Decepticon Board Archive December 2029

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/43                     Posted        Author AAR: D-Parvenu X.mp3              Mon Dec 01    Shockwave -- An audio file dictated by Shockwave.

"After action report, Delta Parvenu Ten. Commanding officer Shockwave reporting.       "'Catechism,' Shade, Americon and I descended from the Absolution to the planet, encountering Grimlock, Sideswipe, Gears, one of Blaster's inane minions and a generic Autobot referred to as 'Clutch.' Although the sparse native inhabitants of the jungle planet appear primitive, they are under the protection and guidance of a silicate life form of significant intellect, possessing notable abilities in xenocultural research and metallurgy. An initial attack revealed the presence of deflector plating of good quality in the shields and deceptively non-ornamental body armor of the natives. "The silicate being, self-designated "Al-Manaq," is effectively invulnerable to harm, and extremely long-lived. It is a stone head approximately thirty feet in height, growing out of the bedrock. As an aside it closely resembles stone heads located on Earth, a fact which may bear closer examination when time allows, particularly since it was in possession of a set of 'Beauty and the Beast' DVDs, obviously acquired on Earth.       "Al-Manaq was only partially amenable to bargaining, unmoved by my threat of deforestation and by the Autobots' moral arguments. It set a series of physical tests before both our team and the Autobots: skill, strength, reaction time, ability to withstand pain and weariness. I defeated the Autobots in every test and was awarded a cylindrical stone object bearing encrypted glyphs which Al-Manaq described as being a clue to the whereabouts of the Matrix of Leadership. "It was at this point in the mission that 'Catechism' shed a holographic disguise and revealed himself to be the traitor Fleet, who seized and escaped with the codex under fire from both our forces and the Autobots. I recommend that Catechism change her color scheme so that this does not happen again. Fortunately Al-Manaq simply produced a second codex for me, since I had legitimately won its challenge.       "Unfortunately for Lord Cyclonus' collection, the planet possesses no postal service, and therefore we were unable to collect any postage stamps. Apart from the nigh-indestructible temple to Al-Manaq it also contains no significant material resources. Refined energy sources are unknown there. Overall it is not a particularly useful planet. "I am currently decrypting the codex to determine the next planet on our itinerary. Initial results suggest a warning or taboo. End of line."

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/44                     Posted        Author Changing of the Colours           Mon Dec 01    Catechism -- A Decepticon of a model that appears to be a coneheaded Seeker shows up on the screen. It is sporting an eye-searing violet-indigo and cyan paintjob that is only barely salvaged by some blessedly cool black. It's similar to a paintjob that Ramjet has been known to sport occasionally, but the wings aren't quite right for Ramjet. Finally, the Decepticon speaks, and it is Catechism! "Air Commander Catechism reporting. Taking Commander Shockwave's suggestion, I have repainted myself in, ah... what the Absolution's medical ward had left over."

The true secret of G2 paintjobs: they happen when the medical ward is out of all the non-painful colours.

She holds up a chart of her old, subdued blue-grey colouring and explains, "If you see someone who looks like this, it's probably Fleet, so kill him with death. The sooner he's dealt with, the sooner I can ditch this new paintjob."

She salutes and concludes, "The Empire prevails. Catechism, out."

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/45                     Posted        Author Addendum: Codex                   Tue Dec 02    Shockwave -- Shockwave's "face" appears briefly on the monitor.

"I have decrypted the codex. Set course for Planet Bakrane, in the Cron Nebula."

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/46                     Posted        Author Agnorax                           Thu Dec 04    Mortex -- The screen fades on to the sunken red optics of the skeletal Decepticon medic, Mortex. The Necrocon's skull grin opens as he begins to speak, his voice like rusty gears and hinges creaking too fast for their respective attaches and screaming in protest.

"The search for the Matrix has turned up new information, new secrets, new everything," he practically cackles, shrill voice piercing through the air. "Maxitran's suicide left us with a valuable clue, thanks to his own stupidity...he found the Matrix, with the resources of 'Agnorax'. Make of this what you will, oh Great and Powerful Decepticon Masters."

There's just the slightest hint of mockery in that tone, but not enough to truly -be- mocking...more a subtle jab at the title itself.

