Bidding on DOOM

Summary: Leet is outbid on an anti-gravity disk on ebay. The only solution - find and steal it!

Autobot City - Repair Bay

''This is the main repair bay for the Autobots. Several operating tables lie in a row here, and a long bench lines one wall. On the bench are assorted tools used in repairing damaged Transformers. Scattered throughout the room are various repair bots, awaiting the arrival of more wounded to repair. The room gives you the perception of being immaculately clean, with not a single tool out of place.''

Leet is wandering about the base looking rather restless and taut, twitching slightly as he moves about. "NnnNNn" he mutters quite oddly.

Penumbra is visiting Autobot City, and is at work checking out the inventory. Lazy day work. He moves at a leisurely stroll from item to item, using a pad and stylus to check things off.

He pauses and turns his gaze towards the nervous-vibe emitting Junkion.

Leet sees Penumbra and automatically fixates on him, dashing up to the Autobot, a look of sheer despiration in his optics. "Oh god oh god oh god I need a SNIPER! I have no skill points in it, we only have seventeen seconds to save the world!"

Penumbra arches an optic ridge but smiles a little. "Sniper?" He glances down at his not so impressive sidearm. "What for?" He disregards the last part of seventeen seconds to save the world.

Leet grabs hold of Penumbra's arm like a demented crazy, and starts to shake the Autobot. "I need you to do some sniping for me, no questions asked, wink wink nudge nudge" he grimaces as a little countdown timer on his arm starts to beep. "It's very important" he adds

Penumbra drops the pad as he is pulled, no questions asked. Though in no way a sniper, he is highly curious and is up for the chanllenge if that is what this strange mech really wants of him. "Okay okay I'm coming!"

Leet nods quickly as the beeping gets faster. "Good good" And then he RUNS... over to a table. Which he quickly leaps up onto and transforms down into laptop mode, the screen flicking to show an ebay auction in the final seconds, entitled "ANTIGRAV DISK L@@K" "Snipe!" he emits. "Snipe, snipe, I do not have the skill power!"

Leet leaps to the air, folding his body in to reveal the form of a laptop, which clatters noisily to the ground.

Penumbra blink-blinks and steps up to the laptop. "Ebay..." He looks down at the keyboard and asks, "You want me to... okay." He hovers the arrow over, and enters the bid. "Like that?"


 * bing* the bid is entered... and Leet wails a wail of anguish. "Nooooooooooo!" as the screen shows that he has been outbid by a penny by 'ScavengerG1'. He transforms grumpily, folding his arms in a huff. "Hmph, I hate the free market, he must have been hacking, its the only answer. We must bring down this vile cur and get what is RIGHTFULLY mine!"

Penumbra tilts his head slightly. "You really wanted whatever that was on there. But what can you do?" He shrugs.

Leet rubs his hands together, grinning widely. "Go Solid Snake and find the guy first! Blame Canada!" And a google map image of Canada appears on his tummy screen. Ruh-roh!

Penumbra is having trouble following the Junkion way of speaking, but he gets the gist of it. "You can do that? Well I'll be." He makes a mental note to remember this Junkion incase his investigations ever require such high skills.

Leet starts to march out of the door, finger held high. "Come Watson!" he exclaims, not turning to see if Penumbra is following him. "I smell a mystery! To the Mystery Mobile!"

Penumbra just rolls with it and follows Leet. This is afterall a little more interesting than inventory. He gives his 'stache a slight side-stroke with a finger as he trails along. "Penumbra."

Western Provinces - Canada

''Even larger than the Eastern Provinces, the land encompassing Manitoba, Saskatchewan, Alberta, and British Columbia covers over a million square miles, though these lands differ from the forests of the east. Here in the prairie provinces are the great wheat-growing fields as well as oil-rich plains extending to the western boundary of Alberta, a province rich in coal and natural gas as well as oil. Beyond that is a complex of high mountains and plateaus known as the Western Cordillera that span British Columbia and continue into the Yukon. This area is more temperate than the bitter cold of the north and east, but still gets plenty of snow in the wintertime.''

Little Timmy is standing outside his house in fair Canadaland! He has just sold his dad's antigravity disk on ebay, and is waiting for the buyer, a nice Mr ScavengerG1 to come and collect it (because he was too cheap to pay for postage) Falling to the ground, Scavenger folds himself up into a more or less square shape with his bucket arm on top; a big green excavator.

Excavator has hung a "wide load" sign on himself in hopes of travelling through Canada to the meeting place without too much notice. He does get honked at a great deal on the freeway, however, being rather slower than a car even at his best.

Get your motor running. Head on down the highway. Looking for adventure. And the little blip on the laptop sitting in the passenger side seat. From inside the Bugatti Veyron, Penumbras voice asks, "Are we close?"

