2031 Olympics - Jazz & Perceptor vs Blast Off & Backfire

Six Lasers - Cheyne Barrens

The Cowboy Planet is right next to the Gangster Planet and the Nazi Planet.

Cheyne would be still a sad sack of a barren wasteland were it not for Six Lasers. Trillions of credits and man hours have gone into terraforming this planet in order to provide a breathable atmosphere and capable of supporting life. The planet is largely flat, heavily reminiscent of Earth's old Wild West.

Theme parks here promote the idea of Cheyne being on the wild frontier. You can catch a ride on the Bucking Broncho Coaster, grab a bite at the local Ig-Yac Burger Commander joint, or go rustling for space cattle. Saloons and old wooden buildings serve as the architectural motif. Visitors are encouraged to get into the spirit of the frontier.

Contents: Blast Off Backfire Perceptor

Obvious exits: Ranch  leads to Six Lasers - Cheyne Ig-Yac Ranch. Space  leads to Six Lasers Solar System.

Booming out of the sound system, an announcer in a thick southern drawl crones out, "Welcome to the Shootout at the KO Corral! Tonight we've got a Middleweight match for you featuring a good old fashioned Autobot versus Decepticon story. In the red corner, we have Special Operative Jazz and Scientist Perceptor. In the violet corner, violet, are we really calling it that. Oops." Suddenly there's the click, as the man wasn't aware he still had the microphone on. "And in the purple corner, we have a pair of Decepticon aerospace, the Combaticon Blast Off and the Seeker Backfire."

"And after they were both done cheating, they starting punching everybody in the place!" a blue impropercon reports to the giant Sludge. The two robots walk along sloooowly as they turn the corner and continue walking around Six Lasers. Sludge himself doesn't seem very interested in the mischevious little impropercon at the moment, but gazes around at all the lights, "You listening, Sludge? Uhh, I'm not even sure you want to be here! It's a horrible place!" he tells the Dinobot.

Sludge furrows his brow in concern, "Me Sludge no like cheaters and evil...guys...me take care of em...save pals..." he mutters. The impropercon jumps up and down, "Great! There's some of those cheaters now! Haha! They're getting ready to beat everybody up again!" he lets out and points toward the robots in the distance. Sludge narrows his eyes, unable to see as clearly as the evil con.

"Please, please. Keep your applause down!" Backfire proudly declares, arms raised in the air and motioning downwards. "My comrade in arms and partner extroidinaire requires silence, currs!" The Seeker simpleton gestures towards Blast Off, dumb smile smeared across his face. "For the EMPIRE!"

Blast Off isn't sure what irritates him more. That they got assigned this desert dustball for their match... or that he got paired with Backfire of all people for the first round of the Team compatition. As it is, his expression is as much detached indiffference as usual. ".. At least they didn't pair me with an Autobot," he mutters under his breath, and just gives Backfire a vage nod. Annoyance aside, he's confident they can make this work. Hopefully.

Every king needs a court wizard. Fortunately for the king of style, he's got the wizard of science along for this duel inside the KO Corral (tm). "That applause isn't for you tin grin. The crowd's cheering for Percy and your's truly Deceptijerks! Let's get readdddy to rummmmble!" Jazz turns to Perceptor, throwing out a pair of high-fives. "Let's kick some butt homie! Ya dig?!"

As Perceptor enters the makeshift arena, what they colourfully call the KO Corral, he seems to ponder how he'll ever make use of such an environment. They seem to be in something of an old west ghost town, complete with buildings, watering holes, places to tie up the horses, all surrounded by raised stands, from which the spectators can safely view the proceedings. Perceptor returns the high fives, having felt fortunate to have been paired with Jazz. "There are two very large ones to choose from, Jazz. The question is how will we keep them low enough to be struck?" Combat: Perceptor sets his defense level to Aggressive.

Striding up between the teams of Decepticons and Autobots, Sludge looks determined to put a stop to the cheating and bad form that his new buddy has been telling him about for hours now. "That's right, Sludge ole buddy. You tell em what's up," the blue impropercon snickers, "And if any of em disagree, you show em who's boss, kay?!" he asks excitedly. The Energo Sword at Sludge's side begins to glow and he lifts it as he says, "Me Sludge say...no cheat..." he begins slowly, omniously, "Me watch. No cheat," he repeats with a concerned frown, unable to articulate his point much more than that. He glances at everyone around him suspiciously, even Jazz! Jazz, the cheater?

