Reports Board Archive October 2029

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/94                     Posted        Author Arkham Breakout                   Thu Oct 02    News.com -- ARKHAM ASYLUM INMATES STAGE DARING BREAKOUT

Eariler today an anonymous bomb threat was sent to Arkham Asylum, demanding that infamous terrorist Compton Xabat be released from prison. The Asylum's administration contacted the EDC and the FBI and asked for their assistance in locating the explosive. Despite an intense interrogation session, Xabat revealed the location of the explosive only when it was too late to prevent it from going off. The explosive, which had apparently been hidden inside of a Carbombyan inmate, detonated and cut off power to the Asylum. Since all of the cell doors in the Asylum used magnetic locks, this resulted in every inmate escaping from his cell and starting a full scale riot. Emergency power was restored, but too late to prevent the riot.

The explosive apparently wasn't the only component to Xabat's plan, however. Dinsmoore, a fugitive wanted for aiding Lord Chumley's career in zoological genocide, used some sort of tunnelling machine to drill upwards into the Asylum. Compton Xabat then gathered several other inmates, such as Astoria Carlton-Ritz, Dr. Arkeville, and the afore-mentioned Lord Chumley. After Xabat brought these individuals onboard the tunnelling machine, Dinsmoore apparently drove the device back down into the hole it made. They are still at large at the time of this writing

The Decepticons, apparently in an effort to worsen the situation, also attacked the Asylum, and retrieved the inmates Shawn Berger Jr. and Abdul Fakkadi. The current location of these individuals is also unknown at this time. The Decepticons also caused severe damage to the Asylum itself and injured or killed dozens of inmates.

Despite these setbacks, Asylum Director Kirkbride credits the FBI, EDC, and the Autobots for preventing the breakout from being much worse than it was. "They were very professional and helped prevent a lot of the inmates from escaping. I shudder to think what would happen if guys like Twenty Face and The Broker were out on the streets again," the Director was quoted as saying. "But, uh, nobody's worried about the Angry Archer, though, I mean, come on." Then he laughed.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of these fugitives, contact the FBI immediately and do not attempt to apprehend them yourself, as they are all extremely dangerous. Yes, even Astoria. ESPECIALLY Astoria. She's crazy!

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/95                     Posted        Author Arkham Asylum in the news again   Fri Oct 03    Monstereo --

ARKHAM ASYLUM COMMITS JUNKION RECONSTRUCTION VOLUNTEER Just what the headline says. OOC RP little scene tonight? :p

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/96                     Posted        Author Further Discussion.. Fri Oct 03   Telestar -- From the non-partisan, inter-factional web-bulletin-board of the journal "Modern Intergalactic Astronomy,"

Subject: "Hot, Hot, Hot?" Author: DJTS (telestar@public.autobot.mil) Posts: 1,822 Status: BBoard Supernova!

"So, fellow stargazers...perhaps you remember the discussion we had about the solar panels...well, kids, I've been doing some further research, and, combined with... recent revelations from other sources, I'm afraid we're in for a bit of hard luck here. Over the past few cycles, the average ground temperature on Cybertron's been...rising. Has anyone else noticed this?

-DJTS"

Reply #1 Author: Grim-Repair (grim-repair@behindyou.junkionsrock.junk) Posts: 23 Status: New Moon

"F1r5t!"

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/97                     Posted        Author Prime Targets! Fri Oct 03   Daily Dominion -- The Daily Dominion Influencing Laser-Cores and Programming Code for Over 10 Million Space Years

Vol. 39543538731, Issue 227 OCTOBER 4, 2029

COVER STORY RODIMUS PRIME NAMED WORST REBEL EVER!

"The Chosen One? More like 'The Jerk One.' There are many among the Great Autobot Rebellion that tenaciously cling to a backwards ideal, but none gums up our gears quite like the Grand Poohbah of the Serviles himself. 'Saving' the token Quintesson sacrifice during Imperial Unity Day? Trying to convince us all that flame decals still makes him 'edgy and fresh?' What about transforming into a human motor home and then pawning it off like the extra mass is just some kind of cannon-toting battle station? Puh-leeze. What's with all that running around, acting like he's the Second Coming of Primus himself, telling his own kind where to transform it when it comes to those precious meat-sacks called humanity? We get it, Rodimus. You're totally 'ahead of the game..."

