Minimum Security, Maximum Incompetence

Iacon Region - Cybertron

Perhaps no other region on Cybertron is as well developed and designed as the Iacon Region. Spacious and well lit, the roadways are wide and clear, and the cities neatly placed to complement one another. From the gleaming Altihex skyline to the gorgeous chasm view in Uraya, this region is quite pretty. Even outside the city-states, small settlements such as the Geyser Crystal Apartment Complex dot the landscape. In the centre, Retoris serves as the gateway to Iacon itself, whose golden domes can be seen from miles away. As one travels south towards Magnaron, the harsh realities of war become evident as the military focuses on their fight against the Decepticons.

Obvious exits: Up  leads to Sky over the Iacon Region. North  leads to Geyser Crater Apartment Complex. East  leads to Sunken Plains. South  leads to Magnaron Intersection. West  leads to Cobalt Plains.

Altihex  Iacon   Retoris   Uraya 

Bell UH-1V Iroquois  is on border patrol, looking for anything unusual. So far, he has found a whole lot of litter, plus one hobo, whom he stopped to give the information about a shelter to, who raved about millenium hand and shrimp. No Decepticons here, they're not that dumb, no drug deals, not any booby traps set up... everything is boring. As usual.

Meanwhile, a SPACE BUS pulls up by the side of the road, and out gets a large mechanical bird, covered with black and white stripes and a domino mask over its eyes. It waddles up to Blades. "WRRRRAK!" it goes, robot beak chattering open and closed and metal wings flapping. "WRAAAARK!"

Normally one would think some low rung escapee wouldn't be very high on the Decepticon ladder for concerns. But let's keep in mind here that most of the people Decepticons put in prison isn't for being criminals, or evil, or dirty scumbags. It's because they've done or said something that goes against the ideals of the Empire. Word of just one escapee getting free could undermine the image of ironclad control and dominance the Empire wishes to project for itself.

And that is why to catch a jailbird, they turn loose the hounds.

Well, hound. It helps that said hound isn't afraid to stalk his quarry close to and possibly into Autobot turf. He was a ways behind, keeping his pace, biding his time on the trail. Waiting for the prey to make a stupid move, then move in for the kill.

When he WANTS to be Weirdwolf can be SURPRISINGLY QUIET and STEALTHY...

Bell UH-1V Iroquois  sees the space bus, and he sees the zebra-striped bird. Well. The bird *could* just be a normal citizen, but... Decepticons sometimes paint prison stripes on their prisoners, don't they? Decepticons are such jerks. It's also so very awkward for the zebra-Transformers!

He transforms, lands next to the bird, and asks dubiously, "Everything okay?"

Probably not. Blades is probably going to have to shoot someone here. But they can't say he didn't try!

Bell UH-1V Iroquois  transforms into his Blades mode.

Elita One, on the other hand, is returning from a transport escort. The Autobot forces she had in transit, are staying with the supply run, so she's rolling solo. The pink techcar clears ground at high speed, for an Autobot alone is a dangerous situation. She makes tracks for Retoris in the far distance

The bird shakes its head. "WRRRAK WRAAAK!" it says, wings, flapping urgently. Then it frowns and transforms quickly, the bird head moving down to the chest, and wings to the back like a cloak, until standing in front of Blades is a similarly striped robot. "Hi!" she says brightly. "My names Jailbird! I've just had a daring escape from a minimum security Decepticon prison in Cuprahex, and would like to request asylum or sanctuary or finses or whatever you call it. It's been one rough ride!"

TWO HOURS AGO

Jailbird sits in on a plush sofa in her huge room at the minimum security prison, flicking through a pile of magazines with disinterest. "Ugh!" she moans, turning on the satellite tv. "Five thousand channels and nothing on!" She walks over to the minibar, but is out of space tequila. "Hey!" she pokes her head out of the door to the guard, who is sitting down playing cards with himself. "I'm just going to pop out to the shops for some space tequila!"

"Sure, whatever," the guard mumbles."

NOW

"Also," Jailbird adds, "Do you have any space tequila?"

Blades looks Jailbird over dubiously. Escaping prison is hard! Or so Blades thinks.

