The Decepticonz Save Valentine's Day

< Television > Our scene opens up at Decepticon HQ, which consists of a big matte painting. An ethnically diverse group of humans are teaching the Decepticons about the new holiday, Valentine's Day. There's even a human in a wheelchair. Red and pink banners and decorations are hung up along the base. About five Reflectors and a Hoist w/ Decepticon insignia can be seen in the background making little arts and craft paper Valentine's Day boxes for their friends to use. "For Valentine's Day, we exchange cards in order to show our loved ones just how much we care," one of the ethnically diverse humans in a wheelchair is explaining.

< Television > Redshift sidles up to a female Seeker, endowned with large, round bombs. "Hey babe, why don't you let me warm up your rub-sign with a little lovin'?"

< Television > Catechism sees that one of the humans has no scissors. Oh dear! Wasting no time, she RUNS WITH SCISSORS to give the ethnically-diverse human some scissors. While sharing is caring, she's violating an important safety law here...

< Television > Americon,standing just as tall as a regular Transformer in this scene, kneels down as he listens to the wheelchaired human intently. "Wow, that is very interesting!" he says. "But I love all of America, so how can I possibly show my love for so very many people? I would need BILLIONS of cards!"

< Television > Rippersnapper in Shark mode with a friendly toothy smile lifts a stack of red and pink paper to his mouth and after a rapid blur and series of 'chomp chomp chomp' sound effects he spreads out the paper and shows a long stand of linked cupids. Cute!

< Television > Excise puts his hand on Catechism's shoulder, "Whoa there, Catechism" he says with a good natured chuckle. "Be careful with those scissors. You should never run while holding them. Remember, safety is priority number one in any group activity, and it's easy to have fun while also staying safe." Excise turns towards the camera and smiles, "Play smart, play safe, kids!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "You know, it's days like this I'm embarassed to work in television myself."

< Earth > Excise says, "Silence!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Um..."

< Earth > Wiretap says, "Really? Embarassed they never let you in on the casting call?"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "No?"

< Earth > Americon says, "This show is awesome, you jerk! AWESOME."

< Television > Catechism slips on some scrap construction paper on the floor - this is why you never litter, folks, and pick up after yourselves! - and falls, stabbing herself in the optics with the scissors. This is all very graphic, but she is a robot, not a human, do it doesn't matter. Forcing a smile, she gives a thumbs up and says, "And this why you don't run with scissors! However, blind people are simply differently abled and can make valuable contributions to society."

< Earth > Raptor says, "Yo decepticons, leave the Junkion alone, will ya."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Please. It's got more crust than a pie factory."

< Television > Redshift is a lover, not a fighter, so all this talk about Valentine's Day and cupids and paper hearts is right up his alley. Spurned by the first target of his affections, he looks elsewhere for love... He stares wistfully at Catechism, fluttering his eyelashes... and then Catechism stabs herself in the eye.

< Television > Americon is now tape-sized again. "Don't worry about Catechism, humans!" he says, laughing heartily. "We have some spare optics in the back. But just remember, you only get the two eyes that you have! Well, unless you find a good donor. But you might not!"

< Television > Excise chuckles (again) as Catechism jabs itself in the eye. He doesn't seem to notice the graphic violence. "See what I mean, kids? That's our Catechism!" A laugh track plays in the background as the Decepticon triplechanger walks (or glides as his feet don't get animated) over to Americon and the humans.

< Earth > Sinnertwin says, "THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! AIR COMMANDER CATECHISM WOULD NEVER ACT SO..SO.."

< Television > Rippersnapper makes a cute oopse face putting his stubby armed paws over his huge mouth. "Tee hee sorry." He reaches over and pulls the scissors from Catechisms face., then blows a kiss, sending a ridiculous heart to float over and hit the damaged eye, repairing it like new!

< Earth > Sinnertwin says, "SO STUPID"

< Earth > Americon says, "You'll have to complain to the writers, Sinnertwin!"

< Earth > Sinnertwin says, "ARGH! And Rippersnapper would never do that! THIS SHOW IS VERY UNREALISTIC!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "I'd like to introduce this show to some friends of mine... I want to break off with them."

< Earth > Dee-Kal giggles.

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "I want that power!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Was the ground cold when this show crawled out this morning?"

< Television > Suddenly the Decepticonz insignia flies towards the screen, flips around to show an Autobotz insignia, and then flies back all while the cRaZy theme music plays. Now we are in the Autobotz headquarters. Are several Junkionz and EDCz hanging about?... maybe! Creepy diabolical music plays, and the colouring is really dark for this scene to emphasize how evil the Autobotz are. Autobotz HQ seems to have a lot of lava pits in it. In the centre of the gathering of Autobotz is a small cage, in which a little baby-like human wearing white cloth, wings, and carrying a bow and arrow is trapped.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "It must have been written on April 2nd, a day too late."

< Television > Monstereo is sitting in a corner chuckling crazily to himself, using tin snips to cut up a rusty panel of metal into the shape of a heart, he then chops it in half and throws the pieces away, laughing even harder.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Huh... I better get a royalty cheque for the use of my likeness..."

< Television > Powerglide is just sitting around, putting robot cigarettes out on a random gumby. "Yessss..."

< Television > Dee-Kal torments Cupid by throwing stones at the cage. "He loves me... he loves me not. He loves me... he loves me not!"

