Asteroid Towing

 Astrotrain says, "So, good news bad news time."  Astrotrain says, "Good news. I just so happened to find a motherlode rock on my latest in-system trip through the asteroid field. This stuff's loaded down with minerals and some kind of metal I've never seen before, but it just shrugs off my energy bolts like they were nothing."  Astrotrain says, "Bad news...I nudged the thing towards Earth to bring it back with me and uh...I can't stop it."  Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Why would you want to, the Autobots and humans will be.. DOOOOOOOOOMED!"  Astrotrain says, "I'm trying to get this thing back in one piece ya idjit! If this thing's loaded with minerals ya know how much time we save if we can get it down on our new home and smelt it down to use it!?"  Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Why don't we just let it detonate, then come by and pick it up?"  Astrotrain says, "Nnnnnrgh."  Astrotrain says, "Just get a shuttle, some rocket booster packs and any extra sets of hands you can grab for this job and GET THE FRAG UP HERE already!"  Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Okay, okay! But why do we need a shuttle.. you transform into one!"  Astrotrain says, "...cause I'm already up here. Unless you suddenly figured out how to fly in space."  Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Jeez, the audacity of some mechs!"  Impudent Fool Backfire says, "I'm stopping in medical now, how many extra sets of hands did you want.. and what sizes?"  Astrotrain says, "That's not what I mea...I ain't drunk enough for this."  Impudent Fool Backfire says, "They have paw, tiny fist, regular fist, burning fist, large fist, sweep fist, and I don't think I can carry the gestalt fist."  Astrotrain says, "Wait a minute, they actually keep spare gestalt fists in the medical bay?"  Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Wait, no.. that's attached. Sorry Menaso...OWWWWW!" <Decepticon> Astrotrain says, "Heh heh heh...hi-larious. Now get a move on! I'll keep a locator beacon going as I try to slow this stupid thing down." <Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Alright, I'm on my way!"

Terrestrial Planets <Sol> As you travel along what might be considered the organic life belt of the Solar System, the gleaming dots of Earth and Mars visible as they reflect the brilliant light of the Sun. This part of space seems much more cluttered as various defunct space probes from NASA and... others, litter the void.

Deep space. Empty, dark, cold, lifeless space. Or at least it -was- in this particular portion until the latest teeny little chapter in the Cybertronian war started to play out.

Another cargo run to Cybertron had been finished, and Astrotrain was on his way back to Earth the 'long' way. Sadly he doesn't often get the luxury of using a spacebridge to get from point A to point B. Although with NCC currently out of commission and Decepticon Island still under construction, his skills are mor vital than ever at this point.

Nonetheless, as he'd been weaving his way through the giant, floating space rocks of the belt, his sensors had pinged as they picked up something interesting. One rock in particular that was reading in the -very- high percentages a dense buildup of heavy duty metals and some alloys he'd never seen before, so strong that when he test-fired his lasers at the surface of the asteroid they didn't even scorch the surface.

The triplechanger knew he had to bring -this- baby home for the constructicons to drool over, so he'd put his nose to one side and given it a good hard shove in the direction of Earth using his thrusters. Unfortunately, he'd miscalculated all the extra mass with this new type of metal he's never seen before, and he's finding it MUCH harder to get the thing to slow down than he'd initially anticipated.

"...this ain't one of my better moments. With the way my luck's goin this stupid thing will smash down right in the Bermuda area too." He concedes to himself, gliding along behind the tumbling space rock for the moment, waiting for the REINFORCEMENTS he has requested!

Fanfare is in the shuttle, nervous now as he seemed to be the only volunteer on this mission. As Black Sabbaths 'War Pigs' blasted on his personal radio he stares out at the stars ponderously. Then the blip on the radar got into range and he stood, moving out into the airlock, a long, very heavy cable his 'anchor as he waits for deployment, watching through the window "Ach. Astrotrain. Figures."

Although REINFORCEMENTS they might be, they aren't quite the calvary that's usually called. Crammed in the smallest cargo shuttle found in the Decepticon fleet, one can see Backfire's dopey grin from the forward view-screen a mile away.

Leaning up against the center console, the seeker simpleton scolds his ragtag crew. <<Faster dogs, faster. Once I arrive on the scene and steal the rock from Astrotrain, Galvatron will no doubt honor me as.. AIR COMMANDER! Haha, no doubt I'll be given special air powers alongside it!!>>

It's too bad Backfire didn't realize he was leaning against the broadband button, switching it to broadcast his little 'speech'.

