2033 Olympics: Artillery Range

Mercurial Orbit

The battered chunk of rock that passes as the planet Mercury rotates under you as you refrain from orbiting sunside, the blasting heat from the Sun almost unbearable there. Pools of precious metals rest on the surface, and various survey and mining teams explore the surface and collect the minerals. Other than those few teams, there is nothing of real significance around here, it seems...

The dark side of Mercury. Relatively cold and peaceful, especially in contrast to the burning surface of the planet on the other side! Here, a floating target in the shape of a bullseye sits across from a simple line painted into the ground, and behind that line are multiple space howitzers! Then there's other artillery gun, but it's on wheels. And it's talking. "GREETINGS CONTESTANTS, I AM ARTY, THE LIVING SELF-PROPELLED GUN AND MASCOT OF THE FIRE SUPPORT CLUB. I AM HERE TO EVALUATE YOUR PERFORMANCE IN THE ARTILLERY RANGE AND PROVIDE CLEVER, ARTILLERY-RELATED QUIPS. PLEASE TAKE POSITIONS AT THE LINE AND PREPARE TO FIRE ONE OF THE ARTILLERY CANNONS. ALSO, NO SHENANIGANS OR I WILL BLAAAAST YOU."

"Whooooa," Fusillade says as the host judge speaks. With optics wide, she edges toward it? Him? and reaches out to rest a palm on the air cooling jacket of Arty's barrel. "Nawwww, get outta here! Are you remote operated:? I bet you /are/."

Contrail has other things she could be doing, aside from shoot howitzers at targets. She sighs over the mascot. Well, at least it is not Gal-Axy, who is neither a gal nor an axe? Contrail envies Fusillade's apparent carefree mood and stalks over to her assigned post.

Backblast grins and takes his position at one of the ranges, shrugging. "Humans have pretty good AI now a days, Laser-lips, he could be exactly that." He laughs, getting to know the workings of the cannon he's been assigned. "Hrm." He mutters. "It's no ninety-mil, but I can make use of 'er"

Rampage is here, as he is every year. Being the Predacon's gunner means he has some expertise in this sport, though they haven't been doing much gunning lately. In fact they haven't been doing much of anything. Where was Razorclaw? Napping? Nevertheless, the sole Predacon participant represents.

Laserbeak is annoyed. That is to say, he is in his standard 'non-skulking' mode. The giant artillery piece didn't help matters. So much for his master plan of just ending this facade of a spirited competition. He also didn't care for his humiliation earlier in the foot race. He ruffles, any way there's a chance to show up some bots, show off his optics and maybe do some damage while still under this truce. It had potential to be entertaining, though Laserbeak's thoughts on entertainment would be akin to those 'Saw' films.

Silverbolt looks suitably impressed by the proceedings, though he wouldn't let on even if he were. He prepares for the contest by eyeing the range from his vantage point, better to caluclate on the fly or some such. He looks around, wondering if he should be sporting or taunting his opponents. He decides to do neither, being the picture of self control.

Hubcap regards 'Arty' suspiciously for a few moments before sauntering over to his assigned cannon. "Ready when you are, Morty."

Wheelie is here, of course. The Autobots had to get him out of Autobot City somehow, and what better way than to let him shoot of artillery cannons? Looking out from behind Silverbolt's leg, the minibot regards the talking cannon with a little bit of curiosity mixed with excitement.

"Talking cannon freaks me out, you sure we should join this bout?" he asides to the Aerialbot.

"PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH MY BARREL, IT IS VERY SENSITIVE AND IT WOULD BE UNFORTUNATE IF I FIRED INTO YOUR FACE," Arty warns Fusillade. "ALSO I AM ALIVE THANKS TO A FREAK LIGHTNING STORM. I DON'T GET IT EITHER. NOW I SHALL DETERMINE THE ORDER IN WHICH THE CONTESTANTS WILL PROCEED. LOADING PAINTBALL ROUND. ROUND LOADED. FIRING." And it fires a shell into the midst of the contestants, splattering them with paint rounds! "WHOMEVER HAS THE MOST HITS ON THEM AS INDICATED BY THE PAINT ROUNDS SHALL GO FIRST, THEN ONTO THE NEXT HIGHEST, AND SO ON. OUR FIRST TARGET IS _80 METERS_. THE TOP 4 CONTESTANTS WHO ACHIEVE AT LEAST ONE HIT THAT IS CLOSEST TO THE TARGET THAN ANYONE ELSE SHALL MOVE ON TO THE NEXT ROUND. ANY QUESTIONS?"

