Let's Be Friends

Uptown San Francisco

This part of San Francisco is one of the few areas left mostly untouched by the weather of the last decade. The steep, curving roads are still lined with beautiful old houses, some of them almost a century old. Flower pots grace the roadsides and are cultivated meticulously. Some of the streets even show the old brick roads underneath. Occasionally, you see one of the famous cable cars pass you down the streets, and people hop on and off of them at random. Fisherman's Wharf is visible in the distance, and people will give you directions to Lombard Street if you ask. The scent of the flowers mingles with the smell of fresh-baked sourdough and the slight fish scent from the Wharf. A weathered old man passes you with a fruit cart. It's covered with fresh strawberries, oranges, bananas, and other tasty items.

 ZBC reporter says, "...and in other news, it's Powerglide Day at the Winslow Church in Uptown San Francisco! That's right, the relatively obscure Autobot is being uplifted to all new heights and... I'm sorry, I just received word from the event's organizer, Mandy Myers, that Powerglide is the most famous Autobot in the galaxy. I... stand corrected. Anyway, free drinks, even energon drinks, are being offered, even to Decepticons, so long as they "don't ruin everything." Wait... can they do that? I don't think they can do that."

 ZBC reporter says, "The event, apparently, can't possibly start without the "man of the millenium," or at least that's how Mandy Myers refers to Powerglide."

 Powerglide says, "I am so here to par-tay"

 Powerglide says, "where all da white wimmins at"

 Dee-Kal says, "You devil, you."

Yes, it's Winslow church. Perhaps an... odd choice for what appears to be an Autobot convention of some sort. But, nevertheless, tables full of drinks and snacks are available for all, as well as a stack of energon cubes. There's a lot of curious bystanders milling around here, some PMC troops keeping tabs on things (they look a tad heavily armed, but no matter, right?) and in the middle of it all, a young-looking white wimmin, with a sticker on her blouse that says, "Hi! My name is " She looks about anxiously for any sign of Powerglide.

 Scourge says, "PMC?"

Americon is there at the convention, disguised as Mexicon. He's wearing a sombrero and a fake mustache, and even has an oversized Autobot decal slapped onto his chest at an odd angle... so maybe he's actually disguised as Mexibot. Look, just go with it. Anyway, he's sipping out of a smaller cube as he takes in the sites.

 Americon says, "Private Military Company. In other words, mercs."

With an undeserved air of superiority, Powerglide makes his presence known by strutting right on up to this 'Winslow Church', hands on his hips, chest puffed out. "Yes! Finally! People who don't want to punch me in the mouth and say bad things to me!" He waves a hand, "I am here, my adoring fans. Where's the booze?"

Wreck-Gar pulls up to the convention in motorcycle mode. This isn't very discreet, mind -- he's a motorcycle large enough for another Transformer to ride, so he's like the size of an F-350, and his engine putters at unconscionable volume. "Okay, everyone!" he bleats: "When I flip the lights, you all jump out and yell -- 'SURPRIIISE!'"

There is also a minor police presence. In the form of one lone police cruiser sat a little up the street. It looks like the cop inside is munching on his donuts, so utterly accurate and everything normal there. He may even be watching things.

Mandy Myer's head locks onto Powerglide almost the instant she has a line-of-sight to him. She bounces up and down happily, clapping her hands. "The booze is over there!!!" she says, trying to shout over the noise of Wreck-Gar's engine. She points emphatically at the pile of cubes. "Have as much as you like!!!!"

Some of the convention goers that are too close to Wreck-Gar wince and cover their ears. The PMC troops don't seem terribly bothered, though. Must be those thick helmets they're wearing.

Americon spots the cop car, scowls a bit, and decides to keep his distance so that the cops don't blow his cover. "Munch on those donuts while you can, Copper!" he mumbles, shuffling away a bit.

Yeah, Americon's a bit clueless. But what do you expect?

Powerglide is a little dissapointed at there being only one cop. What happens if a swarm of ravenous fangirls begin to mug him? Then what!? "Ha! Thanks, uh.." he leans down and intently stares at the woman's chest. To read her name tag, of course. "Mandy? Uh, yeah, thanks." After straightening himself up, he makes his way over to the cubes.

Wreck-Gar rises into his robot mode, giving his goatee a Pai Mei swish.

Galactic Police Hovercruiser thankfully has a full briefing on Americon. Doesn't expect much, may even ignore any breaking of Decepticon law due to his being a tape of Soundwaves. The cop within polishes off one donut, and takes a swig of his coffee. He mutters to himself about having to watch these freaks. Discord considers reminding him how much he is being paid, but what's the point, the 'cop' would only try and raise the price.

Wreck-Gar transforms, and gives a thumbs-up to Mandy. "Sorry, ma'am, but I've got better things to do today than drink." He promptly gets into line behind a bunch of kids to get his face painted. "Hey, Mexibot, looking good!"

Dee-Kal sighs to herself and checks her spray guns and brushes.

Dee-Kal sets up a few brushes and pots of water based paint.

A large police presence is probably rendered moot by the PMC troops everywhere. But, still, you WOULD expect to see more regular cops. People fire their handguns at Transformers all the time, as either an act of idiotic defiance or idiotic boredom, and oftentimes it takes a strong police presence to keep people from being retarded.

As for Mandy, she does indeed have quite a bit to look at in the chest area, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. She puts her hands together, tilts her head a bit, and sighs pleasantly, gazing at Powerglide as he approaches the energon cubes. The PMC troops seem to be keeping a close eye on Powerglide, too, but they aren't giving him quite as much of a friendly look. It's almost as if they see him as an... nah, that's crazy.

One of the kids in the face painting line goes, "WOOWWW! Are you a Deceptitron!?" at Wreck-Gar.

 Cyclonus says, "...'Powerglide Day?'"

Americon smirks to himself. His disguise fooled the Junkion! "You are also looking very good, as well, and your mustache is powerful and strong!" he replies, nodding.

 Americon says, "That is correct, sir! I am there right now, spying on them and getting free drinks... in America!"

 Geist says, "Would you care for us to throw you a Cyclonus day?"

 Discord says, "I am also monitoring for possible ways to take advantage."

Dee-Kal checks she has rinse water as well. She does. She pulls a slight face, hoping she can call up a few simple designs, takes a seat and calls out sweetly, "Who is next, please?"