At the mention of the combat getting underway, Backfire lifts into the air and pulls a laser pistol out. "Haha, what better weapon to use... than your own comrades? Powerglide will be proud, that his weapon is seeing -any- use at all!" With that said, he fires off a shot at Perceptor from his lofty height. Combat: Backfire misses Perceptor with his Powerglide's Pistol! (Pistol) attack!

Blast Off is still betting he's going to regret this. Oh well. Betting on Backfire taking offense as usual since he likes to Leroy Jenkins into things, the Combaticon opts to hanging back, hovering just off the ground to keep ready to move quickly. At the same time he pulls out a smaller blaster pistol and opens fire on the Master of Style. "Enough talking, lets get this on with." Combat: Blast Off sets his defense level to Guarded. Combat: Blast Off misses Jazz with his Standard Issue Combaticon Sidearm (Laser) attack!

Rushing out into the middle of the combat area, Perceptor's keen optics focus on Backfire, relying on Jazz to keep Blast Off busy. He hides behind an old wagon filled with barrel. As much as he is curious about the contents of those barrels, he has to concentrate on Backfire. When the attack comes, he rolls out of the way, and brings his Concussion Blaster up into a cradle, steadying his shot with his free forearm. "If I can target her internal chronometer relay, I may be able to temporarily incapacitate him." Combat: Perceptor misses Backfire with his Concussion Rifle attack!

Jumping from side to side, Jazz warms up his leg servos as the combatants are given the green light to start the melee inside the KO Corral. The Director of Intelligence was hardly the cheater, but he certainly knew when to pull an ace out of his sleeve at an opportune moment. Sure, that sounded exactly like cheating, but Jazz had an Autobot symbol on his chest so that meant it was just SNEAKY. "Don't worry about any algebra Percy! The only equation you have to remember is You + Me = WIN. With his leg servos now nice and warmed up, Jazz leaps over a few laser blasts that pop up some dirt under him. "Let's get this party started Blasted-Off!" Running behind a local shop for some cover, Jazz whips out his patented rifle. Combat: Jazz sets his defense level to Protected. Combat: Jazz misses Blast Off with his Solar-Powered Photon Rifle attack! [Pulled -2]

Dodging out of the way, Backfire pulls out another blaster pistol from subspace. "Scavenger, the Constructicon, let me borrow this. Did you know nerd, that this is -the- pistol that felled Prowl in one shot? Hahaha, such power I ... BACKFIRE, wield is infinite!!" he laughs maniacally, aiming both of the weapons at Perceptor and pulling their respective triggers.

"Oh, I am most certainly not a -her-. For being a microscope, you sure are pretty daft!" Combat: Backfire misses Perceptor with his Powerglide's AND Scavenger's Pistols!! (Laser) attack!

The evil impropercon snickers some more and laughs under his breath at everyone, "Yeah, you gotta watch that one," he tells Sludge, pointing at Jazz. Sludge furrows his brow at Jazz, wondering why the honorable bot has turned to evil, "Jazz cheater?" he asks nobody in particular, slowly milling over that problem, "Yeah! And nobody is around to enforce the rules but you, Sludge ole pal. Okay, wait! They're starting now. Wait for it---wait for the cheating and you'll get your chance to step in ole buddy and set things right," the impropercon snickers. Sludge frowns with determination and nods to his good ole buddy, the evil impropercon, as the little con jumps with joy at his devilish plot.

Blast Off tsks as he kicks in his thrusters, and veers to the side as Jazz pulls a run and gun while he goes looking for cover. "Now now, must you Autobots always make this so difficult." He pulls higher into the air, but realizes that going after Jazz directly would still be opening him up as well. So instead he switchs to his larger rifle, takes aim, and fires. A bolt of energy hits the roof and sends some of its shingles blasting off, and hopefully pelting the Autobot hiding behind it where he thinks he's safe. Combat: Blast Off misses Jazz with his Beware the Collateral Damage! (Pistol) attack!

Perceptor can certainly hear Backfire, but at the moment, he seems to have his back to the Seeker, as he crouches behind the wagon filled with barrels. He peeks out briefly, and mutters to himself, "I'm getting too old for this stuff. Then he turns to look over at Jazz and Blast Off, and he starts studying them for a moment, analyzing their patterns. He's not allowed to help directly, but he can still play a spotter. Combat: Perceptor takes extra time to assist Jazz's next attack.

