2033 Olympics: Whirl vs. Franklin Cross

Cascades

The state's most rugged mountains, the Cascades consist of high, craggy peaks, jewel-like lakes, and lush evergreen forests. A relatively young mountain range, the Cascades are dotted with volcanos like the dormant and glacier-crowned Mount Ranier, the awe-inspiring and still active Mount St. Helens, and Mount St. Hillary, the Autobots' first home on Earth.

Contents:

The Spire

Mount St. Hillary

Obvious exits:

Fly < Up > leads to Skies above the Western United States.

Out < O > leads to Washington.

Whirl has arrived.

In front of the Ark, numerous (unplayed) Minibots are lounging about expectantly. Something lands before Mt. St. Helens, and the minibots are about to cheer when they see it's FRANKLIN CROSS! Or rather, his jump tank, having just deployed from a passing cargo plane. He awaits his opponent.

Blades has arrived.

Scattershot has arrived.

Groove has arrived.

High in the sky, a little dot dances around in the distance; bobbing and weaving and bouncing around all over the place. As it gets closer, it becomes apparent that it's none other than Whirl: Coolest Wrecker ever! The baby blue helicopter comes in low, blowing leaves and grass and whathaveyou all over the place before transforming and landing with a loud THUD before the jump tank.

"Let's do this!"

Whirl transforms into a crazy robot. Wreck and Rule!

Blades has his clipboard and whistle. He tries to look stern and judicial, but it is just a variation on his usual 'going to stab someone' slouch. He looks at Cross's jump-tank sidelong and then sits himself down on the ground. To heckle or not to heckle. Fortess Maximus told him to knock it off. He had punishment duty afterwards. Also, this creep is in really tight with First Aid. Blades still has these nightmares that Cross is going to flip out and dismember First Aid in a dark alley and then do unspeakable things to First Aid's pieces. Maybe he shouldn't agitate the guy.

Maybe.

Blades gives Whirl a smile and a friendly wave but does not get up. Instead, he pulls out his dice and asks, "Someone call high or low?"

Franklin Cross emits, "Low," from his tank.

Franklin Cross hops into his jump tank!

"High." Groove is standing next to Blades.

"I'm going to go with Groove's suggestion on this one," Whirl replies.

Blades raises one hand to his face and groans, "You can't do it that way! Ugh, if Cross gets low, he's going first."

Cross had BETTER not murder First Aid in a dark alley now.

GAME: Blades rolls a (6)-sided die:

ROLL: Whirl rolled a 3

ROLL: Franklin Cross rolled a 3

GAME: Blades rolls a (6)-sided die:

ROLL: Franklin Cross rolled a 5

ROLL: Whirl rolled a 4

Amber MacKenzie arrives from Washington.

Amber MacKenzie has arrived.

Blades looks about ready to murder his dice when they come up threes, and then they come up... "...ugh. Cross wanted low, but he got high, so Whirl is going first. No help from the audience, but all weapons are fair game. Heh heh. Fair."

Scattershot has left.

< EDC > Apocryphacius makes an incoherent stuttering noise.

Whirl thought for sure Blades would be using a pair of loaded dice but whatever, he gets to go first anyway. "Before we start, I would just like to say that I am a huuuuuge fan. Of your mustache, that is! It's pretty amazing." In true Wrecker fashion, Whirl just runs full speed at the jump tank. His plan of action? To kick it. Yes, that's right, he's going to kick the hell out of that tank. Deal with it.

Combat: Whirl sets his defense level to Aggressive.

Combat: Whirl misses Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Tank Kick (Kick) attack!

< EDC > Franklin Cross says, "Apocryphacius is something wrong? Make it quick because I'm fighting an Autobot."

< EDC > Apocryphacius says, "Er. There might be Autobots listening in. Sorry, sir."

Melody Reynolds arrives from Washington.

Melody Reynolds has arrived.

Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > simply reverses at the last second, letting the kick whiff. "*Thanks,*" he replies in return to the odd comment about the mustache. "They look better on humans than robots, though, wouldn't you agree?" As he backs up, his machine gun pelts Whirl with bullets.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Guarded.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > misses Whirl with his Brapppp (Disruptor) attack!