 Americon says, "You are!? I do not see you anywhere! You must be very cleverly concealed, you sneaky bastard!"

Powerglide doesn't need to be told twice. He immediately goes to town on those cubes like a wolf on a deer. Like a pigeon on sunflower seeds. Like-whatever, you get the idea, he's a complete lush. With one cube already down (he's very proficient), and the second on his way, the Minibot decides to mack on the busty Mandy. "So, babe, what's the motivation behind all this? You a big fan?"

 Discord says, "Correct."

"Sorry, squire, but the mustache rides are closed for maintenance," Wreck-Gar winks to Amerimexiwhatever. When the child asks Wreck-Gar if he's a Deceptitron, Wreck-Gar kneels and smiles. "No sir, I'm a Junkion -- wouldn't you like to be a Junkion too? And now, a famous feat of prestidigitation!" With the finesse of a pro, Wreck-Gar pulls a coin the size of a manhole cover 'out of the kid's ear.'

Dee-Kal takes the kid onto her knee and puts a hair net on him. Then she dabs her brush in Autobot grey water based paint and starts to create. The cop gets out his car briefly to stretch his legs and get some 'fresh' air. He's sly though, none of the kids parents would see the smoke rising from him regularly. And nobody would notice the hot ash he drops occassionally. Eventually he gets back in the car, back to his donuts and coffee.

Mandy has already wrapped her arms around Powerglide's shin. "Oh, yes, Powerglide, I'm your BIGGEST fan..." Her eyes even look a tad misty. "I... I... just wanna show my appreciation for you, for all you've done. And... I was hoping... if you could give all these people a show?"

Wreck-Gar's stunt shocks the kid so much that he pees himself. He stares dumbly at the gigantic coin.

The other kid, being worked on by Dee-Kal, giggles and squirms a bit, making painting a bit harder.

A pair of PMC troops notice the cop. One of them says something to the other, and they both give the cop a long glance before seeming to forget about him.

Americon strokes his own mustache, even though, unlike Wreck-Gar's, his is fake. "Hmmm. That is unfortunate, senor," he says.

Dee-Kal glances up from her face painting. She glances at Mandy-human and thinks about canines and what other humans do to an over-amorous canine. Usually followed by ugh, and yuck. She goes back to face painting, and the occasional tickle for good measure. Powerglide reaches over and grabs his third cube, "Ohh my? Really? My /biggest/ fan? That's quite a feat, my dear, considering I have so many." He's an Autobot, but he's not above lying through his teeth in order to impress others. After taking a long, drawn out swig of energon, he regards the rest of the woman's words, "A show? If by show, you mean having people watch me as I stumble around overcharged, making rude comments, then yes. I am all about a 'show'."

Wreck-Gar looks uncomfortably down at the child who's just wet himself, then around. He pockets the coin, gets up, and walks back toward Powerglide and Mandy without another word.

The kid giggles and playfully bats away at Dee-Kal's fingers, trying to ward them off. A few of the other kids in line start to look impatient, though.

Mandy Myers lets go, and stares up lovingly at Powerglide. She shakes her head. "No... I want you to take me for a ride. I want to fly through the air... and show all of these people your AMAZING skills in the air. You, the GREATEST of all Autobot aerial warriors! It'll be an amazing show!"

The kid who wet himself is escorted off by his embarrassed parents.

Dee-Kal notices this but says nothing and continues to paint a 'mouthguard' on the face of her victim very cleverly so it almost looks real. She instructs her charge to shut his optics. And paints his eyelids blue to look like optics! ^-^

"You wouldn't happen to like boiled rabbit, by any chance?" Wreck-Gar asks Mandy quietly before clearing his throat.

Americon mutters to no one in particular, "Ten-four victor bravo, I am pursuing the target," and achieves this task by following Wreck-Gar a few feet and stopping.

Dee-Kal beams at her work. Hey, this might work out. She removes the hair net carefully and pops a plastic Optimus Prime helmet on the kid's head. Powerglide urps loudly as he tosses the empty cube to the side, "Heheheh, well, of course I'm the greatest aerial warrior. The Aerialbots have nothin' on me! They're all a bunch of sorry sons of-well, anyway, that's besides the point." He kneels down to get a better eye-to-eye conversatiom going on with his self-proclaimed fan, "I don't /normally/ give out rides to people, but you /might/ be an exception, considering you're my.." he stares at her chest again, "..biggest fan."

The cop has a magazine out now. He really is putting his all into this job. Though this does make Discord consider finding a way to make a better cover human than relying on corruptible morons like this officer. He meanwhile has to stop himself from groaning as he hears Americon. One Decepticon who fell far from the tree as the humans would stupidly put it.

Dee-Kal h'ms.

Dee-Kal beams.

Wreck-Gar continues to observe Powerglide and Mandy, stroking his goatee thoughtfully.

The kid squeels as the final touch is applied and he becomes Optimus Prime, and hops off of Dee-Kal's lap. He begins to run around, shrieking and yelling, "I AM OPTELMUS PRIMED! PEW PEW PEW! DIE DECEPTICONS!" He does several circles around the cop car, dodging around its apparent owner. Meanwhile another kid steps up to the lady Junkion.

Mandy blinks up at Wreck-Gar. "Do I... like boiled rabbit? No, but rabbits are cute! Teeheehee!" She bounces excitedly. "Oh, and you're so right, Powerglide, those Aerialbots are a bunch of F***ING LOSERS! THEY SHOULD--" Her expression was turning apoplectic for a moment before she stops herself. "Er, uh, so, you'll take me on a ride, then?..." She folds her arms to either side of her chest to better frame her "assets."

Americon presses his back up against Wreck-Gar's leg, and stealthily peers around it at the strange woman.

Dee-Kal takes a little girl onto her lap and paints her face like Arcee's.

The cop watches the kid run round the car for a moment, briefly looking at a point on the dashboard then smiling for the kid. Not the most sincere of smiles, but then it is just a kid.

"I wanna be Megatron!" the girl says, a little bit late. "Such heroic... stuff! BYOOSH BYOOSH BYOOSH!"

Mandy Myers giggles and bounces in barely contained excitement. "Oh, wonderful! So... could you... please transform?... I can't wait to fly with you..."

