Dead Mech's Chest

It is the year 2034.

The heroic Autobots have been recruited as extra security on the Starliner class Dreammaker, the largest and most luxurious pleasure cruise ship in the galaxy. Seriously, it makes the one from The Fifth Element look like a piece of crap. Attacks by a mysterious crew of space pirates have been reported in the area, and in the words of Dreammaker captain Kirk Manus, a few precautions never hurt anymore.

For now, the Autobots lounge and enjoy themselves on the ship that has everything, hoping that would be Scourges of the 7 Systems leave them be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpTL1cEmeFQ

Pipes is a more than a little overwhelmed by the sheer...size of this place. After arriving and checking in with Kirk Manus, Pipes had told Blurr he was going to see the sights. Blurr was busy talking to a few fans, so he hadn't responded- but that's the life of a racing star! Once he had checked the calendar, Pipes settled on watching a dance show, and found himself in a dimly lit bar next to a tan middle aged human in a Hawaiian shirt with a mustache who called himself Dash.

"Those ladies sure can move!" He says to Dash, referring to the trio of scantily clad Urmlarks shaking it on center stage.

"Hrm?" Dash asks. "Oh sure, gin and tonic."

He hands Pipes an empty glass.

Blurr finds it strange that the Dreammaker wouldn't just alter its course to avoid potentially pirate-infested space, but then again, maybe the company is certain that some of the ship's customers are keen on a chance to watch the Autobots stave off pirates. I mean, what's more exciting than an epic action movie about heroic giant robots fighting off evil bands of space pirates? Well, maybe heroic giant robots fighting off evil bands of space pirates IN REAL LIFE.

At any rate, when Manus had heard Blurr was available, he'd jumped at the opportunity to have the racing star on board. Why, the guests would love that! So, here the courier is, talking to a few of his adoring fans and handing out his signature.

But that doesn't mean he ignores Pipes! In between the squealing fan girls, he takes a moment to respond to the other Autobot. "Yeah, there's definitely a lot to be seen!" he comments. "Hope you enjoy yourself."

MEANWHILE...

Zarak said many inspirational things as the new Decepticon leader. Blueshift definately remembered some sort of speech about how the Decepticons needed to be cleverer. The words 'corporate raider' came up. Blueshift didn't quite understand.

He also heard that the Decepticons should be the 'scourges of the galaxy'. Blueshift did not quite understand that either.

Someone else told Blueshift that this gigantic luxury cruiseliner held great treasure.

He did understand that.

<p class="MsoNormal">Next to Blurr, a mysterious figure in a cloak stands. "Aaaar, where be the treasure buried?" he asks the bartender innocently, thumping the bar with his hand. Well, no. A hook thumps into the table. In his other hand he holds a spade. Wait, no. He's holding it with another hook. And instead of legs, he has two wooden pegs. From beneath the hood you can glimpse what looks like a crude sweep-beard. It might be a Scourge of the Galaxy!

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose on the other hand was inspired by a very famous song he once remembered. Next to the limbless mysterious figure is another mysterious figure, and next to that mysterious figure are two more mysterious figures. But the two mysterious figures are way smaller than the first two mysterious figures. Also they all have cloaks. The second mysterious figure is singing softly under his voice. o/~ Yar har fiddly dee dee, being a pirate is alright with me... o/~ Neither the second mysterious figure, third mysterious figure, or fourth mysterious figure look like they're paying any attention to the first mysterious figure.

<p class="MsoNormal">More Than Meets The Eye! F-16XL Jet Fighter <Needlenose> transforms into robot mode!

<p class="MsoNormal">Apeface's head comes off and transforms into Spasma!

