Decepticonz: The Patriot

Synopsis: Americon and Shawn Berger combine forces to create a really horrible propaganda cartoon!

< Earth > Popping up on iTunes, YouTube, and many other web video services is a bizarre show! It would seem to be that show, Decepticonz, but where's the corny intro where the characters perform impossible feats? Instead, we see a modest house on a field, surrounded by plants that appear to be growing some sort of glowing crop. The fields are tended by slaves--NO NO NO, wait, they're well-paid servants, free to leave any time they please! Ahem. And the words, "The Patriot" appear across the screen in big bold letters. And then we see the heroes of the story, who are...

< KNUJ > Monstereo says, "Public service announcement: Kids, don't believe everything you see and hear on tv or else your ears will elongate and go furry like goat ears!"

< Earth > Barrage says, "Barrage, the flower loving, fertilizer shooter, decepticonz!"

< Earth > Redshift says, "Redshift, the smirking soldier with a heart of gold"

< Earth > Galvatron stands, wearing a tricornered crown, looking thoughtful and tragic. He wipes a single tear from his eye, as the reflection of a bald eagle appears in his optic lens. "Freedom..." he whispers.

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn says, "Marissa Faireborn, one of the many sl-... well paid employees of the Decepticonz."

< Earth > THEN! Near Galvatron's plantation, the sound of nearby gunfire erupts! Autobot Redcoats are fighting a bloody battle against Decepticon revolutionaries, lined up in nice, neat ranks, and firing at each other with their laser muskets. Since these are the days before common sense was invented, everyone just keeps standing up and waiting patiently to be shot by the other side before they reload and return the favor. It's all rather gentlemanly, at least until the EVIL AUTOBOT CAVALRY LEADER arrives...

< Earth > Raindance floats up, wearing a little tricorn hat balanced upon his head. Behind him float other Raindance-like triangles, all different colours with blue stripes. "Gosh!" he bleeps as he hovers above his horse. "I can't wait to murder and pillage a village! Especially one of noble Decepticons and OH GOD I WANT THAT HAT!" He starts to laser Galvatron, leading the charge

< Earth > Galvatron looks over at the sound. "War," he intones gravely. "Man's inhumanity to man... robot's inrobotity to robot. I will stand for it no longer... I will never raise my cannon in violence again. Now, my paid employees," Galvatron says, turning to Marissa, "this cotton won't pick itself, unless we were to use automated machinery to pick it, which would cripple your labor union!"

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn is out there working in the fields with the rest of the well paid human employees. She looks about 20 years younger than she really is, and is wearing a tight fitted clothing with soft earth tones. Marissa seems to inexplictably have forgotten to do up the top three buttons on her shirt. Standing up tall to let the camera get a good look, Marissa wipes her sweaty brow from all the hard work she's doing. She smiles at Galvatron. "God I love working for the Decepticonz," she says to absolutely nobody. "Especially for Lord Galvatron. It's hard to believe any world where we weren't under their benevolent rule." But then, THEN! The Redcoats! Marissa cups her hand over her mouth in horror, but is otherwise useless. Who will save the humans from those dastardly Autobotz?!

< Earth > Barrage is shooting fertile soil at everything that is movi-- sticking out of the ground when he hears... BATTLE. He gasps in surprise and stops with shooting plas-- soil.

< Earth > Raindance flies over to the Decepticons. "Aahahaha salt the land my men!" he bleeps, spraying deadly salt from his tiny nosecone that makes plants explode as it touches them. "Also I love the queen and hate America!"

< Earth > Americon runs out onto the porch of Galvatron's home, hopping up and down and probably presenting a very tempting target. "Daddy, daddy, why are the bad robots attacking us?"

< Earth > Redshift must pull himself away from the fair Decepticon maiden of his affections... Reluctantly, he leaves her, whispering about his eventual return... But the call to arms has been made, and he must defend the poor, innocent workers from the evil Redcoats. He takes up his rifle, and bid his fair maden adieu, as he heads for the field of battle!

< Earth > Barrage shoots soil wherever salt falls, "Please no! Don't do this to my babies. Don't kill my plants. SOMEONE HELP US?" He shouts out to the heavens!

< Earth > Raindance shoots a laser made of salt from his canopy, turning a fleeing Hun-Grrr into a pillar of salt. "I hate babies, I want to set them on fire!" He shoots an ice beam at all of Barrage's plants, encasing them in solid ice. Then ice them explodes.

< Earth > Galvatron steps over to Raindance. "Now see here, Autobot leader. We can negotiate, like reasonable men. I will give you some of my delicious crops, or perhaps a night with one of my comely daughters," he gestures to Americon, "and you may go on your way without harming my crops or my workers. What say you, sir?"