Jazz wasn't the greatest of historians (Rewind), but he did remember watching Tombstone on DVD one time. He'd have to remember to figure out how to take off Spanish sub-titles off Teletran next time. "Man Percy, I don't remember all this missin' at the real OK Corral! You gotta go Val Kimer on these Decepti-punks. I'll step it up like Kurt Russell!" The Autobot is able to tumble out of the way of the falling (and razor sharp) shingles with a spring of his legs. He then reaches for a random wagon wheel that's propped up against the side of general store. "Let's play some wild west frisbee! Yeaa!" Combat: Jazz strikes Blast Off with his Wild West Frisbee (Punch) attack!

A wheel? Pfft. Blast Off swats it with his arm, causing it to shatter against the nosecone 'bracer' and showering him with some of the splinters. With a flare of heel thrusters he sets down on one of the rooftops, the lens-like crest in the center of his forehead lighting up as he tracks Jazz's movements between the buildings, and then transmitting it. "They want a shootout, mm? Let's obligue them then."

Spying on Jazz, the impropercon snickers again as he says, "Look at that! That's...an illegal weapon, Sludge ole buddy! He can't use that...wheel thingie!" he tells the concerned Sludge. Sludge shakes his head disapprovingly at Jazz and lumbers closer to him, stomping the shop he is hiding behind in the process. He follows Jazz and he grabs for Jazz to straighten him up, "Don't do that," he advises Jazz, like a good judge, "No cheat. For own good," he tells him like a good friend. He pats Jazz on the back perhaps a bit too hard. Combat: Blast Off takes extra time to assist Backfire's next attack. Combat: Sludge misses Jazz with his SHOVE (Grab) attack!

Teamwork. What a foreign concept to a upturned nose Combaticon and self deluded Seeker! But the incoming targetting information aids in Backfire's own accuracy systems, which aren't much to begin with. "Information uploaded, comrade." he laughs, charging up a ball of superheated plasma inbetween his palms. The simpleton's attention is pulled to Perceptor behind some barrels, "Think you're going to hide from us, little robo-nerd?? Haha, I've got you now... AUTOTARDS!" Combat: Backfire sets his defense level to Fearless. Backfire sends the plasma ball forward, it divides and heads for both Autobots! Combat: Backfire strikes Jazz with his Solar Assault Area attack! Combat: Backfire strikes Perceptor with his Solar Assault Area attack!

It seems that Perceptor saw that particular film as well. With the Combaticon feeding telemetry into his Seeker ally, Perceptor walks out from his hiding place. He spreads his arms wide, and the crowd seems to gasp with anticipation. That's one way for a Autobot like Perceptor to get himself killed. In his best attempt at a southern drawl, he says, "Ah'm here huckleberry, that's just my game . . . and yer a daisy if ya do." And just like that, his laser cannon pivots, firing at the barrels on the cart, causing an explosion that if timed right, will expand and envelop his adversary. Combat: Perceptor sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Perceptor misses Backfire with his SCIENCE! attack!

Sludge certainly was a huge town sheriff. Peering at the general store that's just been flattened before his blue visor, Jazz shakes his head as he looks to the Dinobot. "You're hatin' on my game homie!" With his attention turned towards the big lug, the Autobot doesn't notice a menacing ball of plasma rolling in his direction. Flipped end over end by the powerful blast, Jazz rises to his feet with his circuits feeling a bit out of sorts. "Man...did someone get the license plate of that truck that hit me?!?" Trying to focus his blue visor on Blast Off's form, he sees at least three of him and figures to fire at the one in the center. Combat: Jazz's Double Vision Sucks attack on Blast Off goes wild! Combat: Jazz misses Perceptor with his Double Vision Sucks (Disruptor) attack!

"Huckleberry? Seriously, will the real Perceptor please stand up?" Backfire cackles, lifting higher in the air to avoid the blast and noxious fumes. Aiming his arm-mounted laser blasters at the robot-nerd, the Seeker fires off a shot or two in quick succession. "Bah, whatever you call yourself Autobot. JUST DIE ALREADY!!" Combat: Backfire sets his defense level to Protected. Combat: Backfire strikes Perceptor with his Poor Mech's Null Ray! (Laser) attack!

Blast Off keeps a small chuckle to himself when Jazz's shot goes wide. Shame it didn't hit, but it wasn't shot at him, at least. "Tsk, tsk. Apparently his shades do nothing." Walking up to the edge of the rooftop, he switchs for his proper rifle, aims down at Jazz while he's looking the other way due to his wild shot, and fires a blast of ionized energy at the stylish one's backside. Combat: Blast Off misses Jazz with his Shooting in the Back a Decepticon Tradition attack!