"Oh, and of course," he continues, "The natives of the planet are...sentient, now...ripe for conquest...or spare parts!" And with that, the screen blips off, but not before the piercing, penetrating laughter, rusty gears turned to overdrive shrilly screaming in protest at being turned, echoes through the room.

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/47                     Posted        Author Trypticon's Failure! Wed Dec 10   Divebomb -- Divebomb appears, and immediately begins speaking. "The Predacons took a little trip to the so-called 'United Kingdom' on Earth. Never you mind what we were up to there. Unlike the clumsy Seekers or Sweeps, we evaded detection by travelling through the peculiar nation-state of France and then made our way to London. A true hunter knows when to employ stealth. When there we met an EDC Exo-Suit...hardly a worthy challenge, although Tantrum seemed to enjoy sending it packing." Divebomb thinks about it. "Well, no, he didn't acually /seem/ to 'enjoy' it. But he enjoyed it. Trust me on this, you just have to know him, okay?"

Divebomb shakes his head to get himself back on track. "Er...moving on. We didn't spend much time in London, because on the outskirts of the city what do you think we noticed? The Autobots' city-fortress Metroplex, that's what! Which means one thing..." He pauses dramatically.

"Trypticon has failed! He's hardly worthy of the title of primative. Predaking is the greatest warrior! Predaking!!"

Then he adds politely, "Divebomb, out."

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/48                     Posted        Author Stupid Holograms                  Thu Dec 11    Catechism -- Catechism appears in her horrible temporary paintjob, and she reports, "While investigating the Spectral Climbs, we were forced into a landing by an unknown gravity well. We found a planet full of dead people and stupid holograms, though Shadow says that one of them might not be a hologram." She crosses her arms, disgruntled. "Emperor Galvatron, Shadow, Mortex, and I were on scene. We didn't find the Matrix, but the holograms claimed it was there and that they shot it at Planet Turnbuckle after it killed them all. This... might not be the right Matrix, but we have to check it out. Emporer Galvatron was... possessed by some of the holograms. I have deposited him the Absolution's medical bay for retrofitting with a better firewall to prevent future incidents. Air Commander Catechism, out."

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/49                     Posted        Author Secondary Orders                  Sat Dec 13    Catechism -- Text Only

While the primary orders are, of course, to seek the Matrix, Aerospace - and Space, I am looking at /you/ - is now under secondary orders to scout out Trypticon's current condition and to attempt to recover him, if at all possible. The Autobots have their wretched Metroplex back; the Empire /needs/ its giant dinosaur. Air Commander Catechism, out.

End of File

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/50                     Posted        Author Goth-A-Go-Go                      Tue Dec 16    Geist --

Text Report TO: *.decepticon FROM: Geist SUBJECT: The Matrix To all Decepticons who read, this race for the Autobot Matrix of Leadership appears to be over, and the Autobots have regained their precious symbol. Tainted as it may be. For details, read on. Lord Cyclonus, or at least a reasonable facsimilie with that... substitute head he was granted for a short time, tracked the Autobots vessel, the Orion Pax, to the planet called 'Goth'. Through his grating substitute vocals he relayed his desire to fulfill Lord Galvatron's wish to obtain the Matrix as well as his own desire to extract a revenge. We touched down on the planet, a relatively inhospitable world of mountains and storms. We Sweeps quickly found that the inhabitants of this planet were subterrainian. The Autobots, through the rapid transport of Sky Lynx, reached the center of the underground community first. Some nonsense with the natives leader ensued about story telling. Cyclonus ordered Sunder and I to kill Rodimus Prime. We attacked, he retreated with Sky Lynx's aid. Disappointing. Catechism took the reigns of dealing with the investigation into the whereabouts of the Matrix when Cyclonus, most likely malfunctioning, tore his own head off and rendered himself deactivated. For some reason, a 'ghost' of Alpha Trion appeared claiming the Matrix was safe in his care. This was a ruse, and a lab of some sort was revealed. Thunderwing was behind the ruse and held the Matrix in containment. He blathered on like he always does. He attempted a planet-wide destruct via some sort of blackhole nonsense. Catechism put an end to that while Thunderwing fled. Then a scramble for the Matrix went on for some time. In the end, it was through Sky Lynx's escape that the Autobot Red Alert was finally able to make off with the Matrix which had exchanged hands... and jaws... many times in the fight. Sunder and I had delayed Sky Lynx from their trophy for a time. But Catechism, Buzzsaw, and Hinder ultimately were overpowered and out-pinched by Red Alert, Kup and the repeated assists by one of either of Sky Lynx's two halves. Hinder held onto the Matrix feircely to the very end. But overpowered. I can't help but wonder how much more successful we would have been if Cyclonus had not been in such a poor state, unfit for mission leadership at that particular time... Of note, his head... ~A hologram of the sphere with horns is displayed~ ... his head went missing in all the chaos. If he has survived his self-decapitation, perhaps a better one ought to be installed before another embarrassing malfunction costs us critically in the field again. Long live Galvatron, iron will of the Empire.

