Book Quest: Babel

Decepticon Shuttle 

The interior of the shuttle is very roomy. There is a highly technical cockpit that seats numerous bots at various stations, and a huge cargo area for additional troops or equipment.

This vessel requires Space-Pilot to use. Syntax:

DO  - IE. do east, do +profile, do attack scourge=laser. l/o           - Looks outside.

Ramjet has arrived.

Blitzwing has arrived.

Blitzwing is lounging around the spaceship with his feet up on the console, cleaning his gyrojet launcher rifle.

[travel spam]

Outside, Babel

Outside, Babel! Library of the galaxy. A planet completely covered in buildings, its every inch full of stack upon stack of room-sized hexagons. Upon each wall of each hexagon is a myriad of books, forming an almost impenetrable maze for those without a map. But... you brought a map, didn't you?

Catechism is sitting in a chair in the shuttle when a thunk tells her that they have finally arrived. Foolishly not waiting for the unfasten seat-belt sign, she unbelts herself and stands, stretching and indulging in a robo-yawn.

Blitzwing calls back, "We're here. Linens, housewares, ladies' shoes and taboo ancient mystical texts!" He straightens up in his chair, picks up his rifle by the handle and tromps after the Seekers. "That was an easy flight." Ramjet remarks as he presses down on the buckle, undoing his belt. He stands, giving his arms a lift just past his head before letting them down. "Hope there's some alien menace on this planet I get to shoot. Crystal City was massively boring.."

Catechism shoots a look at Ramjet. The last alien menace they had to fight? So not worth it. However, she is respecting his wishes by not mentioning said alien menace. Catechism exits the shuttle, not even thinking that it could have an atmosphere that dissolves robots or robot-eating shadows.

You leave the Decepticon Shuttle .

Babel

Babel! Library of the galaxy. A planet completely covered in buildings, its every inch full of stack upon stack of room-sized hexagons. Upon each wall of each hexagon is a myriad of books, forming an almost impenetrable maze for those without a map. But... you brought a map, didn't you?

Thing Contents:

Decepticon Shuttle 

Blueshift

Blitzwing leaves the Decepticon Shuttle .

Blitzwing has arrived.

Babel is a bustling metropolis of a city, aircars flying past every second of every day, huge signs displaying country-wide letters. The shuttle has landed in the country of "W" and as it sets down on the landing pad, having descended through the sky turnstile, the doors to the city open invitingly. A city of books.

Ramjet leaves the Decepticon Shuttle .

Ramjet has arrived.

Ramjet makes a kissy face at Catechism in reply to her look. He has already forgotten that horrible, sugar-filled night. He may also choke the next person who ever speaks of it in his presence, too.

Blitzwing glances back and forth between Special Edition Kissy-Face Ramjet and Catechism, with a suspicious squint that suggests he can tell something's going on but can't quite tell what.

Catechism was so not meaning that, Ramjet! Honestly, it's like she's the only female coneheaded Seeker that the factories ever rolled out... oh wait. Maybe she is. Slag. Maybe she can convince Scrapper to build an experimental, next-generation female coneheaded Seeker with laser optics or something. She rubs her hands together and comments, "This place seems... pleasant. Hnn." No crazy wars. She feels out of place. "We're in 'W', right? So... the right territory."

Laser eyes can convince Scrapper of just about anything. "Unless it's filed by author."

Says Blitzwing.

A robed monk walks up to the group, clipboard in hand. "Ah, we have been expecting you!" he exclaims cheerily, a glint in his eye. "Welcome to Babel, where all the books in the universe reside. All of history, all possible histories, all works written and yet to be dreamt up. Here they all reside on our humble planet!" He gives a slight bow as he gestures into the lobby, which branches off into hundreds of rooms

Catechism rubs her chin and waves a hand airily. She speculates, "Author? We really have no idea who wrote it, do we? I mean, it's Primus's book, but it may have been written down from oral tradition." She tries to see if she can find a data kiosk where she can do a catalogue search. As soon as she starts to look, the monk comes up and greets them. She looks startled, and her optics widen. "Expecting us, but we didn't tell-" she looks to her teammates accusingly. Then, it hits her. "...yet to be dreamt up? You have, uh, FUTURE books?"

Blitzwing looks a little surprised to get an organic who doesn't treat the war robots with obvious wariness. "That's pretty friendly of you. Have any other people like us dropped by lately?"