Sit-Com rocks out to the music on the shuttle with Fanfare. "Yes, Astrotrain has come to train on our parade," he says. Fanfare says, "Aye. He's quite the Crazy Train innit? " asks Fanfare, and thumps on the inside of the airlocok "Git out of there, Junkion! Ah cannae take eem on me own!""

Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> continues to follow after the tumbling asteroid, taking a moment to get underneath and put his dorsal section against the rocky surface and try to PUUUUUSH upwards with his powerful thrusters. Even for all his vaunted strength and cargo/towing capacity in space, the triplechanger knows he's only making tiny bits of headway here. "Jeeez!" he exclaims, so caught up in the task he doesn't actually notice the Autobot shuttle approaching just yet. "This fragger's got more mass than even Trypticon had, and he's such a fataft in his own ri..."

And yes, he TOTALLY overheard the other Decepticon inadvertently on the local broadband as he draws up closer. "WHAT!? Why I oughta....BACKFIRE! Pull your finger out and get that shuttle put down on the other side of this space boulder! I need some auxillery boosters hooked up or I'm NEVER gonna get this thing steered right so I can decelerate it for a night soft water landing!"

Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> adds, "Which would suck, cause I could wipe out half a hemisphere here. Not that -that- would suck, it'd be hilarious...but it'd suck if WE were caught in it. Well, not you. That would -also- be hilarious...but ME!"

Startled as his rear starts yelling at him, Backfire finally notices the monumentous mistake he'd made.. and that his butt wasn't really talking to him. <<Oh uhh, did you hear that Astrotrain? I was uhh.. reading a script for our new play. But yes, we are docking on the far side now!>> he hurriedly yelps into the broadband, before snapping the button off.

"You fools, you made me.. ME, BACKFIRE! GLORY OF THE EMPIRE, look like an utter.. idiot!!" Backfire berates the gumbie crew, the ship settling in where Astrotrain had indicated. Snapping the connection back on, the Seeker simpleton says one last thing before departing the craft.

<<You do remember the last time you said 'Im NEVER gonna ____.' don't you? Just checking, that's like a bad omen or something. Because I'm not tossing anyone out of an airlock!!>>

Fanfare grumbles a little bit as he finally opens the airlock carefully, clamping down to the outside of the shuttle as he peers at the Astroid, transmitting back to the others <<AH'm nae sure wot tae do aboot this." Sit-Com also peers out of the airlock. "Stop that Astrotrain!" Fanfare reaches over to grab Sit Com and haul him out the Airlock too.

Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> continues to strain and push at the bottom of the asteroid, until he's satisfied he's made some tiny altercation to its course that falls within the parameters he wanted. Jetting around front, he turns around 180 degrees to put his 'nose' against the rock and start applying reverse thrust...in many ways he looks very much like a hummingbird darting around an immense boulder. One he isn't having much success in coaxing where he wants it to go.

As the other shuttle lands on the opposite side of the asteroid, Astrotrain is already barking out instructions, apparently having forgotten the brief lapse in Backfire's 'speech' a moment ago. More important things to worry about!

He'll totally remember and punch Backfire later though, you just wait. "We gotta decelerate this thing so's I can bring it down in the ocean all nice-like. As close to Decepticon Island as possible without, you know...turning it into a smoking crater! Get those booster rocket modules set up ASAP!"

Yes, he's talking over the local broadband because sound doesn't travel in space. And yes, he's carelessly saying this where the Autobot and Junkion can listen in.

While the gumbie crew disembarks and attach tow lines, Backfire is rushing back and forth from the aft section of the vessel.. reappearing with arm loads of booster rocket modules to set up. Rushing around, Astrotrain's yelling not making matters any easier, Backfire manages to trip and drop three of the modules. Bouncing off the rockface, the booster rockets drift away in space behind them.

"Oh, uhh.. how many boosters did you say we needed?"

~Stop the pigeon! Stop the pigeon! Grab him, slam him, nab him, STOP THAT PIGEON, NOWWWWW!~ Sit-Com gets ready to help stop Astrotrain. He has his ball and chain out, ready to swing it!

Fanfare holds onto Sit-Coms' other arm now, as the Shuttle starts to pull in "Nae, dun GRAB et, SCAN et, twit!" he comms to the Junkion, his other hand wrapped around a cable to keep him from floating away, feet braced to the side "Do ye have a scanner?

