2034 Olympics: Carly Witwicky vs. Blades Glad LW

Utopia Manor(#9887Rn) - Space

There's no place like utopia! And there's no place like Utopia Manor. A sprawling, palatial estate, Utopia Manor boasts the very finest of housing for athletes and travelers alike, with all the amenities - a pool, a sauna, restaurants, fully stocked kitchens for all manner of species, for those who would rather prepare their own repasts. The architectures is vaguely Space Spanish, with tiled roofs, an open courtyards filled with a lush, beautiful garden, lovely lattices. Really, the only hitch is that the place is pink all over and covered in hearts. Oh, and the wait-staff are all sapient ponies of unusual hue, real horses of a different colour.

Contents:

Igyak Rodeo!

Obvious exits:

 Apoidea  Coruscate Canyon   Volcano of Sorrow   Up

Carly Witwicky has arrived.

Spike Witwicky has arrived.

Spike Witwicky didn't really plan on Carly /actually/ fighting anyone. But Carly has the final say in his world, and this is why he's in a bathrobe, having been rushed out of the manor's saunas to referee. Some ponies trail after him with food trays. "I'm really not comfortable with you fighting anyone Carly!" he attempts.

Carly is sitting atop a pastel pony, idly combing its hair. She stares at Spike like he is absolutely insane, dying inside as she sees he is wearing his bathrobe like some sort of cut price Arthur Dent. "What? No, Spike, I'm not going to fight, I said 'come out, this is all right'." She shakes her head with a sigh. "Pony World is so disappointing. I had a wander over to the Crack of Despair earlier and stood listening to the screaming souls of the damned for a while. I feel that I should complain under the trades description act."

Blades arrives at Utopia Manor after a bevy of, "No, I am /not/ a flutter pony, no I am /not/ a pegsis, no, I am /not/ a gryphon, what even gives?" He transforms and crosses his arms, tapping his foot. Blades also feels uncomfortable about this fight, which is weird. Yes, Blades has an unhealthy violence fetish. However, for one thing, Blades like fighting other Transformers the best. Blood just isn't as good as energon, to him. For another thing, Blades is a Protectobot, and some of Hot Spot's enthusiastic lectures have made it into his head. Carly is a Good Human. Blades is supposed to PROTECT Good Humans. It's not like Carly is Compton Xabat. Slag that guy. Blades would totally step on him, given the chance, even though Compton Xabat is already dead. Blades would step on Compton Xabat's unthemely sparkly vampire form. Slag that guy.

But Carly. Blades just doesn't want to do this. He tromps on over to the Witwickies, and he asks, "So could I just play Carly in checkers or something?"

Spike Witwicky looks relieved. "Well... Did you check out the saunas? They've got food too. So much food!" He takes a fritter from the pony waiter's tray, and regards Blades with a gracious smile, "I think that's a /great/ idea Blades. Watch out though, she's a mean checkerist."

Carly stares at Blades like he's insane. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

ONE MONTH AGO

"I WOULD LIKE TO REGISTER FOR THE OLYMPICS IN THE BLOODIEST FIGHT POSSIBLE!" A gigantic armoured alien slams an axe down onto the desk.

The attendant looks up. "Name?"

"KAR-LEE WITT-WOCKY!"

"Yeah yeah, got it!"

NOW

Carly frowns. "I don't know, I really came here to comb ponies, I don't even have a checker board!"

Blades covers half his face with a hand and offers, "...I could... get into a pony mane combing competition with Carly? Ehm." He pulls out the Olympic match schedule assignment list thing and waves it around. "It says I'm supposed to fight Carly? Which... I was hoping I'd get, like... a Decepticon. And then I could beat him up and it would be great?" So great! "I didn't wanna fight a... nice human like Carly, that just seems weird?"

Blades covers half his face with a hand and offers, "...I could... get into a pony mane combing competition with Carly? Ehm." He pulls out the Olympic match schedule assignment list thing and waves it around. "It says I'm supposed to fight Carly? Which... I was hoping I'd get, like... a Decepticon. And then I could beat him up and it would be great?" So great! "I didn't wanna fight a... nice human like Carly, that just seems weird?" "Well you two have to compete somehow..." Spike looks at the pony that Carly is combing and sighs. "The 'cons are winning the Olympics and we're over here amongst ponies. Blades... do you know how to braid?" Carly looks up at Blades in horror. "I'm not a Decepticon! I'm an honorary Autobot!" She fishes about in her pocket, and pulls out her honorary Autobot medal. It is a bit battered as it has been used to prop up a table for a good few years. \"Hah, do I know how to braid!?" Blades replies, putting a hand over his Autobot symbol, "Who do you think has been teaching rope-making and ginger beer tricks to Girl Scouts at summer camp for the last ten years?"%r%rThe real question is why Blades was allowed to go back. Or why Blades was at Girl Scout camp and not Boy Scout camp. Eternal mysteries.%r%rHe puts his hands up. "I know that you're an Autobot! That's why I don't want to fight you! ...I guess if you were an honorary Decepticon, I'd probably fight you? Hmm."%r%rBlades muses on the idea of fighting a Decepticon-allied human. Yeah... he'd totally step on a sucker like that. "Hah, do I know how to braid!?" Blades replies, putting a hand over his Autobot symbol, "Who do you think has been teaching rope-making and ginger beer tricks to Girl Scouts at summer camp for the last ten years?"