Perceptor does not like how this battle is going. His sensors are still a little clouded from Backfire's earlier attack, and his own move, while crowd pleading, was a distinct tactical error. He's out of his element. But he must press on. It's what Autobots do. "I thought Decepticons only resorted to name calling when they were about to retreat. Do you wish to surrender?" That same laser cannon that caused the explosion of the chemical in those barrels now lights up Blast Off, putting a nice red dot on his chest. Combat: Perceptor takes extra time to assist Jazz's next attack. Combat: Perceptor sets his defense level to Protected.

Sludge frowns as Jazz seems to ignore his advice and tries to advise Jazz properly, "Me Sludge think you slow down," he tells him and seems intent on just watching the attack. Decepticon fire litters his feet and he seems either unconcerned with it or unaware. He seems more concerned with helping his good friend Jazz, as the impropercon lets out, "Yeah, help him out, Sludge ole pal! Haha!" Sludge nudges Jazz and frowns, "Aim correct," he advises him helpfully.

Blast Off's aim is incredible! The incoming blast somehow hits a horseshoe that's lying on the ground and the horseshoe in turn flips into the air to land inside a water tin. The water tin happens to be sitting on top of a wooden board and said board as a tool box on its other side which flies into the air and crashes into Jazz's head. "Youch!! I can see again!! Sweet!!" Springing back up to his feet, Jazz reaches for Sludge's immensely ridiculous western belt and quickly molds it into a lasso. "Giddyuup! Time to corral you Decepti-pokes! Ya dig?!?" Flinging the make-shift lasso into the air, the Autobot trickster tries to pull both of the evil-doers together for a crash. Combat: Jazz sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Jazz strikes Blast Off with his I Read The Lasso For Dummies Book Area attack! [Pulled -1] Combat: Jazz misses Backfire with his I Read The Lasso For Dummies Book Area attack! [Pulled -1]

"You just said you'll be a Huckleberry!" Backfire shouts, getting a little excited at the Autobot's jest. "Sides, we've got youse two Autoclowns dead to rights. No way are we turning tail now!" Hovering quite a ways above Perceptor, the Seeker simpleton pulls out the futuristic Buck Rogers space weapon and fires off a shot. The green circles start out small, but quickly grow in size... hopefully over Perceptor!

The lasso sails by him completely though, ruining Jazz's surprise crashing. Combat: Backfire's Hypno-Ray Rifle attack aimed for Perceptor backfires! Combat: Backfire strikes himself with his Hypno-Ray Rifle attack! [Pulled -1]

Blast Off grunts as he gets snagged in the 'lasso'.. but he really does NOT want to touch Backfire thanks to that icky green energon he has, and fires his heel thrusters to pull away from crashing into him... for all the good it does when he shoots himself. Sigh. ".. Fine, I guess I shall have to take a lesson from Vortex's book." Blast Off grabs the line, kicks his flight system into full, and tries to drag Jazz along for the ride behind him! Combat: Blast Off misses Jazz with his Not a bronco but I can still buck! (Kick) attack!

Perceptor has not had much fortune against this Seeker, but the telemetry he has been feeding Jazz has been put to great use, and when he moves off into the safety of the distance, Perceptor transforms, taking great care as his Microscope turned laser cannon focuses on him, pinpointing an area of his anatomy that hopefully with cause some trouble. But at the last moment, Backfire's weapon suffers a malfunction and Perceptor has to quickly reset his focus. Perceptor's legs spread wide, in what the humans would call the splits. He rotates his thighs back one quarter rotation, and then curls his knees so that his legs are parallel to each other and facing forward. He raises his arms and his hands slide into a recess in his wrists. His head moves into his chest and his rocket launcher moves towards the centre, covering where his head once was. His chest panel opens, creating a platform, and suddenly there is an almost nine foot microscope where the Autobot scientist once stood. Combat: Microscope  strikes Backfire with his Laser Artillery attack! Combat: Microscope 's attack leaves him temporarily incapacitated!

His lasso trick didn't completely work, but at least he had one Decepticon in his grasp. Oh the grasp part. "Woaaahhh!!" Jazz is picked up off his feet as Blast Off...blasts off with the lasso dragging the good-guy like a human bowling ball. Crashing through the facade of a fake building, the Autobot shakes off debris off his body before he finally lets go of his lasso. Guess Sludge would have to find a belt somewhere else. "That's alright Blast-Dude! Nothing like gettin' in a little Duck Hunt practice in for old time sake!" Lining up the flying target, Jazz keeps his aim ahead for a higher chance of success. Combat: Jazz sets his defense level to Neutral. Combat: Jazz strikes Blast Off with his Never Can Get Enough Duck Hunt Practice attack! [Pulled -1]

Blast Off pulls into the air again as he feels the resistance fade when Jazz lets go, taking a shot burning across his backside before he can completely pull away. But instead of turning and firing back, the Combaticon pulls higher up into the air, and transforms. "Tsk. So focused on me ... and it will be your partner's undoing!" The shuttle reorients himself on Perceptor and opens fire with dual beams of scorching energy. That Backfire has managed to scramble himself instead of his opponent doesn't phase him in the least, he already knows his 'partner' is a moron.

