Revival 7

Whiz moves west to the office of the Autobot Leader...

Whiz throws open the door and walks in.

Whiz says, "Hey, I need to talk to your new friend for a while, Caern wants me to run some tests on him."

Rodimus Prime is lying sprawled on his back across the desktop, stacks of papers and datapads surrounding him on the floor, tossing a small hard rubber ball against the ceiling repeatedly. *thump-thwock* *thump-thwock*

Whiz takes in the situation.

Whiz says, "Oh, and you're always talking about all the *filing* you have to do."

Rodimus Prime says, "My new friend?" he catches the ball and holds it, looking over sideways at you. "What, he's not being stubborn, is he?"

Whiz says, "I just figured you were most likely to know where he was."

Rodimus Prime pffts. "Whiz, if I did HALF the filing I complain about... actually, I'm slacking right now. What's your point?"

Whiz says, "This is beyond slacking. Slacking is throwing the ball and not knowing where it will come back. This is too easy."

Whiz digs in her toolkit for half a second.

Whiz produces a racquetball.

Whiz says, "You cannot presume to tell me when I see slacking. You may be my leader, but this is my area of expertise."

Rodimus Prime makes a slightly unhappy face and goes back to tossing the ball. "Haven't seen him since last night. I assume he's going through the archives. Trying to keep out of his way after all, y'know." He grins faintly, slightly grim, "Throwing it away? Not getting metaphorical on me, are you?"

Whiz sizes up the situation, getting the rhythm down, and then pelts her ball at the wall. It bounces off, hits a file cabinet, heads up to the ceiling, careens to the floor, ricochets off the other wall, and then knocks Rodimus' ball out of the air on it's upswing.

Whiz says, "That is the *art* of slacking."

Rodimus Prime closes his fist over air before jarring himself out of the rhythm. "Hey!"

Whiz says, "If I was in practice, they both would have bounced right down into your face."

Whiz grins, "And Magnus tells me that I have no initiative."

Whiz makes a bow to an invisible audience.

Rodimus Prime rolls off the desktop and scrambles behind a cabinet to retrieve his ball. "Yeah, that's talent all right.."

Whiz says, "Well, it takes practice. And a working knowledge of angles, I suppose. You'd probably have to work your way up from using *gravity*"

Rodimus Prime grunts, stretching his arm as far as he can behind the cabinet before catching the ball with his fingertips and rolling it out to where he can pick it up. "YEAH, well... I blew up a planet once."

Whiz starts to make a retort, then hesitates and keeps it back.

Rodimus Prime grins, "Go on, correct my ego."

Whiz says, "Definitely one of your more unique accomplishments."

Whiz says, "Of course, you didn't bounce it off of anything first."

Whiz shrugs and grins. "Okay, it was weak. But your ego usually needs correction in the other direction, I just had to do my civic duty."

Rodimus Prime says, "No, well, that's the nice thing about brute force. Don't NEED finesse. Which is too bad, I guess.." he glances down at the ball wistfully, then thwacks it off the far wall and catches it again. "I've gotten out of practice."

Whiz says, "Out of practice with finesse?"

Rodimus Prime says, "Yeah. I don't HAVE to find ways to climb into Metro's third story in the middle of the night anymore. I mean, who're they gonna report me to?"

Whiz says, "After the way you clocked that Reflector-clone behind you while you were head-butting the other guy? You're kidding. Stunt men spend years trying to do stuff like that."

Rodimus Prime shakes his head. "That's fighting. That's different."

Whiz says, "Well, I can't do it."

Rodimus Prime says, "Well, you're a medic. I'm heavy infantry."

Rodimus Prime smiles, "Difference there."

Whiz says, "At least you do it with style, anyway. Anybody can shoot a laser. Of course I usually miss, but that wasn't my point. There's fighting and then there's being the highlight film that they show on the news later."

Rodimus Prime pauses and corrects himself. "WAS heavy infantry. Now I'm the diplomat. Figure that one out."

Whiz says, "Heavy Diplomat?"

Whiz cocks her head and grins. Rodimus Prime says, "Hey, eleven tons of diplomacy, you'd BETTER listen!"

Whiz chuckles.

Rodimus Prime glances out the window and says abruptly, "Trailers really SUCK."

Whiz blinks. "What?"

Whiz's mental gears grind away for a minute.

Whiz says, "I don't know about that. They're chick-magnets. Look how Anna-Mecha was begging for a ride in Magnus' trailer. You're evidently not using yours right."

Whiz tries to keep a straight face at the thought of Magnus being a chick-magnet.

Rodimus Prime looks back at Whiz. "Well, yeah. I mean, I MISS being able to hit the half-pipe out at the foot of the mountain perpendicular to the road and get away with it. I've got no maneuverability at ALL -- who cares about horsepower if you can't do anything with it?"