< Television > Kup gets to be in this scene because Americon isn't in the same room. (That would destroy the universe.) Growling, he kicks the cage with cupid in it. "You scared? Huh? You scared, you little wuss? Well, good thing for you that we don't plan on killing you... YET." He grins evilly, puffing away at his cigar. "But just you wait. Heheheh. Once we're done with you, you'll wish you were dead."

< Television > First Aid is at the cage, poking Cupid with a sharp stick. "Shut the f--- up, Monstereo!" he snaps, "I can't hear myself jabbing this dips--- crying when you're laughing like that." He sneers and jabs Cupid a few more times for fun, laughing like a maniac as Dee-Kal chucks stones at him and Kup kicks the cage. "Now that we have captured this /dogooder creature/, it is only a matter of time before the humans must SURRENDER to us. It's either that or all of their love-" First Aid spits on the ground at having to say that name, "On this planet is /destroyed/."

< Television > Dee-Kal says, "Can I pull his wings off? I want to see if they are stuck on or part of him. Is he a *MUTANT*?"

< Television > Monstereo flicks a rusty nail into the aft-end of First Aid as he giggles madly. "Straight through the heart, Bob-Bob-Bob Bob-Bob-Er-Ran."

< Television > Powerglide picks up a chair and tosses it at a wall. It's what mean people do. "THIS WHOLE LOVE BUSINESS IS DISGUSTING!" He tears down a Puppies Galore calender from the wall behind him.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Ugh... check that, not my likeness. My hateness."

< Television > Gnaw wanders onto the scene--a cute little chibified ball of Shark, (something like the cuteness inherent in the Toon Blue Eyes White Dragon off of Yu-Gi-Oh) handing out the roses he's plucked both accidentally and purposefully after rolling around in a field of the things. Because that's how Gnaw rolls. Literally.

< Television > First Aid snarls as he's hit with a nail. He turns away from Cupid's cage and stomps up to Monstereo. Luckily the animators made him twice as tall for this scene. He gives Monstereo a shove. "F--- you, Monstereo! I don't even know why we let you loser Junkionz even hang out with us in the first place!" Chibified Gnaw suddenly wanders past him in a strange animation error. It isn't clear which side Gnaw is supposed to be on for this.

< Earth > Excise says, "Wow Monstereo you really do complain about everything."

< Television > Kup snarls, "I agree. Making menbots love womenbots. It's horrible. You made me fall in love with my ex-wife, DIDN'T YOU!? That harpy sucked the life out of me for millenia! And after the divorce she took everything I had! GRRR!" He kicks the cage again.

< Television > Powerglide picks up another chair and throws it. "YEAH! SCREW THE JUNKIONZ! They're a poor excuse for...for...FOR ANYTHING" He throws a third chair.

< Earth > Excise says, "Sounds to me like you're being portrayed perfectly accurate."

< Television > Monstereo says, "giggles like a puny jester under the height of the tempermental First Aid. "Because you LUUUUUUV us, Bah Weep Gra Nah Weep Nini Bong!" He rapsberries and then hits himself over the head with a hammer."

< Television > Monstereo giggles like a puny jester under the height of the tempermental First Aid. "Because you LUUUUUUV us, Bah Weep Gra Nah Weep Nini Bong!" He rapsberries and then hits himself over the head with a hammer.

< Television > Dee-Kal slinks up to First Aid. "And *you* know why you let us hang out with you..." she chucks him under the chin, seductively. "you crazy-sexy-CoolAide, you..."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "You know I'd like to send the writers a Valentine, but I haven't figured out how to wrap lace around a time bomb."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Ewww, lace."

< Television > Kup points his cigar at First Aid. "Never trust a female, lad. Never!"

< Television > Dee-Kal says, "Can I pull Cupid's wings off..? Pleaease..? PRetty, pretty please..?""

< Television > First Aid glares at Monstereo and Dee-Kal, cowering as they gang up on him. "Ugh... the universal insult... You two better just watch yourself - they don't call me First AIDS for nothing, you know!" He shakes a fist at them while standing next to Kup. "Women are good for nothing but staying in the kitchen," he says in agreement.

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Exactly what is the purpose of this...Valentine's Day? As far as I can ascertain, it is a festival whereby the female of the species extorts gifts from the male upon pain of wrath."

< Television > Kup shrugs. "I dunno. He might his wings to live, or somethin'. I don't fraggin' know. Tell ya what. You can pull off his feathers. One by one. Heheheh. Yeah, that would take longer. And then we can use the feathers to make me a backrest! Ha ha ha!"

< Television > Cupid weathers all this abuse, but stays strong. "You can never destroy love," he says defiantly while doing his best to avoid the stones and getting rattled by the shaking cage. When nobody is looking, Cupid secretly reaches into his toga thingee and pulls out a mini walky-talky, which has the Decepticonz insignia on it. "Cupid to Decepticonz... Cupid to Decepticonz... I've been kidnapped and I need your help. All of love is in danger!" Dun dun DUNNN... the scene fades out, and a round of commercials begin.

< Television > Dee-Kal claps her hands! "Oh, goodie!"

< Earth > Americon says, "The male gives out gifts to his woo-man in an effort to show he cares, when, in fact, he does not!"

< Earth > Excise says, "But why, Americon?"