The Combaticon folds up, yet at the same time expands several times in side, extending wings and engines to become a space shuttle. Combat: Space Shuttle  strikes Microscope  with his X-Ray Cannons attack!

The Seeker is enveloped in his own CONFUSE ray!! Then to add a cherry on top to his proverbial sundae, Mr. SCIENCE himself frags him with a concentrated geek beam! This really isn't Backfire's day. "Cretins, you'll rue the day you matched up against BACKFIRE! I'm the sultain of sense, the king of combat, the atomizer of Autobots, the jester of jamborees, the uhh... uhh.. glory of the EMPIRE!"

Taking aim with his blaster pistol at Perceptor, "I ... am BACKFIRE. And I -always- hit my mark!!" he jests, pulling the trigger. Combat: Backfire's Pistol Pete! attack on Microscope  goes wild! Combat: Backfire strikes himself with his Pistol Pete! (Disruptor) attack!

Sludge scratches his head in confusion at Jazz's tactics and then looks down at his missing, stylish belt-buckle, "Stealing wrong," he mutters. He eyes Jazz again as he creates a lasso for attack purposes. The impropercon taps his foot in a bored fashion, unable to motivate the dull Sludge to do evil, "Man, this is such a stupid plan. Use a stupid Dinobot to confuse the stupid robots. Yeah, stupid idea, stupid," he mutters and kicks Sludge. Frowning at his good pal, Sludge turns slowly to the impropercon and asks, "What...?"

"Man I'm just too legit to quit with my Duck Hunt skills! Ya dig?!" Jazz leaps into the air, performing a perfect back-flip to celebrate. And then Blast Off has to go and perform the ULTIMATE no-no. Millenia after millenia, the Autobots and Decepticons had battled but they had always respected one golden rule. You NEVER attack a microscope. It's like attacking a guy while he's doing his business at a urinal. Shaking a blue fist into the sky, a silver-tipped missile suddenly appears over the Autobot's shoulder. "You did NOT just go there Decepti-jerk! No one picks on a microscope and gets away with it! Respect your scientists!! Even if his name is Backfire!"

When Perceptor gets ganged up on by the Decepticons, he yelps out from his not at all mobile Microscope come laser cannon mode. Transforming back to his robot mode, he takes cover. This fight has suddenly become very, very real to him. He checks his body once transformed, hoping to make sure that everything is still attached and in one piece, if a bit singed, dented, or otherwise bruised. When he finds it is, he very carefully peeks out from his hiding place, and tries to set up Jazz again. Combat: Perceptor takes extra time to assist Jazz's next attack.

The microscope rises up and moves to its right. Beneath it, a head appears. The tray curls up, forming a chest. The flanks of the microscope separate and curl down, becoming arms. Hands extend out of the recesses of its wrists, and its legs curl back, rotating forward and then down, becoming the feet: where once a powerful microscope once sat, the Autobot scientist Perceptor now stands.

Combat: Jazz sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Jazz strikes Space Shuttle  with his Blast-Off Seeking Missile attack!

Space Shuttle  could not give a turborat's ass about whatever moral arguments Jazz has unvoiced about cannoning someone while they're foolishly in a stationary second mode. He's a sniper, and a prick of one at that, it's what he does. And enjoys every minute of it, along with how much it seems to tick them off.. unfortunately he catchs a missile in the backside of it. With a snarl the shuttle pulls towards the ground while smoking, transforms, and ducks between two of the buildings to catch his proverbial breath. The shuttle unfolds as its size compresses down to form layers of armor, wings folding up as limbs and a head emerge, and Blast Off now stands hauntily in robot mode. Combat: Blast Off takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass]

Backfire drifts slowly towards the ground, building up seperate balls of plasma in each hand. The dangerous substance boils out from each palm dome, green in color... much like the Seeker's noxious energon that seeps in his systems. "You attacked my sidekick? Especially when in his fragile spaceshuttle mode??" the simpleton growls, both globules growing in size by the second. Looking to Jazz, "Oh, don't know what fragile means? It's french! For REALLY FRAIL!!" he laughs, jutting both arms forward at the Autobots. Combat: Backfire misses Perceptor with his Solar Assault Area attack! [Pulled -2] Combat: Backfire misses Jazz with his Solar Assault Area attack! [Pulled -2]

"Way to go Jazz!" Perceptor exclaims a little louder than he intended. The last thing he wants to do is make himself a target: certainly, not in his condition. Opening a panel in his chest, and another in his thigh, he pulls out some wires, crossing them, adjusting things, moving chips. It seems he's doing his best to patch himself up. Combat: Perceptor quickly patches up some of his minor injuries.