"...twenty-four space years ago. Hey Rodimus, go "Be One" with that planetarium show in your chest and leave us the galaxy, already!"

--Sideglance, Staff Writer

PROOFED BY DECEPTICON CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/98                     Posted        Author Cybertron's SOOOOO Hot! Sun Oct 05   Future CNN -- News cut in, to a human in an exo-suit, standing outside a haberdashery in Crystal City. Despite his exo's cooling systems, he is still visibly sweating.

"Hello. This is Changa Sumadre, here in Crystal City, on the planet Cybertron, and let me tell you, something's going on!"

The camera swings wide to take in the locals, who are all moving a little bit sluggishly. Frozen energon snacks are melting in people's hands, and the heat rising from the ground is almost palpable, let alone visible.

"Here on the robot home planet, daily temperatures have risen nearly 20 degrees in the past few days, and look to be rising still."

Changa goes to wipe his brow, before realizing he's in an exo-suit. He awkwardly puts his arm down.

"So far, locals are being tight-lipped as to why things are getting so heated, but I'll keep pressing. More as I find it. Back to you, Putah."

The video cuts out, and we're back in the studio with Putah Cabronne, who'd like to tell you all about some Senator's visit to an orphanage.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/99                     Posted        Author SPECIAL MISSIONS: O-Part Recovery Sun Oct 05    Ramjet -- THE FOLLOWING HAS BEEN RATED SAFE FOR AUTOBOT RE-TRANSMISSION BY DECEPTICON COMMAND.

"The following report outlines an away mission by SPECIAL MISSIONS parameters."

DATA: Galaxy Spacebridge Construction requires the use of O-PARTS to function. The last of the Empire's supply of O-PARTS was aboard Firebee Wing's Corvette . Contact with Firebee Wing was lost on Galactic Date 10-1-2029. Distress call intercepted on Galactic Date 10-3-2029 revealed  was under attack by the Plague, a rogue spacefleet of cannibal Junkions inflicted with a strain of Cosmic Rust. Tracers on O-PART Cargo has been traced to the Plague Command Carrier .

DATA: Empire cannot sustain a sustained fight on Plague forces during its emergency status of offworld evacuation. Covert operation required with maximum firepower to increase chances of mission success. Dinobot Assault Team enlisted.

OBJECTIVE 1: Take  to infiltrate Plague Command Carrier  in the Lygian System and retrieve O-PARTS.

OBJECTIVE 2: Recover any surviving units of Firebee Wing.

OBJECTIVE 3: Terminate Plague Leader Captain E-RAR with extreme prejudice.

OBJECTIVE 4: 

PERMANENT ROSTER: D: Ramjet (Leader), Catechism, Fleet, Reflector, Dirge, Thrust. A: Grimlock, Swoop.

ADDITIONAL SPECIALISTS: To Be Determined.

"If I do not return from the Lygian Sector, send a rescue team. No. Seriously. Ramjet out."

OOC: See +tpinfo for more details!

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/100                    Posted        Author NASA reports unusual solar activit Wed Oct 08   CNN Today -- Houston Texas--

Today NASA scientists have issued a report stating that an unusual solar cycle has begun and for the next several weeks higher than average sun spot activity will occur. This was expected however as most affected communication satellites have been shut down or moved away from the affected areas of orbit. Radio transmissions however, may or may not be affected, depending on the area of the planet and quality of radio receivers and transmitters.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/101                    Posted        Author SPECIAL MISSIONS: O-Part Recovery Wed Oct 08    Ramjet -- UPDATE.

OBJECTIVE 1.. COMPLETE OBJECTIVE 2.. COMPLETE OBJECTIVE 3.. COMPLETE OBJECTIVE 4.. COMPLETE

MISSION RATING: SA

"Ha ha ha ha!"