A PMC trooper walks by the car, leans forward to peek at the driver, squints, then walks away. The kid painted up as Optimus Prime bumps into the trooper and falls over, immediately starting to cry. The merc, however, doesn't even care to notice as he continues his vigil.

Dee-Kal says, "Oh, but you are so pretty and smurfy. I was certain you would look *beautiful as Arcee. She is so pretty..."

Dee-Kal says, "And she can kick like a boy!"

Americon, still stealthily watching Mandy and Powerglide, mumbles, "Victor Tango Niner, Target locked. I have signal. In America."

 Discord says, "What are you mumbling for Americon?"

Dee-Kal grins.

 Americon says, "I am a secret spy, that is why!"

<Decepticon> Counterpunch snorts. "Not much of a secret anymore, with people like Sky Lynx, Red Alert and Blaster intercepting our broadband transmissions. Way to go, Americon.  You've just set the record for blowing your own cover."

Dee-Kal says, "I could resmurf you to look like Megatron if you like, though. But he is not as cool as Arcee or Madam Sheng."

<Decepticon> Geo says, "I am going to build us some fricking satellites so that we can have better encrypted stuff."

Dee-Kal h'ms. Dee-Kal h'ms.

Powerglide is starting to feel a little buzzed from all the energon, but he's probably cool to fly. Probably. "Alright, alright," he says, rising to his feet. "Try not to get /too/ excited, now." He moves back to give himself enough room and then transforms into his alternate mode: the most unlikely colored Warthog ever.

Powerglide pulls his arms in and falls into his jet mode.

Dee-Kal looks at the ground.

Dee-Kal looks back up.

The girl frowns for a moment, then her face brightens. "She kicks boys!? COOL!" She hops off of Dee-Kal's and immediately starts to kick the shins of any boys she sees in the area. She's quite the little terror until her mother grabs her.

Mandy practically squeeks as Powerglide transforms. As if on cue, two PMC troops cart over a stepladder for her, and she uses it to climb up to Powerglide's canopy. Then, Mandy pops open the cockpit--it's like she's flown in a Warthog before, or something--and giggles happily as he hops inside. "Ooh, I can't wait! Powerglide, take me away! Take me away, Powerglide!" Tears stream down her face.

<Decepticon> Americon says, "Ah-ha, but my disguise is so impenetrable, that the Autobots will not know who I am even after I carelessly reveal I am present in the area!"

Dee-Kal says, "No, she kicks *like* a boy- oh, never mind. Perhaps it is safer to stick to smurfing animal faces..."

Powerglide's head is so full of hot air and ego that he doesn't even find anything suspicious about Mandy knowing how to open a Warthog cockpit. "A'ight, try not to touch anythin', okay" The twin thrusters on his tail-base start up with a loud noise and he begins to taxi across the ground, gaining more and more speed by the second, before finally taking off into the air. "And awaaayy we go!"

Mandy smiles happily, the waterworks unleashed as she cries freely. "I'm flyyying! I'm flyyyying!" Happy laughter fills Powerglide's cockpit as she raises her arms as high as they can go in the tight space. Down below the various onlookers applaud as the Autobot takes off. "Powerglide... I have another favor to ask of you. You see that church? I want you to fly in through the front entrance. Don't worry, you'll fit, if you're *good*, and there's a rear entrance that you can fly out of. Could you do that for me? I think everyone--especially me--would be SO impressed with you if you pulled it off."

Down below, the PMC's have opened the church doors. It looks... kinda dark inside. And the troopers are awfully tense, as if they're expecting... combat?

"Wow!" one child says. "Can I be a warthog, too, Miss Dee-Kal?"

Wreck-Gar holds a hand to his visor, watching Powerglide fly. Uncharacteristically, he doesn't have a smile on, or even a smirk. "Spider-sense... tingling," he murmurs. Something about this feels wrong.

Dee-Kal sits the boy on her lap. "Animal warthog or do you wish to look like Powerglide?

Dee-Kal doesn't like it either. But... she is uncertain as to why. Something is not right. But perhaps she is just jealous of the attention the planebot is getting.

Dee-Kal grins for the boy. "Mystical I can certainly be!"

A-10 Thunderbolt II manages to emit a snort. "You want me to do /what/?!" Could he really make it through that building? He wasn't the biggest plane around, but he wasn't the smallest either. But it was for a fan. A female fan. A female fan with very large- "Nng, fine, but after that, that's it. I still have all that energon to drink, girls to kiss, you know what I mean, right?" The red plane makes a sharp bank and comes back around towards the church, aiming to blow through the open doors. The sooner this was over, the sooner he could prove to Markdown that this wasn't a horrible trap.

Steeljaw arrives from the Alameda ferry.

Steeljaw has arrived.

Americon mutters, "As is my AMERICAN sense, which is way more powerful, and tells me that nothing bad will happen at all!"

Wreck-Gar glances down at Mexibot. "Eh?"

Americon blinks back up at him. "I mean, uh, my MEXICAN sense. In Mexico. Ahem."

Wreck-Gar nods, stroking his goatee. "I thought you said 'American' for a minute there, compadre. But that'd just be silly, since you're obviously uno Mexicano."

The boy smiles as he shrieks, "I wanna be both!!! A.. wartglide! Yay!"

Once Powerglide flies into the church, he... doesn't fly out the other side. And the PMC troops act quickly to close up the front door, and form a line of troops right outside of it. There they stand, looking prepared to keep anyone out of the church.

And what's going on inside of the church? Well, Powerglide just flew right into a net of extremely strong polymer cables, strong enough to ensnare him and halt his flight. Then, two metal arms, one from from below one from above, seize at Powerglide's wings. And to top it all off, Mandy popped Powerglide's cockpit open again and climbed right out!

It's very dark inside the church, and difficult to tell what's going on, but it's clear that Powerglide is being surrounded on all sides by humans.

Steeljaw pads on into the area......and watches Powerglide get captured.

Wreck-Gar sees Powerglide fail to emerge from the church and frowns more gravely -- then, after a few moments and a timely radio cussing, he starts running toward it. "Danger! Danger, Mexibot! By our powers combined, we must save young Powerglide!"

Dee-Kal sighs as her plan fails to work in time.