It is at this point that a second energy signature is detected, very clearly Autobot. A second shuttle is incoming and will arrive soon.

"Get out the Preparation H, we have Asteroids!" Sit-Com exclaims. Sit-Com starts scanning the asteroid!

Fanfare would facepalm, but both his hands are busy.

"Why?" Astrotrain grouses, his voice strained as he keeps blasting thrusterfire behind him to provide counterthrust to the asteroid's course. It's like watching an ant attempt to push against and stop a 20 pound rock rolling down a hill. "It's not like we didn't bring exactly the...amount that...we....needed." He trails off as his sensors pick up the three boosters tumbling off into space.

"...oh, you SON OF A SLAGGIN SMELT-HEADED FRAGGER! What'd you do!?"

Out of fear, intimidation, or simple stupidity.. Backfire throws his hands up in the air and starts yelling back. "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" And wouldn't you know it, the other two he -had- managed to hold onto go floating off into space. Suddenly, a shuttle with two surfing robots catches the corner of his optics.

"Hey Astro, are those Autos??" he points, trying to change the subject. Meanwhile the nameless gumbies at least prove helpful, finalizing the towlines and gunning the tiny craft to try and alter the asteroids trajectory.

Fanfare pulls the Junkion back in once the scan was done as the shuttle matches speeds with the rock, his body still braced.

With a silent explosion of light, a second shuttle emerges from FTL drive half a kilometer or so off of the Asteroid and just at the port bow of the previous one. A hatch opens, and Crosshairs appears wearing mag-boots with his weapon in his hand. Of course, not a sound in the vaccum of space as he bends, then takes a leap off of the hull -- landing on the asteroid itself a few seconds later with a duck and a roll -- one hand digging into the metallic surface to try and hold on. A few sparks fly and it's a little bit of a touch and go thing for a minute -- but he talks on his comm and crouches down to attempt to hide from the Decepticons over the lip of a small crater. He peeks out carefully at Backfire and Astrotrain, but for now, just gives his orders. Combat: Crosshairs has created a bomb: "Homing Mine"!

Sit-Com gets hauled back inside. "So, how do we annoy him. Forcibly hijack his radio and play reruns of The Facts of Life?"

Fanfare hands Sit-Com part of the cable, shrugging "Ah dunno. In yer case? Just TALK tae him!" he pulls out his pistol, eyes it, then tosses it away "ACH! Damnit!"

"You just...did you just drop those last two thrusters too?" Astrotrain watches the things go spinning off into space to join their brothers!

For a moment, the triplechanger sighs, then thinks. He can move this thing slowly on his own, but it's going to take a lot of power to do it. Right now this really AWESOME space rock he was gonna bring back is in danger of hurtling off into space and being lost forever! Or maybe slamming into a part of the earth or moon that he hadn't anticipated initially. It's all fair game, right!?

"Oh for the love of...have I gotta do -EVERYTHING-? Fine, get your afts over here and..." And then Backfire is making mention of...Autobots!? The space shuttle actually SPINS in place, looking off towards the surfing figures and their own shuttle, and missing Crosshairs' own arrival for the moment. "Aw no way. NO FRAGGIN WAY. Buzz off! Shoo, git! This is MY space rock, not yours! HRNNNNNNGH!"

Like a kid putting his shoulder into it, he turns and BLASTS a huge purple thrusterwave behind him as he attempts to get the rock back on track! Inch by tiny inch. "Go do...something stupid and...keep em busy, Backfire! I'm losing my window of correction here!"

"How'd you lose your window.. silly shuttle, don't push on the asteroid so hard!" Backfire chides, stalking carefully forward on the surface of the rock to get in better proximity of the Autobot shuttle. Something stupid. Something stupid. "Hah, asking the elite of the Decepticon superior air force to do something.. stupid? Who does he think I am, a conehead?!?" the Seeker quietly seethes, firing off a burst of toxic energon from his palms.

"Hey, Autodorks.. here's stink in your optics!"

Combat: Backfire strikes Sit-Com with his Stinkpalm! Area attack! Combat: That attack has temporarily impaired Sit-Com's Agility. (Crippled) Combat: Backfire strikes Fanfare with his Stinkpalm! Area attack!

