Clash of the Titans

Summary: A humanized Blueshift tries to wrest control of the Decepticons from Scrapper in an increasingly unlikely series of events.

'''NCC Command Center

''The blue metals used in the rest of New Crystal City have been darkened here, their reflectivity reduced without being eliminated. The lighting is a contrasting red that, once bounced off the blue of the surfaces, gives the area an ambience of very Decepticon purple. The walls of this very large, domed polygon alternate terminal and work station segments with large metal >PANELS< that curve overhead to join with the arch of the ceiling. The front of the room is distinguishable from the rest by the large monitors that replace four of the work stations and display various areas of the city. The three etched panels that divide these four monitors seem to glorify the city itself. >LEFT<, >RIGHT<, and >CENTER<, each depicts an incarnation of cities that have gone by the name of Crystal City. Almost conspicuous in its absence is any presentation of Airwolf's rebuild of Crystal City.

''The city is currently in City mode at Mount R'lyeh, and the Lookout Tower is down. The city sensors are on.

 Blueshift says, "Thank you Scrapper, /I/ shall now be taking over leadership of the Decepticons. See me in my office"

 Scrapper says, "I don't think anyone's going to follow you, Blueshift."

 The Creepy One, Sunder says, "This reminds me of the time that he claimed the Executive position among the Sweeps."

 Blueshift says, "And yet, here I am in my office"

 Scrapper says, "Or the Executive position in MSE. His ambitions have grown."

 Scrapper says, "I wasn't even aware you had an office."

 Not Rumble but Frenzy cough, "Braaah! Why does.. *hork* that joker.. got an office but I don't!?"

 Not Rumble but Frenzy says, "Smarty-con Division is pissed!"

 Blueshift says, "And yet, here it is!"

 Blueshift says, "Frenzy you may be my deputy"

 Not Rumble but Frenzy sneezes, "I mean I have Soundwave but fittin' secretary-cons into his chest kinda sucks!"

 Blueshift says, "Under my rule, ALL Decepticons shall get their own offices"

 Blueshift says, "Unlike Scrapper, who would have us go OPEN PLAN"

 Scrapper says, "I support whichever plan Galvatron had."

 Scrapper says, "And once we clear this up, he's going to come back and smoosh you like a bug!"

 Blueshift says, "HAIL GALVATRON"

<Decepticon> Scrapper says, "Galvatron prevails."

The Command Centre now houses Blueshift's office. Blueshift's office is an empty cargo crate with a sign with 'BluShiFts oRfIcE' written above it. Inside is a swivel chair, and a desk made out of a door and piles of bricks

<Decepticon> Dreadwind says, "Yeah sure hail whoever is in charge..."

Scrapper has a worry that Blueshift might have snuck into Galvatron's office and is using that. It's the only office that Scrapper can think of that Blueshift might have stolen. Accordingly, he's come to the Command Center in order to use the base's internal sensors to see if the annoying punk can't be located. Behind him are the unplayed Constructicons, none of which look like they care what happens. "Er, found him!" Scavenger says, pointing at the cargo crate. Scrapper gives Scavenger a thumbs up. "Good work!" before stepping up to the cargo crate. He has to kneel in order to look through the open part. "I don't think I'm going to fit in there," he tells Blueshift. He is still in Stage 1 of a Blueshift Encounter: Amusement.

If Scrapper can have emitted guys, so can Blueshift! Behind him are some humanized, uh... lets say /Deluxe Insecticons/. "Aha no, for your WEAKNESS is so huge!" says Blueshift, as he walks behind his 'desk' and sits down, swivelling on the chair. "I have the swivel chair Scrapper, you cannot win. Now let me open my filing cabinet and you can sign your surrender notice!"

He lifts Venom's shirt and removes some paperwork (Venom is the cabinet) and starts to scribble on it furiously

<Decepticon> Scrapper says, "Humans are strange creatures."

Is Venom a hot chick? I bet Venom is a hot chick. "Look, I don't have time for this, Blueshift. We don't even want this lousy job, but nobody else has stepped up for it." Pause. "Nobody else that we're willing to let take over, anyway. I'm not signing your stupid little papers so you can just get that idea out of your head right now. Nobody's going to follow your orders."