The monk nods. "Indeed, we have all books. The central mind of Babel generates every combination of letters possible. It is our duty to sort through the jumble of works and index those which are legible. And so we produce more and more works every second, and one day this world will contain every word yet to be written down. Perhaps even now, somewhere in these hallowed halls, yet to be catalogued is the book that holds the sacred truth of the universe, for that too will exist here somewhere"

Catechism narrows her optics and inquires, clearly doubting, "So, how did you know we were coming? Was it... in a book?" This idea strikes her as rather strange. Is there a book in here that has all the Autobots' military codes? One that has 'How to become air commander and not die' instructions? Forget truth, the possibilities are staggering!

Ramjet seems largely unbothered by the librarian-monk. Why shouldn't most things in the world be their scale and not freaked out by Decepticons. He is, however, skeptical of that first thing the monk said. "What do you mean, expecting us?" He glances from Blitzwing to Catechism. He hasn't figured out whatever it is Catechism figured out. Maybe the librarian in Crystal City transmitted their request? He glances at Blitzwing and accuses, "You send our flightplan out?"

"Truth is... everywhere..." the monk nods as he starts to walk past the lobby, guiding the Decepticons along the library. "But for every book of truth, there are a million of convincing lies. You must learn what to trust, and why"

Blitzwing thinks about this a minute. "You might be waiting a long time. I mean, a lot of those are going to be gibberish, right? Or even just insignificant differences. Maybe one day it writes Turbohamlet, maybe the next day it writes Turbohamlet except that one of the semicolons is a comma. You guys could be waiting 'til the heat death of the universe for that Ultimate Sacred Truth book to pop out."

At Blitzwing's words, the monk stops and clicks his fingers loudly. "Exactly! But come out it will, it must, for if it exists, then we will find it. It is simply a matter of time!" He looks about cautiously as he stands by a ladder that leads upwards and upwards to a dizzying height of books. "You have... a message for me?"

"You think I file flightplans?" scoffs Blitzwing in an aside to Ramjet. "I hardly know where I'm going myself, half the time."

Ramjet snorts at Blitzwing! "Obviously," he nearly sneers. Folding his arms over his chest, Ramjet looks away from Blitzwing in a characteristic display of Aerospace disdain.

Catechism follows along, hearing some wonderfully reassuring things from their pilot. Her optics flicker over the massive amounts of books and then return to the monk. She trusts nothing and no one, these days. Finding a White Book of Primus that is actually valid may be a chore. Guardedly, she replies, "Not so much a message as... we're looking for one specific book."

Blitzwing leans over to stick his head into the frame (a technique he and Astrotrain have long since mastered). "A seeeecret book."

Ramjet adds, "The White Book of Primus. Make with it. We're a violent, short-tempered race with poorly developed patience circuits."

Blitzwing also adds, "And I turn into a tank."

Ramjet nods solemnly. "And he turns into a tank. We're used to getting our way and we see no need for that tradition to end now!"

The monk pauses, tapping his foot as some more robed figures emerge, each carrying books. He looks back and forth at the Decepticons. "Then... Goldbug did /not/ send you?" he queries, almost nervously

Catechism facepalms. There are three of them and a shuttle. Blitzwing and Ramjet are both very formidable, but this is a whole planet. Also, they just gave away what they are looking for to someone, for all she knows, who may secretly wish to kill them. Many worlds despise Decepticons. Seeing her chance, she leaps on it, "Of course Goldbug sent us!" Then she tries to elbow both of the guys.

Blitzwing wonders silently if the monk turns into anything besides a monk. He bets not. Certainly not TWO other things. Blitzwing turns away and browses a nearby stack of books with an expression somewhere between indulgent pity and smugness, which is a fine line at the best of times, until the monk speaks again. "Goldpaver... kinda did, maybe, but Goldbug, no, don't know the... oh yeah! Yeah, Goldbug sent us special."

They don't call them Decepticons for nothing.

The monk nods slowly and continues to walking. "Ah... good..." he emits, fingers tracing over the indexes on the shelves as they pass the WHI- section. "You've known Goldbug long then? I didn't think Decepticons had much to do with /Insecticons/"

"Goldwhat!?" Ramjet sputters, his optical ridge raised with irritated questioning. His hands collapse into fists, which he begins to pull back in order to assail the monk with before Catechism gives him an elbow. "Huh!? What? Oh! Yes! Goldborg. Er, Goldbug. Yes. He sent us."

