Opah

On Today's episode of Blot: Retard Child...

''We find our heroes in the swamps of Nebulos. Empowered by the disgustigness that Blot has spread to his fellow Terrorcons during an earlier Abominus merger, Hun-Grrr decides that maybe Blot deserves a bath.''

The Swamp -- Nebulos

Beautiful flowers, dull grey skies, black water, and dangerous animals make this marshland a place of contrasts. Vehicles find it easy to get bogged down in the treacherous swamp. It is far safer to traverse it by air, if at all possible. However, some poor Nebulans come here to harvest peat as a fuel.

Contents: Lean Mean Eating Machine Decepticon Heavy Warship Hellbender Black Hole Bar and Grill

 Hun-Grrr says, "BLOT GOING TO GET CLEAN."

 Blot says, "WHERE IS CLEAN?"

 Ratbat's voice cuts through the static, "Nothing dealing with the Terrorcons ends well, Shadow."

 Shadow says, "I'm inclined to agree..."

 Hun-Grrr says, ".. CLEAN IS IN SWAMP."

 Big-Brother-Sweep Sunder says, ".......no frakking wonder..."

Lean Mean Eating Machine is standing in the middle of the swamp, slightly beat up but, with his arms crossed. Waiting for the Terrorcons.

 Shadow audibly facepalms.

Sinnertwin unfolds into his robot mode. Egads!

 Big-Brother-Sweep Sunder says, "Then of course, in comparison to Blot, a Swamp is clean."

Sinnertwin stomps his way through the swamp, mud and gunk splashing up all over his legs as he goes. He doesn't look very happy to be here. "You required my presence, sir?" he practically hisses. Blot wanders into the area, a puzzled look on his face. He is oozing everywhere. Dripping doesn't even do the stream of unsightly goo justice. With each step, wildlife that was living just seconds ago become smothered, wilt, and die. Blot is not good for the environment.

 Ratbat's deep voice cuts through the garbled static on the channel his tone is slightly annoyed as he is undoubtedly working on a fuel audit, "No doubt. I am on Earth, and I think I can smell him from here."

 Blot says, "SMELL WHO FROM WHAT?"

 Ratbat's annoyed Tim Curry like voice speaks up,"Oh shut up and eat somebody, will you please."

Lean Mean Eating Machine is still standing there with his arms crossed. He beckons Sinnertwin to come forward. "Sinnertwin have to come here." He says. "Come closer, because Hun-Grrr have damaged audials. No hear very well." He awaits and then takes a breath. "So. No hear right. Think Sinnertwin refuse order from Hun-Grrr? Did Hun-Grrr hear correct? Or Hun-Grrr have damaged audials?" To Blot, he points to a very deep pool of water. "Blot sit. Blot sit right there." Hun-Grr rises up on his dragon heads to form feet as his torso rotates to form a menacing robot!

Sinnertwin sighs and struts up to Hun-Grrr, leaning in to listen to what he has to say. He listens. He computes. He weighs the consequences of his response. He reiterates. "Not. Clean. Blot."

Blot, confused, sits, right there. With a slpash, Blot is now waist deep in the water. The swamp water does not even penetrate the gratuitous amounts of sludge covering his body. Rather, the fluids seep into the swamp, turning the area around Blot into a puddle of Blot scum.

Hun-Grrr nods his head thoughtfully. He lifts his hand to scratch his head, then attempts to backhand Sinnertwin into the pool with Blot. It's a very underhanded gesture that is entirely unworthy of a Terrorcon. He's rather strong, too. "Make deal." He says. "Make it worth Sinnertwin's while. Clean off outer layer and him Sinnertwin can burn off rest once uncake dried slime." He looks at Blot. "Blot want to be clean? Make feel good."

Sinnertwin grins at Hun-Grrr's nod. "Glad you understa-" And then he is backhanded like a little bitch! For shame! Sinnertwin lands in the scummy water next to Blot with a plop and his face contorts into what can only be described as pur horror. "FINE! Fine..I'll do it...Hrrnn.."

Blot has trouble understanding what Hun-Grrr is telling Sinnertwin. In fact, he has no idea what's going on. He's never heard the word clean before. Well, he might have heard it before, but there's now way he remembers what it means. Instead, he just nods. "BLOT WANT WHAT BOSS WANT," he blurts. He pauses, watching Sinnertwin land in the water near him. Blot's mind wanders from the current agenda. Turning to Sinnertwin, he sluggishly mumbles, "Have fun as big bot?" It's unclear exactly what that means, but it's probably a reference to the earlier Abominus action. He raises a wet, gooey hand as if to high five his fellow Terrorcon.