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/102                    Posted        Author Trouble in Paradise? Thu Oct 09   The Weekly Executor --

London, UK -- Could there be marital troubles within the confines of what seemed to be one of Earth's most perfect couples? There are rumours about that EDC General, and noted Autobot Ally, Spike Witwicky has been seen out on the town both across the pond AND here in jolly olde with some of the most sought-after starlets today!



Could it be curtains for the planet's dream couple?? Only time, and The Weekly Executor, can tell for sure!

--Hubert Cumberdale, reporting

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/103                    Posted        Author CYBERTRON SAVED! Sat Oct 11   Galactic News Network -- The hot news of the galaxy is that the planet Cybertron, nearing destruction at the hands of a violent ION STORM, has been saved -- by quite literally teleporting itself across the stars to a new position in Alpha Centauri.

Xenoastrophysicists are making big money doing television spots to explain why this is significant, not only for the natural order of the stars but for Cybertron as a planet, describing its potential for slow, steady rejuvenation over the course of millions of years. Mention is of course made of the still-ongoing war, with neighboring star systems starting to make rumblings, including the Holy Astorian Empire, the Tryphyyds, the D'v Consortium, and in a particularly rare appearance due to their isolationist government, the Donuts. Who knows if the war that Earth so graciously tolerates will be given quite as much slack by these new neighbors!

Raindance's photo of Scrapper pressing the climactic 'save Cybertron' button, with Perceptor next to him, has also been announced in rather short order as one of the nominees for the Galactic Cyberpulitzer in Photography (Current Events Reporting).

Still, the news resounds throughout the galaxy:

CYBERTRON IS SAVED!

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/104                    Posted        Author Galvatron New Quintesson Leader   Sat Oct 11    Galactic News Network -- Antoher news bit making the rounds -- an emergency session of the Galactic Assembly has convened, to determine the validity of claims by Decepticon leader Galvatron that he was now 'ruler of the Quintessons,' after killing Quintesson co-leader Primanoctus.

After a brief hearing in which the laws of the Quintesson race, as established by the Quintesson Council of Five billions of years ago, were studied closely and checked against historical precedent, the ruling has been made:

Galvatron the Decepticon is now a member of the Quintesson Council of Five, one of the five leaders of the Quintesson people, commander of one-fifth of their military and resources.

Per ancient Quintesson tradition, the murder of a Council member is one of the few ways that anyone can obtain membership, and there is no explicit law stating that a member of another race cannot take on one of the seats. Furthermore, previous Councils attempting to protect their seats at all cost have made it virtually impossible for someone in the Council to be removed by impeachment or other political maneuvering -- barring his execution, Galvatron, the robot who once outright destroyed the planet Quintessa, will remain a member of the Council, with the backing of the Galactic Assembly.

The political ramifications of this, on the greater galaxy as well as the Quintesson race and the ongoing Transformer war, are being hotly discussed in all manner of public forums.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/105                    Posted        Author UN Announces Space Expansion      Tue Oct 14    Scrapper --

UNITED NATIONS ANNOUNCES SPACE EXPANSION

NEW YORK - Claiming new opportunities derived from the ion storm that's swept through the Rainbow Cluster, nearly destroying Cybertron in the process, the United Nations officially launched a series of new space expansion projects designed to increase Earth's sphere of influence.

"We're in a unique situation," said Dr. Douglas Alcazar, Project Lead, "We're embroiled in a war that the rest of the galaxy wants no part in, and the silver lining to that is the wide berth we've been given in terms of territory. Sectors near Cybertron's old position are now fair game, and not all were hit by the recent storm."

The initiative combines the efforts of both the public and private sector. NASA, ESA, and Earth Defence Command have received additional funding and technical assistance from Chase Technologies and Blackrock Industries in return for a stake in the project.

"It's both a chance to be a part of a major step in human development, but also a solid investment financially," said Chase Technologies CEO Chip Chase.