"We've got tons to do with Insecticons!" exclaims Blitzwing. "Whenever we can't possibly avoid it. Except for the Deluxe Insecticons but that might just be temporary, you know how Deluxe Insecticons are, all... wooba-wooba-wooba!" He makes the universal gesture for 'crazy Insecticon.'

It looks kind of like someone trying to wrestle with his own antennae while rolling his eyes and making fish-lips.

Ramjet nods solemnly, playing Blitzwing's straightcone in Astrotrain's absence. He plays straightcone for a lot of mechs. "Yes. Wooba-wooba-wooba." He echoes these words dispassionately.

Catechism raises one hand flat to the side of her face and leans into the monk, whispering, "... my bodyguards. Very faithful,... on..."

The monk senses "Catechism raises one hand flat to the side of her face and leans into the monk, whispering, "They're my bodyguards. Very faithful, but a little confused on the particulars.""

Blitzwing makes like Titus Pullo and just stands around hulking politely behind/over Catechism.

The monk doesn't seem too convinced by the answer, but he keeps running his fingers along the spines of the book until they rest on a particular tome. "Ah. Here" he says, pulling out an ivory-white volume entitled "THE WHITE BOK OF PRIMUS". "You will find everything you need here." He passes the volume to Catechism. Is it really that easy?

Blitzwing's treads clank on his shoulders as he shrugs. "That it then? Mission successful?"

Ramjet glances behind Catechism to shoot a stern look at Blitzwing. That's his conesqueeze, damn it! With arms still folded over his chest, Ramjet glances back to the monk. By then, he is pulling the book out of the stacks and handing it over to Catechism. "Well. That was easy. I'm not really going to comment about it being too easy. Because all of a sudden something would happen." Wait for it...

Catechism looks at the book and points out, "This is a Bok, not a Book. Y'know, 'bawk', like the noises that Americon makes." She frowns sternly at the monk.

Blitzwing is only semi-literate, anyhow, he didn't even notice. "Book, Bok, close enough, right?"

"Whatever..." Ramjet mutters with an irritable sigh.

Why is Catechism, who run into hard objects with her head, the voice of logic here? Oh, right. Because she runs into things with her head *less often* than Ramjet does. Ignoring the irony inherent in her situation, she warns, "If you are trying to trick us..."

"Yesss..." the monk nods, as suddenly he leaps over a railing as the book Catechism holds transforms into a grasping, robotic beetle, which starts to nip at her, fangs dripping with acid. Several of the other monks, all various alien species drop their books and run towards the group, all pulling weapons from their robe. A large fat slug-like creature takes out a spear, which he lunges at Ramjet with, and a hopping, red-headed spring-like alien starts to spray hallucinagenic gas at Blitzwing

"Is this like a religious 'We Found The Book of Primus Hooray' ritual they're doing now or OH THE COLORS," says Blitzwing, tripping ball bearings.

Catechism pulls back one arm, still holding the book-beetle, letting the acid fall on her arm armour, hissing and dissolving. She mutters, "Sometimes, truth is at the bottom of a bucket." A bucket of acid-soaked Seeker parts, in her case. Her acid rounds chamber into her free arm gun and spray out at the book-beetle. See how it likes yellow xenomorph acid, huh, since it seems so keen on its own acid. Catechism complains aloud, "I get assigned to one peaceful research mission, and I get attacked in a library. Straxus!" This is why the Decepticons raze worlds. So they don't have to deal with this garbage.

The beetle hisses as one of its robotic legs is burnt, and it takes to the air, wings flapping wildly as spikes shoot out from its underside and it attempts to latch onto Catechism's back. The spring-powered alien continues to bounce in circles around Blitzwing, the gas still spraying from it as the monk watches on. "Time for bed! Time for bed!" it chimes, trying to put the Decepticon down for good.

Blitzwing lies on the floor and examines the carpet intently. "There's so many layers to this. It's like, it's microcosmic like a jungle you're travelling through like it was outer space, like a space jungle all made of plastic fibers." Please try to trick us. Please try to trick us, Ramjet begins to pray in his head. As the silver point of his head begins to bob in the air for more enthusiastic religious ecstacy, the duplicitous nature of the monks takes root. "Well it's about ti---OOOF!!" Ramjet wheezes as he is thrown off his feet, hurtling against a stack of books that breaks his fall. A length of spear extrudes from his chest, having shattered through the yellow canopy. Its blade bites into the cushioned seat within Ramjet's cockpit but penetrates no further. "AW..." Ramjet groans, his optics flickering in anger as his hands reach for the weapon. "How many... FRAKKIN' times.. am I going to have to get a canopy transplant!?! EVERY. FRAKKIN'. TIME..." Fastening his plated fingers around the shaft, the Decepticon gives it a sudden yank and pulls it right out with a gust of effort, "HnnGH.."