< Earth > Raptor says, "That depends on how you look at it really."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "It is my understanding that the female tricks the male with promises of acts of procreation."

< Television > Blueshift | A delightful rabbit hops up on screen: "Do you like cheese? Do you like strawberries? Then try new STRAWBERRY CHEESE flavour toothpaste! It's cheeseriffic!"

< Earth > Americon says, "He wants the *nookie,* is why. It is something every male desires!"

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder coughs.

< Earth > Monstereo rises up from his sitting on the shadowy corner floor, cobwebs breaking from him and the wall. Dust cloud stirred up and settling. He clears his vocalizers and then starts singing off key, walking over to Cupid and staring creepily at the cherub, "You love her, But she loves him, And he loves somebody else, You just can't win, And so it goes, Till the day you die, This thing they call love, It's gonna make you cry, I've had the blues, The reds and the pinks, One thing for sure... LOVE STINKS!" He pulls out a garbage can from off screen and then dumps the steaming pile of generic garbage on the floor in front of the cage, an empty heart shaped box of chocolates on top.

< Television > Monstereo rises up from his sitting on the shadowy corner floor, cobwebs breaking from him and the wall. Dust cloud stirred up and settling. He clears his vocalizers and then starts singing off key, walking over to Cupid and staring creepily at the cherub, "You love her, But she loves him, And he loves somebody else, You just can't win, And so it goes, Till the day you die, This thing they call love, It's gonna make you cry, I've had the blues, The reds and the pinks, One thing for sure... LOVE STINKS!" He pulls out a garbage can from off screen and then dumps the steaming pile of generic garbage on the floor in front of the cage, an empty heart shaped box of chocolates on top.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Foul!"

< Earth > Americon says, "Here, Excise. I'm going to send you this link to a picture of a video game character, but that's not the important part. It's the stuff *all around* that picture that you need to pay attention to. It explains everything!"

< Earth > Excise says, "Wow Monstereo, they really captured your essence."

< Earth > Excise says, "Sure thing, Americon!"

< Television > Dee-Kal says, "A robot skunk squeaks on cue, chases Gnaw across the screen, farts a big cloud of gas, and runs off screen...."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "You don't know me. You can't see me."

< Television > :| We're at a random hallway in New Crystal City's shark mode. Excise steps out from behind a corner. It's a live action commercial, and was clearly filmed prior to the painful Friday the 13th mission last night. He has a jacket slung over his shoulder, making him look casual and respectable. Soft 1980's music plays. "Hi there, you may know me as Excise from the Decepticons. I'd like to talk to you about the problem of supporting Earth Defence Command. You know how it is... you wake up one morning, you go to work, you maybe eat some of your human food, and then you hop into a tank and shoot up Decepticons." The sad music reaches a crescendo, and Excise shakes his head, "But that's not good. Don't hop into a tank and shoot Decepticons." The scene fades to black as the More You KNow star flies past.

< Earth > Excise says, "I see you on TV right now..."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "ooc LOL Excise"

< Television > Gnaw FLEES from the cloud of noxious gases! The roses that are still stuck to him wilt immediately. A sweatdrop appears, hovering over Gnaw, and little blue ripply-waves like water seem to flow from his big googly yellow sharky optics.

< Earth > Excise clicks on the link Americon sent him. "Wow, Valentine's Day is... messy."

< Earth > Americon says, "Yes, it is! But hey, just think, billions of Americans celebrate Valentine's Day in just that way! Isn't it grand?"

< Television > The Decepticonz theme music plays again as the commercials conclude, returning you to your irregularly scheduled program. We're back at Decepticonz HQ. Everyone is handing out Valentines to everyone else. People look happy and cheerful. Is that Catechism in the background giving Fusillade a kiss on the cheek in the background? I hope so! But the fun is interrupted as a blinking light can be seen on the Decepticonz Communications Computer, signalling an incoming message.

< Television > Rippersnapper points his Robot mode arm from his Shark mode body. "Oh no, what could that mean?"

< Television > Redshift looks up from crafting his crude but warmhearted valentine as the computer turns on. "Oh no! Someone must be in trouble!"

< Television > Americon was watching Catechism kiss Fusillade on the cheek, open-mouthed and utterly distracted, before the blinking light diverts his attention. "Oh, no, the Trouble-lert! Someone get that!" He then resumes watching Catechism and Fusillade, hoping for another show.

< Television > Rippersnapper says, "Oh no!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Rivetting..."

< Television > Cupid's voice can be heard from the Trouble-lert, "Cupid to Decepticonz... Cupid to Decepticonz... I've been kidnapped and I need your help. All of love is in danger!" There's no explanation of where Cupid is or who kidnapped him, but does there really need to be?

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Can I borrow the remote? I would like to watch the Paint Drying Channel."

< Earth > Excise says, "You'd think you Junkions would appreciate quality television more."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Show me some!"

< Earth > Excise says, "Oh, I... oh forget you, Junkion."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "If you stop telling lies about us, we'll stop telling the truth about you."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "No, on second thought, I take it back."

< Earth > First Aid says, "I've missed it so far. What happened?"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "After watching this, I will appreciate quality television more."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "A disaster."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Nothing beats this TV show."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "..so can I watch nothing? Please? Onegai?"

< Television > Americon says, still not taking his eyes off the Decepticon females. "That sounds awful! We better organize a strike team to rescue Cupid before I can't enjoy this anymore!"