Crosshairs is taking his time, as he works. He's really hoping the Decepticons don't actually see him. For just a moment, he has to set his rifle down and Pinpointer transforms; clinging to Crosshairs' shoulder to avoid drifting away as the old weaponsmith draws several things from the storage compartments on his legs. They are a multitude of mismatched components. One is clearly marked 'WARNING: EXPLOSIVE' and the other seem to be parts from some sort of drone. About thirty seconds later. . a pair of tiny, crab like devices are scuttling across the surface of the metallic asteroid, tiny electromagnets in their legs making the journey possible. They meander over hills and valleys, one attempting to crawl up Astrotrain's nose and settle down right on his windshield -- where it begins blinking red.

The second tiny drone moves to Backfire, and settling in beside him. . a pair of tiny crabby legs attempt to tap him on the foot to get his attention. If successful. . it attempts to wrap it's legs around his foot, whereupon it begins to blink crimson again.

Next. . one of two things will happen. Duds. . as they were hastily made, or an Earth-Shattering Kaboom!

Combat: Crosshairs sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Crosshairs misses Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with Homing Mine's Huge Explosion #10500 Area attack! Combat: Crosshairs misses Backfire with Homing Mine's Huge Explosion #10500 Area attack! Combat: Crosshairs's Homing Mine is destroyed!

Fanfare rides the shuttle closer to Backfire, not seeing the little blinky on the con as he kicks off... using the tether and thus, Centrifugal force (As opposed to incorrect centrifical force) to swing himself even more powerfully towards the Decepticon, swinging an arm out to try a no-gravity clothesline

Combat: Fanfare misses Backfire with his Roof Attack! (Punch) attack!

Sit-Com gets smacked in the face with toxic energon! "Ewww, who fluffed?" he says, waving his hand in front of his face to dissipate the stench. Then he shouts over the radio to the Decepticon triplechanger. "Hey Astro-turkey! You're ugly, and Blitzwing dresses you funny!"

Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> is concentrating so intently on the asteroid that he doesn't even -notice- at first that the little tiny legs are skittering across his hull. Doesn't even notice until the thing finally stops on his windshield, and begins to blink rapidly.

Multiple legs? Tiny? Insectoid? Astrotrain suddenly has thoughts of his worst deep-space nightmares coming to life. "AAAAAAAAAUGH! SPACE WASPS!" As he shrieks like a little girl, he reacts more by instinct than anything else, a windshield wiper lashing out and sending the little crab-explosive flying free with a faint little *TINK* sound (Okay there's no sound in space, but this is transformers. DEAL WITH IT!). A moment later, the crab explodes in a huge fireball, and though Astrotrain isn't at the center of it, he -is- propelled straight backwards, end over end as he flips away from the shockwave, unhurt but definitely rattled and confused.

"Who...what...wha...? Who did that? WHO DID THAT!" Shaking out the cobwebs, so to speak, his audials are suddenly filled with the taunting of a Junkion on a shuttle nearby. This accomplishes two things. One? It makes Astrotrain mad. And two? It makes him think Sit-Com was the one who just did that explosion thingy! "Ooooh, you little junkheap! I'm gonna blast you a new one!" Suddenly blasting about in a half-curved motion, he loops around and unleashes a torrent of low-yield firepower in the direction of the Junkion and the shuttle!

Combat: Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> misses Sit-Com with his PEWPEWPEW! (Disruptor) attack!


 * CLINK* *CLINK* *CLINK*

And so the noise repeats, until Backfire looks down to notice a tiny crab drone tapping on his foot. "Oooooo, Astrotrain.. this asteroid is inhabited! Citizen of asteroid Q, I am Backfire.. glory and emissary of the Decepticon EMPIRE! It pains me to inform you of this.." the Seeker trails, leaning down to inspect the drone a bit more. While the crimson light blinks once, it swiftly fades away.. as Fanfare sails past, his clothesline avoided by Mr. Magoo like skill.

"We must commandere your home, but fear not.. I will keep you safe!" Backfire smiles, cradling the crab-drone up in his arms. "Hey, where'd YOU come from??" Surprised at Fanfare's presence, the Seeker manages to get off a round or two from a laser pistol.

Combat: Backfire misses Fanfare with his PEWPEWPEW! X2 (Pistol) attack!

Crosshairs is actually pleased as his fellow Autobots go to work. For a moment, there, he was actually afraid that he'd have to do this himself. Either way, he hunkers down in the little defensive position that he's built for himself in this crater and draws another thing from his storage compartment. It is a missile roughly the size of a two-litre soda bottle and he slips it into the barrel of his rocket-propelled grenade launcher. After Pinpointer unclasps from Crosshairs' shoulder and transforms, that is! He settles the barrel towards Astrotrain and a 'beep' is heard in his audials to indicate a lock and. . well, things are silent in space. A flare of orange fire indicates the missile's taking flight as it corkscrews towards the Decepticon shuttle's tail end, locked on to his radar signature!