< Earth > Americon teehees, and curtsies, picking up his... her skirt a bit to keep it off the ground.

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn drops her bag of cotton and rushes over to Galvatron. She holds onto his leg the way women in old movies hold onto the arm of big, powerful men. "Oh Galvatron, you're so wise," she swoons, looking up at those big baby blue optics of his (they are baby blue for that one shot). "Yes, Autobotz leader. Please accept the generous and kind offer by my master, Galvatron." Marissa again looks up at Galvatron in a longing fashion.

< Earth > Raindance swivels in the direction of Galvatron. "Well" he ponders. "I don't know. As you know I am an Autobot, and so pretty unreasonable. I also don't go for comely daughters. Being from Satan I actually want your house guests. Also I want to socialise medical care and vote Democrat"

< Earth > Barrage sticks out suddenly and he dances and frolics with his plants. He suddenly stops and picks up a rose saying. "Propaganda time!" A narrator's voice can be heard than. "Get your new Barrage, the soil gunner, figure. Comming this week in all stores." Again Barrage's face pokes out and he says, "Back to Decepticonz!"

< Earth > Sky King Ramjet appears inside a Time-Travelling Cyclonus, or reTARDIS if you will. "Oi!" He then disappears. Damn those coneheads and their love for screwing with TIME.

< Earth > Americon makes a face. "But I have so much experience with man-bots! Ooh, daddy, it's not fair! And he was pretty good looking for a triangle-thing!"

< Earth > Catechism is Sir Not Appearing In This Film.

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn gasps loudly as Raindance considers and then rejects Galvatron's offer. She holds Galvatron's leg tighter out of fear of what those horrible Autobotz might do to her and her friends.

< Earth > Galvatron shushes Americon and stares at Raindance gravely, looking thoughtful and tragic. "I'm not a fighting man, sir. Those... days... are... are... are... are... are... are over... forever. Those days, those bloody days, those ruinous nights, the screams and the mayhem... I am past all that. I am just a profitable but fair-handed plantation owner. I ask that you go on your way sir, as you will not find the death and destruction you Autobotz crave here."

< Earth > Raindance pauses for a moment at Galvatron's words. "Oh. Okay." He turns and floats off. Then he turns back and shoots Marissa in the face with his salt gun. "Ha ha, I am like, Autobot Hitler!" He flies at Galvatron, aiming to fly inside his cannon. "Vote Obama!"

< Earth > Americon yells, "NOOO our precious sla--SERVANTS!" He, she, it, whatever, flings itself in the pat of Raindance's salt, trying to take the hit for the poor, defenseless human.

< Earth > Barrage shoots the salt with his soil in midair and causes it to change it's direction and hit a ROSE! Quickly he jumps to the side of the rose as it explodes and screams to the heavens. "NOOOOOOOOOO"

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn is shot in the face. She thusly falls to the ground. There's an overhead shot of the fallen Decepticonz employee. She's suffered a bruise to her belly (somehow). Her face is untouched and still perfect in every way. Her shirt is completely ruined as she lays on the ground, gasping for air. Oh and her hair is slightly messed up now. Slightly.

< Decepticon > Cyclonus says, "Hn. Autobots. Always the Autobots...."

< Earth > Galvatron falls to his knees, screaming, "WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

< Earth > Americon instead flies past, and into a puddle of muddy water, ruining its dress. "NOOOOOOOOO!" it screams, reaching for the heavens. "NOOOOOOOOOO!"

< Earth > Raindance floats in the direction of Barrage and starts to pour salt over him. "Now you will see what it is like to be covered in salt!" He then flies at Americon, shooting a ballot form at the 'girl'. "And now I will enfranchise you, will my evil EVER end?"

< Decepticon > Onslaught says, "Are you contemplating some plan of attack, Cyclonus?"

< Decepticon > Cyclonus says, "I am always contemplating some plan of attack Onslaught, as well you should know"

< Decepticon > Onslaught says, "Indeed, Cyclons, I well understand that."

< Earth > Barrage is covered in salt and he howls and begins screaming, "No, please no! Help Galvatron! Save us!"

< Earth > Raindance starts to grow to giant size as the cries of pain empower him. "Yes yes, I am now going to be bigger than the world, and DESTROY THE SCHOOL SYSTEM"

< Earth > Americon gasps as the ballot box sprouts chains, which whip out and wrap around his arms, forcing her... it... dammit... her, fine. It pulls her towards the ballot box, and she sobs quietly as a little mechanical arm puts a quill pen in her hand, then the chains pull her hand to the ballot, forcing her to vote against Decepticon Independence.

