Speed Racer

Summary: Wreck-Gar gives Leet a driving lesson... with terrible results.

Simulator ''Inside, you see a myriad of lights and buttons all connected to a big central console with a screen atop it. Two comfy leather seats round out the look (along with some furry dice) and it all looks like a perfect spaceship interior apart from the "Press to start" button''

Walking into the simulator, Wreck-Gar gives a thumbs up. "Little buddy, today is the day you become a MAN, and a man is as only good as his truck! His space truck, and today, I'm going to show you it takes more than keys and a will to drive on the open road to move one of these bad boys!" He sits in the passenger seat.

"And did you get your complementary bag of peanuts?"

"MMPPPFH!" Leet emits, his face stuffed full of peanuts, shells and all. He hopes all this talk about becoming a man doesn't mean Wreck-Gar is going to start trying to touch him inside the t-shirt zone again. With a nod, he points to the wall behind Wreck-Gar's head excitedly, and then sneakily inserts a copy of "Microsoft Flight Simulator 2020" into himself. "Ready to go Captain, booting up all drives!"

As Leet's face is stuffed full of peanuts, Wreck-Gar nods. "Then awwaaaay WE GO!" He points forwards, but nothing happens.. oh right. The drive begins to boot, and then at the screen, what happens is simply the screen boots up, a MISCROSOFT across the screen as Wreck-Gar nods. "Looks like we have to let her warm up first! But don't you worry, we'll get you space worthy in a jiffy!"

"Scotty... press start to continue!" He points to the screen once more. The 'press enter to begin' pretty obvious. Although enter is the clutch button! "There's a world out there that hasn't been explored.. and we're going to go where no man has gone before."

Leet grins wildly as he plugs a usb cable from his side into the console, flipping in the air to transform into laptop mode, resting on the seat. "Plug me in and watch me go!" he emits as he hovers excitedly. "I believe I can fly! I'm king of the world! Monocat!"

As Leet pluhs a usb cable into the console, flipping into a laptop and resting on the seat, Wreck-Gar plugs Leet in without a problem if he wasn't already. "Be ready.. the depths of space are beyond our comprehension!"

The screen, that Leet will see, will boot up and then shot a transport, SPACE TRANSPORT, and it's all happy initially. It's simple driving. Like a starter level. Except, something is coming towards the screen.

AND FAST.

It looks like Leet is being introduded to the mythical space storm .... Left socks raining upon them, threatening to coat the transport! And the window! .. And alot of other things!

Space Socks! So, this is where all the left socks go! Leet struggles to remember the correct procedure for such an event. And then he cheats by secretly looking it up on google. Being a laptop rocks! Quickly he slows down the spaceship and hits the left indicator light. Veering left, he shoots off the ship's decoy right socks, hoping that the missile will lure away the lefties who will leave in a mating frenzy

It's successful! The left socks go to pair with the right socks, and they begin to pair off. It's a lovely sock mating ritual! And as they drift off, everything seems to be fine! "Good work little buddy, we may just make it on time to Grandma's yet! Now, TO THE FUTURE! Away we go!"

And then .. nothing .. EXCEPT FOR SEXY SPACE ALIENS. Dancing along on the edges, .. and in the middle and asteroid. If his mind wanders, his wind will soon be wandering!

"Oh man, oh man, fap fap unf unf!" Leet emits, the beautiful sirens stirring unthemely lust in him! All is not lost however, for the brave little Junkion brings up in his datafile a picture of the Goatse man! "The goatse man will not lead me astray, lol sluts!" he yelps as the horrors of Mr Goatse's infinite asshole brings him back to reality as he drives away from the asteroids. "It was nearly blue screen of death time!" he exclaims!

Wreck-Gar doesn't actually look at the Goatse man, because of reflex. "You're on top of things today, but we're not out of the woods yet, there's savings brewing, and they have to go somewhere!" Wreck-Gar comments this as something appears on the screen. And it SUCKS.

Literately, prices are being sucked down the black hole of SAVINGS, however, it might be bad if they get sucked down into it to!

"Would you look at that! I think I can see my house from here!"

Leet lets out a wail. This wasn't in the walkthrough! "This black hole is a meany spy!" he exclaims. "It is a haxor!" Quickly. he wracks his brain. Then he starts looking though his internal files at wikipedia. What could possibly stop a black hole of savings? The answer comes in a flash, and he operates the shuttle's emergency Millenium Done button. The dome shoots out of the shuttle, expanding exponentially as it comes into contact with the savings hole, trying to suck in the very same money. "Its the unstoppable force and the immovable object!" he exclaims excitedly!

As Leet sends it out, Wreck-Gar nods. He's just .. so darn proud right now! "Now you're cooking with gas!" He says, as the dome and the blackhole collide.. THE UNIVERSE ENDS.

