In Space, No One Can Hear You Gentrify Part 3: We Have The Technology

Dungeon - Castle Decepticon - Helex

Dimly lit by energon torches, rows of cells line the walls of this circular room, so that all of the prisoners have an excellent view of the torture chamber in the center. Eerily quiet, the prisoners here learned a long time ago that bargaining, begging, and screaming was a hopeless waste of energon.

The infamous dungeon of Castle Decepticon! A lot of mechs die here, and when they do they generously donate their remains to Decepticon science reject Konjecture, shame of the Empire's pursuit of knowledge. As the various Decepticons arrive, he is busy forcing the hood of a transformed Autobot into the exhaust pipe of a truck mech whose grill is already lodged into the thorax of a large Insecticon. Realizing he is not alone, Konjecture beams, doing creepy things with his weird limp t-rex hands and bowing over and over again to Shockwave.

"Ah! My esteemed colleagues! Welcome to my lab!" He gestures to the horrifying torture chamber.

"Oh this?" He points at whatever the hell it is he's doing that no one asked about. "This is the final stage of Robot Centipede. Very top secret, very next gen. Of course, that's not why we're all gathered here today, nooooo..."

Everyone feels gross.

Harrow covers her face with her hands in absolute disgust and shame for the entire medical profession. She slowly drags her palms down. "Oh... my....god..." She draws her pistol and shoves bystanders aside. "We must put it out of its misery!"

Shockwave arrived early, Primus only knows why, but he doesn't bother to response to Konjecture's boots licking. He only gave a brief glance to his work. He glances around some more and can't help to think it's an illogical place to install a lab. It sures can't stand the comparison with his own lab in Polyhex.

Soundwave stands behind the slightly shorter Harrow, already with a flat look to the dungeon's live-in psychopath. He gives a flat look to Konjecture, which isn't saying much, but he does let out a slow, low sigh as he sees what sort of twisted depravity the mech is up to. He steps forwards after a moment, he's got a working relationship with the creep since he helped put a lot of the mechs down here. Mechs almost assuredly on The List.

Soundwave intones warningly, as he glances at the Insecticon near the rear of this disgusting abomination. "BONECRUSHER HAD BETTER NOT BE PART OF YOUR PROCLIVITY, KONJECTURE." Now the mech's optics narrow, show no fear, Soundwave. Show no fear....

"I'm sure you'll appreciate my lab, Lord Shockwave." Konjecture forgets to close his mouth for a moment and drools a little fluid. "I believe you'll find it a near perfect replica of your own lab in Polyhex."

He whirls around dramatically to Harrow and points, and then readjusts because he voershot the spin. "No, Harrow, no! The Robot Centipede will unlock the future of our medical knowledge! Look how it convulses the very secrets of our being into the light!" He gestures dramatically at the three poor souls before scurrying to a large lever. "Of course, Soundwave is right...we aren't here for my medical breakthroughs...We are here for a project positioned on the official priority task list in such a place that I was able to call DIBS!" Sweet, sweet dibs."

He pulls the lever. A very large torture rack transforms in the middle of the room. On it? A deactivated Bonecrusher in his dozer form. "My friends, my colleagues, we are here to answer a simple question. How to we make a bulldozer fly...IN SPACE?"

Dramatic pose.

"Do you guys have any ideas? Because honestly, I'm pretty stumped."

Windsweeper has arrived.

Soundwave actually considers the notion, enough so that he raises a hand to his faceplate. He immediately radios in to find out WHY this was on the docket. A space-worthy dozer. No wonder the Decepticon Empire is doing so poorly. Still, duty obliges and all, "MMMMMHHHH" He rumbles in thought, "HE WOULD NEED A METHOD OF REENTRY. REFORGING THE DOZER BLADE WOULD ALLOW HIGHER GRADE....THIS IS RIDICULOUS"

So much for testing the Spy Commander's patience, he's already done with this. His next words have a bit more interest in them, "UNLESS THE ENTIRETY OF THE CONSTRUCTICONS WERE SPACE WORTHY." Soundwave continues, "THEY WOULD NOT NEED TRANSPORT TO DO ORBITAL CONSTRUCTION WORK...AND NOT HAVE TO WARP SPACE TO COMBINE INSIDE ASTROTRAIN."

Okay, maybe this does have his interest.