Critics to the initiative have questioned Earth Defence Command's ability to adequately protect any new Earth outposts located more than 6 light years away. "Given the already massive amount of funding that the EDC requires even for its basic operations, increasing the EDC's mandate is only going to make those costs skyrocket," Nora Crabtree, a UN advisor was quoted as saying. "There's no shame in taking our time before trying to expand. There's plenty of space out there, after all. It isn't going anywhere."

Earth Defence Command's Colonel Faireborn acknowledged the challenges involved but expressed optimism in the EDC's growing role.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/106                    Posted        Author NYT: Radio Robot Recovered! Thu Oct 16   Blaster -- Radio Robot Recovered! Turk McGurk, Staff Writer

New York, NY - Shortly after buying her latest curio at Ed's Antique Electronics & Internet Cafe, Florida transplantee Arianne Gitto received a shock: her purchase was more than meets the eye! "I just liked the way it looked! It was red and pretty cherry! I just thought it was a dope, oldy-old sound system like that guy had in that Star Trek movie where they got the whales," says Gitto, 18. Her purchase, a 1980s-era FM/AM portable cassette stereo system, turned out to be a member of the Autobot team who had went missing for several months! "Yo, it was whack! Last thing I remember was hanging out with my homeboy Jazz, only to end up coming to in some girl's crib!," claims Blaster, the Autobot Communications Specialist whom Gitto bought. Confirmed sources in the NYPD and the Autobots place Blaster's last known location at the most recent Beastie Boys reunion concert at Madison Square Garden, where he and his fellow Autobot friend, Jazz, had been attending. New York Police believe that while illegally audio-taping the concert as a stereo, an unknown assailant had slipped a short-circuiting device on him that shut off his consciousness before hocking him at the vintage electronics pawn shop.

- Picture of Rodimus Prime, Blaster, and Arianne Gitto standing around smiling - Caption: Rodimus Prime (Autobot Leader) and Blaster thank Gitto with an honorary Autobot commemoration.

Despite recording their performance without expressed written permission, the Beastie Boys have refused to press charges. "B-Blaster's known to do the Wop, also known for the Flintstone Flop," says Mike D of the troupe, ostensibly citing Blaster's unblemished record of protecting the Earth from destruction as reason for not pushing the charges.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/107                    Posted        Author EDC Clashes With Monacus Pirates  Fri Oct 17    Scrapper --

EDC CLASHES WITH MONACUS PIRATES

ALAMEDA - Earth Defence Command had a run in with a pirate cruiser in a little known star system near Cybertron's old position, said independent press releases from the EDC and NASA. After exiting Faster Than Light (FTL), the NASA shuttle North Carolina and twelve exo-suits received a distress call from the mining ship. An impromptu rescue operation was conducted, with the enemy cruiser departing, damaged but functional.

NASA reports that none of its personnel or equipment was harmed, but stressed the dangers involved in this sort of exploration, noting that "several seconds" is all it would have taken for a completely different result. Douglas Alcazar, NASA Project Lead, commended Earth Defence Command for their swift action in protecting the shuttle.

Earth Defence Command declined giving specifics, but said there were no casualties, but did suffer "extensive" damage to military hardware.

After a nearly day of delay, the United Nations was officially able to stake a claim on the star system designated CHX 73. What may be available in the system is still unclear, but initial scans and scouting operations were promising.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/108                    Posted        Author Junkion Banned                    Sun Oct 19    Wreck-Gar -- Page 34 of the Cybertron even post.

Junkion leader Wreck-Gar was offically banned from all casinos in the known and unknown galaxy for a period of no less then fifty standard years. (56 Cybertron Gleans)

During an altercation the and the search of an old friend The Junkion leader (age unknown but in his bio he says he's 25) was showing a picture of a lost Junkion to a few of the dealers. After a while the secruity staff of the casino was called to ask what was troubling the Junkion leader. Wreck-Gar after talking with the security staff went to the bar for a drink, this is when an unknown decepticon attacked the Junkion without provication. When Wreck-Gar recovered from the attack witnesses claim that Wreck-Gar went insane as he drink tipped (The drink then melted a hole through the bar and the floor below. At this point it's unknown if the drink is still melting the planet.) He called for the person who attacked him, and looked at the security staff that did nothing to help or to stop the attacker. Wreck-Gar then drew a large Axe and ripped the pair of security mechs apart. Wreck-Gar then confronted the group of Decepticons, Then another conflict took place between the Decepticons. It was then the rest of the security staff arrived and proceeded to escort the Junkion leader out of the Casino.

