Autobot Board Archive August 2029

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/75                     Posted        Author A Important Message From Red Alert Fri Aug 01   Sideswipe -- 

Befor the viewer is what appears to the casual observer to be Red Alert. The paint scheme is right, the decals are in the factory described position, he even looks a little bit crazy, just like the real Red Alert!

"Greetings my fellow Autobots." begins the might be Red Alert, his voice is somewhat off.. but the mannerisms and speach patterns are fair mimics. "I am of course, none other then Red Alert and I have a important announcement to make." claims the supposed Red Alert "As you all know, the Galactic Olympics are soon upon us and as is our custom we will enter into a state of truce with the Decepticons for the duration of said event. Let us not rest easy upon this cushion of peace for we all know the Decepticons will surely not. They will use this chance to employ a weapon that could potentialy eradicate any and all Autobot life." claims Red Alert as he leans forward for dramatic effect, "This weapon, is of course, Turbo-Cooties.."

There is a pause to let this information to sink in befor 'Red Alert' continues. "Turbo-Cooties is a dreadful, terrible affliction who's semptoms I cannot even bare to mention in polite company. However my friends I come to you armed with the knowledge of prevention and protection against such a malady." he states in a calm tone to forestall any panic. "First we come to prevention. The primary carrier of Trubo-Cooties is of course the Decepticon Female. Any and all interaction with said females of Decepticon allegience should be strictly avoided. If interaction cannot be avoided then you must be on constant guard. The surest way to contract Turbo-Cooties is through physical contact or system to system transfers of parts or mechanical fluids. The Decepticon Fermale is a clever, and cunning creature. She will no doubt deny any knowledge of said cooties but rest assured my friends, they are there, watching, waiting."

Another moment to allow proper understanding is allowed befor 'Red Alert' continues. "Now should the unfortunate happen and you or a friend are to contract Turbo-Cooties there are indeed ways to counteract this vicious affliction if caught in time. The surest way is to have yourself painted pink and white as soon as possible. The Turbo-Cootie simply cannot stand the color and you will be protected from any further infection. As I have mentioned, the Turbo-Cooty is a insidious contraption. It is undetectable by any known means and can often go unnoticed until it is too late. If you or any of your friends begin to act strangely over this, our Olympic holiday, I urge you to submit yourself or them for a emergency medical repaint just to be sure. Remember my friends, to be fore-warned is to be fore-armed. Remain vigilient.. and as always, I am watching you."

<'Red Alert', No 'Red Alert', Spinny>

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/76                     Posted        Author DepthCharge                       Fri Aug 01    Impulse -- << text-only, because Impulse doesn't have the patience to do a full audio-visual report before getting hammered after the circus he just went through >>

"DepthCharge, after a rather... interesting tribunal, has been cleared of all wrong-doing, given extenuating circumstances brought on by the cerebro-shell implanted within his cranial unit -- which has already been removed. I suspect Medical will have him all too busy in the coming days. And for anyone who might wind up in a tribunal... I strongly, STRONGLY discourage you from accepting Bumblebee and Wheelie as your defense counsel."

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/77                     Posted        Author Imposter                          Fri Aug 01    Whirl -- At first, there is nothing. And then Whirl appears, sitting in the repair bay. He's looking better and sporting all sorts of cool, new repairs!

"Anyone who reads the reports will know that there was recently a warning about 'Turbo-Cooties' brought to everyone's attention by Red Alert. Normally, I would ignore this, considering Red Alerts, ah.. 'quirks', but it seems as though he was at DepthCharge's tribunal when the report was posted. This can only mean one thing..we have an imposter in our midst!"

Whirl nods at this and then wags a finger

"Ah! But do not fear, Autobots! I have this under control! I will make it my duty to find this imposter and make him pay for trying to decieve us! To prove to you how dedicated I am to this, I will go into unecessary detail on how I plan to go about it. First, I will track down the imposter and, with a hot, excrutiating blast from my null ray, render him unable to move."

Whirl nods, again.