GAME: Repugnus rolls a (100)-sided die:

ROLL: Rampage rolled a 98

ROLL: Wheelie rolled a 96

ROLL: Hubcap rolled a 81

ROLL: Laserbeak rolled a 79

ROLL: Backblast rolled a 71

ROLL: Fusillade rolled a 65

ROLL: Silverbolt rolled a 61

ROLL: Contrail rolled a 1

Rampage proudly paintspatteredly strides up to the artillery device and starts to work it. "80 meters? Who decided to metricize us up like that? Why can't we do it in yards? I don't even know what a meter is!" the Predacon complains as he takes his shots.

Artillery Range: Rampage fires a shot!

BOOM!!

@CHANNEL doesn't know switch.

Artillery Range: Rampage fires a shot!

KAPOW!!

Artillery Range: Rampage fires a shot!

KA BOOM!!!

Wheelie steps out from behind Silverbolt, before reply, and jumps up to an artillery cannon. One that isn't talking, of course. "Oh such a fussy kitty, look at Wheelie paint this target nice and pretty!" he giggles, taking aim and firing off three shots.

Artillery Range: Wheelie fires a shot!


 * THUD*

< Decepticon > Laserbeak reports on Rampage's efforts, in that much higher, perhaps in the 60-70 degree arc would help.

Artillery Range: Wheelie fires a shot!

]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]===========================

40. Aug 23 17:49 Rampage                 187.83 m      (6 s)  45' 42.23m/s

41. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage                 205.18 m      (7 s)  46' 44.23m/s

42. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage                 162.96 m      (6 s)  44' 39.23m/s

43. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie                 141.03 m      (5 s)  45' 36.63m/s

44. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie                  95.25 m      (3 s)  30' 31.63m/s

===========================[ 44 shots (time sort) ]===========================

Artillery Range: Wheelie fires a shot!


 * BOOM*

Hubcap draws a finger solemnly through the paint coating him. "Hrm. Blue." He pauses thoughtfully, then nods, "I can do blue." Oh, wait, he's up. Climbing into the cannon's seat, he mutters to himself. "How does this thing work?"

Artillery Range: Hubcap fires a shot!


 * BOOM*

Artillery Range: Hubcap fires a shot!

BOOM!!

Artillery Range: Hubcap fires a shot!

KAKOOWWW!!

Laserbeak activates his thrusters, swooping up into the cannon's seat. He regards it with a loud chirping sound, then transforms into his cassette mode, slipping into the retro-tech weapon. Oh what power he possessed now, even if it was just paintballs... He noted the idea of using this on a grander scale. Now if only he could get his optics to work with the artillery.

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!

THOOOM!

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!


 * THUD*

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!

BOOM!!

Laserbeak squawks happily-ish.

< Decepticon > Laserbeak says, "notes that 69 degrees registered with 78 meters, 68 degrees should do it."

Dust Devil cruises in from the depths of space.

Backblast steps up to his cannon and rubs his hands together a moment, getting a look at the thing and how it works

Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!

SPLOOSH!

Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!

KAPOW!!

Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!

KA BOOM!!!

Fortress Maximus cruises in from the depths of space.

"Well you can't exactly shoot me if I'm off to the SIDE of the barrel," Fusillade remarks crossly. However, that also means she is quite far away from the paintball as it spatters. As she watches the others fire, she hmms quietly to herself, head whipping back and forth like a tennis match viewer. She considers, "Wonder if the relation is linear or..." She then sits on the gantry of her assigned piece. Her expression is quite absorbed, nay, even care-free! As she takes the grips, warning siren honks at her repeatly until she punches the console with scowl, and dials in a firing solution. "80 meters is awfully close," she mumbles to herself.