With a flip into the air, Dee-Kal's legs contract, sliding up against her body while her head retracts and her arms fold away, replaced by jet thrusters. A spoiler locks into place. Panels on her legs slide open and stabilisers emerge. Short rear-mounted wings swing out - voila! Hovermode!

A-10 Thunderbolt II really should've seen this coming, but for some, unfathomable reason, he didn't. The second he hits the cables, he oofs loudly. Then the arms come down and, oh God, that was it. "Ahahaaghsahghasga! Whatthehellsgoingon!?" He manages to squirm and struggle within the net, but that's about it. "OhGodIamnevergoingtolivethisdown!"

Junki-Hovercar says, "Sorry micro-humie, I will come back!"

Americon nods grimly, as he shouts, "FORM VIBRATING CASSETTE!" and transforms into cassette mode. Attaching himself to the back of Wreck-Gar's head, he begins to... vibrate a lot.

Steeljaw pads his way forward and........tries to make sure Powerglide's ok. His tail flicks from side to side in annoyance.

Americon collapses and shrinks down into a very tiny cassette labeled, "America's Most Patriotic Hits!"

Mexibot's rakish sombrero lands on one of Wreck-Gar's head-handlebars, hanging from it stylishly.

Junki-Hovercar circles the church, flying in tight circles.

Junki-Hovercar says, "Steel-cat! Smurf the back doors open! I need to rescue Powerchan!"

Steeljaw nods his head and rushes forward.....digging BOTH front claws into the door to tear it open.

The PMC troops stand their ground, and un-holster a bunch of mean-looking assault rifles, and about three LAW rocket launchers. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" one of them shouts. "Nobody enters the church until we say so."

Inside, the lights are slowly coming on, and the mechanical arms are pulling Powerglide away from the net. A third arm approaches Powerglide holding a... gigantic tuxedo!?

Up at the front of the church, an elderly PMC'er waits behind the podium, as does a woman in a white dress. Her face is obscured by a veil. And then the music stars. Uhoh... that's wedding music!

Junki-Hovercar flies around and around. Nobody is smurfing out of that church with HER friend against his will!

Since Steeljaw blatantly ignored the troops, they almost instantly turn on and fire at him with armor piercing rounds from their rifles at almost point-blank range. As for the door, it seems to be tough and quite thick. Someone planned this out well in advance...

Junki-Hovercar hears music? What the smurf..? And lights? And...

Impulse has arrived.

Impulse zooms into the room, leaving a blurry trail of gold and black as it passes.

Steeljaw is successfully diverted from the church......and he fires back. thankfully his shots are only to knock the weapons out of the human's hands....and he's a good shot.

A-10 Thunderbolt II throws his thrusters on, engines roaring loudly as he tries to get away from the arms, but it's no use. Eventually he opts to just transform back into robot mode. He'll still be held by the wings, but atleast he'll be able to shake his fist around angerily (that always helps). "I-is that music? I-is that..?" Then he realizes what was going on. The tuxedo, the music, the woman in the dress. "NO! I'M NOT READY FOR A COMMITEMENT, HELP!"

Powerglide transforms into his stylin' robot mode.

Wreck-Gar gives the PMCs a glance. "Dee-Kal, I don't think they want us to go into the church." He considers this for a moment, and then lifts an unoccupied car, hefting it as a shield as he says, "Luckily, Junkions have a passport... to ADVENTURE!" He then charges toward the doors, attempting to use his prodigious Junkion strength to kick it in where Steeljaw has been clawing.

Junki-Hovercar follows suit and attempts to ram the church doors at the same time.

Junki-Hovercar reverses and *pounds* the doos again, prolly to little avail, but she's going to try anyhow..

The hovercar wings fold, the stabilisers and thrusters retract into the body. The nose of the vehicle extends and separates into a pair of legs. Arms emerge, the spoiler/tail folds back and a pretty head rises from within the body. All parts lock into position - where's your camera, Ma? Dee-Kal's here!

Dee-Kal says, "They are what..?!"

Several of the PMC troops yelp as their guns are shot out of their hands, but there's quite a few of them around. Still, the twin assaults on the door by the Autobots--the kick, the ram--contribute to batter the door. It's battered inwards a bit, but isn't quite forced open yet.

Inside, the arms try to hold Powerglide's arms still as the third one brings the tuxedo closer. Somehow, the tuxedo unfolds and snaps itself around Powerglide's body, then the arms pull Powerglide towards the dais...

Dee-Kal says, "POwersmurf says they are trying to smurf him into a James Bond suit..?"

Gold and Black Hovercar " Impulse " is off in the distance still -- traffic in San Francisco, even in the year 2029, can still be a pain in the aft. So, no zipping past at the speed of sound like normal.

"MRS. ROBINSON!" the Junkion leader screams, pounding the door with all his might, swinging mighty shoulder checks. "MRS. ROBINSON! MISS-USS ROB-INNN-SONNN!"

This is weirder than FX's taste in aftershave lotion. And reason enough for Deeky to resume pounding the doors.

With a flip into the air, Dee-Kal's legs contract, sliding up against her body while her head retracts and her arms fold away, replaced by jet thrusters. A spoiler locks into place. Panels on her legs slide open and stabilisers emerge. Short rear-mounted wings swing out - voila! Hovermode!

Junki-Hovercar rams the doors at maximum velocity, well sort of and gives it a good hard *WHACK!*

"N-no! Stop! That suit isn't even red! Noooo!! I'll look like an Aerialbot!" But it was too late. Powerglide was forced into the tux in weirdest way possible, despite his struggling and fist shaking. "B-but I'm already in a relationship! This'll never work! It's not you, it's me! Oh God, why!?" Patriotic Cassette <Americon> continues to vibrate. It does nothing to improve Wreck-Gar's stats, but maybe it's kind of relaxing? Wreck-Gar actually just kind of sounds like a motorboat.

Junki-Hovercar revs its engines and turbines loudly.

Steeljaw turns back around and slashes at the door again.....hopefully making a really deep gouge.

Junki-Hovercar rams the doors again!

Junki-Hovercar grins.

The arms force Powerglide before the "minister," actually a PMC chaplain, and before his wife-to-be. "Do you, Powerglide," says the chaplain, "take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?" At the mention of "death," a PMC trooper stands behind the chaplain and aims a Javelin missile launcher at Powerglide's head. Obviously, they aren't going to give him much choice in the matter.