"Finally.. nnh.. some action!" Ramjet grunts happily. He kicks upright and takes a step forward, lunging the spear that was thrown at him for the spring-powered alien menacing Blitzwing. His left arm presses out, extending the rifle mounted at his shoulder at the alien who lobbed the spear at him. "You're not Airwolf, but I'll hate you nonetheless!" His fingers clench together, triggering the firing mechanism. Purple laserfire fills the distance between them!

Catechism dodges a few spikes and a few sink into her armour. She seethes, "We come here, peacefully, and you guys go all jetslag on us. Is this any way to run a library?" Getting a wicked, devious idea, for she is evil, Catechism reaches out at random and grabs a book off a shelf, attempting to slam the book into the beetle on her back. If these people really care about books, what will they do when she starts ruining them in her attempts to defeat them? Acid may be bad for her, but it's terrible to books!

Blitzwing rolls over and lies on his back with his fingers laced over his chest, watching the lasers going by overhead. "Hey, you have to see this, it's like an aurora."

The slug-creature, now minus its weapon, starts oozing towards Ramjet, rearing up to reveal its mucussy underside as it lunges, intent on absorbing him into its belly. The spring-powered alien hops into the air, the spear passing through the loops in its spring harmlessly, as it continues to hop around Blitzwing. "Naughty naughty!" it chides, waving a finger and stroking its moustache. "Bad children!" The beetle screams again as it is swatted, its mandibles flailing as the acid starts to melt the book. "Oh no you didn't!" squeaks the spring-creature

Catechism chucks a book at Blitzwing and snaps, "Fight it, Blitzwing! I've been there," not due to drugs, admittedly - her neural net was malfunctioning, but close enough, "We're not *allowed* to have fun with synasthesia. To us, the world can only be pink with the energon of the slain and purple with our victory!" She attempts to bash another book into the beetle on her back. She proclaims, "I did, and I will continue to do so until I find the real White Book of Primus, even if it means tearing apart every other book on this whole world."

"I don't want to get up though," complains Blitzwing. "Oh hold on, I got it." While still lying on the floor, he transforms into his tank mode, which is basically supine anyhow. "There we go, I can stay down and get down!"

Falling to the ground, Blitzwing folds himself inwards, armor locking into place and cannon snapping down as he becomes a battle tank.

T-72 MBT starts spraying the hallucinations with heavy machinegun fire! Of course, some of them really ARE hallucinations, and one of them is Ramjet, but some of them are monks (or whatever) so on balance it's for the best.

Ramjet stares as the spear sails through the spring-alien harmlessly before glancing back to the oozing slug-alien. "....." His optics flicker, the thoughts slowly spun out from his processors. "....!" His optics raise in realization. "C'mere!" Ramjet spits at the slug, beckoning it close with a come-hither of his hands. "C'mon.. c'mon.." Just as the slug alien tries to pounce upon him, Ramjet presses his weight to his right and leaps to the side, aided with the assisted thrust from a belch of flames from his heels. "Come on!" He presses both arms straight, aiming his rifles at the creature. Bursts of low-intensity laserfire spit out, meaning to irritate the slug alien more than harm it. Ramjet is continually backing away as he does this, leading the slug alien for the beetle alien. "Catechism, get down!"

The hallucinations don't seem to be affected by the gunfire, but the alien is, as he spins about, bullets plinking off his head and arms outstretched. "Time for bed, time for bed!" he bleats, as in a last desperate attack, he leaps at the tank, the tip of his razor-sharp spring full of a long-lasting hallucinagen. Will he strike Blitzwing? Meanwhile the slug alien very very slowly slurps in the direction Ramjet herds it, as the beetle keeps squealing as more and more books are hit onto its shell. And then Catechism might find in her hands as she pulls out books one titled "The White Book Of Primus".

He does! (Blitzwing is not very agile as a tank). As a tank he's also not very expressive, however, and he was *already* hosing everything down wildly with bursts of 12.7mm, so it's hard to tell if it actually did anything to him yet.