One can hear rusted gear turning as Blades tries to remember how to process folks claiming sanctuary. Was this the thing where he handcuffs them and does a strip search?

Wait, probably not. "...er. Okay, so, I'm supposed to take your story down, I think? Like... how you escaped? What you were were in for? Oh, and I'm Blades. For reference."

 Blades says, "Uuuuh."

 Elita One says, "Something wrong, Blades?"

 Blades says, "Uhm. Got someone claiming to be an escaped prisoner also claiming to want sanctuary."

HOUR AND A HALF AGO

Zoneout was just stepping out for an ener-cig break between shifts, muttering to himself how said break was way too short to enjoy said ener-cig properly.

It's even harder to enjoy when you've suddenly got a hole through your lower chassis with a hotly glowing sword sticking out your abdomen.

Weirdwolf leans closer as he pulls the mech to him, snarling over his shoulder. "Lethal it is not. Yet." The blade shlicks out smoothly. "That will depend on if the fugitive that out walked freely on your shift is dealt with or not."

Zoneout crumples to the ground with a gasp from energon loss with the gaping wound through his midsection. Weirdwolf steps over his body like it was nothing, transforms, and takes off.

NOW

Always cleaning up others' messes, he was. Sometimes, the role of enforcer sucked, it did. Oh well. More exciting that another patrol, this was. The potential of something to kill always better made him feel, it did.

With that rattling around in their shared mindset while Weirdwolf is slinking through the shadows to get closer to where the bus stopped, it's little wonder Monzo shut off their comm-link so it doesn't bleed over for some interceptor to pick up.

 Elita One says, "That's unexpected. You're on Retoris patrol?  I'm not too far away.  I'll see about getting a security detail rounded up for the detainee, I'll join you shortly myself.  Blurr'll be notified as well."

<Autobot> Blades says, "Yeah, general outskirts. I'd appreciate your... ability to be not an awful person, sir."

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Understood."

Jailbird wrings her hands together as Blades asks a question. "Oh, well it was a daring escape, I shall spare you all the gory details, but rest assured it was dramatic. Also I was locked up for thirty-five years for uh, saving orphan kittens from a fire, the Decepticons hate that sort of thing as they are so evil."

THIRTY-FIVE YEARS AGO

Megatron is sitting at his desk. On the other side is Jailbird. "So, Jailbird!" he begins. "You are telling me you can successfully hide all my income from the space tax-man? The other accountants claim this is impossible, but you say it is not? Also you are the cheapest."

Jailbird nods firmly. "Yes, Lord Megatron! I am very confident that the space IRS will never catch up with you, lock me in a cell and paint me with stripes if I'm lying!"

NOW

Jailbird gives an awkward grin at Blades and a thumbs up. "I can also do your taxes if you want, my rates are very good!"

Suddenly the techchar skids to the side, veering offroad to the north of Retoris. The terrain is a lot less personable for driving, more reminiscent of a truck rally than anything else. She disappears into a ravine for several moments, then roars out of it, catching a good deal of air before slamming back onto the ground. "Oofh!" Her lights flicker as she communicates back to base, <<Retoris Security Personell, we have a potential detainee. Round up a security detail to follow in on my signal. Blades is on site, I'll be there shortly.>>

Blades shakes his head, puts his hands up, and says, "No, no, Streetwise does all my taxes, you know, and it would affect Defensor's performance if I switched. Anyway, orphan kittens, eh? Uhm... so why come to the Autobots?" Gotta keep her talking, he thinks. "Why not... run off to Monacus?"

Jailbird is about to respond but then frowns. "I uh... huh. Yeah. Why NOT Monacus?" She snaps her fingers. "Because Monacus is capitalist and would want money to protect me from the insane Decepticons who are probably even now hunting me down so that I can't save any more kittens from firey death!"

From the shadows of Retoris eyes narrow. The space-bus is gone, the sound of rotors is gone as Blades is now in robot mode, talking to the convict. An audial twitchs to one side, hearing the engine in the distance but clear by the growing resonance coming in this direction. One lone Autobot or a patrol? Too far to tell. Didn't make a difference, anyways. It was time to move, to conclude this hunt.