"Rock n Roll! That's like worth 431 points! You keeping score Sludge?!" Jazz turns noticing the Dinobot's nowhere in sight. "Sludge?! You out there?!" Maybe it was time to visit the robot out-house or something. Always looking for the next trick up his sleeve, the Intelligence Director lines up a few heavy barrels in the middle of the dirt road and kicks them both in the direction of the Decepticons. With any luck, it would at least annoy them. Nodding to Perceptor as the doctor works, Jazz smiles, "So that's what they mean by self-love!" Combat: Jazz misses Blast Off with his Bowling For Decepticons Area attack! [Pulled -3] Combat: Jazz misses Backfire with his Bowling For Decepticons Area attack! [Pulled -3]

Sucking wind, not literally because they don't breathe, Backfire shys away from the immediate conflict at hand. "Hey, take a hand in their destruction comrade! I need to uhh, refuel right quick!" With that said, he whips out a jug of green liquid and hooks up a line to his arm. It feeds quickly into the Seeker's systems, revitalizing him momentarily. Combat: Backfire takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass] Combat: Backfire uses up a charge on his Befouled Energon booster pack!

Blast Off leans partway out of his cover, only to duck back as a barrel comes rolling down the street wildly and smashes into the wall next to him. "Who does he think he is, Donkey Kong?", Blast Off rumbles. Cocks his rifle, steels his frayed nerves, and just shunts out the pain from that missile as he walks out into the street. "I grow tired of these games. It's bad enough this isn't even a real battle, just some glorified gladitorial sport." That said he just levels his rifle towards Jazz and fires as he stalks down the street. Combat: Blast Off sets his defense level to Aggressive. Combat: Blast Off misses Jazz with his Ionic Blaster attack!

With Blast Off now out in the open, Perceptor tries to drain some energon for himself, rushing out from behind his hidey hole, "Jazz, while I've got Blast Off, can you finish off Backfire. He's really been living up to his name tonight." Combat: Perceptor strikes Blast Off with his Grab attack!

"I'm with ya Doc! Let's kick things into high gear and show these wild west peeps how to get down!!!" Leapingo forward into the air, Jazz lands in his slick Porsche mode. Kicking up a cloud of dirt as he peels out, the Autobot powers up his speakers as he nears Backfire. "This is a good ol' fashioned drive-by! With country!" A second later, a deafening blast of guitar, banjo, and XXX bottle whistling leaps out at the mad scientist. The Decepticon one. Break it down! With a flurry of sounds, Jazz drops down into a Porsche 935 Turbo.

Blast Off gets grabbed from behind by the larger science-bot. Though at this point he just really doesn't care in general, or he would probably be a lot more venement about someone getting up close and personal ... Pauses as Jazz starts blasting his racket at Backfire... Okay, he probably got the worst deal there. "Hello, personal space... now get out of it," he rasps coldly as he pulls out his smaller pistol again, holds it backwards, and tries to shove it into Perceptor's stomach behind him before firing. Combat: Blast Off strikes Perceptor with his Gut Shot? (Laser) attack!

Backfire shrieks, "COUNTRY?? Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!" and tumbles through the air clutching his audio receptors. But the damage is done, and it can't be undone. He's got 'Like a Woman' stuck, and there's no chance of dislodging it at this point. You know, the one that goes like: 'Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free -- yeah, to feel the way I feel. Man! I feel like a woman!' Yeah, now you have it stuck in your head too. :(

Pulling a huge box shaped weapon from subspace, Backfire places it on his shoulder and sets up Jazz in his sights. "Curr, you shall pay for your isolence!!" Pulling the trigger on the box with 'Ga-Lak-Tik Rock-It Lawn-Chair' written on the side in crayon, a fierce rocket shoots out of the tube and toward Jazz. It's even got a frowning face painted on it. Combat: Backfire sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Backfire misses White Porsche 935  with his Rock-It Lawn-Chair! attack!

"One good turn deserves another!" Perceptor barks out as the Laser seems to sear his lower torso, though it's mixed with a bit of a gurgle, "I just fixed that!" No matter, he lets go of the Combaticon and rolls to the side, aiming for right between the optics with his Concussion Blaster! Combat: Perceptor misses Blast Off with his Concussion Blaster (Laser) attack!