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/51                     Posted        Author Addendum                          Tue Dec 16    Geist --

Geist suddenly appears on screen as soon as the text report is closed. "Oh, and that taint in the Matrix I mentioned... it is UNICRON!" He smirks as if he just jumped out and spooked someone with a well timed 'Boo!' "Seriously. See Catechism for the details." ~Spinny with an uncomfortable quality about it~

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/52                     Posted        Author Tidings from Goth                 Tue Dec 16    Catechism -- Catechism appears, in the medical ward of Absolution. She appears to have been kicked in the head. Grimly, she reports, "As Geist explained, Thunderwing would appear to be behind the theft of the Matrix. You have to take anything the guy says with a grain of salt - he did think that wearing shells made out of meat were a good idea, after all. On the other hand, Rodimus Prime backed him up on this, so... remember Neocron, that mini-size Unicron made by the Quintessons a few years ago? Remember how the real Unicron somehow possessed Neocron? Apparently, Rodimus Prime ended up stuffing Unicron's essence inside the Matrix after that debacle." She sniffs disdainfully. "Leave it to an Autobot to gunk up a sacred artifact that belongs to /all/ Transformers. Because the Matrix was corrupted, Thunderwing tried to suck everything into a black hole, but I managed to disable the device. He's a smart guy, but he over-thinks things."

"Thunderwing indicated that Tornedron was a possible, but failed, solution to destroying Vector Zeta. MSE, with Scrapper... ill, I must request that you look into Tornedron and see if you can replicate or improve it, to stand against what is to come. Thunderwing also claimed that the dead Galvatron clone could have stood against Vector Zeta, but he refused to tell me what was so special about that clone." She scowls and crosses her arms.

"He did seem to believe that there must be another way. Aerospace, I want Thunderwing brought in, alive. He knows too much to be allowed to simply die. I also want a more thorough investigation of Alkor Zephyr. If we cannot destroy Vector Zeta outright, our only recourse may be to stitch Vector Zeta away in the Fifth, as Straxus did before us. Dark times are ahead of us, but the Empire prevails. Air Commander Catechism, out."

Glowering Decepticon spinny!

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/53                     Posted        Author Matrix Debrief                    Tue Dec 16    Cyclonus -- Cyclonus' decapitated body rests on a gurney in medbay. Slowly, with hydraulic hissing, technicians lower a perfect replica of his original head onto his shoulders, making fine adjustments.

Cyclonus' optics blare open into a burst of light, and his voice is that same gravelly tone as always, as he lurches towards the camera.

"Decepticons! Do not fear, this is not a setback, this is a TRIUMPH. The Autobots are scared, weak, while we are strong. And we know that Unicron LIVES inside the Matrix. And we know WHERE the Matrix is!" He starts to pound his hand into his fist. "Attack the Autobots, throw your bodies against their cannons, lay a trail of OIL to the Matrix itself so that Lord Galvatron may possess it and the infinite power that lies within!"

He pauses. "Secondary note: The experimental temporary head was a failure. Technician Oilstain is to be reassigned to the /smelting pits/"

A firm grimace passes his face. "And Geist, you are to be congratulated on such a... full report. As reward I will widen the remit of medtech to emcompass Sweep systems." He leans forwards, his voice hard. "MSE, your new task is to DISCOVER THE TENSILE STRENGTH OF SWEEPS"

He leans back against the gurney as the technicians finish their delicate task. "That will be all. Failure is NOT an option"

(OOC: Go maaaaad people! Maaad!)