Backblast steps away from the target with a wide grin, looking satisfied with at least one of his shots.

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!


 * BOOM*

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!

SPLOOSH!

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!

SPLOOSH!

Silverbolt watches his fellow competitors shoot, wincing when they miss (or miss badly) and clapping politely when they hit. When it's his term he approachs his cannon and begins his firing solution.

Artillery Range: Silverbolt fires a shot!

BOOM!!

Artillery Range: Silverbolt fires a shot!

BOOM!!

Artillery Range: Silverbolt fires a shot!

THOOOM!

< Autobot > Hubcap says, "Does Metroplex qualify as an embassy?"

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "I... think so."

< Autobot > Impulse says, "Who's asking, and why?"

Contrail, without thinking, dodges the spray of shots and just ends up with one paintball dripping down her face. She licks it and says, "Hrm. Cherry. The most delicious colour." She takes her shots.

< Autobot > Elita One says, "good idea, Hubcap."

Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot!

BOOM!!

< Autobot > Hubcap says, "Well, last I heard, there's an arrest warrant out on Amber, She may need asylum."

Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot!

BOOM!!

< Autobot > First Aid says, "Metroplex's legal status is a bit tricky, but there's no way they can arrest Amber here. Worst comes to worst, Cybertron is only a spacebridge trip away."

Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot!

KAPOW!!

< Autobot > Elita One says, "I...respectfully disagree. Granted we should have asylum rights here, but if we totally ignore the law on Earth, it will only hurt our status with them.  We should appeal using their laws, if possible."

< Autobot > First Aid says, "I agree."

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Elita's got a point... but if she claims asylum with us, it... could help us whether they come to force her in or not. Remember the Julian Assange affair, back in 2012?"

< Autobot > Hubcap says, "Just, she probably shouldn't leave the city, for now."

< Autobot > Blades says, "We could always just ally with Carbombya. They'll disagree with whatever the UN says on general principles."

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "We play this right, and do it -entirely- within the framework of the law, we can make Cross's cronies look like the bad guys."

< Autobot > Rodimus Prime says, "Autobots."

Dust Devil was going to enter the competition in the normal manner but something about magnetizing all of the tools in the lab before one of the lab techs went in there sorta got him in trouble. So since he couldn't get in the front door, he slipped in, using some of the service ducts. There's a startled yelp as Dust Devil suddenly appears from behind one of the decorative flags dragging it down with him as he ends up on the ground. Hearing its his turn, he bolts to his feet and runs over to the weapon. The flag is stuck to his cockpit section behind his head and drapes around him like a cape. And no he's not looking at any of the spectators. Someone there probably remembers that he was supposed to be grounded!

< Autobot > First Aid says, "Yeah I remember that, Backblast. Can't remember how it turned out, though..."

< Autobot > Elita One says, "Rodimus."

< Autobot > Sideswipe huhs?, just having tuned in finally, "Wha?"

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Me neither, but the Brits wouldn't -dare- entery the emb- Sir."

Artillery Range: Dust Devil fires a shot!


 * BOOM*

Artillery Range: Dust Devil fires a shot!

KAPOW!!

< Autobot > Rodimus Prime says, "Their personal safety should be your pressing concern, not open conjecture on the Earth Defense Command."

< Autobot > Rodimus Prime says, "Also, need I remind everyone you're discussing a confidential matter on an unsecured and open frequency."

Artillery Range: Dust Devil fires a shot!

THOOOM!

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "They're in Autobot City. Nuff said, they're safe."

< Autobot > Blades says, "Maybe I just like sand, boss."