At Ramjet's missive to get down (get down, get down, boogy?), Catechism flips and tries to slam her back into the floor. She then rolls, banging up her wings in the process, so that her face is toward the floor and Ramjet can do whatever he's planning. While she's on the floor, she actually pauses to look at her ammunition, such as it is. The White Book of Primus? Is this just another fake? She opens it. Ramjet jerks his head down as shots buzz past his cone. "Gah!" As he leads the slug for the beetle, he turns around to give the beetle the blue plate special: a five-servo knuckle sandwich across the kisser before flying right over it.

The spring-alien explodes in shards of porcelain as a tank-shell hits it, the spring bouncing off on its own down the corridor. The beetle flies off at the punch, lunging for Ramjet as suddenly it is hit by the slug, and all fall to the ground in a large *thump*. Watching from above, the monk starts to beat a hasty retreat down the aisles. And as Catechism opens the book... it... seems to be genuine!

White Book Of Primus

The White Book of Primus. Unlike all other copies, this thick tome seems to be complete. Ancient and weighty, several pages have been marked, with tags sticking out the side.

1 - Cover

2 - In The Beginning

3 - The First

4 - The Axe Of Straxus

5 - Rise Of The Protector

6 - The City of Micro

7 - The Golden One

Book Commands:

+bookread  (Read the page)

This book has 7 pages.

You take White Book Of Primus.

With a loud clanging and clunking Blitzwing rearranges himself into his imposing humanoid form.

Blitzwing transforms back into his robot mode and immediately staggers into a library stack, sending it toppling over towards the next one...

Catechism has the monkey, er, beetle off her back. She flips through the book idly, suddenly absorbed, as if she wasn't in the middle of pitched combat with crazy alien book monks. Catechism tucks the book into her cockpit and tries to run after the fleeing monk, calling, "Hey, wait!" although she doubts that she can catch him. The book seems real, but she knows nothing of religion, and lies can be very convincing. She knows. She's a Decepticon.

Ramjet sets to the ground as Blitzwing transforms. When the Triplechanger knocks into a library stack, Ramjet strokes his chin. "Guess we shouldn't have bet Reflector after all.. hnnh."

The monk vanishes behind a door, which slams shut, a row of shelves moving across it. And then there is a shuddering in the entire section of the library, as a single book falls down at Catechism's feet. And then another. And another. As the miles-high shelves of books start to rumble and an avalance of text begins to tumble down!

Ramjet says, "Uh.. retreat!"

"Which way?!" demands Blitzwing, still wobbling around and knocking into scenery from the spring-guy's injection. He waves his gyrojet carbine this way and that unsteadily and irresponsibly.

Catechism sees an avalanche of books headed toward her and is forced to agree with Ramjet and she is forced to turn tail. She cries, "Decepticons, retreat!" to make it official. She tries to grab Blitzwing by the turret and drag him off to the shuttle, if she must. Aloud, she notes with dismay, "Oh Straxus, our pilot is tripping!"

Blitzwing stumbles after Catechism, laughing obnoxiously for no good reason.

Ramjet follows after Catechism, occasionally blasting a book or two out of the way during the run for the shuttle.

THOOM THOOM THOOM! Row upon row of priceless books start to fall to the ground, an almost deafening chorus as they come thick and fast. "Where's Wally", "Why The Whales Came" "Warthogs Go Wild!" All of them tumbling and some bursting into flames at Ramjet's shooting, which soon turns the avalanche into a flaming wall of death!

Ramjet makes certain to shoot the library's remaining copy of 'When Matt Marshall Got His Groove On.'

Catechism just runs, not harming any more books. She has what she came for or... a deceptive facsimile. Catechism is in too deep as it is. She may as well get to the bottom of it. Catechism thinks the shuttle was just around this bend...

Blitzwing giggles as he staggers around a corner after Catechism, falls over, gets back up, falls over again onto his hands and knees, gets up a second time, fires his gyrojet gun into the air, shouts "Decepticons transform and rise up!" and resumes jogging along unsteadily towards the ship.

Our heroes may have managed to escape the flaming books, but now they are in a new area of danger as an alarm goes off. "Wait wait!" cries a librarian, running after them, scanner in hand. "You need to check that book out!"

Ramjet turns back, throwing his left arm out. The rifle is held straight, aimed for the librarian running after them. "I've got this," he tells Blitz-ed-wing and Catechism. Clenching his fingers, he fires several shots at the creature. "Here's my card!" he shouts.