Combat: Crosshairs misses Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with the Crosshairs-forged Homing Missile attack!

Fanfare ACHS as he misses the Decepticon. Still tethered to the moving shuttle, he stumbles, managing to brake against the Asteroid somehow without falling over. He manages to also stumble-avoid the blasts as he turns, working to pull himself against the Shuttle's own weight to try and fling himself towards the Decepticon. "Hold still!" he transmits.

Combat: Fanfare misses Backfire with his Big Bot Bodyslam (Smash) attack!

Sit-Com ducks the disruptors that Astrotrain sends in his general direction. "We will have no more of this! Time for the Spanish Inquisition! No-one expects the spanish inquisition!" He pulls out his own pistol and fires it at the shuttle.

Combat: Sit-Com misses Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with his Monty Python's Dead Parrot! (Pistol) attack!

"NOOOO, you want to hurt Mr. Crab!" Backfire shouts, tucking the drone into the nook of his elbow and rolling backwards to avoid the flung Autobot. Drawing his rifle from subspace, the Seeker still backs up slowly.. keeping a bead on Fanfare.

"Why can't you Autodorks leave us alone? We let you have that big rock down THERE!" Backfire nods towards Earth, which is getting a little close for comfort. "Why can't I.. BACKFIRE, have one measly space rock and Mr. Crab? Huh?!" Before his sentence is finished, six tiny rings are emitted from the futuristic Hypno-Ray Rifle.. growing in length and diameter as they travel.

Combat: Backfire's Leave Mr. Crab Alone! attack aimed for Fanfare backfires! Combat: Backfire strikes himself with his Leave Mr. Crab Alone! attack! Combat: Backfire can't seem to think straight...

The rays suddenly reverse direction, propelled back at Backfire! Without hesitation, the Seeker shoves his beloved Mr. Crab in the way of the circular rings.

Thus reactivating the drone-bomb and detonating.

Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain>'s internal systems instantly alert him about the radar lock on his aft end, and the corkscrewing missile coming after him. "Aw frag..." he growls, banking HARD to one side and activating his thrusters on full power, turning into a great imitation of a hurtling missile himself. Despite his bulk, the triplechanger's shuttle form is incredibly fast as he doubles back, flipping back over 'right side up' and skimming the surface for a split second before he abruptly angles straight upwards. Believe it or not, he changes direction faster than the missile can follow, angling straight -UP- as the warhead slams into where he was a moment ago.

Looping back again, his sensors pan out, looking for the culprit, and finally spotting Crosshairs hiding on the asteroid's surface. "Ah...HA! You fraggin sneaky Autoscrap! Now I've found ya. GET OFF MY ASTEROID! This thing's gonna make me rich!" Just as Sit-Com opens fire, the Decepticon triplechanger rolls over upside-down and 'dives' again, the shots streaking past where he was a moment ago as he sets up a strafing run on Crosshairs and Pinpointer both. His undercarriage cannons open up, the 'ground' around them spraying upwards in thick plumes as the shuttle does a high-speed space strafing run!

Combat: Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> strikes Crosshairs with his Straaaaaaafe! (Laser) attack!

<Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "MR. CRAB!" *skaboosh* <Decepticon> Astrotrain says, "Crab? CRAB!? Those things were crabs? I THOUGHT THEY WERE WASPS!" <Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "No, he was a crab. I think he lived here, and he just exploded."

Crosshairs shows no sign of fear whatsoever as Astrotrain bears down on him. It's a fact of life, really. You shoot at someone and you're going to get shot back at and Crosshairs has been on a thousand seperate battlefields. In fact, he doesn't even really attempt to dodge -- choosing to be secure in not risking drifting off the Asteroid than move out of the way. What he does do though, is reveal. . another homing missile. Right when Astrotrain fires, Crosshairs does as well -- the intention being to take the shot right when the other has so much Delta-V that it will be difficult to dodge out of the way. He continues to track the Decepticon as the shots impact all around him; burning a few black holes in his armor as he does, but not seeming to do much more than that!

Combat: Crosshairs misses Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with the Crosshairs-forged Homing Missile attack!