Amber MacKenzie was hoping that there's a crowd for this Olympic match; she'd blend in better. For some odd reason, she doesn't want to be spotted. A certain moustached man is in a mobile weapon, and "accidents" happen. She slips between tall trees and around bristling bushes, eventually finding a nice vantage point from which to watch. Within the shade of a boulder and a tree, she sits down.

Combat: Amber MacKenzie slips into the shadows and out of sight...

Blades 's dice are baked, rather than loaded, he thinks. He has to admit, "Wreck-Gar's moustache is okay, but Scourge's is total weaksauce."

"Well, it really depends on the robot," Whirl replies as he does a sweet dive roll away from the tank and it's bullet spewing machine gun. "For example, the Sweeps look terrible with their littl mustache beard combo but I think Rodimus could pull it off okay." He returns fire, shooting at the jump tank with the photon beam cannon he equipped to his pincher claw arm before arriving. He can't really hold anything so he just welds it to where his hands would be, it's kind of sad but also hilarious.

Combat: Whirl strikes Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Photon Beam attack! [Pulled -1]

Combat: You took 7 damage.

Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > winces as the photon beam smacks against his armor in spite of his evasive maneuvering! "Time to step things up just a bit..." he thinks, accelerating towards Whirl. "That's ridiculous. Why do you have mustaches? You don't even hair. It's pointless. You're adding that much metal to your body for no logical reason." As he rushes forward, a drill pops out the front of his tank, threatening to drill right into one of his shins!

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Neutral.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > strikes Whirl with his Drill attack!

"Two out of two Autobots helicopters agree: Sweep facial hair is rubbish," Blades drawls, "Hey, why don't you put a big bayonet on your tank? That'd be rad, General Cross."

"There's a perfectly logical reason and that reason is to look absolutely fabulous. Unless you're a Sweep." Whirl shakes his head. "They're so ugly. Someone should really put them out of their misery.." Maybe Whirl should be the one to do it? It's something to think about, but not now because he should really be more focused on the drill currently tearing his shin apart.

"No! You should put TWO big bayonets on it!" the Wrecker chimes in, using the null-ray module on his arm to bludgeon the tank into submission.

Combat: Whirl misses Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Freaky Box Hand Slap (Punch) attack!

Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > replies, "No, because then I'd get stuck after stabbing someone with it, and THEN I'd probably just break it off." He sighs at Whirl's suggestion. "*Two?* That's ridiculous! I can see why neither of you are weapons engineers." His tank sproings over Whirl's head, letting the box hand smash on the ground underneath him, then he spins 180 degrees, trying to get behind Whirl to blast him with a laser cutter.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Guarded.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > strikes Whirl with his Laser attack!

Blades deadpans, "Because weapons engineering is boring. I let First Aid do it. It makes him kind of sad, though."

Whirl's hand or whatever it is you want to call it hits the ground instead of the tank it was supposed to hit and suddenly a realization comes to him. The jump tank can...jump!? He thought 'jump tank' was an ironic nickname or something. Ah well, the more you know. "Hey! I would be a great weapons engineer! I have this amazing idea for a gun that shoots swords. I'm still waiting for Crosshairs to get back to me on that one."

With that classic and copywritten transformation noise, Whirl transforms into his sick helicopter mode and shoots Cross' tank with a boring gun that just shoots bullets instead of swords. Siigh, one day his dream will be a reality.

Whirl transforms into a helicopter. So cool!

Combat: Bell AH-1 Cobra < Whirl > misses Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Kapew pew (Disruptor) attack!

Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > weaves across the base of the volcano as bullets impact all around him, ignoring the jeers of the displeased Minibots. "Why is everyone so surprised that this tank can jump? It's in the name!" Whirl assaults him with more idiocy. "A *sword* gun? You can't be serious!" As Whirl takes to the air, so does Cross, hurling himself upwards and using his jump jets to hover in mid-air. "Here's an idea for a gun. A weapon that disintegrates your kind down to the *atom." And from a port on the front of his tank, a copper lined barrel extends, firing a pale beam of disintegrating radiation!

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Fearless.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > strikes Bell AH-1 Cobra < Whirl > with his Cybercidic Radiation Ray attack!

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > 's risky attack leaves him temporarily incapacitated!

Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > 's jump jets sputter out and he flops down onto the ground. "Oh dear."