< Television > Rippersnapper transforms to robot mode and points a shark mode arm at the now quiet Trouble-lert. "Oh no! We have to do something! Those fiends! The Autobotz must be behind this!"

< Television > Wiretap says, "Without Cupid, Valentine's day is ruined forever! We must abandone our peaceful merry-making to save Cupid!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "The Decepticonz are quite the character actors... when they show and character, they're acting."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Are they allowed to get merry on prime time TV..?"

< Television > Excise suddenly appears on the screen again, "Boy howdy we'd sure better, y'all," he says with Ramjet's voice trying to do a Texan accent. "We should ski-daddle on down ta the Autobotz ranch an' foil their durn plan, ey wot wot?" The accent slips a bit there.

< Earth > Excise says, "You know since we're helping cure you of your /television addiction/, you'd think you'd be more grateful to us."

< Earth > Excise says, "But no, all we hear is whining and complaining."

< Earth > Powerglide says, "This show is pretty rad, I don't know what ya'll talking 'bout."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "I am not an addict. I can quit any time."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "I am ready for my upgrade now. Can you pull out all of my wires? Take your time before putting them back."

< Television > A dignified-looking Sweep gets up after hearing the alert. "The Evil Autobots took Cupid? This will not stand! I swear on my honor as a Sweep, we will rescue Cupid and make the Universe safe for love!"

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder audibly facepalms.

< Earth > Excise says, "See? Even Seeker Bane over there agrees with us."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "What colour nail polish was that..?"

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Junkion, you couldn't /live/ without television. If someone came along and destroyed all the televisions, you'd self-delete."

< Television > Redshift does a extra flashy animated transformation sequence, with all the cool mechanical stuff in close-ups and flashes of light when the bits lock together, clearly re-used footage, since itshows a different background entirely. "Quickly! We must fly to cupid's AID!"

< Decepticon > Excise says, "..."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Or... build a new one... we're kinda handy and smart like that.... And Sweep? I'm so prettier than you."

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Singe, that idea is just so crazy it's brilliant."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Prettiness is irrelevant."

< Decepticon > Big-Brother-Sweep Sunder says, "Singe? Where?"

< Decepticon > Excise says, "What?"

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "At least I'm not rusting in 20 different places on my chassis."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "If this show smurfs much longer, it will destroy all the televisions anyhow."

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "Destroy all the televisions, hmm? It'd be easier to block the signal transmissions so the televisions couldn't play anything but static..."

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "Or Decepticonz."

< Television > Excise stands up and strikes a dramatic pose, "Decepticonz... transform and rise up!" Stock footage of Excise transforming (this is the first time it's been shown but it still has stock footage written all over it) is shown, complete with coloured anime speed lines racing behind him as if he were going faster than the speed of light. Da nanananana daaaa nanananana... da da... daaaaah! Excise is now in jet mode.

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "I'll pass that idea along to Soundwave for future implementation."

< Decepticon > Excise says, "And then the Junkions all kill themselves!"

< Earth > Excise says, "Ooooh, Singe just got you good there, Junkions."

< Television > Rippersnapper transforms into a white seeker jet with blue trim. Blasting off!

Grimlock says, "Rarh."

< Television > Americon grumbles, "Well, I guess I better help save the day," The Catechism/Fusillade show seems to be over, anyway. "Americon, TWANSFOAM!" Much like Redshift, Americon undergoes a needlessly complex transformation, with speedlines shooting around everywhere as he reconfigures himself, metal parts splitting apart with WHOOSHES and slamming into each other with huge CLANGS. Finally his eagle head pokes out from what used to be his, uh, lower torso. "UNNNH!" Once the stock sequence is over, Americon is in eagle mode, with twin miniguns under his wings, but all the colors are in the wrong places and the animation is much worse. Didn't the animators just get a look at his correct color template? "YEAH! Let's save Cupid!" he booms before blasting off into the air! Weren't they inside? Well, who knows.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "I wear my rust proudly as a badge of honor. I work for a living, Princess."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Did his head just smurf out of his...?"

< Earth > Excise says, "Only an honourless petro-dog like you would care about honour."

< Decepticon > Americon says, "Every American has a television, though! Sometimes more than one! That would be a lot of TV's to destroy!"

< Earth > Americon says, "Pants?"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "This show is pants, I agree!"

< Earth > Americon says, "That is a compliment, because pants are worn by every American!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "You know, I miss the days when Scrapper was my unnoficial arch rival. This new guy Excise just doesn't have the basic understanding of logic I'm used to arguing against."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Mom, am I allowed to say that Americon's head came out of his-"

< Television > As the Decepticonz fly off into the air via their indoor base, the scene flip footage plays as the Decepticonz insignia switches around to an Autobotz insignia. Back at their evil lair, the Autobotz and Junkionz are still torturing poor Cupid while threatening one another. Suddenly their /own/ Trouble-lert begins going off. In big red letters on the viewscreen are the words 'Decepticonz Attack! Decepticonz Attack!' Below this is the Korean equivalent.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Ask the FCC... though they seem to be on vacation since Decepticonz is still on the air."

< Earth > Dee-Kal's radio is carefully muted at that point. And a squeak is heard.

< Television > Kup crankily growls, "Someone read that to me! My eyesight's goin'."