The door has stood up to incredible punishment, but with each strike it's dented further and further inwards. A small gap is opened in the doors, maybe small enough for a cassettibot... but there's a horde of PMC mercs right on the other side, ready to fire. And to top it all of, a PMC Stryker rolls out onto the street and begins to pelt the Autobots and Junkions with heavy machine gun fire.

Junki-Hovercar reverses, revs and batters again!

"MEXIBOT! I CHOOSE /YOU/!" Wreck-Gar screams, uncerimoniously tearing Americon from his head and hurling him into the breach. He continues slamming into the door with Dee-Kal as well, screaming, "ELAAAAIIIINE! ELAAAAAAIIIINE! STEELLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Steeljaw turns his way back towards the PMC Stryker...whoever that twit is....and shoots right back. The machine gun fire also makes the cassettebot bound towards the human shooting at him....and pounce him....

Junki-Hovercar can't talk, prolly as well, but makes its point known. Battering continues, and continues.

Wreck-Gar is, for the record, still holding up the empty car as a shield, but has yet to fire or threaten the PMCs.

Patriotic Cassette <Americon> is flung inside, and transforms in the middle of the church aisle, guns in his hands, screaming, "YeeeeEEEEAAHHHH!" Then, an apprehensive look about. "Uh, what am I supposed to do again?" Then, about twenty PMC'ers blast him at the same time, and Americon is riddled with bullets. "AARRRRGH! I just got injured yesterday! The pain!"

Americon undergoes a patriotic transformation into his All-American robot mode!

Junki-Hovercar pounds and pounds at the doors where the gap is, aiming to widen it s they can get in.

Powerglide begins to kick around like some sort of kicking maniac. "What!? This is ridiculous! We just met! Besides, I don't even know who this woman is! She means nothing to me! Why is this happening!?" There's a little nagging thought in the back of his head that says he should've had three more energon cubes before doing this. Atleast then he'd be too drunk to care. Despite the huge Javelin pointed at him, he yells out a very defiant "HELL NAW!"

You paged Defcon with 'Nah. I'd reccommend just skipping any capture scenes, and moving straight to the prison scene. The prisoners can "recall" being captured later.'

Junki-Hovercar has nothing to say, nothing at all. Bits of headlamp are scattered on the ground about the doors to the church, the hood is starting to show signs of damage. Sm*rf that. *RAM*

Wreck-Gar too has smashed in one of his shoulders. Finally, he reaches his hands into the slowly widening gap and, with every ounce of strength he has, attempts to pry the doors asunder.

The PMC chaplain frowns, and says, "Alright, Private, then you may fire the Jave..."

"WAIT!" cries the woman, and tears the veil from her face. And it is...

ASTORIA CARLTON-RITZ!

However, time has taken its toll on the once lovely woman. Now in her seventies, Astoria's hair is grey, and her skin is wrinkled. And yet, she still seems as lively as ever. Her eyes, just as bright. "Wait... Powerglide... I'm sorry I disguised myself, lied to you... and trapped you... but... I love you! I'm a damn fool... I'm a damn fool for loving a robot... but... I do!" She puts her hands to her face, sobbing. "I love you, Powerglide... why can't you love me?..." To her side, a familiar blouse, a push-up bra, and a leathery mask in the shape of Mandy Myers lies on the ground. THIS is who Powerglide was really ogling.

The PMC's aren't letting up on the Autobots. But the door finally cracks and gives way, opening up. However, for the moment that just allows the PMC'ers on the inside a clear line of fire to the Autobots, as well!

And open, too!

"DUCK!" Wreck-Gar screams, flattening just as the PMCs are about to open fire.

Americon is, meanwhile, lying on the ground, smoking from the numerous bullet holes on his body. "Pain..."

Junki-Hovercar rams all the harder.

Junki-Hovercar h'ms.

Junki-Hovercar growls its turbines as the doors give way and entrance is now possible!

A hatch pops open on the Stryker, and someone chucks out a grenade, right in front of Steeljaw.

Steeljaw is too busy moving away from the APC to notice the grenade.....and heading for the entrance of the church.

Powerglide would be hurling all over the floor if he had the ability to do so. This. Was. Ridiculous. "WHAT!?" The Minibot could barely contain his anger. "WHAT!?" He repeats himself. "WHAT!?" ..and again. "ARE YOU KIDDIN' ME!? YOU NEVER RETURNED MY CALLS, YOU HAD YOUR PARENTS FILE A LAWSUIT AGAINST ME, OH, I COULD GO ON AND ON, BUT I WONT!" He looks like he's about to tear her apart. "NOW YOU SERIOUSLY EXPECT ME TO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!? NNNNNG!" Junki-Hovercar scans the area. Pause. Scans again. Focuses on the seventy year old woman and scans again... no. No...! It can't be...? But it... IS...

The hovercar wings fold, the stabilisers and thrusters retract into the body. The nose of the vehicle extends and separates into a pair of legs. Arms emerge, the spoiler/tail folds back and a pretty head rises from within the body. All parts lock into position - where's your camera, Ma? Dee-Kal's here!

Dee-Kal lands on her feet, then drops to her knees, lightly. "Ohh... my stars... Mistress Carlton-Ritz..?"

Dee-Kal scans the mature, but beautiful face of t he chairwoman of Hyper Tech.

The two groups of PMC troops unwittingly fire a salvo of bullets at each other as their targets evade, and there's a lot of surprised screaming and shouting as bullets strike soldiers on both sides. While their thick armor saves them from getting killed, a whole bunch of them are nevertheless severely injured.

The trooper with the Javelin aims it at Dee-Kal, but the chaplain stops him with a gesture.

"You... you tried to call me?" Astoria whispers. "Oh, God, my mother forced me to change my number! I *couldn't* call you! And then they sued you, you probably thought it was my idea! I... no, I wouldn't do that!" She begins to weep sadly. "I... they wouldn't let me get close to you. And then I tried to move on. Find a man to love, a *human* man. But there was no one else for me, Powerglide. No one else, in the whole world, like you..." Slowly, she falls to her knees, cradling her head. "Then I found out that you were turned into a human, and I... I... I should've... we could've..." She breaks down, bawling loudly, even as her hired guns groan in pain.