The real question is why Blades was allowed to go back. Or why Blades was at Girl Scout camp and not Boy Scout camp. Eternal mysteries.

He puts his hands up. "I know that you're an Autobot! That's why I don't want to fight you! ...I guess if you were an honorary Decepticon, I'd probably fight you? Hmm."

Blades muses on the idea of fighting a Decepticon-allied human. Yeah... he'd totally step on a sucker like that.

Good enough for Spike. NICE AND SAFE. "Okay Blades, take this pony!" He nudges forth one of the pastel pony waiters. "Fastest braid this round. Ready-set-go!"

"Right!" Carly cracks her knuckles as she slides off the pony she was sitting on. "I will take uh, MINTY FLOWER TOSS!" She carefully takes hold of the pony's tail hair and starts to seperate it. WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

Combat: Carly Witwicky compares her Agility to Blades's Agility: Failure :(

"ARGH!" Carly is kicked in the face by the marshmallow-like hooves of the pony. She goes flying into a nearby well

Blades sits down in the pasture, cross-legged, and says to the waiter, "Now do you prefer French braid or Dutch braid? And uh... I'm Blades."

"I'm Horse D'Oeuvres!" says the waiter, in a French accent. "Of course I want a French braid!"

So Blades put his useless Protectobot skills to the test and gives the waiter a French braid. Somewhere, Groove slow-claps at nothing at all.

"Carly! Jeez, bad horse!" Spike wags his finger at the Minty Flower Toss and goes to help Carly up. "Looks like you win this round Blades. All right, try again, this time be creative!" Spike is definitely qualified to judge braids.

Carly clambers out of the well, a wooden bucket on her head. "Thank you Spike," she grumbles, staring at his dressing gown. "If it gets windy this won't end well for anyone!" She sneakily approaches the pony from the left this time, waving a sugar cane at it. "Come on Minty, come on, atta girl, come on!" She reaches out to try and braid it...

Combat: Carly Witwicky compares her Intelligence to Blades's Intelligence: Failure :(

Carly manages to put a lovely braid in the pony's mane! But then she stands back and goes "Argh!" It turns out that in her confusion, she accidently braided the hair of a GOAT instead! Minty is a good few metres away! The goat goes "baa" and then trots over to Spike to eat his dressing gown.

Blades has to do something creative to Horse D'Oeuvres's already-stunning French braid. He considers for a long moment, and then suggests, "Well... you like the culinary arts, right?"

The pony nods enthusiastically.

"...let me make a bunch of knives dangle off your mane! Then you can whip it around and shank... uh... what kind of enemies do ponies have, anyway?" Blades rubs his head, but in any case, he ends up weaponizing a pony's mane. Creative!

Spike Witwicky holds his bath robe tighter. "I was rushed! I thought you needed me!" He groans when Carly manages to braid the wrong animal. She's a lot smarter when it comes to machines, he swears. "Well it was a nice braid but you don't get any points for it. Focus Carly!" He moves to judge Blades' knife style brade. "Jiminy Christmas! Uhm... well it's... WELL it's on the correct animal. Blades wins this round! Okay, last round. Find some use for your braid!"

Blades has to find a use for his braid? He already found a use for his braid! He prompts, "Okay, Horse D'Oeuvres, you can go fight your enemies with your braid now!"

"I... I don't have any enemies. Not even bees. I just have friends," the pony tenders, shuffling his hooves around shyly.

"Oh," Blades says. Think, Blades, think! "...could you chop vegetables with it?"

The pony tries and...

Combat: Blades compares his Accuracy to Carly Witwicky's Accuracy: Success!

Horse D'Oeuvres totally chops up a whole bunch of onions. Cry. :(

Carly approaches the horse again, this time trying to be more accurate. "Come on Minty, come on!" she coos, holding up a lovely piece of ribbon.

FIVE MINUTES LATER

"ARGH!" Carly runs towards the well, diving in as she is on fire :c

Spike Witwicky is impressed with the chopping of vegetables! "That's some good braiding- holy crap! Carly!" He runs after her, bath robe flapping. "Uh, BLADES WINS! Carly stop drop and roll!"

Carly hauls herself out of the well, singed and soaking. She looks up to see Spike running towards her, bathrobe flapping in the wind. She instantly claps her hands to her eyes to save herself from the ghastly sight, and instantly falls back in again

Blades runs to go looking for a fire extinguisher, holy slag! Hot Spot would be so upset about the lack of fire safety going on here. Winning does not register on the Protectobot.

Spike Witwicky ties his robe. >:( And reaches down to grab her again. "For pete's sake Carly!"

Blades returns with a pastel fire extinguisher. He gently covers Carly with a load of Angel Delight pudding, which will surely extinguish the fire that she... oh, the fire's out? She's all wet? WHY is the fire extinguisher full of Angel Delight pudding?

Horse D'Oeuvres prances around proudly.

Blades says, "Uhm."