Blades admits, "A gun that shoots swords out almost makes guns cool. Awesome." Then he watches Cross nuke Whirl and frowns rather sourly. Yes, Blades is a dirty fighter, but... it just doesn't sit right with him, that cybercidic radiation. When Cross's tank jams, Blades had to cover his mouth to keep from laughing.

The disintegrating radiation does exactly what it's name says it does, it disintegrates Whirl's beautiful baby blue armor and leaves only crude, metal framework in it's place. It's acrually pretty cool, though it would be even cooler if it was happening to someone else. "/Your/ kind?" Whirl exclaims with feigned offense. "What do you mean /your/ kind? Is that some kind of racist thing? I'm going to be speaking to your PR guy about that one." Seeing as how Cross' tank crapped out, leaving him ever so vulnerable, Whirl takes full advantage of the situation and launches a fire grenade right at him.

Combat: Bell AH-1 Cobra < Whirl > strikes Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Heheheh Fire fire! attack!

Combat: You took 18 damage.

Kicking noises resound from inside the tank. He'd yell something back at Whirl, but with the PA system down no one outside the tank can hear it. And then, just as the lights come back on, the tank is awash with flames! "Ahhhh! Damn!" Cross says, beginning to sweat as the internal temperature rapidly climbs. "Sophia, turn on the damn AC before I bake! Full power!" He breathes a sigh of relief as cool air is blasted at him.

He grits his teeth, his tank pulling free of the flames. "You shouldn't worry about me just hurting your sensibilities, Autobot!" he snarls, his turret aiming at Whirl and spraying autocannon shells at him. Clearly the threat of a PR debacle doesn't worry him.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Aggressive.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > strikes Bell AH-1 Cobra < Whirl > with his 20mm HE Autocannon attack!

Combat: Used up 1 Autocannon Ammo. 5 remain.

For a moment there, Whirl wonders if setting a tank on fire while some guy is inside of it is such a good idea. He doesn't really care if Cross gets burned alive but his mustache is a completely different story. Maybe it will survive the flames and Whirl can adopt it as his own. Yeah, that sounds good..

While he's considering what brand of glue he should use to stick Cross' sweet facial hair to that stupid box he calls a face, Whirl is practically knocked out of the sky by the autocannon shells exploding against his chassis. The Wrecker transforms before crashing, hitting the ground in robot mode and standing tall on his hilarious ski feet. He glares at the tank with the most serious expression he can make, which isn't very serious considering his facial features (or lackthereof) make it impossible to convey any type of emotion, and opens fire with Autobot Red (tm) lasers.

Whirl transforms into a crazy robot. Wreck and Rule!

Combat: Whirl strikes Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Red Lasers (Laser) attack!

Combat: You took 7 damage.

Combat: Whirl's attack has damaged your Firepower!

Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > takes a laser beam to the hull, which pierces through and skewers a capacitor. Lights begin flickering throughout the tank. "Oh, dammit--" Cross mutters, oblivious to his opponent's insane thoughts. "Sophia, auto-pilot, drive... forward! Quickly, but keep it steady!" The tank's AI beeps at him, assuming a straight path as it drives past a Minibot. This minibot had been reclining on a barrel, pumping a fist and down as he cheered (I said CHEERED) Whirl on, but he panics and throws himself off the barrel with a Wilhelm scream.

While his tank takes care of that, Cross turns his tank turret towards Whirl, focusing the tank's scanners on him!

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Neutral.

Combat: Franklin Cross analyzes Whirl for weaknesses.

With the turrent pointed right at him and the tank making it's way over to where he's standing, Whirl does only the most sensible thing he could do in this situation.

He runs straight at it.

"YEAAAAH! Come on, shoot me!" he shouts, arms flailing around in the air as he runs. "You got me right in your sights, stop combing your perfectly grown mustache or whatever it is humans do with their mustaches and blow me away!" Once he gets close enough, Whirl just throws himself at the tank.

Combat: Whirl sets his defense level to Fearless.

Combat: Whirl strikes Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Tank Hug (Smash) attack!

Combat: You took 13 damage.

Combat: Whirl's attack has damaged your Accuracy!