"I don't know!" wails Leet. "Uuuh can you read some signposts out, I can't see. Can we stop off at a KFC? Again? I need the loo! Doesn't this thing fly?" The laptop blips and powers down slightly. "Sorry sorry I get nervous before a big moment on stage!"

Viator remains out of site, well above cloud cover, staying with Scavenger strictly on instruments. Due to Command's recent orders for Dececpticons to avoid traveling alone, the old mech has found himself a pleasant excuse to do some flying and- what?!- let go a little bit. Of course, it could be a little nicer out. And maybe air traffic could be a little less dense! And...eh, never mind. The old fart is miserable.

Excavator turns onto a residential road, trundling through the hilly country until he finds a mailbox with the right number on it. "Ah!" he exclaims to himself, pleased, as he pushes the gate open with his bucket and turns onto the long gravel drive that leads through the property to the house.

"Yay!" exclaims little Timmy as his front drive is demolished by a gigantic green machine. His mum stands behind him, holding a tray of icecreams. "Oh Timmy" she smiles. "Is this your little internet friend?"

Penumbra's internal voice emits, "No more KFC stops. Besides, we're just entering a residential zone I think." He slows his sportty speed down to something more safe and reads a sign. "Corner of MacKenzie and McDonald." He amazes, "These humans sure build small."

Viator transforms as Scavenger makes his turn, and shakes his fist at an oncoming Sesna. "Stay outta the sky, human germ! It ain't natural!"

Scavenger pulls up in front of the house and transforms into his chunky robot form. "Hello, ma'am, sir. Is one of you ladiesman217?" he asks, leaning over to look closely at the humans.

Leet ponders for a moment. "Eeeeeh Penumbra, please tell me it was YOU who vocalised that opinion" he squeaks out, the little map on his screen bleeping as they near their location

Little Timmy looks up at Scavenger, eyes wide. "Yes sir, I'm ladiesman217. Would you like some lemonade?" His mum beams and pours out some glasses of lemonade. "You look awful big, though you can never tell with people on the old internet" the mum twitters

Viator gets a cramp in his crosscheck rotational cuff, and scowls. "Slag it all...left mah creme at IHQ..." He growls into his com. "Hurry it up, Constructicon!" The mumbling can probably be heard, too: "Bah! Constructicons. Gestalts...In mah day, if someone looked you in the eye and said they wanted to be someonebody's leg, you'd punch them in the face."

"That's very nice to offer, but it's not good for me," Scavenger replies, unhooking a backpack from where it's clipped to his chassis like a pouch and fishing inside it with his fingers. He eventually produces an envelope full of money. "Here you go. I will wait while you bring the antigravity disc. Oh, Scrapper will be so happy when he hears I've invented a telescoping, reconfigurable, antigravity ladder!"

Penumbra pulls to a quick halt, a faint tire squeak. "No. Stay cool. Looks like your competition beat us here." His passenger side door pops open.

Timmy's mum pops inside to get the disc whilst Timmy stares up at Scrapper. Finally he speaks. "Uuuuuh are you green because you are ill, mister?" His mum soon comes back out with the disc, small and shiny in her hands. "Here you go!" she trills. "Don't do anything haha... evil with it!"

Leet makes a little squealing noise, and tumbles from the door, transforming as he does so and hurtling out of the car like a bundle of madness. "Aaaaaaagh!" he yells as he races towards Scavenger. "I'm gonna cut you!"

Scavenger tucks it into his cockpit. "Well, Scrapper might, I guess, but I'm just going to build a ladder with it. I have a hard time holding the ladder steady sometimes, and Scrapper was yelling at me the other day because I let him tip over and bolts and paint and tools got everywhere, so..." he turns slowly at the sound of the shriek. "Oh no, Autobots! You'd better get behind me, humans... they're dangerous!" Scavenger draws his ACRAC, the dreaded Destiny Gun, and fires an anti-Prowl beam at the oncoming Junkion! Of course, he's not Prowl, so it will not do very much to him, but when all you have is a hammer everything looks like a nail.

Scavenger strikes you with Anti-Prowl Beam for 9 points of damage.

Viator is pretty sure he heard gun fire. "Constructicon? Constructicon! Is Ladiesman217 firing on you?! Yer status, soldier, yer status!"

"There's some kind of little Autobot here covered in teletubbies, sir, and he aims to cut me!" calls back Scavenger. The humans run for cover as the fighting starts. "Mind the lawn!" shouts the mum as an explosion sends Leet in the air, cracking his side, forcing a blast of electricity to arc out all around. "Aaargh!" he yells. "No shooting, I'm JunkionDealer253! No cutting either, I promise!" Though as he says this, some more sparks leap out of him, perhaps even towards Scavenger!

You strike Scavenger with electricity.

Penumbra would facepalm if he were in robot mode, but he remains parked. Looking cool, raising the market value of the neighbourhood minute by minute while the two giant robots out of disguise devalue it. Wondering what a Teletubby is.