<p class="MsoNormal">Speaking of mysterious figures, there is totally another one standing amongst the other mysterious figures. He's dressed like a stereotypical pirate complete with eyepatch, peg leg, and a hook for a hand. Hell, he even has a parroit on his shoulder which squawks and drops a swirly bird turd on the floor every now and then.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Uhm.. arghh mateys," the pirate who is totally not Spasma says to a random passerby. "Where be the, uhm.. bootay and such?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes happily passes Dash's drink to the bartender. "I wonder where these ladies train? Dance is a very serious discipline." He glances over at the bartender. "Oh, nothing for me, thank you. I'm just here to enjoy the choreography."

<p class="MsoNormal">Dash glances at him. "Say...you're an Autobot, aren't you?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes swells up with pride- at being recognized as an Autobot, and because someone made eye contact with him. "I sure am! I'm Pipes."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Lights. Nice to meet you. Well, see you around, Lights." Dash stands, adjusting his chest hair where the two top buttons of his shirt should probably be buttoned, and heads out.

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes waves. "No, not Lights! My name is Pi- !!!" A 7 armed robot dancer sits on his lap and starts grinding on him.

<p class="MsoNormal">"It's nice to meet you, Pie.," she purs, "So what do you do for a living?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Blurr is too busy talking to his fans and posing for photos to notice the cloaked mysterious figures. Yeah, he's the center of attention, like he usually is whenever he's in public places like this. The fans, on the other hand...

<p class="MsoNormal">When the weird 'pirates' start talking like pirates, a young alien with a rather high-pitched squeaky voice calls out above the din, "Oh my stars! Look, pirates! We've been boarded! Blurr, save us!" At this, the crowd gasps and points.

<p class="MsoNormal">For a moment, Blurr just stands there with a blank look on his face, but then he realizes these 'pirates' are Decepticons. "Oh--right!" he smirks and his weapons click and hum as they expand out of subspace (the fans oooh and ahh at this). "Don't worry, my friends! I will take care of these...miscreants! Make way!"

<p class="MsoNormal">And he dashes forward, his form suddenly turning into a blurry smudge of white and blue. Pew pew pew! Watch out, pirates! Blurr's gonna save the day!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr sets his defense level to Aggressive.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr strikes Needlenose with his No Pirates Allowed! Area attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr misses Blueshift with his No Pirates Allowed! Area attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift whirls round, dropping his cloak. It seems he has literally hacked off his hands and legs to give himself proper hooks and peglegs. He also has a gigantic pirate hat on. "Aaaaar!" he cries out, shaking his hook in annoyance. His hook fumbles with his speed gun, and he awkwardly fires it, using one hook to hold the barrel, the other to pull the trigger.

<p class="MsoNormal">The shot that misses Blueshift hits a wise old man in the back. He cries out, staggering over to Pipes as he dies. "I fear... the pirates have finally killed me!" he croaks, shoving an old rolled-up map into Pipe's hands. "As I knew they would! Y-you must have the map! Protect the treasure!" Then he dies.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift strikes Blurr with his Speed Stealing Gun attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift (Blueshift) used "Speed Stealing Gun": A Level 1 RANGED attack.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: That attack has temporarily impaired Blurr's Agility. (Crippled)

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose also whirls around, dropping his cloak. He still has all of his limbs because jesus christ who would hack off their arms and legs? "Ah ha hA!" Needlenose shouts despite Blurr scoring a direct hit on him. "Despite your treacherous ambush, now WE have the map!" Needlenose dives behind a buffet table, hiding behind it. They /did/ come here for the map, right? Peeking out at the Autobot from behind the table, he shouts, "Sunbeam and/or Zigzag, to me!" One of them jumps into his hands and Needlenose squeezes the trigger, blasting either a bolt of light or a bolt of light*ning* at the Autobot.

<p class="MsoNormal">GAME: Needlenose rolls a (2)-sided die:

<p class="MsoNormal">ROLL: Needlenose rolled a 1

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Needlenose misses Blurr with his Light Burst Discharger attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Needlenose (Needlenose) used "Light Burst Discharger": A Level 3 AREA-RANGED attack.