"Then, I will make him talk with the assistance of my fist. If that fails, I can step it up a bit and use the edge of a blade to make him sing. However, if he still refuses to talk, I will simply disassemble his legs. I have no medical experience, so I suppose I can just shoot them apart. And if THAT doesn't work, I will take him by the horns, wrench off his head, and then beat him with it."

He shrugs, and then continues.

"Unethical? Maybe. But I can guarantee you that afterwards he will no longer be a threat."

The transmission simply cuts out.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/78                     Posted        Author Ajax Minor                        Sun Aug 03    Whirl -- There's a click, and Whirl appears because he really has nothing else to do right now.

"Earlier today, I found myself in the custody of a freakish alien being on even more freakish alien planet, Ajax Minor. The whole place was backwards, or inside out, or...I don't know, really. While there, I was chained to the floor in a laboratory as a study specimen along with another Cybertronian. I don't know who he was, or what he looked like considering he was hidden underneath rags, but I can assure you that he's a beast of some kind."

He waves a hand.

"But, I digress. There was also group of Decepticons there seeking a lasercore, for some reason. I don't know what they need it for, but they were able to grab it and escape just as the planet's artificial gravity let out and sent everything into the burning sun. Ah yes, but you may be curious as to how I found my way back to Earth? Let me tell you. I was freed from my chains by Scourge, which is silly because I could have easily done it myself. Really. I was just waiting for the right time."

There's an awkward pause.

"/Moving on/, I grabbed the Cybertronian animal I mentioned earlier and snuck onto the Decepticon ship by disguising myself as Shockwave's American son. Yes, yes, I know, I am a genius, but please, let me continue. We assimilated ourselves with the Decepticons, and, at the right moment, made our daring and exciting exit that was not caused by being shot or kicked out of the shuttle doors at all. To make a long story short, I'm back in one peice and we have a new, ah, 'four-legged friend' walking around our City. Also, is there anything important reguarding the phrase 'One of eight'? I ask because I have heard it several times today."

The transmission ends abruptly in a rather un-fancy fashion.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/79                     Posted        Author Intel Orders                      Mon Aug 04    Nightbeat -- Text Only

- Priority number one, as always, is current information on the machinations of the Decepticons. Particularly, where is that Shark of theirs going? We don't want ol' Mackie back in town.

- I want Shawn Berger, Jr. apprehended and brought to justice. I need a nation-wide record of where fertilizer has been bought, in what quantity, and when. Also, look for mentions of missing or stolen trucks. The kid had to have help, and we need to find his co-conspirators, too.

- I'd like to look at some... older cases that I usually do. These books may just be riddle and allegory, but I look at them, and I see clues. If you're interested, hunt me down, and we'll talk.

End File

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/80                     Posted        Author Flash Message                     Mon Aug 04    Eject -- No chatter intercepted as yet on the Big Mac, you know, the Berger guy. I am expanding field ops to LA, look for me in Hollywood. In other news, Oakland beat the Rangers in a 1-0, 13 inning marathon.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/81                     Posted        Author AAR: Autobot Ambush - of 2029     Tue Aug 05    Springer --
 * Autobot Spinny *

Springer looks up, armor battered and scorched. Not Galvatron-level battered and scorched...maybe Soundwave-level, Shockwave tops. "Hey guys. We pulled off a little surprise attack on the Decepticons today. Using a fake 'Book of Primus' as bait we managed to lure them into a cunning trap and sealed off the exits...we then proceeded to kick the cogs out of 'em."

"Unfortunately, most of the Wreckers couldn't make it on account of being off-planet due to schedule issues." Springer shrugs easily. He likes to go into battle with his fellow Wreckers, but if they're not around he never lets that stop him. "But I couldn't complain about the Autobots who DID make it. They were awesome." He grins briefly. "Guys, I'm proud to fight next to every one of you. Special props to Impulse for showing -Shockwave- a thing or two. Now that it's all said and done I can admit that that one-eyed bruiser had me on the ropes. But it was another story once Impulse got a hold of him."