We asked Wreck-Gar if he had any comments about the ban, Wreck-Gar responded, "I don't need no jive turkeys gambing... I can just go to Junk and use our Facilities there.. Yes! On Planet Junk, The Greatest Casino with the loosest slots! Come one, Come all!" This shamless promotion could be the real motive for all the troubles at the casino but this reporter doubts it. At this time there have been no over signs of a casino on Junk.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/109                    Posted        Author Attack on Radio Masts was 'Despica Sun Oct 19   BBC.co.uk -- Decepticon intruders who attacked a quintet of FM radio masts located just outside Donington-on-Bain, Lincolnshire, have been condemned by local magistrates.

Four of the five towers were destroyed outright and the fifth badly damaged when a Decepticon bomber and six fighter jets defied RAF instructions and invaded British airspace early on Friday. The towers were one quarter-mile in height, and were used for both television and radio transmission.

The attack was described in a statement as cowardly and despicable and the perpetrators as "an affront to all television-watching Englishmen".

The Decepticons penetrated British airspace by travelling at very low altitude at supersonic speeds, said Air Vice-Marshal Chris N. Harper in a prepared statement, and bombed the towers with conventional explosives. Although eleven RAF Super Tornadoes were damaged, disabled or destroyed in the attempt to stop the Decepticon strike force, AVM Harper said that there were no fatalities either on the ground or in the air as a result of the attack.

Three Decepticons were shot down but no wrecks were recovered, leaving enemy casualties unknown.

"The RAF would like to extend special thanks to the Autobots, who from what I am told turned back the Decepticon attack and prevented additional sites from being bombed," said AVM Harper in a post-statement interview. "It is the considered opinion of my staff that if the Autobots had not engaged them, the Decepticons would have continued on from their initial target to devastate telecommunications throughout the British Isles."

Responding Autobots consisted of Autobot communications specialist "Blaster," and scout "Tailgate."

The identity of the Decepticon strike package is as always uncertain, but according to Autobot press liason "Rewind" was comprised of "Fusillade," a B-1B Lancer supersonic bomber, "Blitzwing," a MiG-25 supersonic high-altitude interceptor, "Hardtop" and "Slapjack," F-16 multirole fighters, "Clouddeck," F-15 Strike Eagle air superiority fighter, and "Boomslang" and "Switchback," F/A-18 Hornet strike fighters.

Motivation for the attack is unclear but believed to have its origins in a dispute between "Blaster" and the Decepticon cryptographer "Soundwave."

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/110                    Posted        Author Space Initiative Hits Milestone   Tue Oct 21    Scrapper --

SPACE INITIATIVE HITS MILESTONE

WASHINGTON - The United Nation's space initiative has reached a milestone, according to the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Six star systems in total have been explored by manned spacecraft and have had an official claim submitted to the Assembly of Worlds for ownership under stellar law. Five are expected to pass, while one is entangled in legal disputes after another claim, from the planet Monacus, was also made.

Earth Defence Command has established rotating defence forces, although the nature of which has been kept secret due to security concerns. NASA is maintaining a manned presence in each of the newly scouted sectors of space.

Although long term colonization is not viable for any of the systems, permanent habitation in the form of outposts, both space and planet-side, are likely. The General Assembly's science advisors are expected to publish recommendations based on the systems scouted by early November.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/111                    Posted        Author HIT NEW SERIES: "Hyper Joust: To J Wed Oct 22   Rodimus Prime --

In between segments of your favorite Hyper-Reality Show or Space Sporting Event comes what has to be the most annoying advertisement ever to violate your 4D Holocast set. Even the volume is louder than normal broadcast and the colors are brighter and more saturated, to the point where staring at your set for more than ten seconds without protective eyeware will cause physical pain.