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes squirms uncomfortably. "Oh hello ma'am, I didn't know this was an interactive show!" He explains, and then a wise old man, who happens to also be an alien old man that is much larger than Pipes and the stripper gets shot and dies and falls dead on top of the stripper, with Pipes squashed beneath them.

<p class="MsoNormal">"FLEX! FLEX!" The Stripper screams for the bouncer, a scary looking dude that looks like a T-Rex in a suit and sunglasses. T-Flex (to his friends) storms over and picks up Pipes, who is holding the treasure map, and flings him across the deck of the ship and right into the giant chess game that kids like to mess around with at malls.

<p class="MsoNormal">He sits up, holding his head. "Oh no, that nice wise old man dropped this!" He stands, waving it. "SIR YOU DROPPED THIS MAP AND NOW I HAVE IT! IT'S OVER HERE!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Map? Blurr hasn't heard anything about a map. But it's his job to protect these innocent vacationers from any potential threats, pirates and Decepticons included! Unfortunately for him, one of them manages to shoot him in the leg and slow him down temporarily. The other one misses, though. Hah, typical!

<p class="MsoNormal">"Hmm, I don't know Decepticon. It looks like we have um, a map. Of some kind. Uh, Pipes? Where'd you get that?" He totally didn't notice that he accidentally shot the old man. Well anyway at least he was convinced the pirates killed him.

<p class="MsoNormal">At any rate, Blurr continues moving as quickly as he can, despite Blueshift's speed-stealer.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr sets his defense level to Protected.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr misses Needlenose with his Betcha can't hit me again! Area attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr strikes Blueshift with his Betcha can't hit me again! Area attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">"UUUUGH!" shouts Blueshift as his arm is shot off, the hook-hand flying wildly away, right in the direction of Blurr's face. "Arr me-hearties, get the map!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes is waving the map, but the old alien who gave it to him is now lying dead on the ground! If Pipes looks at the map, he will discover that it is a map of the ship, with a big X marked behind where the bar is.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift misses Blurr with his Hook to the Face attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift (Blueshift) used "Piercing Strike": A Level 3 MELEE attack.

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose keeps eying that map. Nyo ho ho, that map is as good as ours. The Targetmaster, who apparently ended up picking Sunbeam, just needs a distraction. Thus, he hurls the Nebulon at Blurr as hard as he can then vaults over the buffet table. Sunbeam goes "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" as Blurr's shots all barely avoid annihilating him. By now, Needlenose is already sprinting for Pipes. Just as the minibot holds the map over his head, Needlenose runs by and tries to cleanly snag it.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Needlenose strikes Pipes with his Yoink! (Punch) attack! [Pulled -1]

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes freaks out a little as he starts to realize what's going on...

<p class="MsoNormal">"Blurr, those are the Pirates!" He claps his hand on his forehead.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Blurr you shot that old man!"

<p class="MsoNormal">And then Needlenose snags the map out of his hands. "Hey these pirates are Decepticons!"

<p class="MsoNormal">And then his natural defenses kick in.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Pipes misses Needlenose with his arm pipe discharge! attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">"Yes, I know!" Blurr shouts at Pipes.

<p class="MsoNormal">"And I know they're Decepticons!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"And...wait, waitwaitwaitIshotanoldman???"

<p class="MsoNormal">The courier easily evades the hook-hand, despite the speed stealer. And then Sunbeam comes flying at him. He grabs the Nebulan, catching him in midair, and hurls him at Blueshift.