Fanfare blinks and stares at the Rays in confusion at that. Then he snickers a little bit. Then yelps as the Shuttle's movement yanks him forwards, back towards the Con. He swings a fist around, aiming to use momentum to his advantage. <Hold Still Damnit!>>

Combat: Fanfare misses Backfire with his Shuttlepunch (Punch) attack!

Sit-Com gets out his sonic weapon and aims it at Astrotrain and Backfire. "Time to chill out, homeboy!" He loads an MP3 of a classic 80s cartoon into it!

Combat: Sit-Com misses Backfire with his TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES HEROS IN A HALFSHELL! Area attack! Combat: Sit-Com misses Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with his TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES HEROS IN A HALFSHELL! Area attack!

Thrown back by the explosion, Backfire is once again saved from Fanfare's attack by sheer luck. Waspinator must be jealous. Slowly stirring to 'life', the seeker groans and moans out in pain. "GAH, why did you do it Mr. Crab.. why? See what you made me do Autotard, see?" From head to torso, he's covered in black sootish substance.. slowly fading at his side. "And why don't all six of you hold still, geez!" Backfire barks.. wobbling.

"You made me kill my friend, and for that.. you WILL FACE THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS MARKSMECH THE DECEPTICONS HAVE TO OFFER!!"

Stepping to his feet, Backfire fires off a bevy of mini-dart rockets from his shoulder mount at both Sit-Com and Fanfare. "FEEL MY WRATH!!!!"

Combat: Backfire's WRATH! attack on Sit-Com goes wild! Combat: Backfire strikes himself with his WRATH! (Full-Auto) Area attack! Combat: Backfire's WRATH! attack on Fanfare goes wild! Combat: Backfire misses Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with his WRATH! (Full-Auto) Area attack!

Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> gets only a moment's warning as the missile rises up to meet him, and again the triplechanger reacts more on the instincts honed by millions of years of warfare than really thinking about it. Seriously, if he actually took time -think- about it, he would have been hit by that missile and three more like it in the time it would have took. With too much forward momentum to take proper evasive action, the triplechanger transforms instead, shifting and twisting JUST out of the way in the nick of time as he assumes his robot mode, then twisting around in mid-air and pulling out his rifle. Just as the missile is looping back to take another run at him, he releases a single blast that strikes the warhead dead-on and sends it exploding in brilliant orange and white flash before space swallows it up again.

He twists around once more, just in time for his feet to meet the surface of the asteroid with a heavy *BOOM* of impact, knees bending to absorb the impact. It's all incredibly dramatic and epic looking...until his optics abruptly bug out of his head as he's assualted by retro 80's cartoon music! Don't ask how it works...in SPACE! Also don't ask where Astrotrain suddenly got the COTTON BALLS that he's pulling out of his storage compartment and plugging in his audials! "Awright, now where was I?" He turns, starting to aim his rifle at Crosshairs again!

...and then he has to kiss the dirt, literally, hurling himself down as Backfire's stray rockets go screaming by overhead to be lost in space. "GYAH! BACKFIRE! You fragging you...OOOH, you...I oughta...I'm gonna..." He's so mad, he can't even think up a good insult. All he can do is reach down, grab a nice fist-sized rock from the asteroid's surface and then THROWING it fastball-style at Backfire's head. "HATE YOU SO MUCH!" In a chorus of shifting and spinning parts, Astrotrain's body spins and lifts up into his large robot mode.

Combat: Astrotrain strikes Backfire with his HATE YOU SO MUCH (Punch) attack!

Crosshairs is beginning to grow annoyed at Astrotrain's percieved dodginess. It would appear that it is time to change to a different tactic! He is. . mildly surprised to the point of needing to stop his attack and stare when Astrotrain begins to throw objects at Backfire. He stares in wonder for a second, but reminds himself that they are Decepticons and stupidity is pretty much the modus operati of the entire faction. But back to that different tactic. He racks his rifle, and lets loose a flurry of small, rocket propelled grenades towards Backfire and Astrotrain!

Combat: Crosshairs strikes Backfire with his Rocket-Propelled Grenade Area attack! Combat: Crosshairs strikes Astrotrain with his Rocket-Propelled Grenade Area attack!

Fanfare dodges the attack again. THen blinks as a rock orbits around and SMACKS into the con he was attacking. He looked over his shoulder at Astrotrain and moves to get out of BETWEEN the two cons "HEy Astrotrain!" he transmits "Ah'll hold him for ye if ye want!" he reaches out to try and grab Backfire on that.

Combat: Fanfare strikes Backfire with his Rock Fling (Grab) attack!

<Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Astrotrain, WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION??" <Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "First I lose Mr. Crab, and now my best friend is throwing rocks at my face?!"

Sit-Com chuckles as Backfire's shot goes nowhere near him. "Neener neener neener," he taunts, sticking his thumb on his nose and wiggling his fingers. He lets off another shot with his pistol, this time at Backfire.

Combat: Sit-Com strikes Backfire with his Pistol attack!

One rocket gets jammed in it's housing, detonating and crumpling what little shoulder armor the Seeker wore. Following the line of the other rockets, they zoom close to Astrotrain's vicinity? Strange, callibration must be off. "OH CRAP, A ROCK!"

The boulder sized rock impacts off Backfire's face, completely laying him out.. his face bouncing off the asteroid with a *TING*, then resting to the side. To make matters worse, small rocket propelled grenades explode on his fallen lower half.. revealing circuitry and wiring beneath his hard candy shell. Before he can haul himself to his feet, someone does it for him! "Oh." Backfire notices just -who- is propping himself up. "Oh, ewwww." Ripping out of Fanfare's hold, the Seeker transforms and stalls in mid-air. <<You wanted a hug Autobug..>> From beneath the F-16 Falcon, a concussive missile loads in the bay. <<HUG THIS!>> A shake, shudder, and shiver; and before your eyes BACKFIRE transforms into a F-16 Falcon!

Combat: F-16 Falcon <Backfire> sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: F-16 Falcon <Backfire> strikes Fanfare with his MISSILE OF HUG!! attack!

<Decepticon> Astrotrain says, "First, you nearly took my head off with those rockets, be glad I just threw a rock and not a grenade! Second...I ain't your best friend!" <Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Oh come on, best friends don't hold grudges!"

Astrotrain fistshakes in Backfire's direction. FIST SHAKES! Until he sees the other Decepticon disappearing in a bunch of explosions from all directions! And that sets the triplechanger to guffawing like a drunken man at the bar. "HAW HAW HAW! That's whatcha get when ya...BLARGH!"

And of course, that's when Astrotrain himself is caught up in the explosions, his big form sent hurtling through the air, to crash down on his chest...and -face- as he literally 'eats' the surface of the asteroid in the process, skidding a few paces for good measure. "Augh, pfeh! PTOO! PTOO!" Spitting out space rocks, he props himself up, then growls as he turns around on Crosshairs again, murder in his glare!

Until his wrist suddenly starts to beep, and beep frantically. "...OH CRAP!" He shouts, having forgotten his limited window of opportunity! He suddenly takes off and loops back again, transforming as he goes and SLAMMING into the front of the Asteroid again, thrusters blasting on full as he HEEEEAVES in an attempt to get the tumbling rock on the right course. "C'mon, MOOOOVE YOU OVERSIZED PEBBLE!" Parts spin, wings extend and Astrotrain transforms into a huge purple space shuttle.

Combat: Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass]

Fanfare ACHS again as the mech rips out of his one handed grasp and he stumbles to one side, battered up by the explosion that destroys the last of his shoddy paint job "<Git back yere ye coward! Eh?" he blinks at Astrotrain, and picks up a rock, then looks at Backfire, then Astrotrain... then Crosshair. Then he sighs. When in rome... CHUCK!

Combat: Fanfare misses F-16 Falcon <Backfire> with his Rock Fling (Punch) attack!

Crosshairs hunkers down again; letting Fanfare and Sit-Com engage the Decepticons as he reloads his weapon. Soundless in the vaccum, he reconnects a new weapon belt into each barrel of his weapon and rises again just in time to see Astrotrain taking off. Starlight is reflected in his optics as his brain turns cogwheels to try to figure out exactly what is going on. He isn't sure, but he has a hunch.

He drops to one knee, activating his laser targeting system. Carefully, he aligns the dot on Astrotrain's bulky hindquarters. << Hey, Astrotrain? >> He says over the open radio, since his voice will obviously not carry in the void. << I think you'll need a bit more thrust to manage this one! So I'll do ya a fraggin' favor!"

Then, the old mech's finger tightens down on the trigger and the gun bucks -- signalling the discharge of a rocket propelled grenade. Only, it isn't just one. Indeed, it blazes on full automatic; the disintigrating belt turning into glittering space chaff around him as he is backlit from the repetitive rocket blasts from successive launches, keeping his finger down until the entire weapon belt is gone!