]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]===========================.33 m     (1 s)  0' 21.82m/s

40. Aug 23 17:49 Rampage                 187.83 m      (6 s)  45' 42.23m/s

41. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage                 205.18 m      (7 s)  46' 44.23m/s

42. Aug 23 17:50 Rampage                 162.96 m      (6 s)  44' 39.23m/s

43. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie                 141.03 m      (5 s)  45' 36.63m/s

44. Aug 23 17:52 Wheelie                  95.25 m      (3 s)  30' 31.63m/s

45. Aug 23 17:53 Wheelie                  63.15 m      (2 s)  22' 27.63m/s

46. Aug 23 17:57 Hubcap                   34.59 m      (3 s)  40' 14.3m/s

47. Aug 23 17:57 Hubcap                   17.13 m      (3 s)  50' 9.3m/s

48. Aug 23 17:58 Hubcap                   23.19 m      (3 s)  55' 12.3m/s

49. Aug 23 17:59 Laserbeak               100.95 m      (6 s)  63' 34.76m/s

50. Aug 23 17:59 Laserbeak                95.54 m      (7 s)  65' 34.76m/s

51. Aug 23 18:00 Laserbeak                78.73 m      (7 s)  69' 33.76m/s

52. Aug 23 18:08 Backblast               115.66 m      (4 s)  20' 34.63m/s

53. Aug 23 18:09 Backblast                99.61 m      (3 s)  10' 36.63m/s

54. Aug 23 18:09 Backblast                81.05 m      (2 s)  4' 35.63m/s

55. Aug 23 18:10 Fusillade               101.21 m      (3 s)  15' 40.25m/s

56. Aug 23 18:10 Fusillade                78.08 m      (2 s)  5' 48.25m/s

57. Aug 23 18:11 Fusillade                76.22 m      (2 s)  5.5' 46.25m/s

58. Aug 23 18:12 Silverbolt               129.1 m      (5 s)  42.456' 34.54m/s

59. Aug 23 18:12 Silverbolt              183.57 m      (6 s)  43.779' 41.54m/s

60. Aug 23 18:13 Silverbolt               122.1 m      (5 s)  44.4487' 33.54m/s

61. Aug 23 18:16 Contrail                 110.9 m      (5 s)  45' 32.1m/s

62. Aug 23 18:17 Contrail                  85.9 m      (3 s)  18.3' 34.1m/s

63. Aug 23 18:18 Contrail                 95.01 m      (3 s)  17' 37.1m/s

64. Aug 23 18:21 Dust Devil               48.87 m      (4 s)  48.8' 20.92m/s

65. Aug 23 18:22 Dust Devil               23.09 m      (5 s)  79.8' 24.92m/s

66. Aug 23 18:22 Dust Devil               50.11 m      (3 s)  28.8' 21.92m/s

===========================[ 66 shots (time sort) ]===========================

< Autobot > Hubcap says, "... The matter became /non/-confidential the moment Cross gave a public interview and called us kidnappers."

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Indeed. Convince them to claim asylum with us and suddenly Cross looks like the arse'ole he is. Pardon my Decepticon."

< Autobot > Grimlock says, "HEY."

< Autobot > Grimlock says, "HEY YOU AUTOBOTS."

< Autobot > Sit-Com says, "You're going to turn it on? You're going to bring us the Power?"

< Autobot > Elita One says, "Grimlock, what is it?"

< Autobot > Grimlock says, "Me Grimlock no turn into radio or anything, bUUUUuuuut. Don't him reporter jerk-face-guy listen to radio? Then tell everybody? Then make you guys look bad?"

< Autobot > Sit-Com says, "give us the truest word that you ever heard anybody say."

< Autobot > Blades says, "Splish."

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Mmm, he's got a point."

< Autobot > Elita One says, "I don't follow."

< Autobot > Blades says, "Yeah, especially not into a dark alley."

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "There's a reporter who can hack radios... likes ta spread stuff."

< Autobot > Hardhead says, "It means the Our Channels are not a Quilting Circle where we gossip."

< Autobot > Rodimus Prime says, "Thank you, Hardhead."

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Yup. We got anyone who can secure the channel? We -do- need to plan."

< Autobot > Blades says, "Hubcap, you can encrypt, right?"

< Autobot > Hubcap has encrypted this channel.

< Autobot > Hubcap says, "Doesn't matter, We aren't discussing anything considered illegal by American laws. But, done.  Anyway."

< Autobot > Silverbolt says, "Is there anything I can do to assist?"

"WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" Arty the living SPG asks Dust Devil as he barges in on them. "AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING A FLAG? THAT IS THE PROPERTY OF THE OLYMPICS COMMITTEE, AND YOU WILL RETURN IT AFTER THE EVENT. NOW, I AM PLEASED TO REPORT THE TOP FOUR CONTESTANTS THAT SHALL ADVANCE TO THE NEXT ROUND: LASERBEAK, BACKBLAST, FUSILLADE, AND CONTRAIL. WELL DONE. HEY, KIDS, DID YOU KNOW THAT THE LARGEST ARTILLERY PIECE IN THE GALAXY WAS THE ZORONGAN DEATH BLASTER ON PLANET ZORONGOS? THE STATE OF RHODE ISLAND COULD FIT INTO ITS BARREL. HOWEVER, ONCE IT WAS FIRED, THE CANNON SHATTERED THE CRUST OF THE PLANET AND CAUSED A MAJOR EXTINCTION EVENT. HOW IS THAT FOR 'BACKBLAST?' HA HA HA."

The tank abruptly fires another paint round into the contestants. "IN THE NEXT ROUND, THE SURVIVING CONTESTANTS MUST HIT A TARGET 120 METERS OUT OR AS CLOSE TO IT AS POSSIBLE. GOOD LUCK."

< Autobot > Blades says, "I dunno, you could accidentally on purpose steal Backtalk's raio, Silverbolt."

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Law don't mean crap to that reporter... I mean, what I said could be taken as evidence that we'd coerce them."

< Autobot > Elita One says, "we're going to need a cassettebot or some such to help. Marissa is offering up valuable intel, but we have to get to it.  Impulse and I have volunteered to retrieve it, but neither of us can probably get to it as we are."

Backblast grins widely at Arty and listens carefully, blinking. "Makes the recoil of my big gun look like a damp squib..."

< Autobot > Hubcap says, "Ehh, I think I caught everything Cross told Backtalk. I'll review my recordings."

Backblast grins and steps up to his cannon, looking thoughtful a moment as he looks at the target. He licks a finger to get the wind, then settles in for his three shots.

Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!


 * BOOM*

Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!

KAPOW!!

Artillery Range: Backblast fires a shot!


 * THUD*

]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]===========================

67. Aug 23 18:37 Backblast                80.09 m      (3 s)  10.5' 30.63m/s

68. Aug 23 18:38 Backblast                79.26 m      (3 s)  12' 29.63m/s

69. Aug 23 18:39 Backblast                74.28 m      (3 s)  9' 29.63m/s

===========================[ 69 shots (time sort) ]===========================

The Decepticon channel has been encrypted.

Laserbeak flickers his red eyes at the strange sapient artillery piece's words, then returns to the seat, transforming back into tape mode. He makes several clicking sounds, rewinding, fast forwarding as the artillery cannon is adjusted.

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "Autobot communication encryption: Insufficient"

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!

< Decepticon > Animal Crackers Rampage mutters, "I TOLD ya I didn't know what a Meter was!

< Decepticon > Contrail says, "What else is new?"

KA BOOM!!!

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "Maintaining communication surveillance."

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!

KA BOOM!!!

< Decepticon > Contrail says, "The important question is... is OUR encryption sufficient!???"

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!


 * THUD*

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "Director Contrail, expect a report next solar cycle via secure transmission."

< Decepticon > Contrail says, "Excellent."

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "I gurantee our communication is secure for the next 2.5 astrominutes."

Contrail is pleased to advance, of course, but she does have other things she could be doing, like railing at Wiretap, maybe! Except that Wiretap is actually pretty competent. Blast, but /someone/ is going to get a shakedown! Contrail pulls levers and adjusts transoms.

< Decepticon > Contrail says, "Quick, invent a fake plan that we can be discussing when it falls."

< Decepticon > Laserbeak says, "SQUAWK"

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "If you folks need someone to scout out an area, I'm game"

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "I suggest we invert the Earth's moon's gravitational field"

Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot!

KAKOOWWW!!

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "And therefore reverse the Earth's tides causing widespread havok upon it's vital intertidal zones."

Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot!


 * THUD*

< Decepticon > Contagion says, "That will not be believable."

< Decepticon > Mindwipe says, "I probably shouldn't mention, but there's this whole ancient-tomb out there. It spoke to me."