<p class="MsoNormal">The fan-crowd has retreated to a corner behind the bar, watching excitedly. What a good show! Who ever said athletes couldn't fight? They cheer for their favorite speedster as he clocks the pirates! "YEAH! Get 'em Blurr!" The high-pitched voice from before cries out, as the alien holds up a recording device, filming the entire thing.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr sets his defense level to Guarded.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr strikes Blueshift with his Flying Sunbeam (Punch) attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift picks up Sunbeam in his remaining hook, hurling him at Needlenose. "Aaaar, get the treasure! I'll kill the Autobots!" To help Needlenose, Blueshift throws the spade at him

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift strikes Needlenose with his Spade (Punch) attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">"Woop woop woop woop!" Needlenose shouts, waving the map around as he outpaces Pipe's smoke o' disintegrating. It's no worse than the kind of crap Sunbeam smokes. Now hiding behind a somewhat large fern, Needlenose takes the opportunity to look at his new prize. "The treasure seems to be buried on a ship of some sort..." Needlenose murmurs. But how is he supposed to know /which/ ship?! Needlenose looks up. "Blueshift! I need your h-Owwww!" Needlenose falls down with a spade stuck in his head. The map goes flying.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift stares at Needlenose with the spade in his face. "Wait, did the map say that the treasure is buried in your head?" He is totally ready to help dig.

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose says, "There's a spade in my head!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes gives chase after Needlenose, but loses him shortly after the Targetmaster hides behind a plant. "Lost him!" A pade flies by him and thunks into a fern, which yells "Blueshift! I need your h-Owwww!" in a very Needlenose fashion.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Talking plants?" Pipes just can't believe it. "This place has everything!" He draws his pistol and announces that people need to calmly return to their rooms but no one notices that he is there.

<p class="MsoNormal"><Autobot> Pipes says, "Blurr, I think those pirates are Decepticons."

<p class="MsoNormal"><Autobot> Blurr says, "I know they're Decepticons, Pipes."

<p class="MsoNormal"><Autobot> Pipes says, "And you shot a guy!"

<p class="MsoNormal"><Autobot> Pipes says, "And now the Decepticon pirates have the map!"

<p class="MsoNormal"><Autobot> Blurr says, "What map, I didn't know we were supposed to get a mpa."

<p class="MsoNormal"><Autobot> Blurr says, "*map"

<p class="MsoNormal">Nope, no one pays attention to Pipes. He must be covered with microscopic attention deflectors. And even if they did hear him, they're ignoring him because this is obviously the most awesome show ever. And then Needlenose tries to hide behind a plant, but gets a spade in the head.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Haha, did you just attack your own comrade, Decepticon? You mechs are stupider than I thought!" he insults. The courier levels his guns at the Targetmaster, aiming to take advantage of opporunity Blueshift has given him. "Why have you come here, anyway? To attempt to humiliate me?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr misses Needlenose with his Hit You While You're Down attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift watches Blurr attack Needlenose. He is genuinely confused, as he sent Needlenose off after the treasure, and there Needlenose is with a spade in his face. "Give me a moment and I'll help dig out your face!" he shouts at Needlenose, while aiming his gun in an attempt to distract Pipes.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift strikes Pipes with his Speed Stealing Gun attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: That attack has temporarily impaired Pipes's Agility. (Crippled)

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes heads towards Blurr. "Don't worry Blurr, I have youuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr baaaaaaaaaaaaaaccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk."

<p class="MsoNormal">The Speed Stealing gun blasts Pipes and he begins running in slooooow motion towards Blurr. "Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't leeeeeeeeeeet themmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm getttttttttttttttt thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhe maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap Blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr."

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Pipes takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass]

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift just stares at Pipes. "Oh wow, this is awkward"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose falls to the ground, spade in head. He bleeds a bit as the map flutters into the breeze into the middle of the room. Blurr's shots almost fry it. When he hears Blurr, Needlenose doesn't worry. All the shots bounce off the fern. When he hears Blueshift, though, Needlenose finds the strength to crawl away to freedom back behind the buffet table with Sunbeam. Nobody knows where Zigzag is.