Whiz says, "You're not the one who has to brake with the wall if you try to hit full power, buddy."

Whiz says, "Besides, you can shunt the thing into subspace, right? How bad can it look without it?"

Rodimus Prime says, "Uhm, no I can't."

Whiz says, "Oh, bummer."

Rodimus Prime says, "I'm a friggin RV, Whiz, not a semi."

Whiz says, "Well, you're hardly an average RV. I think you'd be noticed at Bob's Camperland."

Rodimus Prime says, "Yay. I'm big and unmaneuverable and highly noticeable. WHoopee."

Whiz ponders. "I could try to help... maybe a few couplings here, a different suspension there - independently mounted tires...

Whiz begins to make dangerous plans in her head.

Rodimus Prime shakes his head. "That's not the problem. It's just mass. You can't do the same stuff with eleven tons that you can with three and a half."

Whiz shrugs. "You're much more diplomatic," she suggests.

Whiz says, "Besides, you're a lot less vulnerable. There's a lot to be said for that, at least."

Rodimus Prime smiles dryly, "Great, so I don't lose my temper as quickly when I realize I can't drive the way I want to. Well, yeah, armor's nice."

Whiz says, "A butterfly flaps its wings in China, and I roll over off of the expressway."

Whiz grins.

Rodimus Prime says, "WHAT?"

Whiz says, "That's how stable I am. Flying off in every direction from the littlest thing. Every time I think I have the engines fixed, some tiny thing sets me off and I go screaming out of control. Not that it's not fun, but the crashing part is getting to be routine."

Whiz stops and blinks. "There's a metaphor there..."

Rodimus Prime says, "But at least you CAN fly! I can't do-- oh, don't get me onto metaphors again or I'll start talking about throwing things away and you won't like that."

Whiz mutters something about needing to write that down before she forgets. Rodimus Prime considers, wavers, then looks solidly away, out the window again.

Whiz looks up sharply. "Don't you start talking about throwing things away on me."

Rodimus Prime mutters, "Why'd it ever have to happen at all?"

Whiz looks desperately for one of the balls to toss at him.

Rodimus Prime looks down at the floor. "I'm... not, Whiz. It's just got me thinking. A lot."

Whiz groans. "Don't say that. C'mon, I thought we were past this."

Whiz says, "You know why it happened. There've gotta be moments when you know *exactly* why it happened. And if not, you should be able to see it in the eyes of everyone around you."

Rodimus Prime looks up helplessly, grasping for words and finally gesturing defiantly out the window as though it explains everything. "Dammit, I MISS the old days! I know I can't go back now, but I've just been brooding over it this past WEEK and I can't shake it!"

Whiz looks at the window as if she expects to see something wrong with it, then looks back and opens her mouth, then closes it again.

Whiz says, "I usually have something to say."

Rodimus Prime sighs, mumbling resignedly, "I know why... I just wish it hadn't."

Whiz shrugs. "Maybe it's just because I've never missed my old days. Maybe that's why I can't understand you. But I know one thing... if things change around here, I'm sure going to miss the way things are now."

Rodimus Prime shakes his head slowly. "Nothing's changing. It's always been there, staring me in the face -- just that lately it's been harder to ignore."

Whiz hesitates. "I was talking to Caern earlier... seems like everyone's been dwelling on the past lately. And I was saying that everyone's made mistakes or done things that they didn't want to, just because they had to. But sometimes the loss makes it hard to think about things right. So we just react. I take what I have and try to make it fun. Caern tries to protect it, and make sure it doesn't go away like all the other things he's lost. And you..."

Rodimus Prime says, "You know, the other night when we were doing the transfer.. I about killed myself manually forcing my systems in line while I was out of contact with.. it.. and I keep asking myself, why'd I do that? It kind of scares me. I almost KILLED myself, fighting against it.. am I that scared?"

Whiz looks sad. "You take what you have and wish that it's what you lost."

Rodimus Prime frowns and glances away. "Yeah, I guess that covers it."

Whiz listens carefully, then shakes her head. "I don't understand. What were you fighting against?"

Rodimus Prime says, "I had to take the Matrix out to hook it to the computer. I was out of contact for.. Primus, I don't even know how long, it felt like an eternity. Without the... the extra power generator, I couldn't handle it, my systems were trying to-- revert.. I had to manually reroute everything to keep power to the vital subsystems, felt like it was shaking me apart, I don't think I've felt anything that painful since... since I don't know when."

Rodimus Prime shudders faintly. "Medics had a field day with me afterwards. Said I'd overstressed everything into the red."

Whiz says, "I was around for that part, I think."

Rodimus Prime nods. "That's why I was so tired when you caught up with me."

Whiz says, "So you didn't want to revert, huh? Looks like your subconscious is telling you something."