"You want me to shoot at you!?" Cross roars as Whirl wraps himself around the tank. "I'll shoot at you, alright!" As it turns out, Whirl had positioned his torso directly over the missile racks in the back of the tank. Cross tries to turn the turret more to the left so it doesn't get caught in the blast. "HAVE SOME OF THIS AAHHHHHH!"

The missiles discharge right into Whirl's gut!

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Aggressive.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > strikes Whirl with his Image Recognition Missile attack!

Combat: Removing analysis data for Whirl.

Combat: Used up 1 Guided Missile. 1 remain.

Blades just nods along and mutters, "Typical Whirl."

The missiles erupt in an absolutely fantastic explosion that dislodges Whirl and sends him flying across the battlefield where he finally lands in a crumpled heap. His entire front has been blown to smithereens, leaving only a smoking, gaping wound where his chest one was; a torrent of glowing energon spilling out from within. One of his arms, the one with the null-ray module attached to it, was torn clean off his body by the explosion and was sent sailing through the air. It eventually lands on a Bumblebee repaint spectating by the Ark, hitting him in the head and knocking him right out of his seat.

And yet, Whirl is still in this fight. Normally there would be all sorts of alarms and warnings popping up in his head from all the damage he's sustained but he disabled those things yeeaaaarrss ago since they just kept getting in the way. "Ahahaha! Excellent!" the Wrecker laughs, his voice strained with pain, as he struggles to get back up onto his feet. "You have no idea how much I needed that! You're not such a bad guy after all, are you, Mister Cross?" He bends down and picks up a chunk of scorched blue armor, probably a piece of his shoulder, and chucks it at the tank with what little strength he has left. "Think you could do that again?"

Combat: Whirl strikes Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > with his Chunk O' Shoulder (Punch) attack!

Combat: You took 7 damage.

Combat: You are very aware that your life is in danger!

Combat: Whirl's attack has damaged your Velocity!

The chunk of scorched armor slams into the tank, and Cross is alarmed as the chunk actually pokes inside his cockpit! It didn't get too close, but the jagged chunk of metal poking out at him is disconcerting nonetheless! He stares at an MFD, reviewing the damage control reports. System failures abound everywhere! "Damn... can't fix the tank from in here... this is going to be risky! Sophia, evasive maneuvers! I'm stepping out!" The AI beeps plaintively at him, as if trying to dissuade him. "Do it! It's my only shot at beating the robot!"

(Editor's note: At this point, I decide to concede if Whirl can grab me, since, you know, squishy human)

And then, the canopy of his tank opens up, and Cross emerges from within, holding a toolbelt over his shoulder. Holding on carefully to handrails, he swings over to the backend, trying to repair his tank's engine over a few sparks from his welder. It's extremely risky, of course, and leaves him quite vulnerable... to anything!

Franklin Cross hops out of his jump tank!

Combat: Franklin Cross sets his defense level to Protected.

Combat: Franklin Cross quickly patches up some of his minor injuries.

Whirl picks up another chunk of armor, this one possibly from his thigh or even his robo crotch, it's hard to tell. He rears back his arm, readying for another throw, but he hesitates when he sees the jump tank's cockpit open and a mustachioed man emerge from inside. Cross is kind of (definitely) an asshole but Whirl admits the guy has balls and hates the Decepticons with a passion. Yeah, he hates Autobots too but Whirl is willing to overlook that. Plus, the guy is kind of crazy what with his weapons of mass destruction and eagerness to murder all robots and Whirl totally respects that in a way only another crazy person can.

So instead of brutally maiming Cross with a chunk of blown up armor, Whirl just nonchalantly struts up to the human and the jump tank he's working so hard to repair; towering over him and staring down at him with that unblinking optic of his. "Tell me the secrets of your mustache!" he suddenly demands, reaching down to snatch up Cross in that terrifying pincher hand of his.

Combat: Whirl misses Franklin Cross with his Manhandle (Grab) attack!

Despite not even being inside the tank anymore, the vehicle still jinks out of the way of Whirl's horrible clamp hands! Cross jerks back, dropping his welder. Well, it did its job. "You wanna know the secret, Autobot?" He pulls out a weird futuristic looking weapon from a holster on his hip. "A daily trim, a good comb, and a little conditioner. Which doesn't do you any good at all." And he squeezes the trigger on the weapon! Huh. Nothing happened. Or did it? Maybe Whirl will feel like it's harder to move for some reason, and like he's being crushed from the inside?...