<p class="MsoNormal">Underneath the buffet table, Needlenose will find a gigantic X duct-taped onto the carpet

<p class="MsoNormal">Blurr's shots blast into the fern, and it takes the blows for Needlenose. It's pretty much fried, but the Decepticon is left unscathed. Needlenose better show some gratitude to that brave plant. But it probably won't be able to shield the Targetmaster from a Blueshift who thinks there's treasure in his face.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Yeah, I think he's having trouble digging it out of his own face. Better give him a servo." The speedster watches as the speed stealing gun strikes Pipes, having a very peculiar effect on him. Huh, what did he just say? He talked way too slow for the courier to comprehend. "What? Did you say something to me Pipes?" He asks as he tries to hit blast the buffet table and make it collapse on top of Needlenose.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr sets his defense level to Neutral.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr strikes Needlenose with his Buffet Table (Punch) attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift walks over to the speed-stolen Pipes. Well, he doesn't walk so much as hobble as he has two peg legs. He looks around sneakily, and then tries to stab Pipes with his sword. He is a pretty evil pirate. "Aaaar get the treasure Needlenose, or it's the black spot for you!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift strikes Pipes with his Vorpal Saber attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose squints from behind the buffet table at the X. Is he seeing things? Is the spade in his head causing robo-blood to drip into his optics and affect his vision? Is that an X on the floor? Was that map showing THIS ship?! "Damn that's crafty!" he blurts out. The Targetmaster looks around for something to dig with but can't find anything. Then the buffet table explodes, and the combined weight of Needlenose and the destroyed table cause the floor where the X is to collapse.

<p class="MsoNormal">The floor under Needlenose collapses to reveal a large wooden chest, buried directly under the buffet table!

<p class="MsoNormal">"Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaid weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan'ttttttttttttttttttt-"

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift stabs Pipes in the chest.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'vvvvvvve beennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbedddddddddddddddddddddddddd."

<p class="MsoNormal">Energon gushes out of the minibot in real time as he reacts in flailing horror in slow motion.

<p class="MsoNormal">The table explodes and caves in on Needlenose, pushing him through the floor. Well, that took care of him! Blurr still can't understand Pipes, but he does see that Blueshift has stabbed him. "Pipes!" he glares with righteous anger at Blueshift. "You'll pay for that, Decepticon!"

<p class="MsoNormal">The courier's body folds in on itself, shifting downward into his hovercar form. The fans, who are still there despite the floor collapsing, gasp excitedly at this, and a few of them bounce and squeal at the sight. Some of them have caught like PERFECT shots of Blurr's transformation sequence! It'll make a great entry to the photography contest.

<p class="MsoNormal">In a flurry of moving parts, Blurr folds down into a pale blue-colored supersonic hovercar.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Cybertronian Hovercar <Blurr> strikes Blueshift with his Ram attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose and the buffet table and the buffet all land on the wooden chest. Using his superior robot body, Needlenose throws all the debris off of him and lifts the wooden chest over his head. "Found it!" he exclaims. He takes a big step out of the hole, trips and falls over a plate of beanie weenies, smashes his spade-impaled head against a nearby indestructable fern, lets go of the treasure chest, hits the deck, and screams while curled up in the fetal position.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift turns around, but isn't fast enough, and is rammed across the room by Blurr, landing head-first in a gigantic punch bowl. "Help, help, I can't swim!" he screams.

<p class="MsoNormal">Meanwhile, a wooden peg-leg SLAMS down on the ground next to Needlenose. "AAAAR WHAT YE BE DOING WITH OUR BOOTY!" screams the Dread Pirate Rodgers and his fearsome crew who have arrived late to the scene. It seems the Decepticons weren't the scourge of the spaceways after all!

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes finally shakes off the effects of the speed stealer gun, and looks around wildly, trying to figure out what in the hell is going on. He spots the arriving pirates and points. "More Decepticons! Blurr, we're outnumbered, but I know what to do!" He transforms into his semi cab mode and revs his engines, belching out a massive smoke cloud which fills the room.