< Television > Longshot says, "It says Kup is a piece of fossilized crap"

< Television > Dee-Kal says, "It says "Deceptisnork attack! Deceptisnork attack!""

< Television > Monstereo stops chuckling in mid-chuckle and peers rather villainoulsy over to the Autobot'z Trouble-lert. "Uh-oh... Hee hee hee ha ha ho ho ho." The Junkion takes a step towards it and slips in the garbage pile he dumped before the Decepticonz interlude. He ends up covered by an impossibly bigger mass of garbage pile than what was there before. He groans, "I love trash! I love it because it's trash! No baths! No cleanliness! Litter the world! And kill the Decepticonz!"

< Television > Powerglide says, "It says 'shut the hell up I'm playing videogames,'"

< Television > Powerglide returns to his Gameboy.

< Television > First Aid is busy giving Cupid AIDS when the klaxon begins going off. "What the f---?!" he says, looking over at the Trouble-lert viewscreen. "Blast! How did they know to come here?!" He pulls out his bazooka.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "I'm thouroughly embarrassed now... for the Decepticons."

< Television > Kup shoots Longshot in the leg without taking his eyes off the screen. "Sure it does. Well, make ready the defenses! I'm sure the Decepticonz will LAVA all of our traps." He rears back and cackles, then looks about grumpily. "That was a JOKE, you idiots! Love? Lava? Eh, go to hell."

< Television > Powerglide says, "That joked sucked big ones."

< Earth > Swindle says, "I've patented emotions in machines. That'll be four hundred thousand dollars, please."

< Television > First Aid cowers from Kup after seeing poor Longshot get blasted. He laughs nervously to avoid being destroyed by the evil mastermind Kup. His courage rating isn't as high as Powerglide's is.

< Television > Longshot bursts into flames, staggering about in the background, and unwittingly activates one of the Autobotz's nefarious traps! The lava pours onto his head, melting him away into a puddle of slag. "Oh, what a world, what a world..."

< Television > Rippersnapper in Seeker jet mode is seen soring through the sky, the clouds floating past strangely repetitive in pattern. He then angles down and a transformation sound is hear. The Shark-mode Rippersnapper toddles up to the Autobotz base door and starts chewing through it for his friends.

< Television > Americon flies in to the Decepticonz' secret lair, only to be assailed by lava traps! "WoooOOAAAHHHH!" he cries as he dodges a spray of lava. "WooooOOOOAAAAHHH!" he says again as he dodges yet another such trap. This goes on several minutes, possibly to pad out the episode with a lot of recycled animation.

< Television > Excise in Seeker jet mode is seen soaring through the sky, the clouds floating past strangely repetitive in pattern. He then angles down (it is clear at this point they re-used footage) and a transformation sound is heard. The Shark-mode Excise toddles up to the Autobotz base door and starts chewing through it for his friends.

< Earth > Excise says, "You should really patent emotions in fleshlings. They have a lot of them."

< Earth > Dee-Kal's voice is audible again. "I can smell cheese."

< Earth > Excise says, "Are you in a cheese factory?"

< Television > Americon says, "It's not clear how Americon got in first. Sure, he's smaller than the others when his size is portrayed correctly, but they didn't show him slipping in through a crack in the base defenses or something. At any rate, he appears to mostly be busy dodging lava."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "No, I am watching this stupid show."

< Television > Americon er, that's a pose, not a statement. :O

< Earth > Swindle says, "Taking all bets on who wins in the dramatic conclusion of the show! I've got fifteen to one odds on the Autobotz!"

< Earth > Excise says, "Well then your chemical sensors are broken. Maybe if you took better care of yourself..."

< Earth > Powerglide says, "Ha! I'll take your bet!"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "I am trying to, but all t he stations have this dumb show on."

< Earth > Powerglide says, "I'll throw another fifteen for the Decepticonz!"

< Earth > Monstereo OOC lol Excise animation error

< Earth > Swindle says, "A savvy better if ever I saw one!"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "and if Swindle can, he will smurf a way to take both sets of money from you."

< Earth > Powerglide says, "Yeah, well, when you're as good as me you can't lose!"

< Television > Redshift takes the long way there, as /his/ stock flying footage consists of him flying into space! After flying past the moon, he arrives at the Autobotz headquarters, where he begins to fire lasers at the base defenses, then flies past the same scene and fires off the same number of lasers. This show just keeps getting cheaper and cheaper!

< Television > Monstereo's arm pokes up through the garbage pile and flings the same piece of generic garbage again and again at Americon, missing him and shatering against the repeat-scrolling wall behin the Decepticon bird.

< Earth > Swindle says, "My dear, my sense of honesty and fair play would prevent such an egregious ethical error!"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "You never make errors. You work it all out carefully."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Dee-Kal... what did I tell you about talking to crazy people?"

< Decepticon > Big-Brother-Sweep Sunder says, "We'd have to destroy their fragging DVD players too, Wiretap."

< Television > First Aid runs. Then he's outside the base, looking up with his bazooka in hand, "This one is MINE!" he roars. It isn't clear who he's talking about until he jumps up into the air and flies after Redshift, repeatedly firing bazooka shots as he closes in for the kill.

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Do Junkions watch DVDs?"

< Decepticon > Wiretap says, "Perhaps we can engineer a virus to halt thier DVD and other digital media playback."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Apologies, Mama! *soft whisper* (I bet he know all the Rules of Acquisition from Star Trek Ferengi lore)."

