aims his concussion rifle at Blitzwing for another shot. "Precisely--and you are no better than them!" But the bombs explode all around him, scattering Exo's and making him stumble. Finally, Blueshift lands on top of him, knocking him down. "ARGH!" he shouts, pushing Blueshift's body. "Get off of me, fool! Enough--end session!" And suddenly, the jungle, the exo-suits, the Autobots, they all vanish, and everyone is fine and undamaged again. Soundwave stands up. "That was my final lesson. If you endanger our relations with the Protectorate, I will not hesitate to betray and kill all of you." He glances over his shoulder. Turtler is still waddling over to him, his mouth slowly opening and closing.

Blueshift stands up, calmly taking a drink from Turtler. "I get it sir... I uh, think. So do I get a certificate to put on my wall?"

Thrust is no longer dead. "Are we at war?" he murmurs.

As a large tree shimmers out of existence, it is revealed that Warmonger was standing in the exact spot said tree occupied the entire time. He crosses his arms, nodding at Soundwave's conclusion. "Yes sir. I believe you have, as the humans say, 'dropped some education on us' tonight." He sounds entirely sincere; eager to show off how sensitive he is to humanity with his hip lingo. "I will take care to put these lessons into practice in all future dealings with the Protectorate of Nations." His optics narrow at Thrust's question, and he shakes his head. "We have been at WAR for millenia, Thrust. I hope for your sake that you're just disoriented... And not an AUTOBOT SYMPATHISER!"

Blueshift's head snaps round to Thrust and he raises his gun. "Is Warmonger right? Have you betrayed us? Have you... betrayed ME?"

With a loud clanging and clunking Blitzwing rearranges himself into his imposing humanoid form.

Blitzwing lands again. "Well, that was more exciting than I had expected really."

Thrust is, admittedly, incredibly confused. "Auto-- Auto-- Auto-- w-w-w-what?!" He turns from Warmonger to Blueshift. "No, Blueshift, no! Remember how easily you can be tricked! But -- this isn't a trick! I'm not tricking you! He is! Because you're so gullible!"

Soundwave growls at Blueshift, "If any of you fools had paid attention to my lessons, you would've have easily received such a certificate, stating that you are qualified to deal with the humans. But, in fact, I should give all of you a certificate stating that you are NOT qualified for such a task and should be forbidden from doing EVER dealing with friendly humans."

Soundwave does give Warmonger an appreciative nod. "But perhaps you learned something from the brief moment that you were here."

<OOC> Warmonger says, "I learned something! High five!"

<OOC> Soundwave says, "The more you know!"

Blueshift stares at Thrust, looking from him back to Warmonger. "I... but... I... and... where... I..." He is not sure where to point his gun now

"What can I say," admits Blitzwing with a shrug. "I'm no diplomat."

<OOC> Blueshift says, "This was an awesome scene Soundwave, thank you ever so much :)"

<OOC> Soundwave says, "No problem. :)"

Warmonger swells with pride at Soundwave's praise, then makes placating gestures at Blueshift. "Put your gun away, Blueshift. I was merely... REMINDING Thrust of our eternal duty." He shakes his head again. "I swear, that Segway has damaged their neural nets..." he mutters, barely audible.

Soundwave folds his arms. "Meeting is concluded. I hope SOME of you learned something." The tape commander stomps out of the room, Turtler slowly trying to follow, still with a big stack of drinks on his back.