Claws tear into the ground, powerful legs thrust the mechanine form into motion. A bolt of yellow white and dark turquoise erupts from the shadows, Weirdwolf's mighty leaping ability hurtling him directly for Protectobot and convict.

"RUN YOU CAN BUT HIDE NOT!"

... Well you get the point as the mechanical beast charges, intent on knocking Blades and Jailbird apart so he can finish the job he was sent to do.

Combat: Mecha Wolf <Weirdwolf> strikes Blades with his Everything is Worse with Wolves (Ram) attack!

Combat: Mecha Wolf <Weirdwolf> (Weirdwolf) used "Ram": A Level 3 VELOCITY attack.

Combat: You took 4 damage.

<Autobot> Blades says, "I think the escapee is Communist - aaaah!"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Blades, Report"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Blades. Report!"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Elita One to Retoris, we need a medical evac team to my location, in addition to security personell."

Jailbird leaps backwards as Weirdwolf appears and attacks Blades, throwing up her hands. "Whoa! Look, you two seem busy, I didn't realise you were being hunted down too, I'll just take your advice and sneak off to Monacus, okay..."

Halo has arrived.

<Autobot> Blades says, "...yeah, just got jumped by Weirdwolf. Ow."

<Autobot> Blades says, "I think the escapee is Communist - aaaah!"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Blades, Report"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Blades. Report!"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Elita One to Retoris, we need a medical evac team to my location, in addition to security personell."

Jailbird leaps backwards as Weirdwolf appears and attacks Blades, throwing up her hands. "Whoa! Look, you two seem busy, I didn't realise you were being hunted down too, I'll just take your advice and sneak off to Monacus, okay..."

Halo has arrived.

<Autobot> Blades says, "...yeah, just got jumped by Weirdwolf. Ow."

Blades is jumped by Weirdwolf. He sputters, "I'm not being hunted down! ...not today, anyway." Ugh, Blades doesn't think he can keep track of Jailbird *and* fight Weirdwolf at the same time. If only he had handcuffed her! In any case, Blades does the sensible thing and tries to punch the wolf.

Combat: Blades misses Mecha Wolf <Weirdwolf> with his (Punch) attack!

Combat: Gained 1 energon.

Pink Techcar <Elita One> ramps over the next hill, and from her viewpoint can see commotion in the distance. <<Blades, Report!>> No response at first, forcing the Military Commander to drive a bit too recklessly in order to enter the situation, she hails him again, finally getting a response. <<Elita One to Retoris, we need a medical evac team to my location, in addition to security personell.>>

Even as she starts to close distance, Elita keeps the engine running hot, "Weirdwolf, this close to Retoris? Sounds like this defector is the real deal. I'm almost there, Blades, he'll regret not bringing backup!"

<Autobot> Elita One says, "Stay Frosty, I can see you"

Alfa Romeo Pandion <Halo> is through the gates of Retoris and en route the moment Elita requests evac: <<I'm en route, Elita. With a Decepticon raid this close to our doorstep, it only sensible to have someone capable on the scene.>> The Pandion guns it, various Fall of Cybertron style lighting effects glowing to life as she lets lose with some turbo.

Jailbird rolls her eyes at Blades as the Protectobot starts to battle Weirdwolf. "Well it certainly looks that way to me! Look, I don't want to be a pain, but can you lend me fifty quatloos for the fare to Monacus and I'll be out of your helmet."

Weirdwolf jukes his head to the side of Blades' punch. "Not tonight," he agrees with the Protectobot's proclimation as he rears back to transform, and then turns to lash one hand to grab Jailbird and heft her off the ground before she can scurry away. "And where just going do -you- think?" While Weirdwolf doubts this brat of a mecha really knows much of crucial knowledge, he has his job to do and no reason to do otherwise. "Some very bad choices, made you have."

His other arm snaps to a low angle at his side, thermal sword appearing in his grip as the blade extends and locks into place. He draws it back, the fiery radiance sheathing the blade playing in ominously creepy reflections across the malevolent smile curling back metallic lips. "Pay them for, you shall...."

The glowing sword is up, mere seconds from striking. The intent is more than clear that Weirdwolf will cut this lowlife mech down without remorse if someone doesn't do something heroic in the next few clicks!