< Decepticon > Swindle says, "If they don't, think of the market share I'm missing out on!"

< Decepticon > Blueshift says, "Mmmm delicious DVDs..."

< Television > Rippersnapper Shark meets up with Excise Shark and they mirror nod at each other. "Super power mega god robot merge sequence engage. We now form Abominuz in the name of LOVE!" The two go through a jumpy-framed transformation sequence, other parts not there before flying into place from off screen to become a giant combiner robot known as Abominuz!

< Television > Redshift's spacecraft mode shouts, "OH NOES! Now I have robot AIDZ!" the red and black spacejet falls out of the sky, trailing black smoke and sparks. He crashes into the ground, with anime swirly eyes drawn on his cockpit.

< Earth > Powerglide says, "HOLY CRAP."

< Earth > Powerglide says, "This show is amazing."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "You were right the first time..."

< Earth > Powerglide says, "Nonsense."

< Television > Excise Shark meets up with Rippersnapper, "Super power mega god robot merge sequence engage. We now form Abominuz in the name of LOVE!" He says this in Reflector's creepy voice, though. Heavy rock and roll music plays throughout the confusing transformation sequence before Abominuz finally appears.

< Television > Blueshift says, "It's okay!" Blueshift flies after Redshift. "I have the cure for aids - LOVE!""

< Television > Americon flies into the Decepticonz' secret chamber! "Halt, Autobotz! Release Cupid or die!" he cries. But he is greeted with crankiness by...

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "No... holy sm*rf sums this show up."

< Television > Kup, who says, "Someone stop that bird! I... I can't!"

< Television > Powerglide hefts a chair over his head and throws it at Americon. "EAT SEAT, JERK-OFF!"

< Television > Powerglide's hands also seem to clip through the chair a few times.

< Television > Dee-Kal holds up Pong, who lifts his tail and farts a big huge cloud of blue cloud in the direction of Americon.

< Television > Monstereo sings from under smelly stink squiggly fume lined garbage pile, "Stop that Pigeon How ? Nab him - jab him - tab him - grab him, Stop that pigeon now!"

< Earth > Americon says, "Smurfs is a cartoon that was not made in America, therefore it is EVIL!"

< Television > Dee-Kal says, "Snork him good, Pong! Snork him so his feathers drop off!"

< Television > Redshift cured by a shining beam of PURE BROTHERLY LOVE from Blueshift, Redshift riss up in his robot mode, blue hearts glowing around him in an aura of anti-aidz, and he bears down on First Aids and starts kicking him in the shin with holy might!

< Television > First Aid sneers, "NEVER, f---wad!!" he shouts, either talking to Americon or Blueshift. He floats in the air as Redshift suffers from AIDS. For some reason he doesn't do anything other than float as Blueshift rushes down to save his brother from AIDS. "What?! This cannot be! How can your love defeat AIDS?!?!" Redshift rises up and kicks him. "Nooooooo!"

< Television > Sunder flies through in "flying surfboard" mode, transforming to his handsome bearded, batwinged robot mode. His bright red talons *shnickt* out and he goes to use them to free Cupid. He pauses to snort at the sentient pile of junk on his way. "Fear not, Cupid, for I shall rescue you!"

< Earth > Eating To Win Gnaw says, "Eat pigeon?"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Is smurfing your brother legal..?"

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder urks. "Oh dear Unicron, no...

< Television > Americon arghs! First, he is struck with great force by a chair, which explodes when it hits him! Then the blue cloud hits him, and the cloud explodes as well! "ArrrrrrrrRRRRRrrrrRRRRrrrgh!" he cries in pain as he slams against the cavern walls. Then, to top it off, Evil Mr. T, in his only appearance in this cartoon, hurls a stalagmite at Americon, which also explodes when it hits Americon. "Argh! This is what I get for emulating the courage of Leeroy Jenkins!"

< Earth > Powerglide says, "Hey Sweep! Lovin' how they kept your personality as true as possible! Haw haw!"

< Television > Abominuz, with fancy glowing rays of light beaming from behind stomps over to the Autobotz base and tears open the roof, stepping in, and then somehow seems to fit within the room thanks to a height scale alteration. The gestalt swings his powerful arm back in a big slow wind up telegraphing the oncomming punch from a mile away, and drives his giant fist into a conveiniently clustered group of gumby Autobotz, breaking them apart like scattering bowling pins... with that very sound effect no less.

< Television > Cupid holds the bars while floating in his cage. His wings aren't animated for some reason, but he's smiling as the Decepticonz rush in to free him from the Autobotz. "Hooray, thank you Decepticonz!" he says as surf board ridin' Sunder batwings the cage open. "Hooray!" he says again.

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Silence, you miserable excuse for a flying mechanism. Or I'll pluck your optics out give them to Scrapper for one of his 'art projects.'"

< Earth > Swindle says, "For anyone just tuning in, I have a truckload of -Official- Decepticonz Merchandise for sale, everything 20% off! I've got shirtz, I've got hatz, I've got beer cooziez, and I'm practically -giving- it all away!"

< Television > Powerglide chortles loudly as Americon is pretty much beat down by everything. "Guffaw! Guffffaaaw guff guff guffaw!" He then reaches into a box by his feet and pulls out a puppy. It's promptly dropped into a lava pit.