Harrow begrudgingly stows her pistol and folds her arms. "Ingrate," she snaps. Konjecture reveals what he's working on, and Harrow immediately starts protesting again, waving her hands. "Absolutely not! We can't experiment on empire soldiers! Do you know what Scrapper would do to you!?"

Pause.

"Clearly you attach wings and jet engines and make the dozer blade aerodynamic."

Shockwave looks down at Konjecture and remains silent for a few second before finally replying, "This dungeon hardly qualify for a laboratory. Was this installation authorized by your commanding officier?" Not waiting for the response, he walks over to the constructicon and scans him to evaluate Bonecrusher's condition and make sure that he's still functional.

Once the operation is completed, he turns to face the other Decepticons, "Reinforced armor. Installation of a propulsion system. Installation of navigational software. Training."

It's creepy. It's freaky. There's a robotic abomination off in a corner. It's ominous and spooky and ...

The ambience is completely ruined by the sound of a high powered industrial shop-vac a couple of cells down.

Between taking over Nova Cronum and driving the neutrals back into the wilds there's a been a good influx of 'visitors' for interrogators to deal with. Which usually leave a mess. A terrible, terrible mess. That Windsweeper is cleaning up. Just because dungeons are used to do dirty deeds doesn't mean the dungeon -has- to be dirty.

Eventually the vaccuum stops, and the humming of an old Decepticon war anthem can be heard rising in volume until the Triggercon eventually strolls into the 'lab'. "Konjecture! Did you pay your time share on this workspace for the cycle ye--" Stops as he sees the two big wigs and Harrow as well. Pauses. "--Huh." Pulls out a datapad. "There wasn't a usage of this lab space listed for this time period."

Konjecture trails way too closely behind Shockwave as he works. Uncomfortably close. "You can smelllll the logic..." He sighs happily. This is the greatest day of his life

And he won't let Harrow ruin it. "Scrapper authorized it!" He insists, waving the work order at the Seeker. "The other Constructicons are working on Octopunch's secret project on Aquantis! Bonecrusher was recalled specifically for space based bulldozing!"

As Shockwave examines Bonecrusher, Konjecture plays it cool. "Oh, he is incredibly functional, Lord Shockwave. I am 70% sure that I deactivated him properly and without killing him."

Finally, everyone starts brainstorming and he runs to a giant pad of paper, producing a large marker to take notes. "All wonderful ideas, my comrades, ideas that I too had thought of..."

And then vacuuming happens. "WHAT?! WINDSWEEPER STOP IT! WE ARE MAKING SCIENCE." He is still yelling when the vacuum turns off. "I turned in a form to reserve the space for this block," he argues, terrified of being embarrassed in front of his guests. "I turned in the form! Ask Hairsplitter!"

"Making science doesn't need to make a mess!" Windsweeper shoots back, though he kicks the vaccum back out into the corridor. "I'll just do it -quietly-." He pulls a dust mop out of subspace and starts swabbing at a random wall. Until Harrow speaks up. "A what? Why would I need one of those? That's something you give crazy me--"

And that's when he notices the Robot Centipede squirming around in the background. "AAAAAAUGH!" Triggercons are, by nature, jumpy and Windsweeper proves to be no different. By leaping into Harrow's arms and clinging to her. "WHAT IN THE UNHOLY NAME OF STRAXUS IS THAT?!?!"

"Of COURSE Scrapper submitted the order! Let me call him on Deskypeticon, one moment..." Konjecture grumbles for a moment and fiddles with his datapad until a holographic video call connects. It is indeed Scrapper, standing in what looks like the bottom of the ocean.

"Ah, Lord Shockwave." Scrapper salutes. "I see based on the subject line of this conversation you have quetions about Bonecrusher's upgrades. While I would prefer handling them myself, we have our hands full with Octopunch's secret plan on Aquantis. Admittedly, I think I forgot to list a priority level on the request. I do hope no one completely ridiculous took the job. If you'll excuse me, we have to find a giant manta ray to fit this mind control helmet on." He salutes, and the signal vanishes.

Konjecture beams. "I do hope Scrapper will be proud that a Decepticon of my standing took on this scientific endeavor."

