Dungeons and Decepticons

"According to my DETECTO RAYS," says Cackle as she rolls along the ground, rolling on up to the cavern, "THIS is a ready access point to the catacombs of Cybertron! Which is where the Autobots are! So, it should be a simple matter to locate said Autobots and DESTROY them!" there's a pause as she takes in the various symbols and such, sweeping her headlights over them.

"...though I wonder if they should have sent more than two of us..."

Americon's robot legs pop out metallic feather-like objects as they and his lower torso split apart, also revealing an eagle head. The arms and robot head join the main body, and his guns convert into tail feathers and rocket launchers. Americon is now a bald eagle!

Cackle

Resting on four large tires is a futuristic-looking, close-canopied jeep! Bright purple and dark blue are the primary colors here, save for the blaze of white that makes up the cyber-jeep's windshield.

An impressive-looking, four-barreled turret laser of some sort pokes out from the back of this jeep, while the front bears several spotlights and other, more arcane bits of scanning equipment.

Robotic Bald Eagle < Americon > is currently perched atop Cackle's canopy, and his reply to her as she drives through the caverns is, "Probably! HOWEVER! The Empire has sent two of its FINEST to investigate this thingy, whatever it is, and we shan't fail, because if we fail, everyone will point and laugh at us! AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPENING... in America!"

He's a bad mutha --- SHUT YO MOUTH!!

It's true. Jazz was cooler than a Polar Bear's nose, but he also was tasked with handling the Autobot's Special Ops division. Tonight, the blue-visored robot had received word via Steeljaw that Debris' sensor system had picked up Decepticon signatures near the underground compound's perimeter.

That meant two things.

One - Steeljaw had figured out how to mash his claws against a computer keyboard and Two - it was time for Jazz to go James Bond.

Working his way up through the winding maze of passages, the Autobot approaches the access point. Dimming his visor for an added level of stealth, he sets himself up near the cavern's entrance behind a conveniently placed mass-of-a-rock. "Time to chill and see what these Deceptifools are sniffin' around for."

"Of course! Two of the Decepticons finest! With my technial expertise, and your, uh...whatever it is you do, we are SURE to prevail!" And then Cackle rolls along deeper into the cavern, headlights blazing, making no effort whatsoever to conceal her presence.

"...and what's an America?"

Robotic Bald Eagle < Americon > puffs out his birdy chest proudly. "I am a CULTURAL ANALYST! Though some of the other Decepticons say my true function is ANNOYANCE! I am not sure WHY!" He sucks his chest back in at Cackle's confession, and gasps. "What's an America!? You don't know what America is!? Why, it's only the best country ever... in America!"

"That's recursive and makes no sense!" Cackle quips back.

It's not very James Bondish, but it's something to do in a dimly lit cave. Jazz picks up a few rocks and heaves them at one of the cavern walls. If his aim was as good as his knowledge of 1983 Grammy nominees, then there would be some loud sounds echoing very soon.

Warming up his audio systems, the Special Ops guru now thinks of something James Bondish to do. PLAY MUSIC!

It's hard to find, but deep down within his data banks, Jazz cues up some generic Halloween music that sets the mood with an eerie feel that only an episode of The Addams Family could simulate.

A bat flies through the air and SCREEEEECHES. A witch CACKLES off in the darkness. A ghost BOOOOS above.

"Havin' surround sound is so rad," whispers Jazz to himself as he dawns a silvery grin.

Dark Cavern

A dark and pallid aura permeates this cavern snaking into the wall of the Istoral Trench. Foul odors and frequent skittering sounds add to the ominous feeling. Activating a spotlight, you can make out strange runes marked into the wall. Among the symbols is a picture of a 5 headed creature breathing fire and destruction onto a city of steel. In the center of the cavern lies a circular pit filled with an unnatural blackness. Although there is little light here, the pit seems infinitely darker than the surroundings.

Kicking a pebble over the edge, you listen for it to hit bottom...but are only rewarded by a faint whistling sound from within the pit. This is a most unholy place, and every circuit within your chassis screams at you to leave.

Contents:

Jazz

Jeep

Obvious exits:

South < S > leads to Istoral Trench North.

Enormous Chasm < D > leads to Dark Pit.

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MAIL: Mailbox purged.

Robotic Bald Eagle < Americon > shrugs down at Cackle. "What's recursion?" He is not given much time to wonder about it, though, for something else weird happens! "Uh, what?" he says aloud as the creepy sounds start up. "Huh. What strange noises! Wait... I've heard of this happening before! Cackle! We are... IN SALEM!"