Dee-Kal gently moves in... gently extends a fingertip with a hanky. "Here. Here... do not cry. Dai jobu. Dai jobu. It is all right..."

Astoria grabs the hanky, wiping her face with it. "Thank you," she stammers.

Dee-Kal says, "I have your articles... You managed to date Prince Michael Jackson..! So many of us femmes and women are so envious of you..."

Wreck-Gar stands up. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning," he crows, pushing open a path for EMT vehicles to enter. "Smells like... chicken tonight, like chicken tonight." He turns and marches proudly into the church -- and then, again using his freakish Junkion strength, attempts to pull Powerglide free of the arms grasping the jet.

Dee-Kal looks admiringly at Ms Carlton Ritz.

Wreck-Gar succeeds in grasping Powerglide, throwing him off-balance.

Powerglide frowns most disapprovingly underneath his mouthguard. "You've /got/ to be kiddin' me." He falls onto the floor with a thud after Wreck-Gar pulls the metal arms off of him, squirming for a few moments before rising up to his feet and brushing himself off (still in a very stylish tuxedo, I might add). "Well," he scoffs, "I don't really know what to say, other than..sorry."

Dee-Kal says, "But you should not do this... it is not right, nor fair. Dame da yo. You harm the one you smurf that way. And it makes things worse..." Steeljaw pads his way in....and groans. "Rrrrrrright.....when you get things sorted out Powerglide....let us know." he purrs before padding back out.....and making his way out of the area.

As Powerglide falls and gets up, Wreck-Gar scoops the little minibot up into his arms, carrying him in an assured stance. "Hands off, lady," Wreck-Gar says to Astoria. "This one's /taken/." Then, as the organist begins to play the theme from 'An Officer and a Gentleman,' Wreck-Gar turns and starts walking out of the church, carrying Powerglide.

Dee-Kal says, "Kahuna, onegai..? Please wait."

Astoria sniffs, smiling up at Dee-Kal. "Yes, heheh, I did. He wasn't much of a lover, though. And he told me that I was "too old" for him, which was kind of weird. Back then, I was younger than he was!" She reaches out for Powerglide, gasping as Wreck-Gar pulls him away. "No...! I... I'm sorry too, Powerglide. I should've... I should've tried harder. Now look at me. An old crone, with no children, and no legacy..." Nodding up at Dee-Kal, she says, "Maybe... maybe... you're right."

Americon HWURGHS as Wreck-Gar accidentally(?) steps on him on the way out.

Dee-Kal motions Wreck gar back, with her hands, urgently.

Powerglide reaches up and shoves his his hand against Wreck-Gar's face, "What!?" He flails around even more than he did when he was trapped in the net, "What are you implyin'!?"

Wreck-Gar turns around. "Quiet, Powerglide, it's sweeps week and Scourge is a pretty big wheel in the Nielsens ratings," he murmurs, before looking at Dee-Kal, smirking triumphantly. "Hmm?"

Dee-Kal carefully hold out both hands to Astoria.

Dee-Kal says, "Smurf him down, please, Ka..? Oi... onegaishimasu..?"

Dee-Kal says, "Smurf him down, please, Kahuna? Onegaishimasu..?"

"Going down!" Wreck-Gar just drops Powerglide. Onto Americon.

Dee-Kal says, "Mam Astoria, you are beautiful and many men gaze at your picture and love you from near and far away. I know. I am tall enough to smurf a sneaky look in their rooms at the Omni Hotels."

Americon HURKS as Powerglide is dropped right onto him.

Dee-Kal lifts Astoria up in both hands, soooo carefully.

Dee-Kal says, "It is hard to do, but you must move on. And so must Powerglide."

Steeljaw pads on away....since the situation is resolved

Steeljaw catches the ferry to Alameda.

Steeljaw has left.

Astoria sniffs, smiling a bit as she is picked up, "You... you really mean that? They still think I'm beautiful?..." She then looks thoughtful. "I... don't know. How can I move on?..."

Powerglide crushes Americon and, despite not knowing he was there, feels some sort of satisfaction from it. He stands and brushes himself off again, "Deeks is right, Astoria. I mean, it's been /years/ since I last saw you. I've gotten over it, sorry, but it happens. Besides.." He gestures to himself, "ROBOT" Then he points to Astoria, "HUMAN! It just wouldn't work."

"Unless..." Wreck-Gar murmurs, stroking his goatee insidiously.

Astoria takes on a pained look. "You... moved on without me, huh? And, yes, I know how stupid it is, but I can't help it! I just can't help it!"

Dee-Kal h'ms.

"BY GEORGE, I THINK HE'S GOT IT!" Wreck-Gar screams. "Powerglide, human woman, continue as planned -- we've a wedding to complete! You must partake of the most hallowed tradition of the cultural elite -- the /sham marriage/! Human woman, you get Powerglide's /name/, Powerglide, you get... wait for it... /American citizenship/!" Wreck-Gar gives a /huge/ thumbs up. "And then the story of this lovely lady who was living with three girls of her own has a happy ending, and Powerglide gets all the benefits of freedom... IN AMERICA!"

Americon coughs, "In America..."

Powerglide sighs and pops his mouthguard off, letting Astoria be one of the few people to actually see one of his rare 'this is genuine, I swear' smile. "C'mon, Astoria. Don't be like that, there's lots of-" Aaand Wreck-Gar shouts out his 'amazing' idea, "...WHAT!?"

"That's right, Mexibot," Wreck-Gar says proudly, "in AMERICA!"

Astoria mutters, "I'm... I'm going to marry Powerglide after all!?" Her voice is filled with hope.

Dee-Kal looks to Powerglide.

Powerglide has his mouth hung open like a slack jawed idiot.

"That's right," Wreck-Gar says, producing a collar out of subspace. Realizing it's a gimp collar, he throws it aside and takes out his priest one, putting it on. "Luckily, I'm not only the President, I'm also an ordained minister!"

Dee-Kal says, "KAHUNA!"

Dee-Kal 's voice is sharp.

The PMC Chaplain complains, "Wait, I'm also an ordained mini--" He cuts himself short, glancing fearfully at Astoria as she casts a baleful glare at him.

Powerglide closes his mouth and scratches his chin, "American citizenship, eh?"

Dee-Kal grins.

Outside, police and ambulance sirens can be heard. Some of the PMC troops are trying to shamble out before they get arrested, but most of them are too badly injured to get far.