Hun-Grrr reaches behind him and pulls out something horrific that he had brought. A giant sized bucket from a maintenence machine, along with a huge cloth and some soap. Both are put in the bucket and tossed to Sinnertwin. "Make sure you get under him Blot's arms. It nasty there." He then pulls out his axe, made from Scattershot's chestplate and leans upon it to watch this goings on. "It make sense for Sinnertwin too. Him have to merge with Blot again soon. Once fixed, want to take Abominus out and smash things. We need new Terrorcon base on earth! Me been looking at Refinery."

Sinnertwin /glares/ at Blot and his nasty high-five. The Lord said you had to love your family, not like them. He's then hit in the head with a bucket. Poor Sinnertwin! What did he do to deserve this?!

MANY YEARS AGO..

Sinnertwin steps on a puppy and laughs.

NOW..

Sinnertwin lathers the soap on the brush and frowns. "Here goes nothing..."

Blot still has his hand raised in a high five motion, although he forgot long ago why his arm is in such a position. As he begins attempting to process what the hell is going on, he notices the bucket hitting Sinner in the head. Blot's cerebral circuitry computes the first two things it possibly can. Those two things would be the bucket and the head. This of course logically leads into Blot's next action. Grabbing for the bucket, Blot exclaims, "SINNERTWIN WEAR HAT!"

Hun-Grrr at this point intervenes on behalf of Sinnertwin. Even though somewhere, what unused circuits serve him for humor are tickled here. Hun-Grrr, laughing? The thought is almost reprensible. "Blot. That is not hit. Blot raise arms above head. Blot help Sinnertwin. Sinnertwin trying to get slime off of Blot. Blot help Sinnertwin get slime off. Blot use water to rinse slime off so no nasty to merge with. It not hard! Blot try. Sinnertwin, help him Blot."

"Thanks for that, Sir Points-Out-The-Obvious-Alot," Sinnertwin huffs. "Now turn around so I can attempt to scrub that...is that /fur/?" The Terrorcon gags. How did Blot let himself get this bad? Why didn't anyone say anything? Doesn't anyone realize it's disgusting and not endearing in the least? "Bile..rising...nausea.." He covers his mouth with one hand and begins to scrub with the other.

Blot calms down, for now. He still smells really bad, though. He is literally covered with layer upon layer of disgusting goop. It kind of looks like a human baby, just newly born and covered in amneotic fluid. The main difference between Blot and a newborn? Blot is much less endearing. So, Blot sits still, like a content, disgusting, ugly baby.

Hun-Grrr has raised his optic ridges a slight amount. Dear Lord, this is getting frightening. "Him Sinnertwin no doing good job." He finally says. "Him use both hands." A pause, and then he steps forward. "Wait. Him Sinnertwin stop." He holds out his big old battle axe to Sinnertwin. "Try scrub once more. If no work, try scrape off with this. Maybe have more luck. Me glad me not Sinnertwin."

Sinnertwin pokes at some of the grime with a finger, only to have it scurry away. "UGH, BLOT! YOU HAVE ORGANISIMS LIVING ON YOU! OH MY GOD!" Sinnertwin looks away and begins to hurl.

Blot is (what else?) confused. "WHAT BE OR-GEE-NIMS?" Apparently very worried about these orgy-nims, Blot begins furiously scratching away at his arm where Sinnertwin was pointing, sending gobs of gobbledygook in all directions.

Sinnertwin looks back over at Blot only to have gobbledygook land all over him. "Stop! Stop! Blot stop NOW!" Sinnertwin leaps ontop of the other Terrorcon to restrain him, "Sinnertwin get this over with NOW!" Scrubba scrub scrub. He puts every ounce of his being into this task.

Hun-Grrr considers this for a moment as his axe is rejected. He even considers using his axe to help. But as Sinnertwin begins to go for the gutso he does the prudent thing. Transforming and backing away carefully... Hun-Grr drops down onto all fours with his torso rotating into position and both heads coming up. He is now a monsterous looking dragon!

 Hun-Grrr says, "Him Sinnertwin at least proving himself brave Decepticon."

Taken aback, Blot is assaulted by Sinnertwin. He attempts to retaliate, but as he grasps around Sinnertwin, trying to push Sinner off, Blot's joints freeze up, tangling him around Sinnertwin.

 Hun-Grrr says, "Him Sinnertwin doing something nobody else ever try! Hun-Grrr impressed!"