"...in America!"

"What's that?!" Cackle says, scooting to a halt! Her sensors whizz and whirr, and she sweeps her quad laser turret around at each new sound. "We're not in Salem America, fool! We're on Cybertron! And we seem to have gained the attention of...something that I have not yet been able to analyze! Is this one of those 'Die-no-bots?' or other such monstrosities the Autobots employ? It must be!"

The wickedly scary sounds continue.

OOOOOOooooooOOO!!

Hahahaha!! Muhahaha!!

SCCCCRREEEECH!!

Content with setting the mood up to this point, Jazz finishes whispering into his wrist-communicator. A second later, a sound from above vibrates the cavern walls. Could it be?!?

Sure could.

The entrance to the passage was slowly closing with a sturdy and camoflauged door sliding into place. The Decepticons had just entered the house of horror...well kind of. There were was no cool blacklight paint on the walls here.

Patchwork has arrived.

Robotic Bald Eagle < Americon > is flung from Cackle's canopy as she comes to a halt! After landing in a pile, he transforms into robot mode. "Hm, I dunno! The Dinobots are more like, 'GRROOOAAAARRRRRRRR' and 'MWAARRRRRR' than 'Teehee, I'll get you!' But I dunno, maybe there's a sixth Dinobot no one knows about! Dear GOD!" He watches the door close, optics widened. "And maybe, just maybe, we're in his lair RIGHT NOW!"

Cackle transforms into robot mode!

Cackle transforms to robot mode as well! She has her ray projector in hand, and her shoulder cannons tilt down into a ready position. Truly, this femme bristles with killiness!

"The fools!" she says, shining her meager light about, "They don't know that THEY have trapped themselves in with US!" she says- though there's a quaver in her voice- and maybe the muzzle of her gun is shaking. Just a little. "So come out, Autobots! I promise your deaths will be relatively quick and for the benefit of science!"

Sneaking (which isn't her best skill to start with) to where the rest of the little gathering is located, a little bag (or not so little, really) of sparkling goodness clutched in one hand, comes Patchwork. She's trying to move as quietly as she can.

No wonder Blaster was always the life of the party. When you had sound at your disposal, you sure were the popular robot. Jazz's audio library wasn't quite as vast as Blaster's, but that didn't seem to be a problem yet.

Snickering to himself, the Special Ops director picks up on Patchwork arriving in the room. Who could miss sparkles after all?!

Deciding to switch up the mood, Jazz flawlessly mixes and fades the Halloween music into.....Circus music!

Elephants BEEEELLLLLLOW

Lions ROOOOOAARR

Clowns CHUCCCKLE

Robotic Bald Eagle < Americon > clenches his teeth at the series of new sounds! "It is even worse than I thought! They've cloned the Predacons and created--" Dramatic pause. "--the PREDABOTS! Stay behind me, Cackle!" Americon moves to interpose himself between the largely imaginary threat and his companion. "If you want to gnaw on her, Predabots, you'll have to go through me! And that won't be too hard, but oh boy, I'll peck you guys SO hard, you'll wish you hadn't gone for it!"

Americon undergoes a patriotic transformation into his All-American robot mode!

"Predabots?! That makes no sense! That'd be like us having Dino-cons or something!" She pauses, however, and then considers. "You know...that's not a bad idea. Hold this." and with that, she hands her ray-projector to Americon so she can bring out a datapad and scribble down a few notes!

This done, she goes back to being scared. "...we should go deeper- we're not getting out the way we came in!"

Cackle has left.

Cackle has arrived.

Patchwork creeps forward, slowly, trying not to make too much noise as she slowly opens her little bag of glittery goodness. The shift in the music has her having qo quickly bite back a giggle, optics bright with amusement as she reaches into the bag and, grabbing a fistfull of glitter, she launches it over towards the duo of 'Cons with her oh so dangerous sneak glitterize attack!

Grimlock has arrived.

Grimlock has left.

Wanderer has arrived.

Combat: The next attack against you will automatically hit.

Combat: Patchwork strikes Americon with her Grab attack!

Combat: You took 0 damage.

Combat: Patchwork misses Cackle with her Grab attack!