Combat: Crosshairs strikes Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with his Spray 'n Pray attack!

~I'm going off the rails with a crazy traaaaaaaaaaaiiiiin...~ Sit-Com boggles as Astrotrain twirls away from his blast. "No! No more Pong!" he says, "Step away from the asteroid!"

Combat: Sit-Com misses Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> with his go get some preparation H! (Pistol) attack!

Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain>'s thrusters are on full power right now as he pushes and pushes and PUSHES against the asteroid, trying to get it to go the way he wants it to! Of course, this is about when the first rocket strikes his aft end, followed by another...then another, and another. Now Astrotrain's armor isn't the best in this form, but he's still a -very- tough mech, and under normal circumstances, he would have weathered those hits rather well and just kept on fighting without problem! Unfortunately, that's not the issue here. Right now he's straining at full power, and Crosshairs just screwed up the way he was aligned in proportion to the asteroid itself. With his center of balance off, his nose scraaaaaaaapes across the surface as he suddenly drags along the upper half of the space rock. "Ow..OOOW...OOOOWOWOWOWOWOOWOWOW!" He exclaims, ripping up chunks of rock as he goes, tryin got angle up as his belly is draaaaaaaagged along the surface.

As he inadvertently rockets RIGHT at Backfire. "Look out, COMING THROUGH!" Whether the other Decepticon manages to avoid getting hit and turned into a hood ornament (or a splattered bug if you will) across the triplechanger's windscreen or not, Astrotrain abruptly goes rocketing off the surface of the asteroid, and blazing into space, out of control! Don't worry, somewhere along the way he'll remember to SHUT OFF HIS THRUSTERS. But for now, just like Team Rocket he's blasting off again!

Combat: Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain> begins retreating, outrunning all pursuit.

"Astrotrain, why are you blasting towards me.. we aren't combiners!!" Backfire yells at the other Decepticon, turning his attention back towards Fanfare. "I'm not done with you yet, by the end of this fight.. you'll be sucking exhaust from my afterburners, YOU SLAGGIN' PILE OF.."


 * SKABOOSH*

And like any normal day bug that squashes off your car's windshield, so is Backfire splayed across the front of Astrotrain. "GYAHHH!"

Combat: F-16 Falcon <Backfire> begins retreating, leaving himself vulnerable to parting shots from Decepticon Space Shuttle <Astrotrain>

<Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "I knew you wouldn't leave without me, bestest friend 'o mine!" <Decepticon> Astrotrain says, "...I need a drink or ten." <Decepticon> Impudent Fool Backfire says, "Roger that partner, I'm buying the first round."

Fanfare stands after the two Cons leave, and winds the cable around his arm, holding a hand out to Sit-Com to be pulled back to the shuttle.

Sit-Com grabs the hand and gets pulled back into the Shuttle. "Now let's all go out for frosty chocolate milkshakes!" he says. He gets inside and plunks down in a seat. "Wake me when we hit St. Louis." He promptly goes to sleep!

That was not quite the effect that Crosshairs was aiming for. He was secretly hoping to disable Astrotrain's engines altogeather. But then again, as the others fly off, he realizes that would have been more detrimental than helpful as it would have compelled the Decepticons to fight on regardless because they had nowhere to go. Thoughtfully though, he takes a small sample and marks the Asteroid with a beacon for Landmine before kicking off and returning to his own shuttle -- and home!

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/43                     Posted        Author Operation: Floating Space Rock    Mon Apr 04    Backfire --
 * A Seeker of flattop build walks in front of the camera, the lights in the room dim. Taking a seat, one overhead clicks on to reveal.. Backfire!*

"Greetings comrades." Backfire states plainly, leaning forward to reveal some superficial damage. "Astrotrain got himself into a little bit of trouble, and so I came to bail him out.. I mean, what are best friends for.. right?" he questions the camera, shrugging his shoulders. "Turns out he found some super asteroid that was uber cool or something, I dunno. Only thing was, it was speeding towards Earth.. and he didn't want that. So yours truly went up to bail him out, since we're pratically partners by now."

The camera pans as Backfire leans back, slightly making a 'ouchy' face when a wire gets crossed.. sending a shock through his frame. "Long story short, some Autodorks showed up. Crosshairs, Fannyfare, and that Junkcom dude. I held them off for the most part, then Astrotrain escorted us off the field of battle.. but who am I to question, he's the leader of this wolf pack!"


 * The camera fades to black, then the Decepticon spinny pops back on.*

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