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes transforms into a miniature Peterbilt semi cab. Look at 'em go!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> misses Needlenose with his Twin Exhaust Pipes Area attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> misses Blueshift with his Twin Exhaust Pipes Area attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> misses Cybertronian Hovercar <Blurr> with his Twin Exhaust Pipes Area attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> (Pipes) used "Twin Exhaust Pipes": A Level 3 AREA-RANGED attack.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blurr's sleek vehicle form slams into Blueshift's, and he keeps going, smashing him into a large bowl of punch, it seems. The punch splashes everywhere. "You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us!" The speedster exclaims, standing up into his biped form once again. More pictures are taken. He ignores the Dread Pirate Rodgers, and begins punching Blueshift in every possible area at once.

<p class="MsoNormal">The hovercar quickly unfolds upward and outward to reveal the fastest terrestrial Cybertronian in the galaxy, Blurr!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr strikes Blueshift with his Every Possible Area All At Once attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose rolls around on the ground screaming until he bumps into Rodger's peg leg. Thinking it's Blueshift's peg leg, Needlenose grabs it to pull himself up but but then shrieks as loud as he can, looking up at the horrible visage that is the Dread Pirate. The treasure chest stays where it is while Needlenose cleverly stays on the ground to avoid all the corrosive smoke that's wafting in the air.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift flails helplessly in the punch bowl as Blurr punches him, slowly sinking to the bottom amongst all the bits of fruit as he stops moving :(

<p class="MsoNormal">The Dread Pirate Rodgers points at Needlenose, and his first mate, a Meccanibal wearing a big eyepatch, moves to try to shake Needlenose. "Aaar, give me me booty!" he shouts, waving his cutlass. "It be mine by right!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> honks his horn. "Booty? They're after the dancers! Blurr, we have to save them!" He peels out but can't see well because of the smoke he's filled the room with and drives right at Blurr and Blueshift.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> misses Blurr with his Ruckus attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> (Pipes) used "Ruckus": A Level 2 AREA-MELEE attack.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blurr finishes punching Blueshift, then finally notices that some strange pirates have shown up. Real pirates, that is. Not Decepticons dressed up as pirates. Then Pipes almost rams into him, but he evades him easily, jumping sideways. "Hey, be careful there, Pipes." he says. Somehow the smoke misses him. Wait, Needlenose has a wooden chest?

<p class="MsoNormal">

<p class="MsoNormal">In a flash, he's over by the strange chest. "Heywhat'sthiswheredidyougetthis?" He asks, ignoring Pipes' warnings about the dancers. Why would they want the dancers, anyway? He tries to open the chest.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr sets his defense level to Protected.

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blurr takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass]

<p class="MsoNormal">"Take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it take it!" Needlenose cries, still hugging Dread Pirate Rodger's peg leg. He's a robot so he's stronger than everyone. With a spade in his head and his friend drowned, Needlenose has learned the horrible truth: this treasure is haunted.

<p class="MsoNormal">The Dread Pirate gasps as Blurr opens the chest, to reveal... not gold but a large pile of legal documents.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Aaar, those be mine!" he bellows, shaking his hook-hand. "They be the deeds proving that I be the true captain of this vessel, betrayed by me scurvy knave of a brother!"

<p class="MsoNormal">One of the documents does indeed have a photo of a nice young man in a suit who looks a bit like the Dread Pirate.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift meanwhile, has drowned in the punch bowl

<p class="MsoNormal">Captain Kirk Manus turns on some vents and puts his hands in the air. Also he looks a bit like the Dread Pirate. And exactly like the guy in the photo. "You're just jealous, Rodger! Jealous that your name didn't fit the rhyme scheme and jealous that I'm running Pleasure Cruise Inc, a subsidiary of Kabletown Inc and not you!" He scowls at all of the robots. "You've all made a mess of my ship fighting each other- when you were supposed to be fighting HIM!" He points at the pirates, in case anyone was unclear. "Get off my boat! You Autobots are fired! And you Decepticons...also get off my boat! Please."

