User blog:CounterMatt/'Name Redacted' Personal File. Entry two.

OOC Disclaimer. None of this is IC stuff. Don't take any of it and use it ICly. It never happened. Just some OOC fun. Cool? Lets begin then. ..

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I don't know. I'm pulled in too many directions at once. I nearly felt it though. A moment I almost forgot about it. I'd got so used to the idea I'd have to live with that monster but I nearly felt a life without it. Without him. It was good too! I've always felt I've been more lucky than skilled and, when it comes to friends, I'm definitely right. Just. . . it. . . I. . . the feeling's there but, with time, it passes. I can't deal with this one alone. I know now I don't have to.

I still need answers. Maybe it's just how I am. Only one way to get them. Rephrase. Only one person who I could possibly get them from. I came in for a brief with Prowl and there wasn't a detention team. Then again I'm not the type to abandon my place in a mission just because of my personal feelings. That's not how it works.

This is how this one will work though. I've no right or reason to ask professionally but I've spent a lifetime, no, two! Struggling in this nightmare hoping I'll awaken. Or, at the very least, start dreaming. Even if there are no answers, even if they aren't the ones I want to hear I can't continue until I ask . . . the question.

The question that now drives me. Even if unanswered I must gain solace from knowing I done everything I can to try and find the answer. Maybe it'll be enough. Maybe, someday, something will be enough.