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Pfff I could get a better deal from Brigand."

< Television > Redshift points a finger at First Aidz, "The pureness of our perfectly normal and-not-gay-at-all fraternal LOVE will protect us FOREVER from your evil aidz, evil First Aidz!Even now I feel the SEED of Blueshift's love filling me with warmth and joy, and giving me the power to destroy aidz FOUR-EVAR!" He shouts, and a shining beam of hearts shoot out of his fingers!

< Television > Monstereo in his garbage pile pops his head out, an empty tin can hooked on his viking helmet horn, just in time to be swept up and away by Soundwave pushing a giant broom, sending Monstereo, garbage pile and all, into an open incinerator door that seals itself with a clanging door. "AHHHH I'll get you for this!" Soundwave brushes his hands clean of the dirty work in satisfaction.

< Earth > Swindle says, "Sure you can, if you want cheap imitation junk! All of my merchandise has the official Decepticonz seal of approval!"

< Earth > Americon says, "Ooh, ooh, I want some!"

< Earth > Monstereo checks out the online catalog... "Wow, that toilet seat... I might get that."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Mom! Mom! I have a good one for you! This show could, in fact save world hunger! Smurf me how! Go on!"

< Earth > Excise says, "H-how?"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Alright, how?"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "It is full of CORN!"

< Earth > Wiretap says, "Wow, you're a genius."

< Earth > Swindle says, "Everything is 100% synthetic fiber, and hecho en los Estados Unidos."

< Television > Kup laughs evilly. "Haha, yeah, I hate Americans! Beat that guy down!" But then, Abominuz barges in inexplicably! "Oh, finally, a Decepticon I can fight without violating the restraining order!" Reaching into his mouth, he pulls out his dentures, and flings them at Abominuz! They chatter ceaselessly, and, after glowing with evil energy, expand greatly in size!

< Earth > Monstereo says, "So are you. You see what I did there? Countering your dull pointless sarcasm with even more?"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Did you catch that?"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "I know what too much fibre does."

< Earth > Wiretap says, "Yeah, it was amazing. now I know the error of my evil ways!"

< Television > First Aid strikes a pained pose as Redshift shoots the shining beam of hearts at him. The beam hits him in the chest, causing the Autobotz' image to flash between negative and normal several times. "Destiny... you cannot... destroy... my... DESTINY!" He then explodes in a shower of pink hearts. No need to explain where the voice acting for that comes from, I hope.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Knowing is half the battle."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "What is the other half?"

< Earth > Eating To Win Gnaw says, "eating."

< Earth > Americon says, "Killing those commie bastards!"

< Earth > Grimlock says, "Is punching people! Me Grimlock good at that part."

< Television > Redshift gives the camera/audience a giant thumbs-up, grinning an impossibly wide anime-grin, before blasting off into the sunset to find some females who'll fall for his corny pick-up lines, or are a cheap drunk.

< Television > Abominuz tromps forward, smooshing Autobotz left right and centre with his patented friendship punches. He even flicks out a hand to save the puppy Powerglide dropped. Finally he reaches up to Cupid's cage, which has been broken out by Sunder. Abominuz holds Cupid in one hand and the puppy in the other hand, holding them up for the camera to see. A goofy smile appears on his face as he just stands there happily.

< Television > The glowing dentures bounce off his massive chest. Does Abominuz even notice?

< Television > Abominuz then turns away for a second, yelps, and stands upright as the giant teeth clamp onto his Abominazz. He runs around the base ouching "OW OW OW OW OW!"

< Television > Oh no, what will our giant hero do now? Who will save him? ... commercial break.

< Television > Powerglide screams in horror as Abominuz runs around. Eventually, he is caught under the super powerful and exceptionally true-to-life gestalts foot and is smooshed. A gooey sound effect plays.

< Television > Dee-Kal runs out of the base in time to see her beloved explode in a shower of valentines. "NO!!!! Snork you, Redshift!" She collapses to her knees, hands over her optics. The camera switches to a close up as she lifts her hands from her face, optics glowing a fiery red. "I will hunt you down and your brother AND YOUR LITTLE DOG TOO... CURSE YOOOOUUU!"

< Television > Rippersnapper appears on screen in a live action commercial. "Do you stinklings suffer from irregularity? Your fat-bottoms not on the clock? Well Muselix is just for you. When you need to know when nature will call you, use Muselix. Don't take crap from your crap.

< Television > Americon appears, chowing down on some Muselix. "Mmmm, this stuff is good!" Then, suddenly, he grimaces, as if tremendous pain. Clutching his gut, he hurriedly runs off, muttering, "Oh, Primus, the pain!"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Finally, a Septic who knows he is smurfing - *voice muted by an unknown squeaking person*"

< Earth > Americon says, "I did not enjoy filming that scene!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "I don't have a stomach, but I think I'm gonna hurl, dude."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Go ahead."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "I'd looooooooove to see little junkion parts spew forth from you."

< Earth > Monstereo can be heard gagging, and then a splattering noise of nuts, bolts, nails and bearings can be heard hitting the inside of a trash can.

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Ugh... sorry... but being prettier than a Sweep comes at the price of Super-Model tactics."

< Television > Returning to the show, we see the exact same animation clip of Abominuz running around with the giant teeth chomped onto his abominazz. Just then, the freed Cupid rises up and aims his bow at Kup, tongue sticking out and one eye squinted shut for the aim... He fires a heart arrow into Kup's old saggy aft!