Patchwork's last pose: Patchwork creeps forward, slowly, trying not to make too much noise as she slowly opens her little bag of glittery goodness. The shift in the music has her having qo quickly bite back a giggle, optics bright with amusement as she reaches into the bag and, grabbing a fistfull of glitter, she launches it over towards the duo of 'Cons with her oh so dangerous sneak glitterize attack!

Posed by Patchwork 8m 44s ago:

Cackle's last pose: < None OR Private >

Posed by Cackle 15m 49s ago:

Americon's last pose: Robotic Bald Eagle < Americon > clenches his teeth at the series of new sounds! "It is even worse than I thought! They've cloned the Predacons and created--" Dramatic pause. "--the PREDABOTS! Stay behind me, Cackle!" Americon moves to interpose himself between the largely imaginary threat and his companion. "If you want to gnaw on her, Predabots, you'll have to go through me! And that won't be too hard, but oh boy, I'll peck you guys SO hard, you'll wish you hadn't gone for it!"

Posed by Americon 19m 51s ago:

Jazz's last pose: No wonder Blaster was always the life of the party. When you had sound at your disposal, you sure were the popular robot. Jazz's audio library wasn't quite as vast as Blaster's, but that didn't seem to be a problem yet.

Snickering to himself, the Special Ops director picks up on Patchwork arriving in the room. Who could miss sparkles after all?!

Deciding to switch up the mood, Jazz flawlessly mixes and fades the Halloween music into.....Circus music!

Elephants BEEEELLLLLLOW

Lions ROOOOOAARR

Clowns CHUCCCKLE

Posed by Jazz 24m 23s ago:


 * POMF!*

"Ack! We're under attack!" Cackle says, whipping her ray blaster up- only to realize she's left it in Americon's hands! She lunges at the tapebot, grabbing wildly for her weapon. "We mustn't let them surround us, Americon! Fight hard- I'll make sure they don't take you alive!"

Americon lets out a howl as he is suddenly doused with a mysterious sparkly powder, just after taking Cackle's weapon! "No, you have to run away, Cackle! Run away and leave me behind!" he wails, waving his arms around so much that retrieving any weapons from him could prove difficult!

This was probably getting weird for the Decepticons. First the Halloween music, then the entrance closing above, then Circus music, and now Glitter??

Jazz hoped the cocktail of disorienting effects was working as Patchwork launched the surprise attack. "Aww yea! It's party time! You got the glitter and I got the fireworks!"

With that, the Autobot leaps out from his hidden position, his blue visor beaming brightly now. "You Deceptipunks are crawlin' up the wrong tree!! Now you gotta get initiated if you wanna be in our club house!!"

Reaching into subspace, Jazz pulls out a shiny object and tosses it across the cavernous floor.

Things were able to get loud.

Combat: Jazz strikes Americon with Special Ops Grenade's Small Explosion #9803 Area attack! [Pulled -1]

Combat: Jazz's Special Ops Grenade is destroyed!

Combat: You took 17 damage.

Combat: That attack has temporarily impaired Americon's Agility. (Crippled)

Combat: Jazz strikes Cackle with Special Ops Grenade's Small Explosion #9803 Area attack! [Pulled -1]

Combat: That attack has temporarily impaired Cackle's Agility. (Crippled)

And now that they are discovered (or have announced themselves, as the case may be!), Patchwork can give into her giggling, the femme keeping enough of her senses around her to pull her pistol out of storage while she does. "Go away, now...or I'll glitterize you again...! And you, Americon...I promise, it'll be red and white...I'll make you Canadian!"

"THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO YOU IGNORANT-"

And that's when Jazz's grenade rolls up to her. She pauses, looking down at it. "What? Another glitter bomb? Really Autobots, you are pathet-"

*KASPLODE!*

Cackle is left charred black, her red optics blinking through it like an old Warner Bros cartoon.

"That's it, Autobots!" she says, wheeling around on both Patchwork and Jazz, "Tremble! Tremble in the face of my mighty QUAD LASER!" and her shoulder cannons lock into firing position as she sweeps the cavern with laser fire, attempting to blast both the Autobots into smithereens!

Combat: Cackle strikes Patchwork with her Quad Laser Area attack! [Pulled -2]

Combat: Cackle strikes Jazz with her Quad Laser Area attack! [Pulled -2]

Americon is then blown across the room by the explosive! "GAAHHH!" After landing in a jumble, and having let Cackle's gun go flying into the air, he stands on unwary feet, and gives his head a good shake. "Urrghh. So, it's even worse than I could have ever imagined! The Autobots are assaulting us... with DISCO! They will pay dearly for this!"