<p class="MsoNormal">Mini Peterbilt Semi Cab <Pipes> transforms and stands up as the vents clear the smoke. He listens intently to Rodger and Kirk and is VERY into their story. It takes a moment for what Kirk yells at him to sink in. He makes a distressed face at Blurr. "I've never been fired from a job before." Meanwhile, tons of Blurr fans are taking photos and filming the famed Autobot and that guy tat's with him getting sacked...

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes transforms into his...well, his robot mode. Not every bot is a Wrecker, you know?

<p class="MsoNormal">"Aaaar!" says the Dread Pirate, shaking a hooked hand at Kirk. "Ye scurvey knave! I'll hang ye in yardirons for this!" He points at Blurr with his hook. "That fine wench has the deeds, let her choose who to give them to." He pauses. "The answer is me, of course!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose lets go of Dread Pirate Rodger's peg leg and, while rubbing his noise to make the sniffles go bye bye, stands up and walks away from the growing family feud. Sounds like the Decepticons have llllllost? The Targetmaster presses his hand against the glass punch bowl, looking within. "I shall never forget you, Flushift."

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift slips out of the punch bowl. "Needlenose, retreat!" he shouts. "The treasure is just worthless paper! We have been tricked!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift is immortal

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose says, "Oh, hey, crap, you're still alive. That's super."

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift gives a thumbs up. If he has thumbs. Which he doesn't. "I know, right!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose says, "Boy is my face red!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose bleeds from the face.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Oh Needlenose!" Blueshift laughs merrily, patting Needlenose on the back.

<p class="MsoNormal">With his hook-hand

<p class="MsoNormal">Combat: Blueshift misses Needlenose with his Hook Hand (Punch) attack!

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose laughs along with Blueshift. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ha ha!"

<p class="MsoNormal">"Ha ha ha ha ha!" says Blueshift. "Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Blurr finds....papers in the treasure chest. Pfff, these organics still used paper? Seriously. He glances back and forth between Manus and Rodgers, who are apparently brothers. Hmm. Did that guy just call him a girl? Haha, someone didn't study their robot sexing in their robot biology class.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Well let's see, which of you have given me a single good reason to give these to you?" he asks plainly, watching each of them expectantly.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Aaar, ye saucy wench!" Rodgers booms. "As the eldest child me father wanted to leave me his boat, but me traitorous brother stole me birthright! With this boat, I can give up being a pirate, and settle down." He then quickly adds: "Aaar"

<p class="MsoNormal">Kirk waves his hands, clearly pissed. "Well for one thing, they belong to me! And so does this boat! And if you don't give them to me, the Galactic Assembly will here about Autobots aiding a known pirate!"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose says, "Ha ha ha ha heh he hah... ehhhhh heh."

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift throws his head back. "Ho ho ho ho ho ho!" He then pauses. "Wait, did you remember to collect your little men?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose says, "Little... huh?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift nods, "Yeah, those little pixies that follow you about"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose stares at Blueshift with a blank look.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift snatches up a small alien creature that is wandering past. "Yeah, is this it?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose says, "Close enough. Lets get the hell out of here."

<p class="MsoNormal">"Birthright?" Blurr doesn't exactly understand the concept. And plus, clearly the ship belonged to Manus, anyway. The Autobots definitely don't need the Galactic Council hearing about them aiding pirates.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Sorry, but this vessel clearly belongs to Kirk Manus." The courier shrugs. "See?" he points to the picture. "That's obviously him in that image. Maybe you two can negotiate a joint ownership, though? Then maybe you won't have be a pirate. Though I can think of a number of other things you could do without owning this ship, that don't involve being a pirate. Which means you probably like being a pirate, and you'd probably just turn this into your new giant pirate ship if I gave it to you."