"Anyway, my apologies that we couldn't let everyone in on the secret ahead of time. We thought this was the best way to achieve total surprise. As it is, I'm hoping the next time there are rumors of a 'Book of Primus', of any color - or the next time the Decepticons overhear some juicy chatter on Autobot comm frequencies - they'll think twice."


 * Autobot Spinny *

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/82                     Posted        Author Overheard Ramblings               Tue Aug 05    Springer -- Oh yeah, one more thing I forgot to mention. There was this crazy vagabond robot tonight too (OOC: It was Hobo). Not sure what he was doing there but he kept spouting off stuff in the middle of the fight. I know some of you guys really get into this stuff - I'm looking your way Nightbeat - so I'll try to remember how it went.

First it was just a lot of rambling - 'the Fourth will step into the light when all the others are exhausted'...'some recognized the Fourth but others paid no heed and their ignorance would be their undoing, no salvation but instead die in darkness blah blah.'...'those that heeded the Fourth became one step closer to enlightenment, and they rejoiced because they were his chosen'... you know, the normal gibbering.

Then, just when we thought he was done, he dropped this little pearl:

"FOUR OF EIGHT..."

It is in the rock, but not in the stone; It is in the marrow, but not in the bone; It is in the bolster, but not in the bed; It is not in the living, nor yet in the dead...

OOC: Copyright Hobo, all rights reserved.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/83                     Posted        Author Intelligence Check-Up             Thu Aug 07    Impulse -- << The 'Bot spinny appears, replaced by Impulse's visage >>

"First things first... Springer exaggerates a little bit. I got slaggin' lucky is what I got, after switching from Catechism to Shockwave when Springer came to help me out with the little femme Conehead." A faint chuckle. "But I am hopeful that Springer's intent comes to fruition, and that if there are any more Books of Primus, the Decepticons give it time to reconsider... and let us get the advantage.

"Second: Operations, I need an update to ensure that everything I asked for has been implemented in regards to cerebro-shell scanning and the like -- so let's not be too surprised when routine maintenance comes around a little more often than intended, Autobots. With two cerebro-shell scares in the preceding months, I'm taking no chances whatsoever. Call me paranoid as Red Alert -- no offense, Red -- but this has been ridiculous, and it's going to end.

"Third: Springer, drop by the Intel Center sometime. I have a little something in mind for your Wreckers... and they'd be perfect for the job. Also, any covert-ops capable Autobots, I want to hear from you ASAP -- Jazz, I'll want to discuss things with you as well about what I'm planning with Springer. And don't worry, Nightbeat -- I'll be filling you in as well. Impulse out."

<< Impulse disappears, replaced by the 'Bot spinny >>

(( OOC Note: Yes, I know that Jazz isn't currently being played, but think of it as a bit of extra added flavor for the post. :) ))

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/84                     Posted        Author Trouble With a Capital Xabat      Mon Aug 11    Marissa Faireborn --

*** TEXT ONLY ***

Please note that Compton Xabat, former Protectorate soldier and current terrorist aligned with the French government, has been confirmed as being at the Olympics in the Six Lasers system. Xabat confronted me after my match with Lieutenant James Bailey. Although I can't arrest him here, I was able to tell him off. Regardless, please be on the alert for any dangerous or illegal activities by Xabat.

- Colonel Marissa Faireborn

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/85                     Posted        Author Quick Note To All                 Tue Aug 12    Impulse -- << The 'Bot spinny appears, replaced by Impulse's visage >>

"I hope everyone has enjoyed the Olympics at Six Lasers so far -- they have definitely been interesting. Obviously, I need to work on my foot speed, though I hope to make up for it in the mode2 land race." He chuckles softly. "And Sideswipe, I think we should do more hand-to-hand sparring sometime -- that was an excellent matchup.

"Anyway, just a reminder: tonight is the Autobot free-for-all. Hope to see everyone there -- I'm thinking I'm gonna give it a shot, myself. But I want everyone to remember that the object here, at least for the duration, is to have fun. So, see you all tonight. Impulse out."