"So *you're* Junkiondealer253!" exclaims Scavenger in dismay as the electrical blast washes over him. "All sales are final!" He strides forward to meet Leet's charge, swinging both fists down overhand in a fair attempt to drive Leet into the ground like a railroad spike.

Scavenger strikes you with Overhand Smash for 11 points of damage.

Leet yelps out loudly and aims a BIG kick between Scavenger's legs. "Money-back guarantee!" he wails. "No satisfaction equals refund or swap! And and..." he pauses. "Wait. Do you turn into the CROTCH?"

You strike Scavenger with kick.

Viator transforms, and breaks through the clouds, the sound of the pyramid jet's roar following quickly, rumbling through the previously quiet neighborhood, and due to the fact that it's one of the ugliest color schemes ever, completely negates any value Penumbra gave the area.

Clanggggg. The kick causes Scavenger's heavy body to pop up into the air a few inches, but doesn't seem to harm him much apart from that... but wait, the antigrav disk just fell out of the open window of his crew compartment, and he doesn't seem to have noticed. "No, that's Long Haul. I turn into an arm. I punch things, like this!"

You evade Scavenger's punch attack.

The large silver disk falls into one of the hardy cold-weather shrubs that lines the gravel driveway and sits there quietly.

Leet turns his head to see the disc, wanting to get nearer, but not draw attention to it. He dances from Scavenger's attack. "Oh, like that? That punch reminds me of something. Oh yeah... thats how your MOM punches, el-oh-el!" he jeers, attempting a punch back.

You strike Scavenger with punch.

Scavenger is momentarily given pause as something seems to have affected him; perhaps not the punch, which only put a little dent into his armor, but the words? "...I don't have a mom!" he says, sounding as if he might cry. "That's a mean thing to say, little Autobot! Now you're gonna get... the BUCKET!"

Excavator strikes you with DEATH BUCKET for 16 points of damage.

Penumbra can't help but notice the incomming aircraft, it so clashes with the 'still life' scenery of suburban Canada. "It's nice to see commraderie among such in the ill-favored faction." He transforms, his mustached face giving the devalued properties at least a little extra charm. He keeps crouched low, and while keeping an optic on Viator, he makes an attempt to shuffle towards the disk hiding shrubbery.

Excavator transforms and swings his bucket 360 degrees to build up speed as he does so, striking Leet with it like a juiced-up, roided-out Barry Bonds knocking one out of the park!

Leet flies into the air, so so very high. "I'm Peter Pan!" he yells happily. Sadly, whatever goes up has to come down, and the little Junkion plummets, landing head first onto the ground, quite dazed. And then, in front of his face is the precious golden(ish) disc! Quickly he does the only thing he can think of, and with a 'num nom!' swallows it. He gets to his feet shakily, dusting himself off and walking backwards. "Well 'ister 'avenger" he mumbles, mouth full. "I' sheems I owe ya a' 'pology..." he keeps edging towards Penumbra nervously

Viator transforms and sets down on the street, glowering in the general direction of the battle. "Constructicon, quit wastin' yer time with that feelth!" A little girl in a powerwheel is blocked by the Seeker. She honks. He glares. He stops paying attentionb to the Junkion and the Autobot. Very little is accomplished.

Excavator swivels in place and rumbles after Leet, waving his bucket around. "You'd better... hey, my antigravity disk! I'm going to file a complaint with eBay after I get done smashing you!" He charges towards Leet, waving the bucket menacingly. "He took my antigravity disk, Viator! And I had the winning bid by twenty Earth-cents, too!"

Penumbra pretends that he was just admiring some flowers and then creeps back to where he was parked. "I think we took a wrong turn at the seventh Tim hortons we passed, anyway. They're like Starbucks down south. Anti-landmarks."

Leet makes a leap into the passenger seat. Unfortunately, he is foiled by the door being closed. He opens it and clambers in. "Gogogogogo!" he yells. "Fire in the hole, stop all downloads, conserve bandwidth, we're pulling out!" And then, spitting out the disk, he waves at Scavenger. "You're not singing, you're not singing, you're not sing-ing anymore!"

Excavator charges straight for Penumbra, trying to tip the Veyron over with his bucket arm. "Give me that little Autobot so I can dig my disk out of his belly!"

Scavenger strikes Penumbra with Bucket Lift.

Viator makes a face at Scavenger. "EH? Anti what now?" The old mech finally notices Leet dive into the car. He mutters something about young robots and the color lime, and takes aim at the car, and fires right as Scavenger charges, thereby blocking his shot. Viator strikes Excavator with laser.

The pyramid jet unfolds into an angry old mech, who promptly shakes his fist at some youngster.

"Ow!" protests Scavenger as a laser hits him in on the rear deck. "You didn't have to do that!" He transforms, finding himself sitting down rubbing his back.