"American citizenship for everyone!" Wreck-Gar says. He points to Astoria. "Do you?"

Dee-Kal glances at the ground.

Dee-Kal h'ms.

Astoria sputters, "I... I... Do!? I do!"

Dee-Kal sets Astoria down on the dais.

And so the Junkion leader turns to Powerglide. "Do you?"

Americon waits expectantly for Powerglide's word.

Powerglide looks at Dee-Kal, then at Astoria. Then at Dee-Kal. Then at Astoria again. Then at Wreck-Gar. Then at Wreck-Gars codepiece. Waitwhat? He facepalms, and then without removing his hand, he mumbles, "...I do..." Today marks the day that a little something in Powerglide died.

Wreck-Gar says jubilantly, "Then I now pronounce you a happy ending! You may flee from the fuzz now! Mazel tov!" Wreck-Gar then starts beating feet to get the hell out of there before the cops swarm the place!

Dee-Kal says, "You forget the important part."

Dee-Kal says, "The part where you ask the audience, Kahuna."

"Oh." Wreck-Gar pauses. "But... I don't have an applause light."

Dee-Kal says, "You ask if anysmurf has an objection."

"Well, I don't know who Annie Smurf is," Wreck-Gar says, "or why this is any of /her/ business!"

Dee-Kal stands up. "I object."

Wreck-Gar looks to Powerglide and Astoria to see how they handle it.

Powerglide is still facepalming. This is getting ridiculous.

Dee-Kal holds up her left hand and on the appropriate finger there is a silver coloured ring. With a diamante decoration in the shape of the MAtrix.

Astoria smiles, emitting an odd sound that's partly joyous laughter, mad cackling, and sobbing. "I... I... I'm married! I really married him! This the most wonderful day of my life! I... love you, Powerglide! I love you with all my... Huh? What are you doing, Junkion?... What is that..."

Dee-Kal lowers her hand after some seconds, looks awkward, and averts her gaze. She walks away a few steps and keeps her optics averted. Saying nothing.

Powerglide is going to go to his room, curl up in a corner and die after all this.

Wreck-Gar just kind of scratches his goatee, which wriggles happily from the attention. "I... don't follow?"

Powerglide throws his arms up in the air, "Okay, yay, we're married. Let's go home now!"

Dee-Kal sits, arms wrapped around her front, looking aside and very, very, very sad indeed.

Powerglide adds, "And by home, I mean you go far, far away."

Powerglide continues, "Africa, maybe."

"*I* have an objection, too!" cries a police sergeant with an Irish accent. "Take that MANIAC out of here!" He points at Astoria and a pair of police officers rush at her.

"No, wait, wait!" she screams, as the two cops roughly grab her by the arms and begin to pull her out of the church. "No, stop, I was right there! I was right there! I WAS SO CLOSE! NOOOO!"

More cops--hell, a whole SWAT team--pour into the church and begin to round up the mercenaries that didn't manage to limp away.

Wreck-Gar sits next to Dee-Kal. "And off she goes! All's well that ends well, eh, slugger?"

Powerglide tears his tuxedo apart, pieces of it flying all over the place. "Okay, we're done. I'm going home, getting drunk, and if I hear any more about this, I swear to God I will kill you."

Americon sits up, looking like he's in horrible condition. "Uhhh. Did the good guys win? What the hell happened?"

Powerglide gapes and points at Americon, "YOU!"

Dee-Kal sits looking very wistful indeed.

Americon points at himself. "Me? I'm... uh..." He checks for his fake mustache. Ah, good, it's still there! "I'm Mexicon! Er, Mexibot. Ahem. And I shall be going, now..." Hissing in pain, he manages to pull himself up, and tries to hobble out the door.

Wreck-Gar squints. "/Americon/?"

Powerglide says, "Oh, it's just a migrant worker. My bad."

Of course, without the sombrero, still hanging from Wreck-Gar's headlebar, the disguise is incomplete! "No, it couldn't be," Wreck-Gar says, shaking his head. "Buck up, Deek, why not go after that nice Afterburner? He's just as big a punch-happy jerk as Powerglide -- to the /moon/, Dee-Kal!"

Powerglide pulls out his pistol and makes sure to shoot atleast one hole into every part of the church before going back outside and drowning his embarassment in the left over energon cubes. In a matter of mere minutes, he manages to get a ticket for indecent exposure, lewd behavior, and ends up passing out in a gutter.

Dee-Kal rises to her feet promptly. "Okay, this is it. Time to go home!"

Dee-Kal does not look sad or distressed one little bit. She stands defiantly. "Oh, for smurf's sakes... Is this what I get for ..? Grrr..."

Dee-Kal practically falls over the prone Powerglide. "Itazura! Zuuzuuchii! Get up you idiot bozo!"

Wreck-Gar shrugs and gets up too. "Boys will be boys," he offers. "I have to go now," he then states. "My planet needs me." He then transforms into a motorcycle and putters off, busting an amazing wheelie.

Wreck-Gar tumbles headlong into his motorcycle mode. His bumper sticker reads 'I KICK MEN'S ASSES -- AND /I VOTE/.'

Wreck-Gar retreats from the area swiftly, outdistancing all pursuit and parting shots.

Dee-Kal says, "Ohh, must I carry you..? More indignities! Fine..."

Dee-Kal grins.

=
===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/54                     Posted        Author Powerglide Forced Into Marriage!? Wed Jul 23   Americon -- (Courtesy of the AP:)

CRAZED HEIRESS ATTEMPTS TO FORCE AUTOBOT POWERGLIDE TO MARRY HER

In a bizarre story that even this seasoned veteran reporter of numerous wars, catastrophes, and alien incidents has trouble believing, the once famous and beloved heiress, Astoria Carlton-Ritz, concocted a plan to lure the Autobot Powerglide into a trap, and, I am not making this up, force him to marry her. A PMC group, the elite Raven Mantis Corporation, was working with her to achieve this goal and prevent the Autobots and their Junkion allies (pictures are included of Wreck-Gar, Steeljaw, Dee-Kal, and some guy in a sombrero) from rescuing Powerglide.