<< Impulse's visage disappears, replaced by the 'Bot spinny once more >>

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/86                     Posted        Author Report From Europe                Fri Aug 15    Rodimus Prime --



Rodimus Prime appears on screen. The image is slowly bobbing up and down, as if being recorded by some kind of unstable floating contraption. He stands in front of a large building, which some might recognize as the European Parliament.

"Autobots, this is Rodimus Prime reporting in from Brussels. First off, let me congratulate all of those who have been competing in the Galactic Olympics -- your performance has been exemplary, and even the French seem impressed with our ability to rack up medals this year." He grins. "It doesn't hurt that this has to be driving Galvatron off the wall, either. I wish I could be there to cheer you on -- slag, it's killing me I'm not in the Land Race this year -- but I know you guys can do a damn fine job without me. As some of you might know, I have been involved in some critical negotiations with the European Union regarding our future strategic expansion on Earth. It's all very confidential, you know, hush hush, but once we hammer out a deal, you'll be the first to know."

The image suddenly wanders away from Rodimus, zooming in on the exposed thong strap of some Eurotrash girl that happens to be sauntering by. "Hey -- Raindance, over here, buddy," Rodimus mutters, reaching out to grab the camera lens and forcibly point it back at him. "Anyway... It's critically important that our construction projects continue to proceed on schedule. Whirligig, Crosscheck, I want reports on your progress ASAP. I want the new Ark base ready to go within a week's time. I should be back to Metroplex within a day or two and I will personally oversee and assist in the construction efforts from here on out. With the Olympic Truce, this is the perfect time to catch up on our little 'Home Improvement' projects." He smirks. "That's all for now, everyone. I can't wait to get home -- but I'll be just a radio communication away until then. Don't be a stranger."

He nods, waving at the camera operator to indicate he's finished. The screen disappears with a very cheesy and poor quality star wipe, replacing Rodimus with the Autobot logo.



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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/87                     Posted        Author Report                            Sat Aug 16    Impulse -- << The 'Bot spinny appears, replaced by Impulse's visage >>

"First off, congratulations to Hot Spot and Quickswitch for their medals, and to the rest of the Autobots for helping to insure a clean sweep of the demolition derby. It was an absolute blast out there."

He straightens up a bit. "Now, for a bit more somber news -- Blueshift appeared on Thrull, and apparently had been tracking me. From the sounds of it, the Decepticons aren't too keen at all on the whistle being blown on them over Geist's demolition charge in the final chamber after the five riddles: and for those of you unaware of it, there are three dead bodies in there. Two of them are definitely of Cybertronian origin: a Cybertronic tank Autobot, and a rather large and bulky Decepticon Seeker. The third body... looks to be of Cybertronian origin, but it's badly charred as if through flame, as well as badly corroded.

"That digression aside, Blueshift approached me and told me to shut up about Geist's attack on us with his demolitions charge... or else /horrible accidents/ would occur to the Autobots. Wheelie, Dee-Kal and Sheng were specifically named -- though I suspect that was a ploy to try and psyche me out. So... to all the Autobots: be on your guard. I don't know what the Galactic Olympics committee will do in regards to this situation, but I urge you all to take the high road. Let's not sink to their level and go eye for an eye." A brief pause. "Come next week, once the Olympics are over and normal business resumes... well, that's a different story."

"And Springer: get in touch with me sometime. I have plans, and I need your help in drawing them up. Impulse out."

<< Impulse's visage disappears, replaced by the 'Bot spinny >>

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/88                     Posted        Author Commercial District Terrorism     Mon Aug 18    Sandstorm -- Hello, fellow Autobots. My name is Sandstorm. I have recently returned from some EDUCATIONAL RECON at the University of Space Phoenix in order to better serve YOU, the Autobots.

Last night there was a bombing in the Commercial District of Cybertron. A travesty to be sure, and the Autobots mostly saved the day. But we did it poorly, we did it by the energon residue on our robot teeth. Why is that? Bad funding allocation, bad foreign policy, bad leadership.