He gets started on making the Autobots pay dearly by firing a laser blast at Jazz!

Combat: Americon strikes Jazz with his Laser attack!

That's what happens when you play circus music for an extended period of time. People fire weapons in your direction. And they hit in this case.


 * PING* *SIZZ*

Jazz takes a few laser blasts across his chest, sending him back stumbling a few steps. "YOWWW! That's the thanks I get for DJ'ing this shin-dig?!?"

Withdrawing his Solar-Powered Photon Rifle from subspace, Jazz steps behind a cavern formation, "You float with the butterfly...you get STUNG by the bee!!"


 * PEW* *PEW*

Combat: Jazz sets his defense level to Protected.

Combat: Jazz strikes Cackle with his Solar-Powered Photon Rifle attack!

Patchwork stumbles back, her optics widening as she yelps in surprise as the blaster beam strikes her shoulder. Her giggling fades, and her own pistol comes up, optics narrowing. "Mean...meanie! I said go away! Shoo!" she chastises, squeezing off a quick shot in Cackle's direction.

Combat: Patchwork misses Cackle with her Pistol attack!

Cackle snatches her ray projector pistol out of the air as Americon lets go of it! Aha!

And then Jazz comes by and blasts her off her feet. Ow! At least it's out of Patchwork's shot! Cackle rolls, and then glances over at the larger spy-commander. "...Bee? I thought the Bee-Autobot was yellow? And Smaller? Unless he's been UPGRADED!" she peers at Jazz a few moments. "...I'm impressed. But, BEE AUTOBOT, let's see how you fare against the power of my SCIENCE RAY!"

*kapew!*

Combat: Cackle strikes Jazz with her Science Ray attack!

Combat: Cackle's attack has strange and mysterious effects on Jazz.

Americon adds, "And let us see how you fare against my Laser... Ray!" as he fires another laser at Patchwork. "Also, explain these new Predabots to us immediately or you will DIE! Or at least more than you would have!"

Combat: Americon misses Patchwork with his Red White and Blue Lasers attack!

Quicker than you can say SCIENCE RAY or QUANTUM LEAP (one of the greatest shows of the 90's), Jazz is covered in a mysterious auroa of bright, purple energy.

"WOAH!! Did you put a roofie in that laser?!? I feel....WEIRD!!"

Falling back on his aft, Jazz rubs the side of his helm, parts of his armor peeling off from the effects of Cackle's weapon. "So THIS is your brain on drugs?!? Yuck!"

Jazz aims his Porsche-hood chest at the scientist, unleashing a few beams of searing energy from his headlights.

Ironman, eat your heart out.

Combat: Jazz strikes Cackle with his Headlight Flash (Disruptor) attack!

Patchwork ducks, knees bending quick, the shot from Americon bouncing harmlessly off the wall above and behind her. As Jazz flops oh so elegantly on his aft, Patchwork is pushing up to her feet, and charging at Cackle. "Leave him alone, you...you...big...MEANIEPANTS!" Shifting her shoulder down, the medic tries to run right into the Con.

Combat: Patchwork strikes Cackle with her Punch attack!

"That is your brain on SCIENCE!" Cackle declares, triumphantly! "Now...now...why aren't you falling over and being dead yeaaaagh!" That last part is from when Jazz blasts her but good! And then patchwork rushes her, and knocks her over, to boot!

"Aaaagh! Noooo! Don't hurt meeeeee! I'm too brilliant to dieeeee!" and without further ado, Cackle transforms and takes off in a random direction as fast as her wheels can take her!

She'll find a way home. Eventually.

Cackle transforms into vehicle mode!

Combat: Jeep begins retreating, outrunning all pursuit.

Americon yells, "HEY, don't tell him to leave her alone, you started it, you totally did! So YOU are the meaniepants!" Transforming into eagle mode, he flies right at Patchwork... until he sees he's been deserted by Cackle! "Uh... hey wait up! And where the hell are you going!?" he caws, and flies after her!

Combat: Americon begins retreating, leaving himself vulnerable to parting shots from Jazz, Jeep, and Patchwork

"Aww yea! Nothin' like watchin' a Decepti-cawn track meet!! Haha! Great work Patch!" exlaims Jazz as he throws up an obligatory high-five. "I'm not sure how they tracked us down to this area, but we better tell Rodimus about this. Next time it might be a bigger force knockin' on our front door."