Shockwave nods at Soundwave and include that new parameter in the equation of the situation. His processor is having a hard time to cope with the illogicality of Scrapper's decision. He quickly develops new subroutines to adjust to the situation. That's when Scrapper answer his call. The cyclop listens but doesn't reply. He finally turns to face Harrow, "You will assist Konjecture and ensures the success of the procedure. Your main objective is that Bonecrusher remains operational and able to be of some use to the empire."

Konjecture frowns, unhappy about this development. "Define...'operational." He pauses. "I mean, you say potato, I saw poTAto, you say operational, I say operRAtional."

Ahh right, the Mind Control Manta project!

Soundwave was looking forward to seeing that one come to fruition, now that he was reminded of it. There was something so 'classic' about the concept. Shockwave's orders brought him back to attention, but there was something missing there.

After Shockwave was done delivering his bullet points, the Tape Commander rumbles, "AND THE COMBINER TECHNOLOGY MUST NOT BE COMPROMISED AT ANY POINT."

Soundwave eyes Windcharg...wait no, Windsweeper, Sweep, not Charge. We have the Sweeps, right. Anyway, he regards the mech's blatant lack of courage for a moment, then lets it slide. He was about to blow it up as well, if it weren't for Shockwave's dispassionate gaze over it.

Back to work, "DELIVERING ORDER FOR PROPER PAYLOAD AND ARMORFITTING."

Upstairs a few gumbies can be heard, "Aww slag, I'm not going down there again!" Another laments, "Let's just pretend we didn't..." "YOU DID RECEIVE THE MESSAGE."

"ermh...right. right, yes sir."

Harrow screams in alarm when Windsweeper hops right into her arms. She immediately drops him, or tries to, now livid. "UNHAND ME YOU MORON!" As she's prying free, Shockwave gives her orders to help, and she seems to pale a few shades. "Y-you can't my serious, my lord! I can't work with this... this..." She gestures vaguely at Konjecture.

"Scientific pioneer?" Konjecture is very helpful.

Harrow hisses at him.

Soundwave adds, "MENTALLY ATROPHIED WRECK."

Konjecture shakes his head. "Be fair to Harrow, Soundwave. Not every Decepticon can be the nexk Shockwave."

Modified B-1B Lancer  thuds on the ground loudly when Harrow doesn't hold onto him. Then scrambles to duck behind the femme's legs. While normally Windsweeper is extremely brave, that ... THING .. was just so many ways of wrong it's tweaking all his OCD anti-disgusting hangups at once, which has him freaked out. "And you think *I* need mental evaluation?!" he hisses.

A rapid sequence of shifting parts with a familiar sound changes the jet into the Triggercon Windsweeper!

Konjecture dramatically flails around. "My Lords, thank you so much for your time! We will make Bonedozer the greatest warrior of all time!" He transforms into his altmode, a large spiked wheel, and rolls over to the robot centipede. Reassuming his robot mode, he pets the tragedy. "Now would anyone...like to see him eat?"

"Soundwave was addressing you." Shockwave says to Konjecture. As he speaks, he proceeds to incorporated each and every words said by the madscientist into a complexe set of equation that all lead to the same conclusion : Bonecrusher is going to die. "Your evaluation of the situation is accurate Harrow. I cannot do this. You will perform the procedure and HE will assist you. If at any pointhe doesn't perform at the required level, I'll be forced to take actions."

Konjecture pulls down a bunch of empty barrels, including two large empty containers labeled 'Viator' and 'Backfire' until he finds a crate of energon goodies. "Who would like to hypothezise which end this goes in?"

.... And that sound would be Windsweeper screaming as he runs back out of the lab.

< Decepticon > Windsweeper there's a resounding *CLANG* across the fac-band as Windsweeper locks himself in the nearest cleaning supply closet

< Decepticon > Harrow says, "You cannot escape your mental evaluation forever, Windsweeper!"

< Decepticon > Windsweeper says, "THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M HIDING FROM"

< Decepticon > Windsweeper says, "..."

< Decepticon > Windsweeper *rattle rattle*

< Decepticon > Windsweeper says, ".... I think this door locks from the outside."

< Decepticon > Konjecture says, "Oh come on Windsweeper, take a guess! The answer may surprise you! Which end does the energon go in?"