If we abolish all rank structure within the Autobots, we can live as the Autobot Constitution, written by Prime Nova all those years ago, meant for us to live. We need to Privatize the Medbay Sector. We need to pull out of foreign territories and mind our own business. We need to cut funding to money pits like Defensor and Superion.

In a recent survey conducted by UoSP, I was voted the /most/ conseervative Autobot. And being conservative in this current regime is DANGEROUS. But I, Dr. Sandstorm, make my living off of danger. Trust me, Autobots, and we will move forward into a healthy Cybertron for all Autobots! Terrorists will not strike at us is you FOLLOW ME.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/89                     Posted        Author IC: I'm back! Mon Aug 18   Tailgate -- 

Hey guys! I know you've all been wondering where I've been, and hoo boy you better sit down. You sitting down yet? How about now? Now? Hey, I'm talking to you! Uh.. okay, you jerks, fine, don't answer. Be that way. Anyway, I was in some place called Hackensack, or Hotzenplotz, or Chappaquiddick, or some other stupid human thing and -- check this out -- I uncovered a SLAVE TRADE going on right here in the good old land of the free humans! I swear to Primus, I was hanging out right behind this awesome semi and we were getting along real well when all of a sudden for NO REASON WHATSOEVER her cargo door come open a little. Now, being an honest guy, I hopped up to help her get it closed when I happened to peek inside and see like twenty Dishwashobots stacked up in crates! Upon seeing this MOCKERY of all the rights we hold dear, I decided I couldn't just stand idly by, so I helped them out onto the interstate where they could run away and be FREE! Well they were so inured or inundated or indoctrinated or something and just stayed where they were and then all these cop cars showed up with humans and they had guns and tasers and some big yellow thing they stuck on my foot and they hauled me off to AUTO JAIL. After making friends with a bunch of the prisoners, who I found don't talk too much which was okay because I was obviously the brains of the outfit I managed to escape and I tried to take a few of them with me but it was all like those guys in that movie with the guy who narrates all the time and the guys were in human jail and wanted to get out but some of them couldn't live outside jail because they were all like 'jail is home' or something but I didn't see the rest of the movie because I found out they were making some poor guy eat the film and poop out the movie onto the wall and then I got tossed out of the theater for feeding the Pop-o-tron guy some motor oil instead of that sickly looking plant oil stuff that was OBVIOUSLY making him ill.

Anyway, long story short, I'm back. Hi guys!



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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/90                     Posted        Author OOC: Autobot Meeting              Sun Aug 24    Rodimus Prime --

Hey guys. With the Olympics winding down, it's about time we had an OOC meeting to discuss the future of the faction, work out any kinks we might have, and toss ideas back and forth. I'm looking at Sunday, August 31st at 5 PM EST. I'd appreciate an RSVP via @mail -- if the time is horrible for you, let me know, and if enough people can't make it I'll reschedule. Thanks!

--Rod

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/91                     Posted        Author Project Ark II : update           Mon Aug 25    Crosscheck --
 * The Autobot spinny is replaced by Crosscheck's face*

"Greetings everyone. I know you were all busy with the Olympics but now that they are over, I'm gonna need your help. Beside what the Wreckers helped me to recover from Unicron's head and the metal provided by the EDC, I don't have any supplies to build the Ark II. I need you to get me what I need. Please refer to the list I made for more details (3/68). If you feel like giving me a hand, please feel free to come to the construction site. Crosscheck out."

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/92                     Posted        Author Supply Run Plans                  Tue Aug 26    Sky Lynx --               << Autobot Spinny and then it slowly comes to a stop as a voice kicks on. >>

Hello Chaps, this is your ever favorite Sky Lynx. I have decided to take charge on these supply run issues, sense it seems that our military leaders are a tad busy with other matters and I'm rather use to such as activities due to my form background record. Over all, Impulse is taking charge of gathering information on what locations we may strike, along with some of his intel chaps to assist, under my request. After all, one should never go into the battle-field blindly.