< Decepticon > Contagion says, "I suggest that we conspire to steal Jayson Redfield's socks."

< Decepticon > Contagion says, "They will fall for that unconditionally."

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "Autobot Comm Officer designation 'Hubcap' should be joining us again any minute now, advise caution when discussing further secret plans."

Artillery Range: Contrail fires a shot!

KAKOOWWW!!

< Decepticon > Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Even mine??"

< Decepticon > Pounce says, "Your last energon ration spoke to you, Mindwipe."

Fusillade clicking thumbs together anxiously as she watches the others go, Fusillade fidgets in the gantry seat of her designated artillery mount. Between rounds and judge tallies, she doodles on the barrel of her weapon, repeating a motif of arches and inverse proportions. She doesn't understand how or why, but they are quite simply pretty to her. She glances up with each paintball hit, the gallon-sized balls smearing a day-glo riot over the field.

< Decepticon > Mindwipe says, "The humans didn't pillage my last energon ration!"

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!


 * BOOM*

< Decepticon > Contrail says, "With Jayson Redfield's socks, we will be able to conquer the Earth!"

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!


 * BOOM*

< Decepticon > Pounce says, "I bet Octane or Ratbat pillaged it."

< Decepticon > Mindwipe coughs, and sounds more like Vorath, "That is, We resent the implication."

< Decepticon > Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Wait, what good are socks going to do us?"

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!

KA BOOM!!!

]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]===========================

1. Aug 23 18:41 Laserbeak               136.78 m      (6 s)  51' 36.76m/s

2. Aug 23 18:42 Laserbeak               112.28 m      (6 s)  58' 34.76m/s

3. Aug 23 18:42 Laserbeak               123.08 m      (6 s)  55.72' 35.76m/s

4. Aug 23 18:45 Contrail                137.01 m      (6 s)  48.7' 36.1m/s

5. Aug 23 18:45 Contrail                153.96 m      (5 s)  42.7' 38.1m/s

6. Aug 23 18:46 Contrail                168.02 m      (5 s)  39.4' 40.1m/s

7. Aug 23 18:47 Fusillade                109.3 m      (3 s)  17' 40.25m/s

8. Aug 23 18:48 Fusillade               143.41 m      (3 s)  20' 44.25m/s

9. Aug 23 18:49 Fusillade               114.06 m      (3 s)  17' 41.25m/s

===========================[ 9 shots (time sort) ]============================

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Bollocks... this cannon was rigged!"

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "Eleven degrees firing a shorter range my arse."

< Decepticon > Mindwipe says, "... So that's a 'No' on the 'resurrecting the deceased' plan?"

< Decepticon > Contrail says, "We already did that. Severla times."

< Decepticon > Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Sever-lalalalalalalala!"

< Decepticon > Mindwipe says, "So that's a 'yes'?"

< Decepticon > Impudent Fool Backfire coughs.

< Decepticon > Contrail says, "SEVER-LA!"

"GOOD SHOOTING, ROBOTS," Arty says. "THE LOW GRAVITY CLEARLY THREW OFF SOME OF YOUR CALCULATIONS, HA HA. BUT THE REST OF YOU ADAPTED. I AM PLEASED, THOUGH OF COURSE I COULD HAVE EASILY MADE THOSE SHOTS. IT IS ALL I DO. AND NOW FOR A WORD FROM MR. METER!"

And out runs mascot in a anthropomorphised meter costume! It's a meter tall, so we can assume there's a dwarf in a space suit underneath. "Hey, kids! I'm Mr. Meter, and I'm here to say stop using those STUPID feet and yards to measure distances! How many feet are in a mile? Hell if I know! Just use the metric system! It's easy! How many meters are in a kilometer? One thousand! It's so easy, even Blot could figure it out." The camera switches to a picture of Blot in the Decepticon Locker Room. He's picking his nose.

"THANK YOU MR. METER," Arty says. "AND NOW THE LAST TWO CONTESTANTS MUST FACE THEIR GREATEST CHALLENGE. THEY MUST HIT A TARGET WITHIN... 145 METERS!"

Arty fires another paintball shell at the last two contestants.