<Decepticon> Loser Catechism says, "Seriously. Don't get me started on it, sir."

Venom is indeed a hot chick, with huge knockers. Sadly he doesn't have a player so no-one can send him creepy pages. Blueshift flicks his head up and starts to smoke a cigar. "Well /Scamper/ if you don't want it, I'll take it. And that's Mr Blueshift Sir! Guys, kill him!"

At this command, RANSACK leaps onto Long Haul with a shiv in his hand

"No wonder you guys are never played," Scrapper mutters as the Deluxe Insecticons obey Blueshift's orders. Even Chopshop, though technically having a player, is probably there among the @emitted. Long Haul throws his hands up into the air as Ransack leaps at him. "Ah! They're rabid!" he shouts, running away with Ransack still on him. Scrapper watches this, reaches into the crate, and flicks a lime green finger at Blueshift's swivel chair, aiming to knock it over.

Scrapper succeeds in grasping Bob Shift, throwing him off-balance.

Bob Shift's chair is flipped over by Scrapper and he rolls onto his back, shaking his fist. Chopshop picks him up, and then vanishes into the background as if he was never there. Which maybe he wasn't.

Curse you Scrapper!" he shouts. Luckily he had planned for Constructicon interference, and hefts what looks like a bomb in his hand. "Hah, in my hand is a bomb. A PAINT bomb. With REALISTIC construction vehicle colours!" He hefts the bomb and throws it at Scrapper!

Blueshift succeeds in grasping Scrapper, throwing him off-balance.

"Gah!" Scrapper emits, jerking his hand back. But he is too slow, and now his ENTIRE RIGHT HAND is now yellowish, a la the TF:Animated Constructicons. The paint is still wet, and Scrapper tries his best to wipe it off on the crate, but isn't having much luck. "Bonecrusher, plan omega!" he calls out. Bonecrusher casually walks over, brings his foot back, and then kicks the crate over.

The crate is kicked, but luckily, uh, humanized... /Buzzsaw/ props it up. Human Buzzsaw is easily more than a match for Bonecrusher. Blueshift scrambles to stand atop the crate. "You can't defeat me Scrapper!" he shrieks, shaking his hand. "But you can serve me. You can be my DEPUTY SCIENTIFIC ADVISOR!"

"Deputy? Who in the pit is your main scientific advisor?" Scrapper asks. Better not be Hook! Hook isn't here, but he wouldn't turn against his brothers. Right? Right? Scrapper reaches for Blueshift with his still wet right hand, trying to wrap his fingers around the human and pick him up into the air.

Scrapper succeeds in grasping Bob Shift, throwing him off-balance.

"It is RunamAAAAARGH!" cries Blueshift as an animation error causes him to be smaller than Scrapper's fist, enabling him to be picked up easily by the moderately sized Transformer. He starts to hit Scrapper's hand, but then takes out his plan D - a perminant marker, and starts to scrawl on Scrapper's hand. 'im a Sky Lynx', 'i luv lolcats' and 'lol i luv cosmos' are amongst the missives entered

Scrapper easily holds Blueshift in the palm of his hand. Funny, he would have thought Blueshift would be a lot bigger. Perhaps humans shrink as they degrade? No matter, Scrapper prepares to deliver his demands to the humanized Blueshift (stop being stupid was going to be point one), but the cunning Decepticon Seek-... space whatever is one step ahead, writing on his new paintjob. Scrapper drops Blueshift immediately in horror.

Bob Shift hits the ground and runs across the huge area that is Scrapper's foot, now as big as a football field. He finds a small door marked 'Entrance' and runs inside. The Deluxe Insecticons (even Chopshop) follow him in. "I'm going to eat your brain Scrapper, and then you will be mine!" he shouts

Scrapper shakes his foot all around, panicking as he dances about the room. This somehow does not turn the humans inside him into jelly. "Mixmaster! Mixmaster! Help!" he cries. But sadly Mixmaster technically has a player and thus cannot help. "Argh... /FINE/... Scavenger, help me!" Scavenger rushes over, using his meager medical abilities to save his fellow Constructicon. "Ok according to this scan... they are inside of you." Scavenger says. Scrapper just stares at him, apparently wanting more help than that.