I require to know what autobots will be willing to go on this little run once the time comes and the information is given. The Olympics are now over, so is the truce, as such-- I know a few of you have itchy trigger fingers, so chaps-- lets but those to good use shall we? After all, autobots don't attack just for the sake of attackings, at least not last I recall.

Sky Lynx Out.

<< The symbol goes back to spinning. >>

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/93                     Posted        Author Bar Fight!? Tue Aug 26   Sideswipe -- 

Befor you on the reportomatic 2480 screen is the visage of Sideswipe, his optics radiant and occasionaly crackling with excess energy. He leansd onto the report station heavily, peering back at the viewer with bleery, unfocused eyes.

"Okay... okay... okay, I can do this. gimme a second." he begins, seeming to absently sway in place, "Okay.. so.. last night I heard Impactor say something about going to a bar.. and I was like.. 'Wow, that old guy must know how to follow him so I partied.. no.. um.. That old guy must know how to party so I followed him, yeah that's it." he corrected, nodding to himself, "Then.. then we were in the bar, right? And so I was like.. Hey, hey Impactor, you know how to party right? But that Impactor, he was just looking at Galvatron all mean.. I mean, I can't blame him, 'cause, you know, Galvatron's a aft. And so.. and so then Hound was there right? And he's all being like.. there's about to be trouble.. you know and and.. Hound man? I love you, we've been hanging out for a looong time but you've got to do something about your helmet man, it's all blocky. I could rest a energon cube on that thing." he continues, eventualy falling silent, trying to remember what he was doing.

With a jerk, his ghaze snaps back to the camera, "Oh yeah, and then someone.. and then someone shot Impactor's hand man! The guy's only got one.. and they shot it! Afts right? So we all start fighting people. All these bots show up, these are some awesome 'bots man, wait till I tell you about these 'bots. Anyway.. so we all go outside and I shot one of the beard guys and we're fighting and I'm beating him like Wheelie on a bad day.. and then Broadcast shows up and joins in. Broadcast: Man.. you hosed me in the race, alright? But now we're cool, I've got much junk love, brother." he continues, knocking a fist on his chest plate. "And then Omega shows up.. only it isn't Omega but one of Hound's things.. so Sunder runs off.. pansy. Yeah.. then some seeker shoots Broadcast and I go off and punch the seeker for a little while.. I think he had kids or something." with that Sideswipe lapses once more.. it goes on for several moments.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/94                     Posted        Author Bar Fight(Cont)                   Tue Aug 26    Sideswipe -- Sideswipe eventualy snaps back to reality, "Woah.." he utters befor getting back to buisness.

"So, so I was punching this Seeker, right? And there's all this fighting and then this white Dinosaur jumped on my chest. and I was all like.. you know, 'Dinosaur!?' so I smaked it.. then it tried to bite me so I kicked it and it flew into this pile of guys I was talking about, and these 'bots all just start kicking this little dinoasur and shooting him. It was hilarious, you should have seen it! So.. so eventualy all the 'cons run away.. one goes into the bar so I track it.. and do some scouting, right? And man.. man this Conehead could put them away... like woah.."

"I think we won.."

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/95                     Posted        Author Re: Project Ark II                Wed Aug 27    Markdown -- (Text message:)

Crosscheck, we've got trucks coming in at all hours for that stuff you ordered (OOC: As established in "Berger Time"). Well, that bombing incident forced us to step up security a bit, so that's slowing us down, but it's just a minor annoyance compared to the sort of catastrophe that almost occurred. Anyway, most of the stuff I've been getting in isn't that high-tech slag you wanted, just basic building materials. But, if you need to construct some of the required components, you should find most of what you need in the warehouse.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/96                     Posted        Author I'm back! Wed Aug 27   Kup --
 * Kup's face appears after the spinny. He smiling in a sort of bittersweet manner.*

"Hey. Ehhnn, sorry for sittin' out the Olympics. I just don't feel like an Olympic athlete anymore. I dunno, maybe turn the clock back about five million years and I could go do it, but... eh. Well, good job, 'bots. Ahem, anyway, back to business. You got any security concerns, as always, report them to me immediately. Like that Berger guy, for instance. I want him *found*, and fast. Nobody tries to blow up my city and gets away with it. Kup out."