There is a noisy grinding and clanking as Scavenger pulls himself up into his robot form.

Timmy's mum comes out the house and approaches Scavenger. "Now now Mr Scavenger" she chides. "Just stop this fighting and have a nice glass of lemonade"

Scavenger tries to twist around and see where the laser got him. "But... but they took my antigravity disk though," he grumbles petulantly.

Timmy's mum frowns. "You should be more careful with your possessions then, and not let bullies steal things"

The Bugatti Veyron starts peeling out, tires squeeling on the nice asphalt loudly but before he moves half a foot forward the Excavator collides and tips him up on two wheels! The vehicle's side, now dented in badly, glistens in the sunlight and the whole vehicle wobbles unbalanced as it tries driving like this. "You win, big guy. I don't want any piece of you." He is smarting inside but tries to keep it out of his vocals.

Viator scowls at Scavenger. "Ya got in mah way, mo'ron!"

Scavenger gets to his feet, but having lost the initiative, is now too slow to successfully chase down the Veyron, and can only watch it go with a surly expression hidden by his battlemask. He mutters, "Next time I'm gonna buy the shipping."

Penumbra manuevers his steering enough to fall back down on all four wheels, and peels out of the neighbourhood, swerving to avoid a little old ladies annoying little white fuzzball dog. "Ebay is deadly."

Scavenger sighs and turns back to Viator. "I'm gonna have to order a new one from Newegg," he says plaintively. "Let's go back to base. Sorry about your lawn, ma'am."

Leet wiggles around inside the seat as he pops his arm socket back into place and transforms. "Whoa Penumbra my friend. You wait until we get onto Facebook..."

Viator scowls and spits. "Last time I play wingman to a non flier. Not natural for Decepticons to pra-fer the ground!"

"It's just how I was made," Scavenger protests, transforming to drive away since he is actually even slower as a robot than he is as an excavator.

Autobot City - Repair Bay

''This is the main repair bay for the Autobots. Several operating tables lie in a row here, and a long bench lines one wall. On the bench are assorted tools used in repairing damaged Transformers. Scattered throughout the room are various repair bots, awaiting the arrival of more wounded to repair. The room gives you the perception of being immaculately clean, with not a single tool out of place.''

Penumbra drives into Repair bay and finally stops after the long road trip to and back from Canada. There is a large dent in his passenger side door. It opens up laborously.

Leet hops out of the door, transforming into robot mode deftly, and patting Penumbra. "Well, that was a fun roadtrip" he grins as he spins the disc on his finger. "And now I have the golden disk, yessssss"

The door shuts and the Bugatti rolls to an out of the way spot. "That's great." He finally gets around to asking, "So what are you going to do with it?" Leet grins as he picks up a large plunger and sticks it onto Penumbra's dented door, pulling hard. "Ooooh ultimate power! Ultimate rice pudding! I believe I can fly!"

Leet begins work on Penumbra's minor injuries. Your repair attempt is successful, and Penumbra's self-repair systems can handle the remaining damage.

Penumbra lets out a sigh. As the dent is slowly pulled outward. "Much better... now all we need is a keg of energon."

Leet gives a mad grin and pulls out what looks like a hipflash. "Super secret Junkion stock, is tip top high grade premium!" He takes a swig and offers it to Penumbra

Penumbra returns to two legs from four wheels mode and accepts the flask. He raises it in silent gratitude and samples it. "Much obliged." He offers it back.

Leet takes a few steps back. "Now, do you wanna see what this is all about? Log in and click play!" he throws the disc into the air, and as it tumbles down, he transforms into laptop mode, the disc drive opening to grab the disc, then closing. The laptop emits a burp as the drive opens, to show it empty as the entire computer slowly starts to shudder as it floats into the air. "How cool is THIS?"

Penumbra grins and gives one nod. "Well how about that?"

"I KNOW!" emits the laptop excitedly. "I'm gonna be the talk of the town, make all the hot girls jealous!" He continues to float up and down in the air a bit.

Penumbra just watches for a while and then suggests, "You know, with a fixed extended stylus attached to a wall or desk, you could do your own typing like that, couldn't you?"

Laptop stops bobbing in the air. "Well yes, I could, but I can type myself you know! I'm not a total lamer!"

Penumbra just keeps smiling blankly at the laptop. Confused. "Especially not now."

Laptop tilts forwards as if nodding. "Well yes!"

Penumbra bobs his head watching Leet the Levitating Laptop move. He asks, "Can you move horizontally too?"

Laptop bobs forwards again and moves towards Penumbra slowly. "Oh yeah. Oh YEAH, who's the shark now, baby!"

Penumbra guesses with a chuckle. "That'd be you now. Looks like fun."

Laptop transforms back to robot mode with a flip, hands on hips. "Hail to the king, baby!"