And then from the white screen, Leet will see again finally, and as the whiteness expands, he will see... ANGELS. "Uh oh, looks like we got company! Stay out of their horrible music and good themes! If we get stuck in the angel field, we'll never get to have any devil cake any more! Just angel cake! What'll Grandma say when she hears this?!"

A lady named GRANDMA, over her head, flies bye. "Well, would you look at that!"

"This could be heaven for everyone?" questions Leet as his ship soars into the unknown. "Its life Jim, but not as we know it. We need a stairway to heaven!" Remembering the song lyrics, he activates a button that immediately fuses together the ships supply of songbirds and bustles and hedgerows, creating a stairway to heaven in front of the ship. "What goes up must come down!" he emits happily

As Leet questions, soaring into the unknown, Wreck-Gar is sure that space = heaven at times. AT LEAST this is what the trainer is saying, so he won't question it in the least. "Good thinking. NOW! UPWARDS, IN TO THE SKY!" And as Leet would go up, Up, INTO THE SKY.. and then like some kind of roller coaster, the transport will turn down .. down.. AND THEN A FLAMING HIGHWAY. "We're on the high way to hell, we can't stop here, it's bat country! You could fry an egg on the transport, DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!"

A flame war! In space! Now, this is Leet's cup of tea. "Fightin' fire with fire!" he emits loudly as he sends wild data packets out into the cold (or rather warm) beyonds. Data packets containing words like "your MOM" and "HURRRR" and "you r a nuBbIn". In case this doesn't totally defeat the flaming space highway, Leet uses his OTHER secret weapon - and activates the indicator lights again.

The lights push off against the fiery beyond! It's .. FLAMING. And as Leet also launches data packets containing insults of all kinds, what happens is that the highway begins to collapse on itself! "We're almost there soldier. Put the pedal to the metal!"

There looks to be an opening into space. What will Leet do!? The entire place is collapsing. "I can see all the flashbacks flashing back through my eyes!"

GO GO!

With just seconds to spare... BEEP BEEP BEEP. Leet slowly reverses the shuttle. "Aaaargh I'm caught on an asteroid, its not my fault, damn lag!" he curses, before rocketing the ship forwards. "Flash, we only have seventeen seconds to save the world!"

As Leet beeps right through, reversing and then rocketing forwards, Wreck-Gar holds onto the edge of his seat. I believe we can fly, I believe that savings is the route to happiness, and I believe, young man, that YOU CAN SAVE US!"

As it gets close, Wreck-Gar acts all panicky for Leet's 'sake'. He might be in this predicament once. "HELP US OBI-WAN! YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE!"

Leet hovers in his chair with nervousness, resisting the really, really, really strong impulse just to put cheat codes into the software. It wouldn't be right. More importantly, Wreck-Gar might see! "Lets turn this all the way up to eleven!" he shouts. "What I wouldn't give for a sonic screwdriver right now!" The little speed bar goes all the way to the top, and then goes a bit further, before looping all across the screen and turning all the colours of the rainbow. "My god, its full of stars!" Leet exclaims

As Leet hover in nervousness, it's coming down to the end. As they rush towards the gate, they go.. go go .. AND THEN... Leet reaches it right as it closes behind him. As the blackness begins to spread out across the screen again.. "My god.. it's full of stars..." He exclaims, the stars lighting up in the vastness of space.

"Looks like you came through in the end little buddy. I'm so proud right now... so proud." "Yaaaaaay!" emits Leet. "A hundred bonus points. I can has license?" The laptop jumps up and down excitedly. For this is indeed a proud and momentus day!

As Leet yaaays, emitted from the Laptop, Wreck-Gar smiles. "You did good, Leet, you did good." Patting the Laptop once, then twice, Wreck-Gar unbuckles himself, "You can never be too safe," Before searching through his pieces, and holding up a metal slab, cleaning it quickly.. and then slipping something out of it. IT'S A COUPON.

"Good for one free license, my boy. Spend it in one place. And remember, don't drink and fly, only YOU can prevent getting lost in the depths of space where no one can hear you scream, you man you!"

Leet flips up back into robot mode, looking at the coupon. "Fantastic, to the chocolate factory here we come!" he hits a button that opens the door with a hiss. Outside is a path of devastation as trees and paths have been smashed out of the way from the path of the vibrating simulator. "Uh, did we turn on the brakes?"

For a second, Wreck-Gar looks at Leet. Then outside, trees, paths, and other things. Wreck-Gar then looks at Leet. "... They'll never believe the zany adventures! It'll be our secret. Just need to put the trees back together, and fill in those holes! It'll be perfect, just like it was before! I guarantee it!"

... Although he also disbelieves. "The brakes.. who needs breaks. It has two speeds, fast, and FASTER!"