Rodimus Prime shakes his head petulantly. "No, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to direct the information transfer. I'm not sure what I want anymore."

Whiz can't help a grin from breaking out. "Yeah, right."

Rodimus Prime says, "What?"

Whiz says, "You're making up excuses, but you would have done the same thing no matter what. Probably just with another excuse."

Rodimus Prime sighs. "Yeah, I guess so."

Whiz says, "Like when something happens in medbay. I say all kinds of things about not wanting to be there, but the fact is, I'm glad I can help. But don't ruin my reputation."

Rodimus Prime says, "Actually, I know what I *want*. I don't want to go back. I want it to never have happened. But I can't have that. SO I'm stuck with trying to deal with an alternative set of options, NONE of which I like.."

Whiz says, "Things could be worse. Imagine what would have happened if you *hadn't* been there."

Whiz says, "I mean, yeah, someone might have been there. But imagine the options. Springer? Arcee? *Grimlock*?"

Rodimus Prime mutters sourly, "Yeah, Optimus could've done it and we all would've been happy.." he trails off uncertainly.

Whiz says, "Or someone else altogether? *Me*?"

Whiz says, "Oh, would you stop with the Optimus thing."

Rodimus Prime tries to see the humor and fails miserably. "Why'd *I* have to be the chosen one? I wish Unicron were still alive so I could just beat the living daylights out of him for making me kill him in the first place!"

Rodimus Prime says, "It's not a 'thing.'"

Whiz says, "Okay, not the Optimus thing. Your Optimus *complex*, how's that?"

Whiz says, "Sounds psychological, has a ring to it."

Whiz says, "You know, when people talk like this in the medbay, I swear they're just doing it for attention."

Rodimus Prime says, "But we're not in the medbay. We're in the the slagging office of the slagging Autobot Leader, because it's my office and I hate it."

Whiz shakes her head and sticks out her hand. "All right then, hand it over. Give it up. Take a vacation day. Get it all out of your life. Hand it over!"

Rodimus Prime says miserably, "I can't."

Whiz says, "Why not? You hate it, right? Drives you crazy. At least take a vacation day. It was just fate who chose you, right? Why go with chance? I'll make the decision on who gets it."

Rodimus Prime says, "What're you talking about..? I've TRIED getting away from it, it doesn't work.."

Whiz says, "You said that you almost reverted. It was all willpower that kept you the way you are. You can't do it, because you don't *want* to do it. If you gave it all up, you'd miss it, even this messy office with the window you don't like."

Rodimus Prime says, "I KNOW that! That's why I wish it'd never *happened*, because I CAN'T go back now!"

Rodimus Prime sighs defeatedly.

Whiz says, "So what on CYBERTRON are you DWELLING on it for?"

Whiz says, "If I came in here and sprayed your office down with jello, would you sit around wishing you hadn't let me in, or would you chase me down and make me clean it up?"

Rodimus Prime says, "Because I hate it. Because I can't help wishing for something I can't have. With everyone yelling at me about it, it's perfectly understandable why I can't put it out of my mind.." he tries to rationalize, then breaks off, "I'd make you clean it up. But that's not the same thing."

Whiz says, "I'll stop yelling at you about it if you'd stop sighing with misery all the time."

Rodimus Prime considers for several moments, then tries haltingly, "I never... told anyone... what it was like. After it was over. With Unicron blowing apart around me.. and me left holding this... thing in my hands, trying to figure out what in Primus' name I'd just done.."

Whiz slowly changes mental gears, recognzing that something unusual is happening.

Whiz says quietly, "You had just saved my life."

Rodimus Prime studies the floor carefully, trying to put something into words that really wasn't meant to be described. "It just happened so fast.. I mean, Galvatron was about to kill me and then suddenly I had this chance and I had to take it.. I can't explain it. If you've ever been beaten down to the point of near death and then all at once everything was fixed and you were fine again.. I mean, it doesn't come close to what that was. It just... happened. I didn't think. But then when it was over. And I had a chance to realize what'd just happened.. suddenly there was just one thing."

Rodimus Prime glances up and says very clearly and deliberately, "Pain."

Whiz's face melts into confusion. "But.. from what?"

Rodimus Prime says, "Like someone had just reached inside me and started squeezing. Like they'd just ripped out the most vital part of my being and I was choking without it."

Whiz is struck speechless for the second time in this conversation.

Rodimus Prime falters uncertainly in remembering, looking back at the floor as he struggles for the right words. "And that's when I really noticed that thing in my hands."

Whiz says, "Is.. is that what you've felt like this week?"

Rodimus Prime shakes his head. "Not even close."

Whiz's voice is mingled horror and uncertainty. "You're right. I can't even imagine."