Swinging around for a brief victory lap, Jazz kicks up a huge cloud of dust that somehow throws off the rocket's flight plan. Instead the dangerous weapon flies into the side of a barn, sending a blast of hay out through its huge front doors. <> Exploding up into his stylish robot-form, the Autobot locks his blue visor on a set of XXX juggs that are propped up on the back of a wagon near Backfire. "Check it! The first drink's on me!"

Get on up! The Porsche 935 Turbo explodes upward into Jazz, Autobot Rock Star! Combat: Jazz sets his defense level to Aggressive. Combat: Jazz strikes Backfire with his Exploding XXX Bottles attack!

The split-seconds of recoil is all Blast Off needs to squirm out of the way and duck the blast aimed at his head.. though his scowling at the low readings his getting in his HUD. And he doesn't have a chance to reload a clip into his blaster. He needs something, and ... Well, when in a pinch.. Kicking in his flight thrusters Blast Off zips away, grabs one of the big rain barrels, and comes flying back. And tries to dump the barrel over Perceptor's head. Maybe some of the water will get in his open wounds or something. Combat: Blast Off strikes Perceptor with his Improvising with Scenery Props (Punch) attack!

The blast propels Backfire forward at Jazz, dropping half of his items in the process. One being that big jug of green energon, -very- dangerous when coming into contact with someone who's not used to it's ill effects. "Oopsie." It splashes in the air wildly, whipping around like an animal. "I totally meant to do that." Combat: Backfire sets his defense level to Protected. Combat: Backfire misses Jazz with his Wild Jug of Poisoned Energon!! attack! [Pulled -2]

Ordinarily being doused by a barrel wouldn't be too much of a problem, but right now Perceptor has some exposed, repaired on the fly, parts, and liquid, any liquid, doesn't react too well to such things. Feeling a jolt, he squirms, "Ayhhh!" But he will not be deterred. Pulling out what looks like jumper cables, he tries to attach them to Blast Off, knowing that he must have gotten some of the water on his own parts, and that he's already burned off most of the water from his own circuitry. Combat: Perceptor strikes Blast Off with his SCIENCE! attack! Combat: Perceptor's attack has strange and mysterious effects on Blast Off.

Jazz doesn't just sidestep the volatile liquid, he DIVES away from it like it's the Black Plague, Kryptonite, Insert Other Power Sucking Thing Here. Looking up at Perceptor give Blast Off some electro-shock theraphy, Jazz offers a thumbs-up. "Light that Decepti-clown up like a Christmas tree homie! Rock on!" Turning his attention to Backfire, the Autobot springs into action, catching up to his attacker to send a precise kick at the back of his knee. "Watch your step weirdo!" Combat: Jazz strikes Backfire with his Trip The Bad Dude (Kick) attack!

Blast Off has to be honest seen better days.. and Perceptor gets one of those cables right into where he got blasted with the missile earlier, earning an honest screech of aggrivation from the Combaticon as he staggers back. ".. That was just SICK AND WRONG!" ... Blast Off must really be on edge if he's losing his usual cold sniper cynism. "That's it. I don't care about the goddamn fight!" He launchs into the air, transforms, and uses what little focus he has left scanning Perceptor. "But by Straxus, BLOW THAT FREAK UP FOR TOUCHING ME LIKE THAT!"

The Combaticon folds up, yet at the same time expands several times in side, extending wings and engines to become a space shuttle. Combat: Blast Off analyzes Perceptor for weaknesses Backfire can exploit.

Getting kicked in the back of the knee, Backfire is sent forward reeling. "Spineless dog, unhand me!" he shouts out, stumbling forward. "Err, rather unfoot me. Yes, that's it. Unfoot me at once!!" Growing weary with their little game, the Seeker takes to the air and transforms.