Bob Shift and his minions race up the stairs that are all that are inside Scrapper's legs, kicking down doors and spraying silly string into all the rooms. Finally they reach the crotch area where Blueshift takes out a giant wrench and starts to unscrew two gigantic nuts. Chopshop appears from nowhere to help again before fading away. "Ahahaha!" shouts Blueshift. "Once these nuts are undone, Scrapper will be doomed!"

"Don't worry, Scrapper, I am ALWAYS on duty!" Scavenger unhelpfully says before taking out a laser scalpel. Scrapper falls to the ground and Scavenger begins his operation by... uh... the way operations normally work, but to the area where Blueshift and his devious companions happen to be at the moment. The end goal is to extract the microscopic humans.

Bob Shift and his crew manage to twinkily unscrew one of the nuts, before Chop Shop's head is /sheared/ off by the laser beam, blood spurting everywhere. Luckily it is only Chop Shop so no-one will ever notice. "Run, run to the robo-appendix!" cries Blueshift, as his gang leap into the robot appendix, and pressing the buttons to the top, ride it to Scrapper's brain!

"Why..." Scrapper moans, "Why did I have that elevator installed in me?!" While Bonecrusher stands around uselessly (Long Haul is still battling Ransack from the lowest dungeon to the highest peak of New Crystal City, until at last Ransack threw down his enemy and smote his ruin upon the volcano-side), Scavenger continues to operate. "Whoops," he deadpans as Chop Shop dies. "Well actually that's probably ok. One down, Scrapper!" He moves the operation up to where the elevator stops.

The elevator stops inside Scrapper's brain and Blueshift and his crew pile out. "Right!" shouts Blueshift. "Lets destroy thi... wha?!" Inside, the room is empty, apart from a shanty town. Inside the town live little green smurfs. One of them runs up to Blueshift. "Welcome to our town!" he squeaks. "There used to be some horrible circuits here, but we melted them down and turned them into cheap trinkets that we exported to the guys living in the robo-liver"

"I sure hope the green smurfs in my head kill Blueshift," Scrapper idly murmurs as he continues to lay on the ground. He doesn't look so good. Scavenger ignores the comment, figuring Scrapper is just suffering mentally due to having little people running inside his brain.

Inside Scrapper's head, as if a zombie movie, the green smurfs have greedily ripped apart a screaming Barrage (yes he has a player, but his player is sitting elseMu convincing Blueshift to app Hitler's brain in a jar on top of a bear with tank treads). Blueshift takes out a baseball bat and leaps into the chieftans hut. The chief of the village is wearing a Scrapper mask... and has a voodoo doll that looks exactly like Hook... but it is Hook with a girl's body. "WHAT IS THIS!" Blueshift shouts, confused, as the voodoo doll starts to shoot hearts everywhere

Scavenger has finally worked his way into Scrapper's brane and is watching all this. "Er." he says, unsure of how best to operate. "No wonder you and Hook always say lasercore surgery is difficult. How does Soundwave make it look so easy?" Scrapper meanwhile continues to lay on the ground uselessly, hoping his smurfs win.

Bob Shift manages to dive out of the way of the hearts, as Venom is hit by one, and turns into the old OFC Dark Vixen. "Mew mew mew!" he squeals, as he leaps at Scavenger's hand, trying to mount it and bite its neck. Luckily for Blueshift, he has some Diet Pepsi, which he sprays about, instantly giving the green smurfs cancer. But then a tick bites him on the head. "Nooo!" cries Blueshift in agony, as Lymes disease permeates him. Luckily it won't develop for 20 years though

Scavenger draws his laser scalpel back, not wanting to interfere in the epic battle between Blueshift and his Deluxe Insecticons and the green smurfs. The Constructicon looks at Scrapper a- Suddenly Scrapper wakes up from his recharge cycle. He is back in the Constructi-barracks. He sits upright, holding his head, "Ok, no more high octane energon for me before recharging..."

Bob Shift jerks awake in his stupid little office. "Ooooh my head!" he moans. "What a dream!" But then he stops

For there, in the corner, is a little doll of Hook with a woman's body...