GAME: Repugnus rolls a (100)-sided die:

ROLL: Laserbeak rolled a 80

ROLL: Fusillade rolled a 78

< Decepticon > Mindwipe decides that he can take it as a 'yes.' and leaves before anyone can correct him.

Laserbeak swoops back up to the cannon. Any more trips here and he'd be earning valuable Frequent Vulture Miles. His beady eyes look over to Fusillade, then either with disregard or not, he plugs himself back into the cannon. It's really hard to tell expressions with vultures. He looks over to the strange meter costume, with the urge to just....carry the little thing off into oblivion.

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!

BOOM!!

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!

THOOOM!

Artillery Range: Laserbeak fires a shot!

KA BOOM!!!

Fortress Maximus accelerates in from the area of Mercury.

"Well if they calculate it by percentage of body covered, of COURSE it's always going to be him, he's TINY!" Fusillade gripes, pointing at MR. METER as she does so, perhaps to emphasize Laserbeak's size in relation to him. She phhhhhts at Laserbeak's inscrutible glare, perhaps still flush from the full weapon heavyweight match.

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!

THOOOM!

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!

KEeeeeeeeeeerrrBOOM!!!

Artillery Range: Fusillade fires a shot!

SPLOOSH!

]===========================[ Artillery Range Logs ]===========================

10. Aug 23 19:00 Laserbeak               146.69 m      (6 s)  48.22' 37.76m/s

11. Aug 23 19:01 Laserbeak               154.31 m      (6 s)  48.41' 38.76m/s

12. Aug 23 19:01 Laserbeak               117.68 m      (5 s)  48.22' 33.76m/s

13. Aug 23 19:03 Fusillade               167.91 m      (4 s)  20' 48.25m/s

14. Aug 23 19:04 Fusillade               115.66 m      (3 s)  20' 39.25m/s

15. Aug 23 19:05 Fusillade               115.66 m      (3 s)  20' 39.25m/s

===========================[ 15 shots (time sort) ]===========================

There is going to be some Gold Medal perching going on today! Not that Laserbeak shows it of course, he is much too humble a servant of the, oh who is he kidding? He takes some victory laps over the entire congregation, wishing he had a napalm supply for just such an occasion.

Fortress Maximus cruises in from the depths of space.

Wheelie has been there the whole time, just sorta biting his lip when the Decepticons managed to DOMINATE the podium stand. "I don't like this one bit, it's too bad we Autobots can't aim for.."

Before he can finish the sentence, he's pulled away by an Autobot gumbie.

Dust Devil has disappeared, probably heading back to base before someone catches him out and about. The flag is snagged on the access panel that Dusty escaped back through.

"CONGRATULATIONS, LASERBEAK, YOU ARE THE WINNER. IN ANTICIPATION OF YOUR MEDAL, I WILL PAINT YOU GOLD." Arty loads up a shell filled with gold paint, and while it's a paintball round, it hits with considerable force on impact (which it likely will, Arty is a VERY good shot). "AND SILVER." He loads up a silver paint round, and fires again at Fusillade! "AND BRONZE!" Arty fires another shot at Contrail, filled with Bronze paint.

Fusillade GAHS and thuds over on her side. "Ugh there probably isn't even a medal in there!"

Backblast scowls a little and checks over his gun, shrugging a little. "No wonder the shots were all over the place, it's a smeggin' smoothbore..." He mutters after a few moments, then laugh as he watches the three Cons get painted! "Haw haw!"

< Autobot > Sarky Sniper Backblast says, "No wonder my shots were all over the place, the damn cannons were smoothebore."

Laserbeak gets knocked right out of the air, his wings flapping in protest as the gold paint covers him. He barely manages to close one eye before it catches him in the face. The bird lays pathetic on the ground, like an oil-covered seagull, squawking pathetically, and half blind.

Hubcap nudges his fellow Minibot with an elbow. "/We/ didn't think to share the angle amongst ourselves. Can't blame a 'Con for being sneaky."

Contrail blinks several times as bronze paint drips down her body. She holds her arms out, looking incredulous. Then Contrail tries to wipe off her body futilely with her hands. She sputters, "This is going to ruin my all-terrain-proofing, gah!"