<> Drawing a bead on the robot nerd, Backfire activates and releases one of his concussive missiles from under his wing. <> The missile ignites to life and flies straight at it's target. <>

Getting kicked in the back of the knee, Backfire is sent forward reeling. "Spineless dog, unhand me!" he shouts out, stumbling forward. "Err, rather unfoot me. Yes, that's it. Unfoot me at once!!" Growing weary with their little game, the Seeker takes to the air and takes pause to regather himself for the daunting task ahead. "Your sacrifice will not be in vain, brother!" Combat: Backfire takes extra time to steady himself. [Pass]

Sensing weakness, Perceptor decides to take a gamble. Its not like he has anything important on the line, such as his life. When he crouched down behind a wagon, pulling out some of his own circuits, he had a reason. When he grabbed Blast Off after having engaged Backfire, he had a reason. And when he directed an inordinate number of energy into Blast Off's cranial unit, he had a reason. It has all been towards a purpose. He's been analysing them, trying to craft together a makeshift dominator device. Pulling back, he punches a few things into the controls of something attached to his arm, and then tosses it to Jazz, "Jazz, have you ever seen the movie, Flight of the Phoenix?" It seems that he has not one, but two devices, and tosses one over to his comrade. It looks like an RC control device. . . Combat: Perceptor takes extra time to assist Jazz's next attack.

Jazz and Perceptor are a great team because while one's got the processor to think up the next crazy idea, the other's got the processor to make said crazy idea a reality. Without skipping a beat, the blue-visored bot reaches up to catch the mysterious and totally scientific device that Perceptor's been working on. "I get your drift Percy! It's just like flyin' planes in a video game, except we want these to crash into EACH OTHER! HAH!" Tapping at the device in his hand, Jazz furrows his visor as he works intently on overriding Blast Off and Backfire's flight controls. "I've got one mid-air collision coming up 'Ceptor!!" Combat: Jazz strikes Space Shuttle  with his Perceptor's Crazy Collision Device Area attack! Combat: Space Shuttle  falls to the ground, unconscious. Combat: Jazz strikes Backfire with his Perceptor's Crazy Collision Device Area attack!

Colliding into Blast Off, the Seeker immediately transforms and rockets upwards. <<It pains me to inform you of this, Perceptor. But your inappropriate touching of Decepticon property is going to cost you! How much??>> Drawing a bead on the robot nerd, Backfire activates and releases one of his concussive missiles from under his wing.

<<Oh, not much at all really. Just..>> The missile ignites to life and flies straight at it's target. <<YOUR LIFE!!>> A shake, shudder, and shiver; and before your eyes BACKFIRE transforms into a F-16 Falcon! Combat: F-16 Falcon <Backfire> sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: F-16 Falcon <Backfire> strikes Perceptor with his AGM-65 Maverick attack!

WHAM! Blast Off has the Seeker slam into him before he gets a chance to even realize what's going on, and goes spiraling down in a heap somewhere off on the lone prairie. Doesn't really matter where seeing as he's out of the fight.

Perceptor knew it was a gamble when he spent all that time, and he had to watch, somehow felt compelled to watch, as Blast Off spiralled down back towards a very hard, and very solid planetary body. But when he did, he forgot that one of the Decepticon planes had survived their mid air collusion. Then he transforms, rather smugly for him, and takes aim with his laser guided artillery.

Perceptor's legs spread wide, in what the humans would call the splits. He rotates his thighs back one quarter rotation, and then curls his knees so that his legs are parallel to each other and facing forward. He raises his arms and his hands slide into a recess in his wrists. His head moves into his chest and his rocket launcher moves towards the centre, covering where his head once was. His chest panel opens, creating a platform, and suddenly there is an almost nine foot microscope where the Autobot scientist once stood. Combat: Microscope <Perceptor> sets his defense level to Fearless. Combat: Microscope <Perceptor> strikes F-16 Falcon <Backfire> with his Laser Artillery attack! [Pulled -1] Combat: Microscope <Perceptor>'s attack leaves him temporarily incapacitated! Combat: F-16 Falcon <Backfire> falls to the ground, unconscious.

F-16 Falcon <Backfire> blows up, orphans everywhere rejoice in simultaneous joy! Somewhere, fireworks explode in the dark sky!!

Backfire however, is sent rocketing out of the Cheyne Barrens. Towards the XXX planet, perhaps he'll get better treatment there. :(

The microscope rises up and moves to its right. Beneath it, a head appears. The tray curls up, forming a chest. The flanks of the microscope separate and curl down, becoming arms. Hands extend out of the recesses of its wrists, and its legs curl back, rotating forward and then down, becoming the feet: where once a powerful microscope once sat, the Autobot scientist Perceptor now stands.

Leaping up like he just found out about 3-D glasses, Jazz races over to the microscope giving it a few high-fives. "That was freakin' AWESOME Percy! We rocked the team work and now we're on to the next round! Not before we celebrate though!!" Pumping up some celebratory music, the Autobot picks up the scientific device and heads off towards the nearest club.

Andi Lassiter cheers from the stands when Jazz and Percy are declared the winners of the combat. She really doesn't care for the combat stuff, but she tries to show her support for the 'bots as she can.