The mechanical wolf rises up into a bulky robot, Monzo folding up and forming his head.

"Argh!" Jailbird yelps as Weirdwolf picks her up like a piece of paper. "Monacus!" she shouts in return to Wierdwolf's question, and then waves her arms in alarm at Blades. "Save me and I'll let you into my hedge fund!"

Pink Techcar <Elita One> finally approaches the scene, those offroads are rough for the landbound! The techcar pours on every ounce of speed she's got, <<Back me up, Halo...I'll make the opening!>> With that, she takes to the air one last time, the vehicle glinting off the sunlight, almost pausing as its shadow comes over Blades, Weirdwolf and Jailbird. She transforms in mid-air, thrusting out one hand, holding her battle pistol in it.

Elita One's trajectory keeps sending her over Weirdwolf, so her aim tracks the Headmaster until she's past the zenith of the arc. Only then does she crack off a round at him, aiming right for Monzo.

No better way to disrupt a Headmaster than to disrupt their partner...

The futuristic car breaks open in the middle, as the legs form upward. Her hood shifts into her armor plating with her arms coming together at the last, turning into Elita One's robot mode.

Combat: Elita One sets her defense level to Fearless.

Combat: Elita One strikes Weirdwolf with her Battle Pistols attack!

Combat: That attack has temporarily affected Weirdwolf's Accuracy. (Blinded)

Blades tries to tackles Weirdwolf to try to get Jailbird away from him, shouting, "Let her go, your mangy mutt! She is a HEDGE WITCH and may cast SPELLS on you." Blades does not understand how hedge funds work. He does, however, admire how awesome Elita One is.

Combat: Blades strikes Weirdwolf with his Grab attack!

Combat: Gained 4 energon.

Alfa Romeo Pandion <Halo> vrooms after Elita, bearing down on the melee by diving down the ridge that Elita (awesomely) jumped. "Back up. Of course." She transforms, watching Elita sail over danger. "Rather showy, don't you think?" Her cryo rifle materializes in her hands. "Seems the Headmaster is handled at any rate." She stays on the sidelines, weapon trained on Weirdwolf.

Halo twists from sleek car to flawless HEROIC AUTOBOT!

<Autobot> Halo says, "Blades, are you hurt at all?"

<Autobot> Blades says, "A tiny bit, but don't worry about me. Try to, uh, gently and politely detain Jailbird?"

<Autobot> Halo says, "I was hoping to spend my Friday socializing with someone named Jailbird..."

<Autobot> Elita One says, "It was meant to be showy, Halo. I needed him to pause enough to get a shot on him that didn't risk the hostage."

<Autobot> Blades says, "Look, I know this is probably just a huge scam so that the Decepticons can sneak a listening device into Iacon or whatever, but if I just beheaded everybody that I think is a scammer, uh... Elita One and Air Raid would have to yell at me, so... we have to detain Jailbird and get her story and BLAH."

<Autobot> Elita One says, "It's still a possibility, Blades. I still recall the Vosian Transport of long ago.  We're not taking anything at face value."

Blades jumps in like the brave (and questionably psychotic) Protectobot he is, managing to grab onto the arm about to bring that sword down with lethal force and hold it back. Well okay he's dangling off of it considering Weirdwolf has both height and mass over him, but it does keep him from making an effective strike.

Then time seems to briefly slow (not by Elita's funky power though) as the pink car archs in the air, flips over them, and the femme opens fire.

Bits of translucent material scatter as the shot hits directly in the face and shatters the visor shielding his optics. It both stings him and startles Monzo enough that he loses his grip on the flailing Jailbird. She drops to the ground, but will she run away or wait for the Autobots to protect her.

"Such pointless interference." With a snarl as he tries to recover his senses Weirdwolf twists to grab onto Blades not just to pull him free of his arm, but then swing him around to try and smack the other two Autobots present with him as well. "This over could been fast with her dead, but nooo, escalate it must you!"

Combat: Weirdwolf sets his defense level to Fearless.

Combat: Weirdwolf misses Blades with his Grevious Harm With A Body (Ruckus) Area attack!

Combat: Weirdwolf (Weirdwolf) used "Ruckus": A Level 2 AREA-MELEE attack.