< Decepticon > Windsweeper says, "NOT LISTENING TO YOU"

Harrow scrowls when Windsweeper tries to hide behind her, and her spark sinks as Shockwave misinterprets (or just twists her words), and she's tasked with this ridiculous project. Then again, she spent the better part of a year trying to make functional armor out of cardboard. "Yes, my lord," she eventually resigns, then cringes at Konjecture's question. "UGH!"

Soundwave dramatically raises his concussion blaster towards Konjecture, his head tilted to the side. Only Shockwave's change of orders spares the madmech from instant death.

Well okay, not instant death, Soundwave's firepower is simply average. So...death after three or four good shots, assuming Soundwave didn't need a breather!

He lowers his weapon, then cautiously approaches these strange barrels and bins, looking at the scroungings. He reaches into one, pulling out one of Blueshift's heads...

"BACKUP HEAD."

He draws out a piece of pink torso, "BLOWN UP FEMME ARMOR.'

Soundwave reaches down into another barrel, drawing out a red white and blue wing.

"AMERICON'S SECOND SET OF WINGS."

And then lastly, he produces a cassette.

"AND HOWLBACK." The Tape transforms into the spitting image of Ravage. The panther whimpers as best it can, then scampers away from the dungeon soon to seek shelter in Windsweeper's closet.

Konjecture cringes. "I was going to return him."

Soundwave glares at Konjecture.

Rumble has arrived.

Soundwave taps his shoulderpiece, "RUMBLE, EJECT."

Konjecture snaps his fingers. "Also his tail is around here somewhere."

Rumble emerges from Soundwave's deck in tape mode, then flips around and transforms to robot mode before landing on the ground nearby, glancing around curiously.

Soundwave puts out his hand to keep Rumble away from the MechaCentipede

Harrow twists sharply and tries not to appear /too/ dejected when she addresses Shockwave again. "Permission to leave this wretched "workshop" and properly prepare Bonecrusher, my lord..."

Shockwave nods at Harrow, "Permission granted. This is no place for such a procedure." With each passing seconds, Konjecture worsens his case forcing him to adjust his evaluation of the mech. "As for you... You're banned from assisting to the procedure." He then points at the mecha-centipide, "This waste of resources is over." He looks at Soundwave giving him the : shoot the hell out of that thing look. Because he knows Shockwave must really be pissed now. Even though he's not sure what being pissed means.

Konjecture looks around, starting to get angry. "You...this is my project! I am a Decepticon scientist, AND a Triplechanger of the highest order! My creation and I will see you all smelted before I let you take my Constructicon project! THIS IS MY MOMENT!"

Konjecture shakes his fists. His gross little baby arm fists. "Very well, you've seen the might of my 'left wheel' form... Face the wrath of my THIRD FORM!"

Konjecture transforms into a spiked right wheel and rolls menacingly towards Rumble.

Rumble STARES at the mecha-centipede thing. And STARES. And is so busy staring at the abomination that he doesn't even notice Konjecture until the guy's transformed and rolling right toward him! "Uh, NO," Rumble decides, leaping up off the ground at the last moment. "You...are nuts. That's what you are."

Soundwave gets his wish, who said Shockwave was too logical for his own good? He gestures at Konjecture, "RUMBLE, DESTROY!" He then turns his weapon on the mecha-centipede, and fires several soundwarping blasts at it, simply because it creeped him out.

As Rumble leaps out of the way before the wheel-mech gets close, he looks at the spiked wheel, then nudges it with his foot to knock it over.

Rumble pulls both lasers off his back, and begins shooting at Konjecture. He's probably a little late on the uptake, but even HE was grossed out by this guy's 'work'. "I think this calls for terminatin' with extreme prejudice! Or somethin' like that."

Konjecture rocks back and forth wildly in wheel mode as the mecha-centipede sound-explodes. "Nooooo! Destiny... you cannot... destroy... my... DESTINY!"

Konjecture explodes from Rumble firepower, and his lifeless head arcs around the lab for a single orbit before falling on the ground.

Harrow stabs you with her scalpel and extracts an energon-coated +nom. "HERE'S the problem - YOU'RE TOO GOOD AT ROLE-PLAYING!" She flings the +nom at you and it sticks to your cheek.

Komatsu D575A Superdozer  just sits there, probably dead or something.

Combat: Harrow strikes Komatsu D575A Superdozer  with her Punch attack!

Combat: You took 2 damage.

Harrow goes home.

Harrow has left.