 Sinnertwin says, "KILL ME."

 Swindle says, "I'll need you to sign this will first."

"NO@ DON'T DO THAT! ACK!" He's in a chokehold. A smelly, greasy, furry, living chokehold. "Getoffgetoffgetoffgetoff!" he hisses, smacking Blot with the scrubber repeatedly.

 Ratbat mumbles to himself as you hear typing away in the background, "Hun-Grrr is impressed? They must be tripping over their IQ's."

<Decepticon> Dead End says, "must be"

<Decepticon> Dead End says, "are you all done being slag heads now?"

Blot is easily thrown from Sinnertwin. Still inert, Blot lands face down in the swamp. His joints have completely frozen, the massive amounts of internal lubrication having leaked out in the smelly mess. It seems that what little Sinnertwin was able to clean off has been replaced by the equally pungent lubricant.

Lean Mean Eating Machine is not a humane Decepticon. The proper thing to do right now would be to intervene. To provide some sort of help to Sinnertwin. But instead he sits back on his haunches. Both heads watch the scene unfolding curiously. "Think him Sinnertwin have to burn it off maybe." He offers. "Then him Sinnertwin going to need good bath."

<Decepticon> Dead End says, "I take you silence as a yes"

<Decepticon> Hun-Grrr says, "Hun-Grrr confused. Dead End talking smack to Terrorcons?"

<Decepticon> Hun-Grrr says, "....Hun-Grrr very confused. Thought Dead End not quite so stupid."

<Decepticon> Dead End says, "where have you been...you're all beneith me.."

Sinnertwin loses his balance and falls into the swampy water. A spacefrog jumps on his head and ribbits. Enough was enough. Hun-Grrr was right. Fire was the only way to win this battle. Sinnertwin transforms into his beast mode and rises from the water, "BLOT HOLD STILL!"

With a low growl, Sinnertwin transforms into a two headed beast.

<Decepticon> Hun-Grrr is speaking quietly and curiously, doesn't seem angry. ".....Hun-Grrr think audials malfunctioning."

<Decepticon> Sinnertwin says, "Oh no.."

<Decepticon> Dead End says, "if anyone needs me I'll be in the command center ...doing more than any of you ever do..."

<Decepticon> Swindle says, "Whoa there, Smiley. When they eat your head, can I have your stuff?"

<Decepticon> Hun-Grrr still seems, curiously enough, icily calm. "It okay, Swindle. Hun-Grrr look after it."

<Decepticon> Dead End there's just a laugh a quiet ..sadistic laugh

Blot has been in this situation before. No, not about to be set on fire by a fellow Terrorcon, but rather the seized up joints. It happens quite often, what with his leaking fluids and all. Blot has learned very little over his existence, but one thing has stuck with him, transform to break loose those bothersome joints. Blot opts to do just that, transforming into his 'thing' form, and completely unaware of what might be happening to him next.

Blot's form consildates, allowing his goofy claws to reemerge. His bulbous nose-face slides out from his chest, while his red eyes light up.

Lean Mean Eating Machine seems distracted by some conversation on the radio. "Going to eat him face." He says to nobody in particular. "Going to eat him face really good." But he comes back to normality when he sees Blot transform and Sinnertwin do also. Prudently, he steps back a little bit more.

<Decepticon> Ratbat muddles fuel equations under his exhaust, but just audible on the frequency. The tapping sound of typing barely audible in the background.

Splash splash splash. Sinnertwin stomps through the water, heads held high. "Stay still! Stay still! Blot be clean once and for all!" Both sets of jaws spread, the inside of their maws glowing faintly before erupting in streams of flame against poor Blot.

<Decepticon> Swindle says, "Okay. Hun-Grrr, if you want to eat him, I'm gonna need you to file a one forty-five stroke alpha stroke alpha form with the main office. There'll be a sixty-seven credit processing fee, and I'll take care of the rest of the paperwork for an additional twenty credits. Deal?"

<Decepticon> Hun-Grrr pauses. "Or Hun-Grrr could refrain from eating him Swindle's face if him Swindle prefer."

<Decepticon> Ratbat attempts to make sense of Hun-Grrr's raping of the English language, but gives up and sighs instead.

<Decepticon> Hun-Grrr bets Swindle understood.

<Decepticon> Swindle says, "Duly noted. Let me know if you change your mind."