< Earth > Galvatron stands. "How dare you force my /son/ to vote," he scowls, pointing at Americon. "I swore I would never do this... but I am forced... to take up arms." Galvatron reaches down for his fusion cannon, suddenly no longer on his arm, and reattaches it, even though in the shot of him reattaching it, it's already on his arm.

< Earth > Raindance is now so big he is bigger than two football pitches. Then the camera shifts and he is the same size as Galvatron. "You may have won this time, but I will be back!" he bleeps. "With like, effin' zepellins and clocks and dvds and stuff!" He then high-tails it out of there, dropping pollution in piles as he goes

< Earth > Barrage throws himself at Galvatron's feet. "You saved us, wise and benevolent one! ALL HAIL GALVATRON! ALL HAIL DECEPTICONZ!"

< Earth > Americon's ballot box explodes in his face, showering him with splinters and tattering his pretty dress. You might get a shot of robo-cleavage, though. Wait, what gender was he supposed to be, again?

< Earth > Galvatron frowns. "Not yet, noble Barrage... not yet." As Raindance flies away, he raises his cannon... and fires.

< Earth > Raindance explodes as the cannon hits, into a thousand smaller Raindances

< Earth > Americon weakly raises up hand. "D-d-daddy... I... feel cold..." A giant chunk of wood sticks out of Americon's gut.

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn meanwhile has mostly recovered from the shot to her face/belly/whatever. She's sporting a slight bruise, but it doesn't detract from her absolute hotness. The Decepticons knew what they were going for when their animators drew her up.

< Earth > Galvatron kneels, cradling Americon. "First Marissa... and she was just two days for retirement with a generous pension plan... and now my only son... WAR, YOU HAVE TAKEN ALL THAT IS SACRED TO ME!" Tears stream from his eyes and mouth. "I WILL NOT LET THEIR DEATHS GO UNAVENGED!" Even though Marissa is standing next to him as he promises this.

< Earth > Americon turns grey, then turns to wish, blowing away in the wind as sad music plays.

< Earth > Barrage puts his hand on Galvatron's shoulder. "Please, master. Allow me to take up my true arms and together, we can avenge their DEATHS!"

< Earth > Er, ash. Not wish.

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn tears up along with Galvatron... for herself. She wipes them away, trying to put on a brave front like her heroes, the Decepticonz. She hugs Galvatron's mighty leg, needing the mighty support that only a mighty member of the mighty Decepticonz can give. "Oh Galvatron," she whimpers. "Whatever shall we do?"

< Earth > Marissa Faireborn gives Galvatron's leg another hug. The camera zooms in as she squeezes. This takes however long it takes for Galvatron to return.

< Earth > *commercial break ends* "And now, back to Decepticonz: The Patriot!"

< Earth > A great army of Decepticonz Revolutionaries marches to war, but across from them is an even greater army of Autobots. The Decepticonz see the sheer size of their gathered foe, and many are overwhelmed with fear. "How can we possibly best such an enemy?" wails Skywarp. "All hope is lost!" sobs Thundercracker. "Who could possibly lead us to victory!?" yells Bombshell.

< Earth > Raindance floats at the head of the Autobot army. "For the red dawn, blah blah death honour blah!" he emits, shooting out a laser that fires crowns, one of them hitting Bombshell blowing him up. "Also I think we should withdraw all foreign troops"

< Earth > Amongst the Decepticonz, one man stands up. It is Galvatron, although he is drawn as a purple Megatron. "I will lead," he states. "The Autobotz must pay for their heinous crimes."

< Earth > Kup appears in this scene as Raindance's almost as evil second in command. He looks a bit younger, as if the show is pretending to go for accuracy now, or something. "Ha! They have no hope against your brilliance, sir!" He squints off in the distance, and his optics pick out a purple shape. "Wait, who is that? Someone dares to stand against you!"

< Earth > Barrage roars in anger, "Freedom! Make them pay for their crimes if they will not repent for them!" He shoots his plasma-soil at the Autobotz army hitting the low-life bugger Nightbeat who has even uglier taste for color now!

< Earth > Raindance bleeps. "Excellent Leader-1!" he emits to Kup as he floats forwards, shooting out bullets that look like Hound's face. "Then we can put the Democrats in the White House and our plan will be complete!"

< Earth > A random Decepticon tosses Galvatron an American flag with a spearhead on it before he is slain by a cannonball.

< Earth > Galvatron takes the sphere and /charges/ toward Raindance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Soiling_of_Old_Glory.jpg

< Earth > Galvatron meant to type 'flag'

< Earth > Galvatron has no idea where 'sphere' came from

< Earth > Raindance turns around and races the other way. "RUN HE'S GOT A SPHERE!"