Rodimus Prime exhales slowly. "I felt like.. like a fish on land, trying to breathe without water, only I knew it didn't matter because I was probably going to die anyway -- the core was just behind me and I knew it was going to overload unless I got out of there--"

Rodimus Prime says, "So I did the second thing that had really felt RIGHT that whole day, and... " he grasps for the words.. "I.. put the missing piece back. It all just FIT." He presses the side of his clenched fist against his chestplate, not really fully aware he's doing it. "Everything felt right, then. Everything belonged, suddenly. The pain just.. stopped." He shakes his head, breaking the mood. "Then I ran."

Whiz searches for words in the corner, slowly coming out from under the spell. "I just... I had no idea..."

Rodimus Prime says, "So I guess my whole problem now is, when I took it out the other night, I didn't feel.. any of that."

Rodimus Prime says, "Just the external pain, which is nothing like what I felt before."

Whiz says, "Maybe because you took it out for the wrong reason..."

Rodimus Prime says, "I haven't felt that.. belonging for a long time now, Whiz."

Whiz wonders for a minute, then says, "Friendship... it isn't something that one person can just feel for someone else. It has to come from both sides."

Rodimus Prime says, "I don't understand."

Whiz says, "You were... forged, changed, by this. And in that one moment, you belonged to each other. But if you spend your time wishing it hadn't happened, hating what makes you who you are... why should you expect different from the Matrix? I know I have no idea what passes between you and... but don't you think that it knows how you feel?"

Rodimus Prime frowns, something very like shame crossing his face momentarily. "Maybe. But I can't change how I feel. Maybe... I don't know, maybe we're not just.. meant for each other anymore. It hasn't felt right in a long time."

Rodimus Prime looks up helplessly. "I'm not planning on giving anything up. But can you understand why I can't help thinking about it?"

Whiz nods. "Yeah, now."

Rodimus Prime says, "I feel like a figurehead. I'm just a name, some tag to slap on the Bearer. I do my best, but I don't feel like I *belong* here."

Whiz says, "I can tell you, seriously, that I don't think about the Matrix when I look at you."

Whiz says, "For all that's worth, anyway. I think about you, and that's inspiring enough."

Rodimus Prime says gravely, "I do."

Whiz says, "Why can't you believe in yourself as much as everyone else does?"

Rodimus Prime says, "Every time I catch my reflection in a mirror, I think, "That's not me, that's some other guy with my face." Only it's not really even my face, is it?" He shakes his head. "I'm not making any sense."

Whiz says, "When you see yourself in the mirror, you're looking at your own worst enemy. Stay away from mirrors, start looking at your reflection in better things."

Rodimus Prime smiles grimly. "Don't get me wrong, the first week was great. Would've been better if the entire medical corps hadn't been flocking around me for more tests every second of the day, but hey. I could *do* stuff. I didn't even mind cracking my head now and then when I forgot to duck. But it doesn't feel real anymore. I'm beginning to wonder if it ever did."

Whiz says, "Well, now you duck by instinct, right? You don't hit your head anymore because you've gotten used to your height. Maybe too much of the other stuff has become unthinking too. Maybe you need to think about the good things more often than the bad things, instead of shoving them back into routine."

Rodimus Prime frowns uncertainly. "Maybe. But finding the good's gotten a lot harder lately." He looks away, then back at you reluctantly. "I.. I'll try. I just really hope that something's still there to make it worthwhile. I used to know."

Whiz smiles encouragingly. "Would I lie to you?"

Rodimus Prime smiles despite himself. "Depends. Are you trying to weasel out of something? Because then, yes, absolutely."

Whiz feigns deep hurt. "Hey, that was uncalled for."

Rodimus Prime grins, "Too bad, I rank you."

Whiz says, "And no, I'm not trying to weasel out of anything. I mean it. You're my friend, and I'm telling you the truth. You've still got lots of good in ya'."

Whiz says, "I have better taste in company than to hang around with losers."

Whiz grins.

Rodimus Prime says, "Not all used up yet, huh? That's comforting, anyway.." A pause. "Uh.. thanks, for.. listening to me. I've never told that stuff to anyone."

Whiz nods, then says, "I can't tell you... I really appreciate that."

Whiz struggles for the right words. "Thank you."

Rodimus Prime swallows self-consciously and looks away again, mumbling. "Yeah, well.. had to come out some time..."

Whiz umms uncertainly. "Oh, what the heck. You need it."

Whiz hops over and gives you a quick hug.

Rodimus Prime says, "Need wha--"

Whiz grins. "That. Now I'd better get out of here before you decided to wipe my memory banks of the whole conversation."

Rodimus Prime breaks off uncertainly, caught off-guard. "Uhm. Yeah..."

Whiz grins her way over to the door. "Now take care of yourself, okay?"

Rodimus Prime says, "I'm trying."

Whiz says, "Well, with both of us trying, you'll be okay. I'll see you later."

Rodimus Prime nods quietly.

Whiz heads out the door.