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift nods and takes a plate of vol au vonts too. "Ha ha ha ha ha!" he laughs in a jolly manner

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes frowns. "What?"

<p class="MsoNormal">At this point lots of space cops and news crews are showing up.

<p class="MsoNormal">"Aaar, what say you, Kirk?" Dread Pirate Rodgers holds out his hook hand for a handshake. "What about a partnership, me heartie?"

<p class="MsoNormal">Kirk shakes his brother's hand, even though the hook punctures through his palm. "I love you Rodger. Let's rebuild this place...together."

<p class="MsoNormal">Blurr grins at the new partnership. "See, no more hostilities!" he ignores the pierced palm. "Now you two can be a family again."

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose says, "Ha ha ha seriously Blurr is probably going to kill us if we stay ha ha ha!"

<p class="MsoNormal">The pirates all cheer, the Meccanibal throwing up it's tiny robot stick arms in celebration. "Yaaaaar!" The Dread Pirate weeps a single tear of joy

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift nods. "Ha ha ha ha, yes, ha ha ha"

<p class="MsoNormal">Pipes looks around at the cops and news crews. "We should probably go..."

<p class="MsoNormal">Needlenose laughs and strolls towards the airlock, dripping blood the whole way.

<p class="MsoNormal">Blueshift hobbles towards the airlock too, hoping that he will be able to find where his put his arms and legs

<p class="MsoNormal">

<pre style="white-space: pre-wrap;">================================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/45                     Posted        Author Nightmaker on Dreammaker! Fri Aug 02   Bonecrusher -- THE NEWS!

A humanoid looking news anchor sits at his desk. In the thing on the corner a title reads 'NIGHTMARE!' and there is a picture of the famous cruiseship.

"This just in, a decision to hire the Autobots as security against pirates on the famous Dreammaker, the galaxy's only Starliner class pleasure cruiseship proved to be a terrible one today as Robots in Disguise caused untold amounts of property damages on the Adults Only desk of the ship.

A small useless Autobot identified as Lights filled the area with toxic gasses several times throughout the melee, and reknowned racer Blurr, known across the galaxy as the Justin Beiber of robotic tween fixations, shot and killed a man visiting a strip club. A clever and charming blue spaceship robot and a Cybertronian whom several females described as 'the perfect mech' also contributed to the damage but were not identified. CEO of Pleasure Cruise Inc (a subsidiary of Kabletown) and Captain of the Dreammaker Kirk Manus had this to say..."

Kirk Manus is being interviewed on the ruined deck of his ship. His hand is bleeding from a puncture wound. "These Autobots are a menace. Not only did they ruin my ship, but they held the deed to my company hostage from myself and my younger brother Rodger Manus, who was prevented access to the deck by the Autobots and is totally not a space pirate whom I had hired the Autobots to protect the ship from in the first place. With my twin brother Dirk galavanting around in space, we are the only members of my family left who are Manus enough to run this company now that our father is dead. I tell you what, I hope that the Assembly votes to bomb Cybertron right out of this reality! They're a menace and they have no family values!"

The cameras return to the reporter, who continues. "It is being reported that after the Cybertronians departed, Kirk and Rodger Manus had a quiet dinner together. On behalf of Kabletown News, we wish the brothers all the best in reconnecting their family bond. After the break, a wormpus that sounds like an earth goat!" Her coanchor chuckles. "ha ha, what in the world?"

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===================== Reports =================================== Message: 9/46                     Posted        Author Punching in a Punch Bowl          Sat Aug 03    Blurr --       Following the incident on the Dreammaker, there are suddenly a bunch of user-uploaded videos and images circulating the public datanets (and especially on Blurr fan sites) that mostly involve Blurr dashing about, shooting at Needlenose and punching a hapless Blueshift in a, well, punch bowl. Of course, the bar where this occurred is a mess, just as the news report had said.

Apparently people got a kick out of the whole 'punching in a punch bowl' thing.

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