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/54                     Posted        Author re: Sharkticon Bartender          Thu Dec 18    Sunder -- 

I request that the performance of the Sharkticon Bartender on the Absolution be evaluated. On five seperate occasions he mixed drinks that have caused illness severe enough to require treatment at the medical bay. It is my contention that he is unfit to serve drinks in any capacity unless drastic corrective measures to his programming are taken. Anyone who wishes to not be poisoned by that slop is hereby given full warning, if you feel unwell after having drinks in the Absolution's bar.

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/55                     Posted        Author Priority One - Fate of Galvatron  Sat Dec 20    Cyclonus -- Cyclonus appears on the screen, his look dour, his fists clenched and shaking as he talks.

"Decepticons! A tragic blow has been struck against us. But it is a blow that shall not go unavenged!"

He leans forwards, his optics gleaming bright red as he shakes a fist at the screen. "Our leader Galvatron struck a clever alliance with the rogue creation factory Vector Zeta. Allying us with the Fallen, Galvatron merged with Zeta, using the material within the moon of Dis to build himself a glorious new form with which to rend Vector Sigma from Cybertron and replace it with a creation factory allied soley to us!"

The image shifts to show a Unicron-sized Galvatron, glowing with power in the orbit of Cybertron, Autobot and Decepticon ships scattered before him.

Cyclonus looks down. "Alas. The Autobots penetrated Galvatron's body, and after a pitched battle, the powers of the Matrix was used to annihilate him and the creation factory within. The destruction was immense, creating readings off the scale of every known scale."

The image shifts to show the Unicron-sized Galvatron exploding, his head spinning off into space

Cyclonus stares at the screen, slamming down his fist. "Air Commander Catechism was also present during the explosion, but unlike others, failed to escape. Until a body is recovered, she is to be filed as Missing, Presumed Dead."

"Intelligence suggests that those under the influence of Vector Zeta, namely Fleet and Scrapper, have been returned to their right minds. I expect a full debrief."

He leans forwards. "Decepticons, do not fear. Galvatron is NOT dead, he WILL return to us. All forces are to consolidate and begin the search for Galvatron. I have full faith, AS SHOULD YOU that our Lord lives despite the evidence to the contrary, and will return to crush the miserable Autobots. For now, the Absolution and Charr awaits!"

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/56                     Posted        Author Astrotrain... Wed Dec 24   Astrotrain --

Contact has been lost with Astrotrain while on deep space survey of the site of Galvatron's explosion. Whereabouts currently unknown. The seeker's are said to be holding a 'good riddance!' party.

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==================== Decepticon ================================= Message: 2/57                     Posted        Author Explanation of Absence            Wed Dec 31    Catechism -- Backlit and back to the camera, a garish purple and cyan coneheaded model sits, attended to by a pair of medical gumbies - even with the bad light, some injuries are manifest. A firm female voice reports crisply, "Air Commander Catechism reporting. Not dead, clearly. I am also pleased to report that Avalanche and Astrotrain are also among the living. I am less pleased to report that Fireflight, Kup, Red Alert, and Springer also survive."

"When our Emperor exploded, we were not killed, as common rumour would have suggested. Instead, we were blown through a tear in reality into a different reality, wherein the Autobots were cruel conquerors and the Decepticons were weak and pathetic." He voice turns extremely disgusted there. "Worse, according to that reality's native Fulcrum, our inherent molecular vibrational frequencies were out of sync with that universe, causing accelerated entropic decay. We would have been dead in a few weeks."

"The native Shockwave managed to jumpstart Vector Sigma to open a portal to send us home. Under heavy fire, we escaped - even the displaced Autobots, unfortunately."

Her injuries finally patched, Catechism hisses lowly to one of the gumbies and then to the other, "Just my normal blue-grey. No flames. And /no/ spoiler."

The paint applied, she at last turns to the camera, glaring balefully, and concludes, "I can only hope that those alternate dimensional Decepticons finally figured out that fighting and conquest are the creationrights of all our kind. Air Commander Catechism, out."

Spinny

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