Blot erupts into flames. The noxious fluids instantly ignite, quickly spreading over his entire body. The fire turns the leaking lubricant into an even smellier fume. To a human nose, it might smell like a pile of burning hair wrapped around a mound of dog feces. Blot frantically waves his flaming arms in the air. He has no concept of stop, drop, and roll. No idea that he is surrounded by a large quantity of a flame extinguishing substance. No, he just flails. "BLOT.. FEEL.. HOT!! HOT! HOT! HOT POTATO!" He runs around the swamp, a giant flaming monster.

Mechanical Orthrus <Sinnertwin> stares intensely at the flaming Blot for a good, long while before bursting into hoarse laughter. Oh, MAN! That was good stuff! He spits more fire on Blot. More. And more. And more! Then he accidently sets a tree on fire.

Hun-Grrr watches the flaming terrorcon for a moment or two. Little reflections of the fire rippling of his quad of optics. "BLOT. BLOT." He thunders. "HIM BLOT RUN THIS WAY." He waits for Blot to get close. Then waits for Blot to get closer. And then predictibly, both of his mouths open; spewing a fresh gout of flame towards the unfortunate one. "Him Blot stand there! We try to help! Let slime burn off! Stop him running!"

Mechanical Orthrus <Sinnertwin> guffaws loudly as Hun-Grrr only makes things worse (better?). "Sinnertwin help too! Help again! Hahaha!" He begins to belch fire on Blot's other side.

Blot is unaware of what his fellow Terrorcons are doing. To him, he thinks he spontaneously combusted. Despite his normally courageous demeanor, Blot is completely terrified. His entire world is one big flaming fireball, and considering his short memory, it seems his whole life has been in flames. Blot continues romping around the swamp. "BLOT BE FRIED! NO LIKE FRIES!"

Lean Mean Eating Machine transform again with a sigh and holds out his battle axe in front of Sinnertwin as a way of saying halt, like someone holding a stop sign in front of a car during one of those stupid stops for construction workers where you have like twenty guys and three huge machines to dig a little hole that one man could do himself. "It no good." He says. "Let burn off. Think maybe nothing we can do." He then waits for Blot to come closer in his romping and attempts to trip him with the axe so he falls in the water and douses it. "How him Blot feel? Him feel any cleaner?"

Mechanical Orthrus <Sinnertwin> stomps a foot down and splashes mud all over himself. Not like it matters. He's already filthy enough from this whole ordeal. He transforms back into robot mode and sits down with a plop, sighing with exhaustion. "Sinnertwin have headache. Need long, long rest.."

Sinnertwin unfolds into his robot mode. Egads!

Blot continues to flail helplessly as the fire continues to feed off of the perpetually secreting fulids. Eventually he flails right into Hun-Grrr's axe trap. Falling into the water right at his leader's feet, the flames are quickly doused, putting an end to the ball of fire ordeal. Blot's head reemerges from the water, looking up at Hun-Grrr. Answering him directly, Blot murmurs, "Blot feel sick." Opening his giant creature mouth, Blot proceeds to vomit up a number of unsavory liquids, the puke smelling even worse than Blot himself smelled like before.

Sinnertwin watches Blot puke and then pukes himself. It's contagious!

Lean Mean Eating Machine uses his axe to splash a bit more water on Blot. Then as Blot vomits up his slime he steps back quickly as to not get it on himself. Meanwhile, the already nasty swamp is being thoroughly polluted. "Hun-Grrr . . think Blot nasty. Think Blot very nasty." He pauses to think. "Blot. You go find medic to make sure you not burned too bad. Sinnertwin, you go have bath. Hun-Grrr . . . actually sorry that Hun-Grrr put him Sinnertwin through that, but you no tell anyone me ever said or me kill you and make you hug Blot."

Hug...Blot? A fate worse than death! "Sinnertwin lips sealed!" He makes a sipper motion of his mouth and grins. Alls well ends well.

Blot is an awful mess. The flames briefly scorched away the goop, but the polluted swamp water has begun to re-cover him in filth, and his own leaking frame is quickly replacing what was burned off. "Find medic soon," he replies, still laying on the ground, "Feel like fries." He collapses in fatigue.

Lean Mean Eating Machine considers for a moment. He wants to get Blot to the medical bay without actually touching him. This is going to require some thought. For a moment, the Terrorcon commander stares down at the prostrate sludge-monster. Then finally gets an idea. Reaching down, he hooks the curve of his axe in some bit of Blot's armor and begins to drag him towards the downed Decepticon vessel and towards medical aid. Drag, Drag, Drag. And so, thus ends the day that the Terrorcons tried to clean blot.

Some day they will look back on this and ask themselves: was it worth it? Perhaps. Perhaps.