Combat: Weirdwolf strikes Halo with his Grevious Harm With A Body (Ruckus) Area attack!

Combat: Weirdwolf strikes Elita One with his Grevious Harm With A Body (Ruckus) Area attack!

Jailbird drops to the ground as Wierdwolf continues to grapple with Blades. "Don't worry!" she shouts to Blades, "your sacrifice will not be forgotten, helicopter guy!" She starts to run towards Elita One, raising her hands in their air. "Don't shoot, don't shoot, I'm some sort of pacifist, also can I borrow fifty quatloos?"

Halo lovingly and enthusiastically following her orders to detain Jailbird, Halo darts for the mech when Weirdwolf drops her- only to get slammed in the face! She gets knocked to her butt, more humiliated than harmed, and rolls her optics a bit as Elita gets hit as well. "Blades, let's make sure you stay in one piece..." She starts for the Protectobot, but then spots Jailbird running towards Elita. "Idiot girl..." Cryorifle knocked to the ground, Halo instincively goes for the trident strapped to her back and charges Weirdwolf, attempting to sink the spear into his shoulder. "No easy meals today, beast!" Time to slow this guy down.

Combat: Halo sets her defense level to Aggressive.

Combat: Halo strikes Weirdwolf with the Halo-forged Jumpstart Trident attack!

<Autobot> Halo says, "Oh."

<Autobot> Halo says, "Oh. That... That worked rather better than I expected."

Elita One snaps, "Behind me!" to Jailbird, then turns back to Weirdwolf, only to get nasty punch in the torso, sending her stumbling back, buckled over for the moment. With her interposed between Weirdwolf and Jailbird, she makes the conscious decision to shift into melee. The Femme Commander grumbles under her breath, "alright...let's bust some rust...." She raises her hands in a practiced position. <<Same thought I had, Halo." She smirks a little, a bit more defensively in her actions than Halo, ensuring Jailbird stays behind her.

Combat: Elita One sets her defense level to Protected.

Combat: Elita One takes extra time to steady herself. [Pass]

<Autobot> Elita One says, "He's got to get past me to get to the refugee, keep it up, Bots. No predator likes the numbers game against him."

<Autobot> Halo says, "Well, if I suddenly collapse, it's due to system overcharge. The good news is that the jumpstart trident works."

Blades ends up climbing on Weirdwolf's back to avoid being used as a blunt instrument, but that doesn't help Elita One or Halo any! He tries to wrap his arms around Weirdwolf's neck and yank up, which - he's a Headmaster, yeah? So. Stealing his Nebulan *should* be possible.

Combat: Blades strikes Weirdwolf with his GIVE ME YOUR HEAD (Punch) attack!

Combat: Gained 1 energon.

Sparks crackle from the connection joint as Blades yanks on his head, really giving those clamps a workout. But before Weirdwolf can try and pull him free, Halo makes a much more pominent threat of herself than before by leaping in and shoving that big stick with sharp points on the end into one of his shoulders.

It's clear Jailbird is well protected at this point, he could just ditch this matter now, but it would be a shame to not take the chance to properly put one of these upstarts in their place. Make the enemy suffer. Remind them there is no such thing as an easy fight, even if they appear to have numbers or strength on their side.

Blades' awkward attempt at a headlock to remove Monzo does keep him from doing something more elaborate. So we'll just stick to something simple and classic, like grabbing Halo by the throat to pull her and her spear-trident thing free. Squeezing the neck, not a big danger to robots. Unless it's being used as a hold to smash you into the ground afterwards, which is exactly what he attempts to do. "Should of stuck to playing doctor!"

Combat: Weirdwolf strikes Halo with his Chokeslam attack!

Combat: That attack has slowed Halo, making her less efficient.

Elita One moves to the Outskirts.

Elita One has left.

"Irk!" Halo's optics go wide as Weirdwolf grabs her by the neck, and weider still when he lifts her into the air and Undertakers her into the pavement. Vision blacking in and out, sprawled out on the ground, she opens her mouth a few times before she's able to speak. You might be right... She lifts her chin to get a decent look at Jailbird. "Well, you seem to be ok. That's...something." Halo sits up and winces, holding her head. It's probably only the energon overload from the jumpstart trident that is keeping her up. "Possible cybercussion...I'll have to make due with a quick fix." Shaken and smashed, but not beaten, an access port opens on the side of her helmet and Halo goes to work.