< Television > Swindle is in the next commercial, walking through a barren plain. He stops and picks up a handful of dirt and shows it to the camera. Sappy music plays. "The Earth is in danger. Poverty is everywhere, especially in these plains, where poor dirt clods scrounge their pitifully short lives just looking for enough food to eat. If you care about -your- planet, you can help. Please give to the Special Help and Assistance Monetary fund today. Your donation of just dollars a month could help supply enough for a thousand handfuls of the planet to live comfortably." Swindle lets the dirt blow away in the wind. "Don't you think it's about time, before it's too late?" An extremely long, impossible to read disclaimer flashes up, and then an address.

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "be sure to vomit up your lasercore while you're at it."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "ooc the log will need a little editing... for my typos and the timing of the commercials :p"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Charming."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Do you scrub your makers aft with that tongue, Sweep?"

< Television > Sunder rushes at the Giant Teeth, attempting to hack them apart with his claws. "Ewww, you didn't use your Cyber-Polident last night, did you?" he says. "I'm going to wash my hands after touching these filthy things."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "No."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "You hesitated. We all heard it."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Hesitation? There was no hesitation."

< Earth > The Creepy One: Sunder says, "Maybe you Junkions should get with the program and stop using 14.4 KB transmission equipment."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Yo momma."

< Television > Kup NYAARRRRGHS as the arrow sinks into his butt, and while he is angry at first, soon his rage fades, giving away to love for the first person he sees, and that happens to be... Americon! "Ffcomph phere, youff," Kup drawls out, dribbling robo-saliva from his wrinkled mouth as he walks towards Americon, arms extended, and utterly heedless of the restraining order.

< Television > Americon cries, as he shrinks away from the horrible old man, "Oh, no, someone help me! He's going to BREAK EVERY RULE!"

< Television > As Kup wanders towards Americon with love in his eyes, Abominuz just throws his head back and laughs in a good natured way. "Ah ha ha ha ha ha!" Several other Decepticonz are laughing as well. Is this the creepy end-of-episode joke?

< Television > A combination of the Sweep's attack and Kup's deflating hate causes the giant dentures to release Abominuz and shatter apart, falling in broken tooth pieces to the floor. Abominuz turns to the Sweep, reaches down a giant hand and shakes hands with them. "Thanks, you saved the day." Cupid flies into frame. "You too little friend." How articulate.

< Television > Rippersnapper says, "ooc plop that last one before the creepy end of episode joke one"

< Earth > Americon says, "What? It's over? But we just got back from the commercial break! I am very angry! The urge to kill has risen within me!"

< Earth > Excise says, "Listen to that urge, Americon."

< Earth > Excise says, "Listen to that urge."

< Decepticon > Catechism says, "Excise, you're alive!"

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Yes... funny story about that!"

< Decepticon > Catechism says, "Hilarious, I am sure."

< Decepticon > Excise says, "The story is indeed hilarious to certain subsets of the Decepticon Empire, yes."

< Television > At the very end, we see the roly-poly ball of Shark, swimming off in the Sunset with a Girl-Sharkticon. A big red heart outline surrounds them. In the foreground, Cupid winks.

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Ok see I was dragged somewhere, presumably to Autobot HQ. I then managed to transform back into robot mode, at which point I clearly must have blanked out. While I was out, I must have gone on a roaring rampage of revenge against the Autobots, breaking free of the Autobots. I didn't wake up until I was back at New Crystal City."

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Oh and it looks like someone stole your submarine because I don't see it anywhere."

< Television > After the credits and a fade to black, the screen fades in to a close up of the Autobotz incinerator door. The flames glow and crackle, but from deep inside a hollow echoing cackle starts up and builds in intensity. Fade out. Sunbow logo.

< Decepticon > Swindle says, "Why is everyone looking at me?!"

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Hey yeah, maybe Swindle took it!"

< Earth > Americon says, "Woah, now, we didn't forget the PSA, did we?"

< Decepticon > Astrotrain says, "I'll tell you why it happened."

< Decepticon > Astrotrain says, "Cause Excise sucks."

< Decepticon > Swindle says, "Excise, huh? Sounds like something you should get looked at."

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Oh forget you, Astrotrain! You don't know how hard that mission was!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "OOC The PSA was in the middle... the tanks and EDC thing"

< Earth > Americon says, "Oh, I guess we had one. NEVER MIND."

< Decepticon > Astrotrain says, "I know it was just too hard for you!"

< Decepticon > Excise says, "Grafhubraagh! I hate you!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Never minding... IN JUNKYTOWN!"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "YAY!"

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "HURRAY!!!"

< Earth > Excise says, "I hope you stupid Junkions learned a few things about quality television programming."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "It has ended!"

< Earth > Monstereo says, "Yes, what not to do."

< Earth > Excise says, "You can buy a copy of it on our website if you want."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Yes we did! Any show is better than that one was!"

< Earth > Excise says, "You're just jealous."

< Earth > Monstereo says, "You're just gelatonous."

< Earth > Dee-Kal says, "Well, yes. The amount of recycling in that show was amazing."

< Earth > Americon says, "It was American animation, that makes it good, you jerks!"

< Earth > Eating To Win Gnaw says, "Gelentious yummy"