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/97                     Posted        Author ME GRIMLOCK PORTANT NOW           Wed Aug 27    Grimlock -- Me Grimlock now military commander! 'Bout time! This mean you have do what me Grimlock tell you to, 'cuz me Grimlock BEST LEADER EVER. Me Grimlock say that us autobots smash septi-cons soon. SMASH IN FACE! Oh, and him Silvy-bolt no want be me Grimlock's Ex-Oh no more, 'cuz he big whiner. That okay! Me Grimlock no -WANT- Ex-oh! 'cuz them puny humans need ex-oh's to wear so they no squishy, but me Grimlock MADE OF METAL, so me no need stupid tank-suit! What me Grimlock -DO- need is second-in-command, 'cuz me Grimlock not want to do stupid paperwork stuff. Is boring. Her Moonracer say me Grimlock should give spot to guy with biggest sword, but Snarl no want job. Slag have next biggest, but him Slag big jerk! *At this point, there's some rumbling from off-camera...in addition to a bit of flame- in response, Grimlock says:* You Slag be quiet! Me Grimlock WORKING! *And Grimlock throws something important-looking off-camera! But, things seem to get back to normal.* Him Sandstorm want job, but me Grimlock think him Sandstorm big wussy. Me Grimlock still thinkin' 'bout portant stuffs, so if you Autobot want fancy office, talk to me Grimlock...but NO BE STUPID. If you weak and stupid, me Grimlock SMASH YOU! SO DO WHAT ME GRIMLOCK SAY NOW! *Blip!*
 * Hey look, it's Grimlock!*

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/98                     Posted        Author Nomination for Candidacy          Thu Aug 28    Sideswipe --

The screen is blank, blank and empty until the words 'Sideswipe For Military Second-in-Command' fade into sight. From there the scene changes to Sideswipe standing in the shuttle area, the crafts modified to look like Dinobots can be seen in the background.

"My fellow Autobots, I come to you today to announce that I have thrown my fist into the race for Vice Military Commander." claims Sideswipe, punching a fist forward in punctuation. "Normal I abstain from trying to claim positions of authority. I feel that I am best suited to simply go out there and start making trouble for the Decepticons. This has not changed, should I be elected Vice Military Commander I assure you that not only will I not stop making trouble for the Decepticons but I will make /more/ trouble for the Decepticons then I usualy do!" he exclaims, pounding a fist into a open palm.

"I do not enter myself into this running lightly, I enter because I feel that I am the best mech for the job. Why am I the best mech for the job you ask? Because I can throw as many as five punches a second."

With this revelation a '00:00:01 = 5 Punches' icon appears in the top right hand corner of the screen.

"That is as many as Three-Hundred punches every minute."

A '00:01:00 = 300 Punches' icon appears below the first.

And within a hour? Eighteen-hundred.

A '01:00:00 = 1800 Punches' icon now appears below the second.

"Now we all must ask ourselves, how many punches can the other candidates throw in one second? A proud and hard working of the Autobot Military Corps. don't you think that you deserve the most punches per second that you can get from your Vice Military Commander?" Sideswipe then walks to his right, the camera panning to follow. A large cement block comes into frame, Sideswipe walks over to this block, it is easily as large and even thicker then the Red Wonder himself. "And to show you that I am not making empty campaign promises I will now show you that everything I have promised you is true."

With that, Sideswipe turns to the block.. and begins to punch. His fists work in a wonderous flury of movement, metal crashing against poured stone in a machine gun pace. His arms are a blurr as he reduces the large cube to little more then dust and rubble.

When the dust clears, Sideswipe is standing over the broken remains, his hands held up in display, his fists covered with grey, powederized concrete. "Don't you think that you deserve a Vice Military Commander that is not afraid to get their hands dirty?" he asks the viewer, the camera zooming in on his bared hands.. and the screen fades to black.