Combat: Halo quickly patches up some of her minor injuries.

Jailbird runs behind Elita and just keeps running as fast as she can, waving her arms in the air in panic as she does

Blades is vaguely worried about Halo. She seems to be suffering from Wheeljackitis. However, he has bigger problems, such as the fact that he can't get Weirdwolf's head off. Blades yanks harder, growling, "You junkyard glitch, you like picking on the weak and the fiscally unwise, don't you?"

Combat: Blades strikes Weirdwolf with his Yoink attack!

Combat: Drained 11 energon.


 * Crack*

Something must of broke under the strain of Blades' determination because this time the head does come off. While not lethal even to a Headmaster, the sudden system shock is enough for the rest of Weirdwolf's bulk to lock up unexpectantly and topple over. Hitting the ground probably did more damage that pulling his head off. It'll take a moment or two for that part of the whole to resync.

Meanwhile the head in Blades' hands unfolds into a small armored humanoid. "Better a glitch than a pacifist pussy like ya smeg suckin' jobbers!", Monzo retorts. He squirms out of the Bots hands....

Only to lunge at Blades to smash one of his armored knees into his face.

Monzo is clearly -not- afraid of getting physical with a mech several times his size.

Weirdwolf transforms into his Monzo mode.

Combat: Monzo strikes Blades with his Atomic Knee TO DA FACE! attack!

Combat: Monzo (Weirdwolf) used "Hyper-Wrestling": A Level 1 MELEE attack.

Combat: You took 2 damage.

Combat: That attack has temporarily impaired Blades's Agility. (Crippled)

Halo is finally back on her feet, mildly satisfied with her repair job. "Pacifist? Me? Gods no, I'd be out of a job." Halo can't beat Weirdwolf with brute force, but if she can keep wearing him down... She transforms, blitzing between Weirdwolf and Jailbreak, EMP blasters firing! Blades, perhaps you could provide our charming, screaming friend an airlift out?"

Halo transforms into a stunning ALFA ROMEO PANDION!

Combat: Alfa Romeo Pandion <Halo> misses Monzo with her Twin EMP Blasters attack!

Blades feels sort of weird to be attacked by a Nebulan who is maybe as tall as his knee? It doesn't feel sporting. And then Blades is kneed in the face, and he just doesn't care.

And then Halo tells him to Airlift Jailbreak out.

Blades makes a very very rude gesture at Halo, and then he transforms and offers a rescue winch to Jailbreak to... fly her to wherever it is that Autobots detain shady people. But politely detain them. With Space Tequila.

Blades transforms into his Bell UH-1V Iroquois <Blades> mode.

Jailbreak keeps on running as fast as she can, but looks behind her, and doesn't see the hook on the end of Blade's winch until she runs into it, spearing her head. "Argh!" she cries as she is winched away by the head.

After the knee smash Monzo flips over Blades' head, avoid the blaster fire in the process. He hits the ground and runs back over to give Weirdwolf's bulk a kick in the side. "Com'n, this is no time for a nap."

There's a muffled groan due to having no mouth at the moment, and then the mecha starts to get up, automatically transforming into his wolf mode on reflex due to the lack of head. He's a little dazed, but Monzo snaps some sense into him as he grabs on and climbs onto his back. "Next time, bitchs." Monzo flashes a very rude gesture at the bots with one hand, holding on with the other as Weirdwolf makes a fast brake for the Cybertronian wilderness.

Weirdwolf drops to the ground, landing on all fours as a robotic beast.

Combat: Mecha Wolf <Weirdwolf> begins retreating, leaving himself vulnerable to parting shots from Bell UH-1V Iroquois <Blades> and Alfa Romeo Pandion <Halo>

Alfa Romeo Pandion <Halo> transforms, watching Weirdwolf bolt. "Flicked off twice today." She shakes her head. "Heroic Autobots- not Classy Autobots."

Halo twists from sleek car to flawless HEROIC AUTOBOT!