Apparently, according to some reports, Astoria succeeded in getting Powerglide to marry her, but this is in dispute because the service was performed by Wreck-Gar, leader of the Junkions, and it is not known if he has the authority to perform such services. The marriage was also disrupted by the arrival of the San Francisco Police Department, who arrested Astoria and those members of Raven Mantis that failed to escape the scene of the crime.

Astoria was then brought to the Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane, which is still in the middle of an intense legal battle with DC Comics over the ownership of that asylum's name.

In a related story, *I f---ing quit.* <ed -- Took out the vulgarity. Also, you've only completed two years of your five year contract, Fred, you aren't going anywhere.>

=
=================================================================

<Earth> Scrapper says, "Powerglide, you cad you."

<Earth> Jayson Redfield says, "What in the...?"

<Earth> Scrapper says, "Now my knowledge on fleshling laws is a bit rusty, but I do believe you're now technically a criminal."

<Earth> Ramjet transmits a peal of laughter, "HahahaHAHAHAHA..!"

<Earth> Scrapper says, "I hope they let Decepticons in at the parole hearings."

<Earth> Ramjet stops laughing.

<Earth> Ramjet says, "Hnh. Do we.. have to.. wear a jacket and tie?"

<Earth> Thrust says, "Hello, Ramjet."

<Earth> Thrust says, "I remember when WE used to be FRIENDS!"

<Earth> Ramjet says, "Hnhh. I told you never to use the F-word in public!"

<Earth> Jayson Redfield says, "Hey, why don't you guys do everyone a favor, and, I don't know...SHUT UP?"

<Earth> Thrust says, "Well, I quit the Decepticons!"

<Earth> Dirge says, "Thrust, give the happy couple a round of applause."

<Earth> Ramjet says, "You can't quit the Decepticons."

<Earth> Scrapper says, "Nobody's making you listen on this frequency, human germ."

<Earth> Thrust says, "I can not clap at all!"

<Earth> Americon says, "Yeah, go marry an Autobot and bother him, human! Hahaha--ow, pain..."

<Earth> Thrust says, "I can't wipe my after burners!"

<Earth> Ramjet says, "Hnh. If anything, you should be honored your Decepticon overlords amuse themselves by speaking on your native broadband."

<Earth> Cyclonus says, "Powerglide... marrying a human?"

<Earth> Cyclonus says, "What?"

<Earth> Cyclonus says, "Ha."

<Earth> Scrapper says, "To be blunt, we should be charging you oil for the right to listen to us."

<Earth> Cyclonus says, "Heh ha ha."

<Earth> Cyclonus says, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h"

<Earth> Cyclonus click

<Earth> Jayson Redfield sighs... "You guys really are a bunch of idiots."

<Earth> Scrapper says, "Also your icky human marriage laws have broken Cyclonus. Way to go, fleshlings."

<Earth> Ramjet says, "Thrust, report to the medical ward so the Chief can have one of his men repair your arms."

<Earth> Grimlock says, "Hnf. Me Grimlock say you all be quiet!"

<Earth> Grimlock says, "Me trying to watch show."

<Earth> Scrapper says, "What show?"

<Earth> Ramjet says, "What show?"

<Earth> Thrust says, "The Wife Swap... Starring Powerglide and Jenna Jameso?"

<Earth> Powerglide says, "I hate you guys soooo much."

<Earth> Grimlock says, "Psh. No! Me watch show with shiny guy and cool hat."

<Earth> Foxfire says, "He's watching Walking with Dinosaurs!"

<Earth> Grimlock says, "Me tell yu what it 'bout, BUT ME NO CAN HEAR TALKING MANS."

<Earth> Ramjet transmits the sound of falling out of a chair.

<Earth> Ramjet says, "AUGH."

<Earth> Scrapper says, "Shiny guy and cool hat? The slag?"

<Earth> Ramjet says, "WHY DOES THAT KEEP HAPPENING EVERY TIME HE SHOUTS."

<Earth> Jayson Redfield laughs!

<Earth> Ramjet snarls! "That's IT! If I use my vaunted position for anything.. IT WILL BE TO ABUSE MY POWER SO THAT I CAN SMITE THE GREATEST OF ALL THE EMPIRE'S ENEMIES."

<Earth> Ramjet says, "CHIEF! BUILD ME AN ANTI-DINOBOT RAY."

<Earth> Scrapper says, "If I had an anti-Dinobot ray, we wouldn't have anymore Dinobots!"

<Earth> Ramjet says, "THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO BUI--.. why am I screaming.."

<Earth> Ramjet says, "That's why you have to build it."

<Earth> Scrapper says, "If I knew how to build an anti-Dinobot ray, then I would have had an anti-Dinobot ray, and we wouldn't have anymore Dinobots."

<Earth> Grimlock says, "But me am still here! YOU RAY IS BROKENED!"

<Earth> Grimlock says, "HAW HAW HAW! You septi-cons dumb!"

<Earth> Scrapper says, "The ray doesn't exist!"

<Earth> Grimlock says, "Me think that why it not work."

<Earth> Ramjet transmits the sound of him getting back into his chair.

<Decepticon> Thrust says, "Ramjet, I paid someone for working arms and hands..."

<Earth> Ramjet says, "How do you not know how to make an anti-Dinobot ray!? You're the greatest technical genius in the Empire!"

<Decepticon> Thrust says, "Your death will come soon."

<Decepticon> D-56 Ramjet says, "Pay!?"

<Earth> Crosscheck says, "Then you guys are n serious troubles"

<Decepticon> D-56 Ramjet says, "I told you to go get repaired for free!"

<Decepticon> Thrust says, "I paid the Junkion by letting him live."

<Earth> Ramjet says, "It's an anti-Dinobot ray! It shoots a LASER that PENETRATES the thick Dinobot ARMOR. Thus, it is an anti-Dinobot RAY."

<Earth> Thrust says, "Are we talking about the Birds and the Bees again, Ramjet?"

<Earth> Thrust says, "I do like hearing about the laser penetrating Autobots!"

<Earth> Ramjet says, "For the first time in our long lives, Thrust, when I say PENETRATE in a single SENTENCE it does not involve YOU."

<Earth> Thrust says, "You're not penetrating me anymore?!"

<Earth> Thrust says, "Well, have fun with Catechism then!"

<Earth> Ramjet groans.

<Earth> Ramjet says, "Dirge, I blame YOU for THIS."