"I'm Sideswipe and I approve of this message.

End.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/99                     Posted        Author I gots Loot                       Thu Aug 28    Sideswipe --

A quick and dirty text message as a report.

'I was in Texas for training. 'Cons started trouble. 'Cons tried to steal some oil. I whipped some 'cons. The stolen oil became energon. We have some energon.

Don't tell EDC.

Love~ Sideswipe: Your best choice for Vice Military Commander.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/100                    Posted        Author Re: Sideswipe                     Fri Aug 29    Quickswitch --
 * spinny*

Quickswitch appears onscreen, looking close to exaspirated.*

I think the point has been made; Decent work. Just give him the Vice Military Command already.


 * spinny*

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/101                    Posted        Author Re: Sideswipe                     Fri Aug 29    Foxfire -- Simple text message, anonymously signed (not that anyone couldn't guess who wrote it):

"Do you think we should tell Sideswipe that a lot of the EDCers can read our reports?"

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/102                    Posted        Author Nepsa Temple                      Fri Aug 29    Keeper -- ~text report filed~ FROM: Keeper Responding to an odd news broadcast, Sheng and myself travelled to Nepsa to investigate Decepticon activity within the newly found central chamber. The Decepticons appeared motivated in claiming the three bodies previously found there. While attempting to recover the body of the fallen Autobot, I was severely damaged by multiple attacks. Luckily, Sheng did not draw much attention until she made an attempt to salvage at least a small piece of the Autobot. Cyclonus, Scourge, Barrage and catechism were present. Catechism was given orders to blow up the chamber so no one else could recover anything from it. Unable to continue reasonably, Sheng and I retreated and were greeted by Nepsan guard outside the Temple. Apparently we were flagged by Cyclonus as fugitives. Unfortunately, due to heat generation by Sheng in our escape from the Decepticons, the guards suffered inadvertantly some burn injuries. Non life threatening. Treatable. Thanks to Sky Lynx, we were swiftly transported from Nepsa without further incident. I am recovering from multiple burn attacks from Barrage and a few physical hits from Scourge. Currently in Repair Bay, looking forward to returning to duty.

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/103                    Posted        Author REPORT: Ark Project               Sat Aug 30    Ultra Magnus --

The Ark construction site was assaulted yesterday by Galvatron and a small group of Decepticons. While they didn't manage to take anything of value and were eventually repelled, they -did- cause some significant damages to the surrounding area. Fortunately, it's nothing we can't recover from. Rodimus took significant injuries at Galvatron's hands during the conflict. While he is still alive and functioning, he is in critical condition. He's currently in the medbay, recovering from the scuffle; say a prayer to Primus for him. The reconstruction of the Ark base is delayed for now, but not for long. We'll be back to work on it soon enough, once Rodimus is in a more stable condition. I'd like to thank everyone who helped to repel the Decepticons; you all did wonderfully. Ultra Magnus signing out.
 * Ultra Magnus' face appears on screen, looking relatively grave*
 * screen closes)

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===================== Autobot =================================== Message: 3/104                    Posted        Author Decepticon Assualt                Sun Aug 31    Sheng --
 * ~Spinny! Then Spinny goes away and it's Sheng... darn, bring the spinny back!~*

"Yesterday, while the EDC were waiting for Sideswipe to return the energon cubes he 'rescued' from Decepticon clutches after the battle in the oil field, several Decepticons randomly attacked Autobot City. Hound, Jayson Redfield, Noah Wolfe, Ramhorn and I were the first to respond to the attack, with Hotspot and some of the local troops coming to our aid later. As far as I can tell the attack was pointless beyond simply being an attack, the Decepticons fell back shortly after the troops arrived and at no point did they make demands beyond 'die painfully'." The femme shrugs. "Jayson, Noah, Ramhorn and Hotspot suffered minor injures only as far as I know, for which I am grateful. Hound and I are a bit worse for wear but will be alright."


 * ~And there, spinny's back, stop moping!~*

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