"WHAT IS... HYPER-JOUST??" A distorted, inhumanly thick voice asks you over a black screen. "WHAT IS... HYPER-JOUST?" It repeats. "What do the smartest people in the Galaxy..." The picture fades into a shot of space tycoon Argle Luzzle wearing some kind of strange future bodyarmor and holding a pugil stick. "Have in common with the /dumbest/?" It cuts to a picture of a Sharkticon marching against the wall of its holding cell, unaware that something is blocking it's path.

"THEY BOTH LOVE MONEY!!" Jock-jams techno music starts to blare as an overhead shot of an arena full of various humanoids, mechanoids and aliens charge each other from both sides. "DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO JOUST A MILLIONAIRE??"

The shot fades to black, the only stimulus being the sound of a heart beating. "This Winter... Be prepared."

Guh-gunk. Guh-gunk. Guh-gunk.

"Money? Yeah, I got lots of it. The only thing I like better?" Argle's face appears again, a twinkle gleaming in his sharpened alien teeth. "/More money/."

(OOC: Questions to Rodimus.)

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/112                    Posted        Author Scraplet Infestation Kills 41     Sun Oct 26    Scrapper --

SCRAPLET INFESTATION KILLS 41

ALAMEDA - Twenty-seven scientists and astronauts and 14 Earth Defence Command personnel were killed after a Scraplet infestation struck the NASA transport Courageous and its accompanying security force. NASA believes that the Courageous, a deep space survey and science ship, had landed on an asteroid in the THX 11 system when the Scraplets got on board. After a detonation occurred in the ship's engineering section, everyone on board was killed. Radiation from the nearby brown dwarf star prevented any SOS, and the Earth-bound Mission Control did not learn anything was amiss until the team failed to make their regular check-ins.

A dispatched EDC rescue and investigation team were similarly attacked by the Scraplets, killing a soldier in the process and infecting the EDC shuttle Banzai. Attempts to contain the infection were met with limited success due to the lack of access to salt water, known to kill Scraplets on contact.

The rescue squad was itself rescued by an Autobot team, dispatched with the cure. Ultimately the Scraplets on board the Banzai were eradicated, but the shuttle itself has yet to be salvaged. EDC personnel were evacuated on the Autobot shuttle. Earth Defence Command has dispatched a team to obliterate both the remains of the Banzai and the heavily infected Courageous. Whether the UN will return to the system has not been determined, but insiders say they're still mulling over their options. Scraplets are small pink or blue robotic parasites that can take the form of either nuts and bolts or a vicious, unique robotic form. Although they ignore biological lifeforms, plastics, ceramics, and most other non-metals, they are capable of eating through heavy armour and eventually killing Cybertronians, or completely stripping exo-suits.

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/113                    Posted        Author Radio Robots                      Wed Oct 29    News.com -- AMERICANS ANNOYED BY ROBOTS TALKING ON RADIO, NOT SURE WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT

Imagine this: You're driving home from work, listening to your favorite songs on the radio, when suddenly, right when the song was at your favorite part, it's interrupted by an impromptu shouting fest between two factions of warring robots from space. That's what happened to Dan Lowly just today. "I was totally rocking out to this Country Death Metal station, when suddenly there was static and all I heard was a bunch of guys yelling at each other! And I'm like, what the hell! And they start talking about, like, breeding and stuff, and, and... what the hell!"

Officials have stated that, generally speaking, if you overhear one of these shouting matches between the Autobots and Decepticons on your radio, you should simply change the frequency to something else. This is not an option for many, however. "I don't want to listen anything else!" Dan Lowly says, tears streaming down his face. "I... have to have my Country Death Metal! I even ripped off the buttons on my radio so that I can't change the frequency! Can't somebody do something about this?"

"Not really," says FCC Chairman Elizabeth Mumsley. "I mean, we usually just send a note to the Autobots asking them politely to stop. Uh, we haven't tried asking the Decepticons, but from what we know, they probably wouldn't take too kindly to it. Sorry, guys!"

And we're sorry, too, dear reader.

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