Catechism sighs, pulls out the book - holding it extremely firmly, mind you - and her Crystal City library card, which is shiny and new. She asks plaintively, "Can I get this on inter-library loan? Kind of trying to stave off an apocalypse, here."

Blitzwing spins, stumbles again, drops to his knees, leans forward to prop himself up on one fist and points his rifle at the librarian. "Bang!" he shouts, but instead of his gun going off he fires the turret on his back. Windows shatter and pages flutter as the 125mm gun goes off and a high-explosive shell whistles downrange.

The librarian pauses, looking at Catechism's card. "Oh" his demeanour changes. "Well of course you can, and also you can have-" *BLAM*! Ramjet and Blitzwing fire, and he explodes into a mess of alien gore that splatters everywhere

"He was going to eat you." Ramjet tells Catechism. He lifts his arm up, waving the barrel in the air to cool it off. Thin tendrils of smoke are whipped away. "Really!"

Catechism claps her hands to her face, banging the book and the card into her head. Ow. Back into her cockpit the book and card go. She exclaims, "Straxus! I could have gotten more stuff, but you guys had to go and blow him up! I bet it was going to be a copy of, 'How to Win at Conquest'." She has holes in her armour from acid, her wings are banged up, there are spikes stuck in her, and now? Now she is covered in alien gore. This is going to take forever to scrub out, she just knows it.

Blitzwing pitches back upright and comes up beside Ramjet, nodding enthusiastically. "He was totally going to absorb you or penetrate you with his tendrils or something."

 The LATE Goldpaver echoes, "KnOwLeDgE oF tHe GrEaT aNcIeNtZ iZ lOzT.. ..yEt ThE lIgHt ZtIlL bUrNz BrIgHt.. PrEpArE, pRePaRe.. ThE gReAtEzT qUeZt Of AlL zHaLl ZoOn BeGiN!!!"

 The LATE Goldpaver echoes, "KnOwLeDgE oF tHe GrEaT aNcIeNtZ iZ lOzT.. ..yEt ThE lIgHt ZtIlL bUrNz BrIgHt.. PrEpArE, pRePaRe.. ThE gReAtEzT qUeZt Of AlL zHaLl ZoOn BeGiN!!!"

 Goldpaver echoes, "KnOwLeDgE oF tHe GrEaT aNcIeNtZ iZ lOzT.. ..yEt ThE lIgHt ZtIlL bUrNz BrIgHt.. PrEpArE, pRePaRe.. ThE gReAtEzT qUeZt Of AlL zHaLl ZoOn BeGiN!!!"

 <:D Catechism says, "Tell me about the Room With No Doors."

 Dreadwind says, "There is no light there is only the cold and dark."

 Quickswitch says, "Sounds like a job for Nightbeat."

 The LATE Goldpaver says, "CoNtAiNed WitHiN tHe RoOm WiTh No DoOrZ rEzTz ThE lOzT cItY. ItZ pEoPle ZtIlL sCrEaM fOr AiD. Do YoU hEaR ThEir CrIeZ?"

 <:D Catechism says, "Where is this room? How can we hear them?"

 Dreadwind says, "There are many voices that cry in anguish in the pit."

 Geist says, "A chorus of screamers is my kind of music."

<Decepticon> Dreadwind says, "But you barely even saw Starscream, Geist."

<Decepticon> Blitzwing says, "What can we say, the guy's memorable."

<Decepticon> D-56 Ramjet says, "Real memorable."

<Decepticon> Blitzwing says, "Especially that voice, ugh."

<Decepticon> Geist says, "Stay focussed."

<Decepticon> D-56 Ramjet says, "Hnnh."

<Decepticon> Dreadwind says, "Focus is pointless we'll never figure it out before it is too late."

<Earth> "This is Vernon Fenwick reporting in about a huge street fair happening in Uptown San Francisco. There are clowns, mimes, and all kids of things for your entertainment. THe Buddy Holly Fund is sponsoring this event..."

<Earth> "This fundraiser is to honor the orphans that Buddy Holly cared for..."

<Earth> "Astoria Carlton Ritz might be making a special appearance...."

<Earth> "Astoria Carlton Ritz will be signing autographs and posing in her Sports Illustrated attire."

<Earth> "The Hilton Sisters will be there with Astoria Carlton Ritz."

<Earth> Vernon Fenwick says, "Here is a picture that she is signing!" http://tinyurl.com/SanFranToday