< Earth > Kup gasps, watching as the Decepticonz rally and follow Galvatron's lead. "Sir, they are... they are counterattacking!" He looks about for Raindance. "Sir? Where did you go, sir!? Don't leave me here!"

< Earth > Barrage shouts, "GALVATRON! STRENGTH! GALVATRON! LOYALTY! GALVATRON! VICTORY!" And keeps shooting hitting many random Autobotz.

< Earth > Galvatron continues chasing Raindance. "RUN LIKE THE COWARDLY DOG-TRIANGLE YOU ARE!" he calls, "KNOW THAT THIS LAND IS THE DECEPTICONZ' LAND, NOT YOURZ! AND IT SHALL NEVER BOW TO THE AUTOBOTS' MAD KING!"

< Earth > Raindance tries to head his own ball with the Autobot logo on, and keep it in the air, but as he has no head it falls to the ground and bursts. "Noo!" he cries. "You are right and we are wrong, also taking drugs is rad"

< Earth > Kup runs away from Galvatron's charge, and eventually catches up with Raindance. However, his panic turns to fury when he sees his leader throwing in the towel! "Traitor! The penalty for surrendering in the Autobotz is DEATH!" Pulling out a laser matchlock pistol, he aims it at the cowardly Autobot and fires, the gun flashing and spitting out smoke as it fires a visible laser bolt.

< Decepticon > Give him some catnip Rampage growls.

< Earth > Barrage keeps firing roaring wildly, from "KILL RAINDANCE" to "NEVER TOUCH MY CANABIS AGAIN!" (Everyone knows that Cannabis helps with sickness after Chemo-therapy) Shooting wildly at Kup and Raindance!

< Decepticon > Give him some catnip Rampage says, "Ugh, what's this smell on the NCC docks? It's like Cuddles threw up or something."

< Earth > Raindance explodes in a mass of BLOOD and GORE with a cry of "I was wrooooooooong!" Has peace come at last?

< Earth > Kup is hit in the shoulder, grunting as he staggers from the hit. But despite the pain, he begins to slowly load up a new round into his pistol, slowly packing in the laser powder, and forcing in the little laser bullet...

< Earth > Barrage sees Kup preparing to shoot again and jumps in front of Galvatron his arms spread out as if shielding him from a hit. "Watch out my benevolent master!"

< Earth > Kup yells, "Death to the Revolution! Death to their purple leader!" and fires the matchlock at Galvatron, but alas, Barrage has interposed himself between the two.

< Earth > Galvatron is about to fire when Barrage leaps in front of him. "BARRAGE! NO!" he howls. "WE HAVE GAINED FREEDOM... BUT AT WHAT COST?!" Galvatron falls to his knees again, as a rainbow crosses the sky behind him and bluebirds chirp and the Decepticonz leader weeps.

< Commentary > Monstereo says, "stupid"

< Earth > Barrage shoots his last plasma-soil bullet at Kup as he gets hit in the chest and his eyes roll up in his head. "Master.. I saved you... freedo-- FREEDOM!"

< Earth > Barrage says, "OOC Blargh, Optical sensors begin to dim*"

< Earth > Kup laughs as he scoops up the little cockpit thingy that used to be Raindance's head, and was large enough for a Smurf to sit in it comfortably. Not that this matters, with Kup holding it above Galvatron's head like a knife. "Bah! Freedom is for losers! And you have lost! So die!" Epic stuff.

< Earth > Barrage with his last breath, he brings up his Plasma-soil thrower at Kup and fires before his optical sensors completely fade out.

< Earth > Kup catches the plasma soil right in the face, and he lets out a muffled scream as he waves around the Raindance-cockpit with one hand and tries to wipe off the plasma-soil with the other.

< Earth > Galvatron stands, surrounded by death (two bodies, although for some reason, Kup is one and Reflector is the other). "What great lesson may we learn today... that man must fight for what he believes in... but that belief comes at such a cost... but never again must any Decepticon allow an Autobot to let this tragedy occur again... the Autobots must be kept from civilization, banished to the stars, that they may never again infect any world with war!"

< Earth > Stirring, epic music plays as the music fades to black. White lettering appears, stating, "Galvatron led the Decepticons to victory in that battle, guaranteeing Decepticon Independence. Though the war continues to this day, the Decepticons will never surrender until they have won their freedom... forever." THE END

< Earth > Barrage 's head pokes out and he begins to dance with plants again. "Remember kids, get Barrage, the soil gunner, action figures! This week in stores all across the country!" He than walks to the edge of the screen again and disappears.