Combat: Franklin Cross sets his defense level to Neutral.

Combat: Franklin Cross strikes Whirl with his Magnetic Disruptor attack! [Pulled -1]

Combat: That attack has slowed Whirl, making him less efficient.

Combat: You are running low on energon!

"A daily trim..a good comb.." Whirl is taking mental notes on Cross' mustache grooming regime and saving it somewhere in his crazy robot brain for a later time. Someday, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not for another thousand years, but someday that information will prove useful and Whirl will be glad he decided to save it.

But then he's struck by that bizarre weapon and his entire body feels heavy, like there's a some kind of incredible weight inside of him, inhibiting his movement and making it extremely difficult to do anything at all. Does he let that stop him? Hell no, what kind of piss poor Wrecker would he be if he did? He struggles to outstretch his arm again, pincher hand snapping at Cross to grab him by the pant leg and pull him off the tank. "What brand of conditioner do you use?"

Combat: Whirl misses Franklin Cross with his I Still Have So Many Mustache Questions! (Grab) attack!

Oh, no, Whirl's pincher's got Cross' pant leg! "Gah!" he grunts, pulling his leg away, tearing the fabric. Then it occurs to him... is a conversation about utter nonsense distracting him? "I use... ah... OwensArcres' Beard and Mustache Conditioner. Pretty good, and comes at a fairly low price for what you get..." He says, climbing back inside the tank. He falls in upside down. "Oof!" But his AI's chirping happily at him! "Yes, yes, save it for when we win, Sophia. Let's finish this!" The tank's cockpit seals up, and turret pivots about, aiming at the Wrecker.

"Now, if you want some Autocannon tips, here's a few!" Cross says before a hail of gunfire erupts from his turret!

Franklin Cross hops into his jump tank!

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > sets his defense level to Aggressive.

Combat: Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > strikes Whirl with his 20mm HE Autocannon attack!

Combat: Whirl falls to the ground, unconscious.

Combat: Used up 1 Autocannon Ammo. 4 remain.

Blades stares at the results and then says, "Uh, okay, now get out of the tank so that I can hold up your hand and declare you winner."

Jump Tank < Franklin Cross > 's hatch pops open, and Cross steps out to a chorus of boos from the minibots. He doesn't even look at them. Regardless, he awaits having his hand help up. Hopefully the Protectobot won't try to dislocate his arm or something.

Franklin Cross hops out of his jump tank!

"Where do you buy it? Do you get it from the internet or do they sell it at space Wal-Mart?" Whirl inquires but Cross is already back inside his tank. "How rude, we were in the middle of a very enlightening conversation!" He can only stare as the turrent spins around and points right at him, the Wrecker just shrugging nonchalantly before he's struck by more autocannon shells and falls to the ground in a smoking heap.

If he was still concious, he would shake Cross' hand and thank him for all the mustache advice.

Blades holds out his little finger to gingerly lift Cross's hand into the air. He says cheerily, "Now you're a real winner! How does it feel, having Whirl's innards all over your tank?"

"Good," Cross says, hand raised. "But when he wakes up, tell him that I get it online." Well, at least he's that sportsmanlike.

Blades ponders a moment, "I think Whirl would like that. Both of those things. So, good show for humanity, I guess?"

Amber MacKenzie leaves the Cascades.

Amber MacKenzie has left.

You receive a radio message from Amber MacKenzie: Congratulations, General.

You send a radio message to Amber MacKenzie: Eh?

You receive a radio message from Amber MacKenzie: Nice performance against Whirl.

You send a radio message to Amber MacKenzie: Hm, yes, well, it was a narrow victory.

You receive a radio message from Amber MacKenzie: Yes, but your tactics were superior.

You send a radio message to Amber MacKenzie: I suppose. I took too much of a risk getting out. It's just an Olympics game, why endanger my own life?

You receive a radio message from Amber MacKenzie: An excellent point, sir. It puzzles me why you did. Or is it just competitiveness?

You send a radio message to Amber MacKenzie: I suppose so.

Franklin Cross nods. "Something like that." And, victory in hand, he climbs back into his tank and drives off, no doubt for shenanigans!

You receive a radio message from Amber MacKenzie: Anyway, congratulations again, sir.